Let’s end the year with some rusty auction fanciness!
Take the full holiday house tour
A while ago, I wrote a post titled The Auction Olympics; about a day I drove back-and-forth between two separate auction houses, each running multiple auctions, all with totally unpredictable and variable timetables.
Since then, I have embraced the absentee bid.
Not only did my ten-hour bidding-marathon eradicate the thrill-of-the-unknown-with-a-whiff-of-danger-in-the-form-of-possible-bankruptcy-and-divorce, it also forced me to acknowledge that I am someone who cannot be trusted in an adrenaline-fueled state.
Theoretically, I should have already known about the adrenaline issue— seeing as how I once nearly paid $1,200 for a pair of antique garden urns in a spur-of-the-moment-madness based on the thought process: if I do not get these, I will die… Which has yet to be borne out in any kind of evidence-based investigation, and is more accurately: these are probably crap I can live without.
While writing this post, I reflected on the process of how I so merrily agreed to pay nearly $1,200 for garden trinkets… and I have to say – there is confusion. And it is FAST confusion.
You go from $100 to $1,200 in under a minute… Your brain can hardly keep up, so you are really operating on instinct. And apparently my instinct is towards bankruptcy.
Know thyself!
So I am now a fan of leaving a bid on your item and hoping for the best.
On the other hand, as I learned last weekend– if you cannot be bothered to show up and supervise your stuff, it might disappear… there were three urns, and one just wandered off.
I don’t even have a photo of it, although you can kind of see it in the background of the photo above– it’s the short one with no base or bowl.
Even though it was missing nearly all of its pieces, I still wanted it, because I like things that are broken and crappy.
I left a bid on Sunday afternoon, for the auction on Monday.
My top bid was $60/each for the big urns, (which would have come to $75 including tax and buyer’s fee) and $20 for the little one.
I figured that if I won, I was definitely going to be paying my top bid because whenever I write a post about auctions, people warn me of unscrupulous practices and price-jacking… which I’m not really sure how to avoid— I mean, if you want something and you’ve set a decent price for yourself, is there anything else you can do?
Monday night when I got home, I called the auction house and they told me I won the urns for TWENTY DOLLARS A PIECE.
Even with the plague-of-locusts-that-is-the-buyer’s-fee-and-tax, they only came to $25, and that is a ridiculously good deal.
I headed directly out into rush hour… it was dark. And raining. And when I got to the auction house, I went inside to pay, before heading out to the dock area to load them up.
The woman behind the counter said – are you sure they are still out there?
And I was like – um, no?
She said – well, they steal things, you know.
I am not quite sure who they are… Or why, if you know about them… something is not being done?
But after I went out back to the dock area, I could see how rampant pillaging and theft would be possible… no one was supervising anything.
I looked around to see if there was anything I myself might like to steal… but, I guess they beat me to all the good stuff. There was nothing left but a mauve toilet seat and a velvet reproduction of The Last Supper.
Then I started hunting for my urns and shaking my fist and saying things like— so help me… if someone stole my urns!
The two big ones were under a tarp by the auctioneer stand… but the little one was gone.
Because there were three urns, and they stole the one I wanted least, I am satisfied with the trade-off of not having spent an entire day watching boxes of toilet seats being auctioned off.
If they stole one of the big ones, I’m not sure… maybe I would wish to have been witness to toilet auctioning.
Now is the part of the post where there must be accountability for what I have acquired.
In my world:
1. these are mine now.
2. the end.
But not everyone thinks that is a good ending. And I know that people will ask me –what are you going to do with them? Are you going to paint them? Is Paul going to replicate the base-booster that is missing on the white one? Where are you going to put them?
Then I end up feeling like I have done my post wrong – or even that I am doing life wrong… because my ability to plan and predict ends abruptly the moment anything enters my house.
I actually really like the white one just the way it is… I have LONG wanted one exactly like this, in exactly this condition, in exactly this size, to keep inside the house… I’d like to grow moss in it, but my success rate in the past with moss is negative zero. So I’m imagining it filled with possibly-also-ridiculous-bulbs-forced-in-February.
