PERSEVERANCE: the courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.
Something is happening in my life that could mean one of two things:
1. My craziness is escalating.
or
2. Elvis’s impending demise is driving me to seek excessively larger and more mentally-absorbing GFT’s* to experience a feeling other than panic and despair. (*Giant Fancy Thing)
Either way, I have found something. And I cannot unfind it. And I cannot think about anything else. And I am short many dollars.
Up until last weekend, Paul tried to overlook this new development… but eventually he ran into a problem: trying to live in blind ignorance vs the impossibility of disregarding that I am selling all of our belongings.
Months ago, I began a campaign for a new GFT. [redacted photo of new GFT]
I’m sorry that you’ll have to imagine this new item of fanciness, because I am not stupid enough to show it to you and expect everyone to respect my dibs while I try to raise funds.
The funds have been resistant and I’ve had to get creative… these are the options I’ve considered:
1. Start doing sponsored posts.
I want to write about mail-order food-delivery and mattresses EVEN LESS than you want to read about them, but I’m revisiting my motivation behind that.
All along here, I’ve been so smug… I thought: I AM SPECIAL! And, MY BLOG IS SPECIAL! But now I’m unsure WHY I thought I was so special… All I’ve been doing is passing up Craigslist cash in the form of boring you; which in retrospect just seems like laziness, poor planning, and stupidity; so basically, all of the ways I normally ruin everything.
2. Armored car heist.
This seems likely to net what I need, but given my difficulty moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer, I am uncertain of my ability to plan a detailed and time-sensitive burglary.
3. Sell everything we own.
By process of elimination, I’ve chosen this last one: empty out the house.
I started by selling things that I wasn’t attached to… and some of you are going to freak out when I tell you that I sold the card catalog… but do you know what people pay for those things?? A LOT! (I sold them both; the big one and the little one.)
But now I’ve moved on to the stage where I’m selling stuff I do have an attachment to… this fretwork bookcase is a piece of furniture I really LOVE, and getting rid of it was giving me real anxiety until Paul helped inadvertently, by giving me the wrong sales pitch.
He said something to the extent of how we should just keep the crap we have, because our current furnishings are an accurate representation of our lifestyle.
And Self was like– no. Erroneous. Some of our current furnishings are a representation of a sad person’s lifestyle… Self does not wish to be sad!
The morning I emptied out the cabinet for pickup, Paul said – is it possible you are going to regret selling this cabinet? After all, there is no guarantee you’ll get this other thing… You might just end up with an empty wall.
I said – yes. That is possible… but it is also possible that you should prepare yourself to drive to Arkansas.
Paul stood there little longer. Then he said – just to be clear, the plan is: jump out of airplane with no parachute and hope that you can BUY A PARACHUTE ON THE WAY DOWN… that doesn’t seem a little dicey to you?
I said– maybe, yes. But also maybe there is a mid-air, 24-hour, parachute shop. (They probably play disco music and serve those mini bottles of champagne.)
Although, of course since the weekend, I’ve had plenty of time to second guess myself.
But ultimately I’ve decided this: serious people need to make serious decisions. And I am nothing if not serious.
February 16, 2016 @ 4:37 pm
Do you want me to forward you all the emails I get about people who want me to do sponsored posts about things I don’t care about at all???
February 16, 2016 @ 4:40 pm
You are so funny!
February 16, 2016 @ 5:06 pm
I am wondering what new thing you bought to make up for the loss of the cabinet…Which I love by the way. I am in process of getting rid of things I don’t love, and letting go, but that does not extend to my mix of furniture which I bought because I feel in love with them. An 1850 grain painted 8 foot long deacons’ bench, a red bun footed blanket chest, a 1960’s parsons coffee table that is 6 feet long, a golden oak fancy secretary, a golden oak plain kitchen cabinet…none of them MATCH but they spoke to me. I am keeping them forever
February 16, 2016 @ 5:30 pm
Can’t wait to see it! But really the card catalogs! We can deal with paid posts,if you could keep the card catalog! Just saying!
February 16, 2016 @ 5:33 pm
Oh that fretwork GFT is soooo pretty. It seemed perfect for the space. However, if you simply must have a new GFT thing then “damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead”. Good luck in your quest.
We’re all fine with sponsors – just think of all the GFT’s you’ll be able to get then. That new GFT must be something else. Can’t wait to see it.
February 16, 2016 @ 5:52 pm
Can someone explain what a sponsored post is?
February 16, 2016 @ 6:00 pm
It’s Elvis!
