Elvis has left the building.
We put Elvis to sleep last Tuesday.
It was time.
She had not been eating well and she just wound down and down… Even after Paul had a very serious conversation where he explained to her: earth is for eaters; if you don’t eat, you can’t stay… nonconformists will not be tolerated.
The hospice vet came to the house in the morning. We held her on our bed, on her favorite blanket. We told her that she didn’t have to be afraid, and that we loved her more than anything, and she will always still be here, right in our hearts, forever.
Elvis’s head was on my shoulder when she died. I hope she didn’t know what was happening.
An hour later we took her to be cremated.
We took her all the way to the machine because my heart hurt to think of her being alone, or with strangers; and I wanted to be with her as far as I could… I don’t think she knows any of that. But it mattered a lot to me.
Then we waited for her ashes and took her back home.
She’s got a little shrine right now, with lots of flowers from the garden, and her fuzzy ball, and the small dish of whiskers she shed/I found over the last 12 years.
It’s on the spot on the rug where she would RUN, as soon as you walked in the door; she would start doing her aerobics because she was so excited that you were going to pet her… At night she comes upstairs to the bedside table.
When I’m ready she’ll get moved to the Elvis Memorial Library. (Previously known as Cleveland bookcase)
For twelve years, Elvis was basically half of myself, so I expected to be sad. Really sad. Debilitatingly sad. But I didn’t understand the actual FRANTIC physical sensation of missing her. Wanting to pick her up and feel her fur and talk to her and hear her purry chirp.
And I would like to say officially: THIS IS A HORRIBLE SYSTEM.
How has humanity not just curled up and died from incurable loss?
I literally do not comprehend how people survive when it is human family.
I’ve been camped out in my tent of sadness… it was really unmanageable at first— the tent kept collapsing and trying to suffocate me.
But I think now I’ve got it packed into something more wheelbarrow-sized, which is nice and convenient because it’s portable, so when you have a breakdown outside your house, you have all the supplies.
Making this video was helpful, but also so sad… I can’t believe she’s really gone.
*If you can’t watch the video, try reloading the page, or being sure that you aren’t inside of the Facebook app… it seems to break the video.
I miss everything about her. Our conversations. Her smell. Her chirp. Her smoochy face. Her white feeties. Her wompy ear.
But I know she had a wonderful life and THE MOST LOVE, and that’s really the best that any of us can hope for in this life.
Ann
August 9, 2016 @ 10:12 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs & Prayers.
Diane
August 9, 2016 @ 2:52 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. You all were so lucky to have each other. Now you have a furry angel to watch over you. Sending hugs and prayers.
LibraDesignEye
August 9, 2016 @ 3:39 pm
Darling Elvis . I especially loved the necklace of invincibility you shared with her. Bless you guys during this wheelbarrow full of emotion. .. l
Judith
August 20, 2016 @ 11:36 am
http://alicebeckstrom.tumblr.com/post/60078586769
I always loved this-makes one aware of the mystery beyond this life
deb somers
September 15, 2016 @ 2:03 am
DEAR LITTLE ELVIS, SUCH AN ADORABLE BEING. SOOOO LUCKY TO HAVE A FAMILY WHO LOVED HER. PLEAE KEEP YOUR FOSTER BOO BOOS. THEY LOOK LIKE ELVIS IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER……ONE DOOR CLOSES AND ANOTHER ONE OPENS. GOOGLE A DOGS LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT. IT CAN BE SAID FOR CATS AS WELL. REAL EYE OPENER. CHIN UP, TAKE CARE, KEEP THE FAITH, KEEP UP WITH ALL THE FANCY THINGS. KNOW YOU DID THE RIGHT THING FOR YOUR BELOVED CAT. SHE KNEW SHE WAS LOVED AND THAT WAS THE MOST INPORTANT. MY SINCERE SADNESS FOR YOU AND PAUL.
Daring Lily
August 9, 2016 @ 6:42 pm
Sending love and hugs through my tears. She was so incredibly adorable.
Michelle Brown
August 10, 2016 @ 8:56 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. We went through that almost 5 years ago with our beloved Charlie Brown, orange long haired tabby. He was the best and we still miss him. My husband wept every night for weeks. I eventually persuaded him to get a kitten, it was the best possible way for him to cope. At first, he refused because it felt like betrayal, but in the end it turned out great. It was hard at first because he wanted the same type of bound immediately and one just has to be patient with a cat. Now the two are constant companions. I wish you peace and happiness, knowing you gave Elvis the very best life….full of love!
Lorraine Syratt
August 10, 2016 @ 9:21 am
I’m so very sorry for your loss. What a moving tribute.
Liz Aton
August 11, 2016 @ 10:47 am
I’m so sorry, and send you soft hugs, including from my crew here. The depth of your heartache reflects the depth of the love you shared, and that was a very special bond.
Pat Coletta
August 9, 2016 @ 10:12 am
My deepest condolence for your loss. Only a person who has loved an animal as you have can truly understand the profound loss. Elvis was the envy of every other animal in a human’s care. We should all be loved like that.