However I do not love the silver paint color… and if we paint that one, (probably black to match my other one) then it makes sense to paint them both to have a matched pair…and then, it will not be the rustic/broken/fanciness I was envisioning.
These are problems I am comfortable having.
I’m going to sign off for the year now; my brothers are home, and we have some regressing to do… MOM! CAN YOU MAKE MORE PECAN TARTLETS?? HOW LONG UNTIL THEY’RE READY?
But first:
Every single week, your comments are the best part of my blog… you are clever, insightful, and entertaining. The way you use language makes me happy, and when I read your comments I am aware that I am the luckiest blogger on the internet.
I treasure you and am deeply thankful for your existence.
From the bottom of my greedy, GFT-loving heart.
xoxoxoxo
VEB
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Solstice,
Happy New Year, Merry Boxing Day, Happy Kwanzaa…
•••
Whatever holidays you celebrate,
I hope you get to spend them with the people you love.
December 21, 2015 @ 11:30 am
The urns are fabulous. (Fake moss?)
Merry Christmas and Happy GFT-filled New Year.
December 21, 2015 @ 11:30 am
If I ever get to your neck of the woods, honestly, I want you to take me antique auction hopping. You find the best buys on the planet.
Have a wonderful holiday with your family. Send me some of your mom’s pecan tartlets.
xo,
Karen
December 21, 2015 @ 11:39 am
Oh my gawd! What a deal !!!!! Im jelous like you wouldnt believe. Ive seen urns like this go for thousands and i also dream of owning even 1 ….no idea where it would even go but just owning it would be fine with me .lol congrats on your amazing win and happy new year
December 21, 2015 @ 11:40 am
Victoria – I am knew to your world and am so glad I made the decision to join your fan club! Yours is the only blog that I’ve ever subscribed to and I wanted to thank you for speaking our truth! Happy, happy Holidays to you and yours! Looking forward to an impossibly fabulous 2016!
December 21, 2015 @ 11:50 am
SCORE!!!
December 21, 2015 @ 12:18 pm
I check your blog every day hoping for some new fantastic, unreasonable but totally understandable, life changing GFT. Thank you for sharing your humor, your obsessions, your self reflection, your house plans, your husband, and your sweet cat with us. 🙂 Happy holidays to you too!!
December 21, 2015 @ 12:18 pm
The best part of this blog (and all others) are the pictures of sweet Elvis! Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy your blogs and your wonderful writing style and thought process, but Elvis just warms my heart and I’m so glad he is doing well! Happy holidays!
December 21, 2015 @ 12:23 pm
…where is this auction house, I have…a friend… who wants to steal GFTs………
December 21, 2015 @ 12:27 pm
Don’t you dare paint that white one black! I agree with you that it is perfect just as it is! I can totally see beautiful amaryllis growing in it, or you could do a moss covered topiary (it doesn’t sound like moss growing is all that hard – at least according to pinterest). Or you could get one of those gorgeous spiral topiaries that I have long coveted and want to put on each side of my front door in the fantasy world where my dream house resides. P.S. I love Elvis in a Santa hat and I hope you all have a wonderful, fun, lovely Christmas!!
December 21, 2015 @ 12:30 pm
You DO NOT want a matching pair of black urns! No Way No Way No way. Just throw some white paint over the other one and leave outside for a while. Matching urns are just not you Victoria – only boring women have matching black urns and you are never boring. I love hearing of your adventures, you make me smile. Love and blessings to you all for the holidays (hope Elvis is staying well ? xxx )
December 21, 2015 @ 12:33 pm
Your use of language, love of GFT and Don Draper, and your glorious home give me great joy. Thank you for being so wonderfully you. You’re the coolest. Plus, I live right outside Philly as well, so I like to think I *kinda* know you because of our geographical proximity.
December 21, 2015 @ 12:40 pm
Merry Christmas, VEB! Elvis looks adorable, and the urns are lovely. What a steal! 🙂 Thank you for bringing joy to all of us.
