Elvis update.
We stopped Elvis’s chemo treatment back in November… Paul said it was time.
The effects of the chemo had become compounded; it took longer for her to recover every time and I found myself in an uncomfortable place where I was doing math to gauge the quality of her life: # bad days + # ok days + # good days = time to go back for more chemo.
I don’t regret treating the cancer, but it was hard on her. That’s difficult to think about, and I’m not sure if it was right… but ultimately I haven’t second-guessed the decision because I am so beyond deeply grateful for the extra time I’ve had with her.
When Paul said it was time to stop chemo, I really struggled. Even though I didn’t DISAGREE, it was so hard to accept.
But at the very beginning of all of this, I had told myself that I would listen and TRUST Paul’s judgement about the hard decisions because my own line in the sand would be impaired.
The time since stopping the chemo has been wonderful… the cancer was in remission, she gained weight, got some new nonsensical-nicknames, got her whiskers back, and would occasionally tear through the house, being chased by whatever invisible demons plague cats.
But she has begun having the same symptoms that got her diagnosed in the first place… which means remission has ended and the cancer is back.
She is still hanging in there and doing well; we are treating her symptoms, and she is responding… but we have had a few days where I thought: this is the tipping point.
Right now I feel like we are living on the edge of a cliff: it’s strange how everything is FINE there! As long as you are STILL ON THE EDGE.
However. It is impossible to forget that once you fall over, things are going to become problematic REALLY FAST.
Paul and Elvis, napping at the beach… he probably won’t thank me for using this photo, but I love it.
I also love this one below, because it sums up why I love Paul.
He said– there, I’ve fixed Elvis for you.
***insert words about my feelings, because I typed a whole bunch, cried, deleted it, walked away, rewrote it, but still not expressing myself. so, just THIS FACE.***
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:35 am
I’m so sorry. It’s heartbreaking and just sucks. I still miss all my beautiful doggies and kitties I’ve lost over the years but I wouldn’t trade my time with them for anything. Love sent to you from a total stranger in Oregon. And I’m pretty sure the fur crew here sends you, Paul, and Elvis love too even though they don’t read blogs. They just know.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:36 am
The tears are pouring down my face as I’m reading this. My older dog, Lily (aka Tubs) was diagnosed with cancer about 3 years ago. She had surgery to remove the tumors they found at that time. She has yet to show any symptoms and she’s now 13 1/2. I don’t know what I’ll do when the day comes that I have to make a decision – chemo? No chemo? I feel like every day/month/year I have with her is such a blessing. Thinking of you and your sweet baby Elvis – sending hugs your way – xoxo
February 9, 2016 @ 10:37 am
Aw, I’m so glad you’ve gotten more time with Elvis. Saying goodbye is never easy and I hope that you’ve still got a ways to go. I had written before about my cat having similar symptoms to Elvis- she finally got diagnosed with IBD and put on steroids which has now made her diabetic. She hasn’t been herself in months and I miss her darting around the house. It’s so sad when things change- I miss my old kitty. I’m glad you got to see Elvis back to herself at least. I’m sure she’s happier now that when she was on chemo.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:37 am
There is something of “God” in how we love our animals…..and how they love us, what we learn about His creation and what we learn about ourselves. Elvis has had the BEST life, because she was and is, so loved.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:37 am
It’s so very, very hard when this time comes but as others have said, so worth it to have shared your life with a beloved pet rather than have not. Thinking of all three of you. xoxo
February 9, 2016 @ 10:38 am
It’s all been said above, and all been felt as well. I know all three of you will be in many hearts as you complete this tough journey. Thank you for the update.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:40 am
You all have my prayers. We lost a beloved kitty to stomach cancer. Unfortunately, by the time we discovered it, he was too far gone for treatment. The blessing was that he didn’t suffer much. It was very hard to let him go. But I know that someday we will be reunited with our pets. They are such important members of our family, how could we not? I am happy that you’ve had a little more time with her and she knows how much she is loved.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:44 am
