Selling everything I own… episode: The Kingdom Mirror.
The last time I sold all of the things I own, it was to acquire The Elvis Memorial Library.
It was a simple trade:
Everything we own, in exchange for one single item of magnificence.
But I failed to specify that IT WAS ONLY MY OWN OPINION that this new thing was my own personal favorite… so I got email telling me that ACTUALLY, it was NOT that great. And I TOTALLY OVERSOLD IT. And you were expecting something BIGGER. And BETTER.
And a bookcase is totally uninteresting.
And it’s ugly.
And also I am stupid.
So, to clarify: I am selling The Kingdom Mirror TO REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING UGLY AND ALSO I AM STUPID.
It’s how I roll!
It seems unlikely to me that anyone here is unaware of the time I found a MASSIVE MIRROR via Craigslist IN AN ALLEY… but in case you somehow missed it, it was TREMENDOUSLY EXCITING.
You can read the original post here: The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
Usually, when I am selling stuff, I do not mention it here; because our shared affinity for GFT’s (giant fancy things) makes me uncomfortable to take your money.
I know this for a fact because I have sold stuff to some of you; and have felt distinctly uneasy to have the interaction include cash.
I overthink everything.
It’s one of my most expert skills.
But The Kingdom Mirror is how so many of you found me… IT’S BASICALLY THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME… and I didn’t want anyone to feel that I failed to be… I don’t know… forthcoming?
Also, whenever I list something that I’ve written about, on Craigslist, YA’LL KNOW IT’S ME, and are like, wait! why are you getting rid of this!?!
And then I have anxiety… like you will think I am… what… LYING TO YOU?
ABOUT HOW FULL OF CRAP MY HOUSE IS?
Why is this a thought process I have?
I am a crazy person.
Anyway.
The answer to why I am getting rid of something is ALWAYS:
I FOUND SOMETHING BETTER.
and
I need money.
Or space.
Or both.
And!
Friends!
Do not despair!
There is SOME good news!
What is coming, is SLIGHTLY BIGGER THAN THE CURRENT KINGDOM.
But that means I need a wall (on the first floor), at least 6’ wide, with no vents/returns at the baseboard… and seeing as how thus far, I have been unable to convince Paul to reroute the HVAC, I have to axe something.
My options:
The Portal to Narnia
Elvis Memorial Library
The Kingdom Mirror
It might surprise you that I did not even need to think about it… my braying love of SHINY THINGS camouflages a truer love: DARK WOOD. Mahogany, walnut, rosewood… (not ebonized, unless just accents.)
Victorian Renaissance Revival is my favorite; spanning about 1850-1880, the style has a fair amount of variation… I am not into the high-relief carving of flowers, fruits, animals… which is weird because those are quite literally all of my favorite things… but not in furniture.
For whatever reason, the STUFF that makes me twitch is architectural motifs: pilasters, columns, pediments, balusters, corbels, pedestals, brackets, grooves, risers, cornices, ribbons, crests, Corinthian capitals, Doric columns, CARTOUCHE… stringcourse! architrave! with some acanthus leaves and tassels thrown in for garnish.
Essentially: THE FANCY THAT REPRESENTS FANCY FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN FANCY.
Which reminds me, IMPORTANT ASIDE: one of you sent me VICTORIAN ARCHITECTURE COLORING BOOKS… they also have historic houses of New England and Godey’s fashion! I did not even know these were a thing!
Anyway.
I’m selling The Kingdom Mirror to make room for a new behemoth.
(that you will hate because it is ugly and i am stupid)
OR
I am making a mess of my house by stacking GFT’s in front of each other… because I should have already gotten rid of the kingdom… but what kind of lunatic just GETS RID OF A KINGDOM!
So I waited too long to deal with it and now almost FOR SURE I’m going to have a traffic jam of GFT’s… because selling something the SIZE OF A KINGDOM, for more than pocket change, puts you in the very slow lane.
As you can see, it’s listed on Philadelphia Craigslist for $3,000… could I get more? Sure…? maybe..? if I had all the time in the world; and if I don’t get rid of it, before something gets STACKED IN FRONT, maybe I’ll revisit.
And.