December 21, 2015 @ 12:42 pm
Love your funny, interesting and always educational blog and look forward to reading it. Merry Christmas to you and your husband and Elvis.
December 21, 2015 @ 1:02 pm
Victoria, you are truly a gifted writer. You could give Erma Bombeck a run for her money. Thank you for sharing your love of GFT with us. Merry Christmas to you and Paul and Elvis.
(You forgot Happy Festivus! Are you a Seinfeld fan?)
December 21, 2015 @ 1:04 pm
Love the tree in the urn! And so enjoy your posts. I don’t comment very often, but today really stuck to me.
As a long-time auction attendee and wife of the auctioneer, I can completely understand the crazed need for beating someone from the thing you want.
And I can tell you – theft comes in many ways at an auction. Once the auctioneer says SOLD, you’re responsible. They don’t have the staff, nor the memory of who bought what, so the guy who steals your stuff could be a regular auction goer. Nobody would question that he didn’t buy what you bought. Oh, and it happens when you’re there or not. Have had a few things stolen in my years and it’s happened while trying to get stuff to my car & was by myself.
Big stuff isn’t usually an issue when loading your car…if it has drawers, take them out. If it has cushions, take them off, shelves, take them with you. But easily moved items are screaming, “Steal me! Steal me!” Oh and boxes…with the cool stuff and the crappy toilet seat…pun intended, they pick and choose, so be wary and wise. Pack it up and put it somewhere safe or ask someone to watch it for you if they’re just standing around bidding.
Finding an auction house you like and become a regular and get to know folks. It’s a social thing besides an adrenaline rush! Once you get to know a few people and become friendly, they take care of one another. Get a seat, carry some Rubbermaid containers and something to wrap the precious goods and people watch your stuff.
Thanks for the great posts and hope you have a lovely holiday!
December 21, 2015 @ 1:20 pm
Victoria, your interactions with Paul so mirror how I relate to my husband! It just makes me laugh and feel like I am not as crazy as I seem. I live in a new Victorian filled with antique furniture that is “pretty, ornate and over the top”, but totally non-functional for my 6’3″ hubby who eats his knees if he attempts to sit on any of it, whose feet hit the footboard of any GFT bed I find, and whose practicality makes justifying any GFT a great challenge. He indulges me, just like your sweet Paul does even when it doesn’t make sense to him. Thank you for sharing your incredible wit, sense of humor about yourself and your fabulous design sense that I so relate. My Midnight likes to crawl inside my pump organ and then cry for help to get out…. I so relate to your Elvis adventures. Merry Christmas! I can’t wait for the fun to continue in the new year!
December 21, 2015 @ 1:52 pm
Don’t you get it…all I want for Christmas is Paul!!! LOL
Merry Christmas and thank you for many hours of pure laughter during the year. So looking forward to your kitchen final reveal.
December 21, 2015 @ 2:00 pm
Reading your blog ALWAYS makes my day. Thank you so much for being there to entertain all of us.
I find myself going into antique stores or junk stores or Restore, and saying “I know Victoria would love this mirror/urn/huge sideboard/whatever GFT” . It cracks my husband up that I talk about you like we are great personal friends (which I feel like we are, never mind that I have never met you IRL).
Happy ALL Holidays to you, Paul and Elvis
December 21, 2015 @ 2:48 pm
Hi Victoria! New reader/subscriber, long-time craigslist forager and fancy-house aspirant. I just moved into a huge Art Nouveau flat in Berlin and my (third!) husband’s patience with the endless craigslist, DIY and eBay overspending is saintlike, like your Paul’s. I am so comforted by the knowledge that you too are risking bankruptcy for the sake of a beautiful home 🙂 and your Elvis is a precious baby.
-Suzanne
December 21, 2015 @ 2:50 pm
Agree that the urn looks perfect as is.
You are wonderful, as is Paul, and dear Elvis is looking exceptionally adorable. I hope for more years of looking forward to your blog posts and cackling over your experiences and the way you record them. A very Merry Christmas to you and yours!