Sweetpea, if we lived closer I’d be at your door with a casserole because that’s what we do when a friend is going through sad times. Much love to you three from your friends down South. xoxoxo
February 9, 2016 @ 10:44 am
The pain of love is real. It must be balanced by sweet memories and gratitude of having loved. The only treatment for the sadness. Be well.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:48 am
Hugs to you, Paul and Elvis. Only you folks will know what’s right. You’ve been blessed with this extra time, good for you ! You know what’s coming. It’s hard to think about. It’s almost unthinkable. You and Paul have the power to stop her pain, that’s a great thing and an awesome task. Don’t spend time with the “could have, should have, why didn’t I…”. You can only do the best you can, with the info you have at that time. You’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. She wouldn’t dare forget you and You’re not going to forget her and all those great memories you’ve made together 🙂 She’s forever in your blog as well~ Speaking from experience, the memories will outlast the tears.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:50 am
Sweetie, I cannot say that I know exactly how you feel, because everyone’s experience and path is their own. I do know about the loss, the pain, the uncertainty, the questioning. Should I have done this? Did I let him go too soon? Did I wait too long? Animals have so much to teach us. I hate using the words “animal” or “pet.” These words don’t reflect the depth of love we feel for them, nor does it in any way describe the unconditional love they provide in return. When the time is right to let Elvis go, you will know. Elvis will stay with you until you are ready. We, as humans, are able to grant our “children,” our “heart pieces,” the gift of releasing them. It’s hard. It’s awful. But it’s beautiful. I’ve held each piece of my heart as he left this Earth. I’ve never regretted having them in my life. Not for a single moment. I’ve saved whiskers and fur and toenails—anything to hold on. I’m sending you, Paul, and Elvis love and hugs.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:50 am
Thank you so much for the update on Elvis. It’s heartbreaking to go through this with our furry children. I’ve been there and all I can say is that Elvis knows how much you love her and, if she could speak, she would tell you it’s okay, that she knows you’ve done everything and have given her a wonderful life.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:54 am
No words, but so sorry Vikki and Paul …..
February 9, 2016 @ 10:55 am
Elvis is amazing and when she gets her angel wings heaven will be that much sweeter.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:56 am
Oh my heart. We get it. I am sitting here at work with tears streaming, remembering the ones I’ve loved and lost. With great love comes great sadness. Wishing Elvis MANY more good days. <3<3<3
February 9, 2016 @ 10:57 am
My heart is with Elvis, you and Paul. I understand completely as we’ve had two sick kitties and a deaf, diabetic and blind cocker spaniel who had other health problems… You’ll know when it’s time. They seem to tell you. Until that moment, cherish Elvis like you’re doing already. She knows how much you and Paul love her. I’ll be thinking of you.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:59 am
The cancer happened so fast in my Frankie that there was no treatment option, except the worst one. I’m so grateful that you and Paul have Elvis for a little more time. And I’m grateful for your willingness to share your family’s love and grief. You’ve given me the opportunity to vicariously saying goodbye to Frankie.
Sending love to all three of you.
February 9, 2016 @ 10:59 am
When I was 3 years old, I got a black kitten.
When I was 25, he died. His Mother was a Blue Ribbon Purebred Siamese that escaped her home one full moon night and had a wild affair with an Alley Cat.
In the end, he had gone from being all black to all white. The hardest thing about our animals is they don’t live as long as we do. Some tortoises are passed down in family generations.
Charles Darwin’s tortoise only recently died.
Did you know time is different on the planet Mercury?
I think time must be longer for cats than for us.
And in the end, the love you take,
is equal to the love…you make.
The Beatles
February 9, 2016 @ 10:59 am
This just makes me so sad. I will miss him but I am so thankful for this now time for you and Paul Taking one.day at a time is not an easy thing.
February 9, 2016 @ 11:03 am
Elvis is such a darling. I too love my kitty beyond all reason–and I’m so very sorry. I’m glad you found each other, and have loved each other so well.