So freakin hard & sad. I’ve been there with the love of my life. Mickey Doo Dah! One of a kind
GFTS is the best distraction!
Sending love & prayers to you, Elvis & Paul.
Love& respect.
Mary
February 16, 2016 @ 6:06 pm
If you were to do sponsored posts, wouldn’t you be doing them for a paint company, or a wood stain company, or a fabric manufacturer? Your imagination will fill in the rest. No boring stuff for you. In fact Craigslist ought to be paying you.
February 16, 2016 @ 6:35 pm
In a day and age where blog commenting is down across the board, you rack up over 80 comments (and counting) in a short time. That is proof about how you are so special.
Have you contacted the seller yet? If the thing has been on Craigslist for months, they might be getting impatient. I am sure you can express your great admiration for the GFT, tell the owner of the item of your current plan to sell everything that you own. Also, you were just checking what his best price is, including the discount for knowing the item is going to a loving home, just so you know when you’ve sold enough. Put the Victoria spin on it and I’m sure you’ll get a much reduced rate due to your humor and love of the item. I reduce prices for those reasons when I’m selling something. Good Luck.
February 16, 2016 @ 6:36 pm
So glad to see there is someone of your wit and charm with “Christmas” still on display. I just got all mine put away this week. In West Texas, it is hard to find GFTs that don’t have long horns or barbed wire (not really), so my obsession is Christmas decor. I now have 35+ large totes full of assorted Christmas items. I told my daughter I thought I had an obsession, and she said she would gladly refer me to the show “Hoarders”. But I just don’t think I could deal with the public humiliation.
I can’t wait to see what the new GFT will be. Maybe one day I will stumble upon something that would be worth my liquidating some assets. My daughter would say I have a ready supply of items to sell!
Letting go of favorite possessions is hard until you fall in love with something new. Sounds sort of like a song, doesn’t it?
Melany
February 16, 2016 @ 6:40 pm
Ok, so if you are driving to Arkansas anyway, what else are you going to sell? I love all of your GFT and can meet you anywhere in Ar!!!!!!
February 16, 2016 @ 6:52 pm
Sponsored posts are fine with me too. I just want to read your blog and it doesn’t matter to me how you do it or who you may have to take out for pay. Just keep writing. Hugs and rubs to Elvis, Paul too ?
February 16, 2016 @ 8:06 pm
If anybody could make a paid blog post funny it is you! So yes, I will read whatever you post! Seriously, I need more blog posts in general from you.
February 16, 2016 @ 11:50 pm
If Arkansas is on the table, then so is Oregon. Get your Self and Paul to the West Coast because we have all kinds of GFTs!
February 17, 2016 @ 6:21 am
I know exactly what you mean! Do sponsored posts- after all they are a blog-land ritual! Sell, sell, sell everything to get your GFT. Please hug Elvis for me- my furbaby is almost 20 years old and has kidney disease. She’s ok but probably won’t see her 21st year. I expect I’ll lose my mind and sell everything lock stock and barrel after she goes to heaven. ❤️
February 17, 2016 @ 7:56 am
You may NOT theft things because in my imagination you and Paul are actually Miss Fisher and Detective Jack Robinson from Miss Fishers Murder Mysteries. Have you considered becoming a Fancy Detective Lady instead? Tell me you have!
February 17, 2016 @ 11:01 am
“Victoria Elizabeth… with your eyes, follow the shiny swinging watch. You are getting sleepy… very sleepy… eyes are soooo heavy… (swinging watch). Close your eyes. You can trust me… what is the giant fancy thingggg, and where can I find it…? (Insert here that you tell me) Thank youuuuu Victoria Elizabeth… Now, at the snap of my fingers, you are going to awaken feeling refreshed, light as a feather, completely satisfied not to rob an armored truck, hug Elvis, and give Paul a kiss for all of his patience. SNAP!”
P.S. I have those polka dot pants. But of course you do. We are twins!
February 17, 2016 @ 5:30 pm
I haven’t read all the comments so I don’t know if has been suggested, but could you set up a gofundme account and all of us pay for this GFT??!
You give us so much, I’d love to get you something!
February 17, 2016 @ 7:06 pm
I’m so pleased you found a GFT you covet here in Arkansas. I live in the Boston Mountain area and would be happy to load it in my truck and meet you somewhere, say in Kentucky. You drive south and I’ll drive east til we meet.
Please bring Paul. By the way, it’s going to be 70 here for the next few days, so…
February 18, 2016 @ 7:17 am
Time to think big. Let’s go with the take no prisoners approach and start a Go Fund Me page.