While I’m at it… I might as well tell you I’m selling EVERYTHING ELSE TOO… not for what is scheduled for delivery; but for something I saw at FANCY CHANDELIER SHOP that gave me fitz.
FITZ! <—fancier than regular fits.
However, if you are like me, and you have never purchased anything from an ACTUAL antique STORE… you may be unfamiliar with how it works; what happens is: you have to pay MONEY.
LOTS OF MONEY.
SOMUCHMONEY.
And if you can’t PAY THE MONEY, you cannot have your thing.
EVEN IF YOU REALLY WANT IT.
wish me luck.
SEE ALL MY FAVORITE CRAIGSLIST FINDS!
April 19, 2018 @ 1:00 pm
I have the perfect place for the Portal to Narnia, but sadly no home for the Kingdom. Alas, alas!
April 19, 2018 @ 1:07 pm
Oh, I so enjoy your adventures! I can hardly wait.
April 19, 2018 @ 1:29 pm
I am shocked Kingdom Mirror has to find a new home! Of course you must be beside yourself, in spite of what the future holds in the Chandelier. ‘Tis a truly sad day for you I’m sure. Thankfully, Portal to Narnia/Downton Abbey is still in residence! You would shock me if you gave that GFT up for anything, as it’s the most glorious gathering of wood I have ever seen! Please say it will stay to your dying days!!!
Now I sit patiently awaiting the view of this Chandy that is causing such an uproar.
April 19, 2018 @ 1:58 pm
I feel completely foolish for even suggesting this, but given that Paul constructed a bumpout for the refrigerator, it seems entirely reasonable, given the size of your riverfront property, that an addition could be built. I’m sorry that you didn’t think of this. Victoria, you are slipping. Have a nap on the divan.
April 19, 2018 @ 1:33 pm
I understand the concept of selling to buy better, so bye-bye, Kingdom Mirror. However, I’m sure you realize that the Elvis Memorial Library is already at the top of the list of GFTs? It is the epitome of Victorian finery, so please, please keep it forever.
April 19, 2018 @ 1:48 pm
Screaming, “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH…!!!” as I dropped to my knees, eyes and hands raised toward Heaven, asking God why He would allow such a travesty! Not the Kingdom Mirror! Never the Kingdom Mirror, or Portal to Narnia! Those two are my absolute favorites, and though neither would fit in my (new) house, there was comfort in the fact these icons of GFT resided safely in your loving care. Life has (almost) lost all meaning as my day screeches to a halt as possibly the planets become misaligned and stars refuse to shine. Now I know why the sun didn’t come out today.
I too love brilliant chandeliers, but why on earth could it not share the same space as the Kingdom Mirror? A mere $2,720 profit is nowhere near enough to justify the loss of this icon of magnificence. Get rid of the ribbon cabinet… or did you do that already? The library catalog… or is that gone too? The Victorian bed with overhanging mattress? ANYthing but the Kingdom Mirror. At least have the buyer sign a contract giving you first right-of-refusal should they ever choose to get rid of it, and 30-day prior notifications and approval before the Mirror changes addresses. We must be able to keep track of this one-of-a-kind emblem of a bygone era.
Outside of your home, the Kingdom Mirror only belongs in the White House, Biltmore Mansion, Smithsonian, Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island, Mar-a-lago (summer White House)… or some other place of extreme worthiness. I am bereft of any leftover emotion for the rest of the month. Black crepe will be my wardrobe for the foreseeable future. Whatever this other item is, do not disappoint us. Your entire reputation depends on your readers being duly impressed. Don’t let us down. No pressure.
April 19, 2018 @ 2:11 pm
I too am Heartbroken about the Kingdom mirror, such a wonderful love story. Please keep us all posted as to where the GFT Kingdom Mirror goes to live…..as we are all on the edge of our seats.
April 19, 2018 @ 2:12 pm
I’m so happy I’m not the only one that loves dark wood! It seems like everyone wants to paint those beautiful antique pieces white nowadays…ugh! I also love the gold magnificence of the Kingdom mirror, so I’ll be sorry to see that go, but I can’t wait to see what you have acquired.