Michele
August 9, 2016 @ 10:13 am
Elvis is happy and she knows you cared for her till the end. You will remember her and treasure all she gave to you. And, I hope in time you will extend all the love and care you have to another pet. You have a connection and there are so many needy pets. Remember Elvis and smile.
Allison
August 9, 2016 @ 10:13 am
I don’t know that I’ve ever commented here before, but I’ve been a reader for quite some time. I love your humour, and have immensely enjoyed reading about/seeing Elvis. She was a beautiful cat. My love and thoughts to you in this hard time. I fear I will soon be in your same situation with my 18 year old cat, but we at least know they love us, and that we have fiercely loved them.
Again, all my thoughts/prayers/good karma your way. <3
ccr in MA
August 9, 2016 @ 10:15 am
I am so, so sorry. It’s such an awful thing to go through, and in my experience, it never fully goes away. But it gets less sharply painful eventually, and the good memories outweigh the loss. Eventually.
The video was wonderful! How did I never notice that the black spot on her face looks like a heart from some angles?
Christine
August 9, 2016 @ 10:15 am
My heart breaks for you. This May, we had to say goodbye to our first family dog, an old surly rescue coonhound. I ended up taking him by myself to the vet’s office because I was the one who wanted to adopt him in the first place so many years ago. I felt like I needed to be there singly to usher him to the other side. It was tremendously sad and awful, even if it was the very best choice for him. He was ready to go but his body wasn’t there yet.
Elvis will always have a place in your heart, which is the best place to be. Our animal companions have such brief time with us, but they change us forever.
Lindsey R
August 9, 2016 @ 10:15 am
Victoria,
I am so sorry for your loss. I’m on my way to work and only two paragraphs in in crying. I’ll have to finish this post tonight so I don’t look like a mess at the office. My thoughts are with you.
susan schwartz
August 9, 2016 @ 10:15 am
Beautiful tribute. Elvis was one lucky cat, to have had all that love from you. And you were lucky, too, to have her. Condolences: nothing else to say, really.
Susan,
Montreal, Canada.
Rebecca
August 9, 2016 @ 10:16 am
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what else to say except I am so sad for you.
Warmly,
Becca
Cathlene
August 9, 2016 @ 10:16 am
I am so sorry for your loss. Just like humans, they become so much of our lives that part of you goes with them. Prayers for you. ♥
ActualConversationsWithMyHusband
August 9, 2016 @ 10:17 am
She had an AMAZING life, full of people who didn’t stop loving her just because she’s gone; that’s more than any of us have any right to expect.
In any just universe, grief shared would be grief made more bearable. In that case, know that Elvis had an adoring extended family that will miss that wompy ear and those feeties and that beauty spot right along with you.
Sherry Stuifbergen
August 9, 2016 @ 10:18 am
I feel your loss. Loved the video.
melissa
August 9, 2016 @ 10:19 am
I am sorry, it’s hard when it’s time. All her memories were good ones with you giving her a loving home and so much affection. That’s your peace, knowing that.
Pattie C
August 9, 2016 @ 10:19 am
So sorry to hear about Elvis, I know it’s truly heart crushing when you lose your pet who’s whole like revolves around you.
JHK
August 9, 2016 @ 10:19 am
I am so sorry. I lost my 11.5 y/o kitty rather suddenly last Monday. It’s hard to describe to people who haven’t been loved by a great cat how deep they get inside your heart and life. They’re just pure love, and it’s a real loss. Your wheelbarrow analogy is perfect.
Betsy
August 9, 2016 @ 10:19 am
Cried readibg this. I have two 17-year-old cats and a 16-year-old dog and that decision is going to coming up sooner than later. I agree, this system of losing our loved ones is the worst.
Jennifer Halasi
August 9, 2016 @ 10:19 am
Oh… wow. I’m crying so hard right now. This was amazing. And sad. And beautiful. I am so terrified of this very day that I know will be happening to me sooner than I can actually comprehend. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. I’m thinking of you!
Kimberly ~ Serendipity Refined
August 9, 2016 @ 10:20 am
Elvis was so incredibly well loved that she gave it back to you every day. After having lost a few beloved pets, I am still wondering why we haven’t found a special food or shampoo to make them live as long as we do. Pet cloning is still financially out of reach or I’d have a carbon copy of my last dog still living with me. I’m so sorry about the tent of sadness….time will help build new poles so that it will collapse on you less often. Somewhere out there, there’s a cat or kitten with a wompy ear and a smoochy face who will find you when the time is right . xoxo
Jen
August 9, 2016 @ 10:20 am
That video just made me weep. What a lucky cat to have you as owners. XOXO. I am so sorry for your loss.
Teresa
August 9, 2016 @ 10:20 am
Crying with you because I know how much a person can love a pet and how much it hurts when they leave us. Hang in there, it will get better. So sorry about your kitty.