April 19, 2018 @ 2:17 pm
Oddly I was *just* thinking about the Kingdom mirror yesterday. And Boom, a story from my favorite writer. Alas, we narrowly avoided moving to Philadelphia just a few weeks ago (long story there) and hub will not allow GFT in our cruddy 80’somethings suburband house. Still looking for the late 19th c house of my dreams. They’re all over town here. Then to fill them with GFT. Good luck. I know you’ll find a very happy owner.
April 19, 2018 @ 2:20 pm
I am pretty sure we were separated at birth…
April 19, 2018 @ 3:01 pm
I remember the original Kingdom Mirror story/find!! I love the mirror… I have 12-14 ft ceilings. ..would love it here at Woodhaven, but So. Many. Doorways. And vents and windows… hard to find a wall spot!
April 19, 2018 @ 3:52 pm
Hmmmmm….the movers are coming from NJ to pack us up to move to NC….I wonder if they could swing by and pick it up…..I’ve got a fantastic place for it in the new house
April 19, 2018 @ 4:40 pm
I have all sorts of wood colors and furniture periods. I buy what I love. Early American blanket chest with bun feet, 8 foot 1850 Ohio Deacon’s bench with hand painted grain so fine it fools everyone, then Mission pieces, Golden Oak Secretary with wheat pediment, Golden Oak kitchen (I think) cabinet (actually my favorite if you saw it)…etc. Basically nothing matches perfectly except in my heart. Oh, I would die before I sold that mirror. I love special and fine pieces too much, I guess. I just buy a bigger home
April 19, 2018 @ 4:51 pm
Why oh why oh why did I leave Philadelphia and move to a place with no GFTs????? Cuz if I were still there, I would totally buy your GFT Kingdom Mirror. Can’t wait to see your gorgeous GFWoodenT and your sparkly chandelier thing. Your taste is sooo my taste. Thanks for sharing!
April 19, 2018 @ 6:02 pm
Dearest Sister of GFTs I understand I too have in the past had to relinquish something that was Great and Fancy in the interests of having enough space for a Shiney Great Fancy Thing, I can only say that now when I walk past my new Fancy Thing it and I smile at one another and dip our heads in homage to the recognized just flat out NEED for that special THING. My male of the house falls short of understanding, yet he dutifully figures out how to haul these things home and fit them into the house. He did refuse to haul the GF fainting couch to my bedroom just in case I ever felt like fainting, ( I have not, but I am adequately furnished if that ever happens), I actually had to have my son carry the GF Fainting Couch up the stairs as my resident male refused. He now admits that the GF Fainting Couch has its own charm and I believe he had been lying on it one day when I came up the stairs as I heard rapid movement and found him near the GF Fainting Couch. Just know I understand the giving up of a fabulous GFT to acquire an even more GFT. Your sister of Great Fancy THINGS!
April 19, 2018 @ 6:09 pm
I am sick at this news and fear you are not well…….I cannot say more.
April 19, 2018 @ 6:36 pm
When do we get to see the replacement for the Kingdom Mirror? I’m dying here.
April 19, 2018 @ 8:11 pm
I have complete and utter confidence in you. I will miss the Kingdom Mirror, but await the next chapter!
April 19, 2018 @ 8:39 pm
I will not criticize! My house is by far smaller than yours, thus I can’t do GFTs, but I was simply through with my ‘little red cupboard’ that I LOVED! No reason, just needed book spaces, but I did so love it! And so it left to my hubs ‘work apartment’ because no one would buy it! Phew! Got a free bookcase that is much more needed! And really I could not convince him that the 1967 bookcase of my childhood could go, so little red made room for me…oh the anguish of it all! Haha!
Recently my darling said he might donate said red cupboard…my heart! I convinced him to wait, to see if I can part with little green cupboard instead! So for now it stays but what to do with stuff in green space?! I think I am in love with changing my house as much as anything, so I just have to do it with SSTs (small sensible things) instead of GFTs! Oh and by the way…do not ever listen to ‘ugly & stupid’ talk! You simply have great flair and it’s so worth the hunt!
April 19, 2018 @ 9:24 pm
I hope you name your new GFT the empire ___. IMO empires are much grander than kingdoms!
April 19, 2018 @ 10:48 pm
Please provide the link to the Craigslist ad?