Selling everything I own… episode: The Kingdom Mirror.
The last time I sold all of the things I own, it was to acquire The Elvis Memorial Library.
It was a simple trade:
Everything we own, in exchange for one single item of magnificence.
But I failed to specify that IT WAS ONLY MY OWN OPINION that this new thing was my own personal favorite… so I got email telling me that ACTUALLY, it was NOT that great. And I TOTALLY OVERSOLD IT. And you were expecting something BIGGER. And BETTER.
And a bookcase is totally uninteresting.
And it’s ugly.
And also I am stupid.
So, to clarify: I am selling The Kingdom Mirror TO REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING UGLY AND ALSO I AM STUPID.
It’s how I roll!
It seems unlikely to me that anyone here is unaware of the time I found a MASSIVE MIRROR via Craigslist IN AN ALLEY… but in case you somehow missed it, it was TREMENDOUSLY EXCITING.
You can read the original post here: The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
Usually, when I am selling stuff, I do not mention it here; because our shared affinity for GFT’s (giant fancy things) makes me uncomfortable to take your money.
I know this for a fact because I have sold stuff to some of you; and have felt distinctly uneasy to have the interaction include cash.
I overthink everything.
It’s one of my most expert skills.
But The Kingdom Mirror is how so many of you found me… IT’S BASICALLY THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME… and I didn’t want anyone to feel that I failed to be… I don’t know… forthcoming?
Also, whenever I list something that I’ve written about, on Craigslist, YA’LL KNOW IT’S ME, and are like, wait! why are you getting rid of this!?!
And then I have anxiety… like you will think I am… what… LYING TO YOU?
ABOUT HOW FULL OF CRAP MY HOUSE IS?
Why is this a thought process I have?
I am a crazy person.
Anyway.
The answer to why I am getting rid of something is ALWAYS:
I FOUND SOMETHING BETTER.
and
I need money.
Or space.
Or both.
And!
Friends!
Do not despair!
There is SOME good news!
What is coming, is SLIGHTLY BIGGER THAN THE CURRENT KINGDOM.
But that means I need a wall (on the first floor), at least 6’ wide, with no vents/returns at the baseboard… and seeing as how thus far, I have been unable to convince Paul to reroute the HVAC, I have to axe something.
My options:
The Portal to Narnia
Elvis Memorial Library
The Kingdom Mirror
It might surprise you that I did not even need to think about it… my braying love of SHINY THINGS camouflages a truer love: DARK WOOD. Mahogany, walnut, rosewood… (not ebonized, unless just accents.)
Victorian Renaissance Revival is my favorite; spanning about 1850-1880, the style has a fair amount of variation… I am not into the high-relief carving of flowers, fruits, animals… which is weird because those are quite literally all of my favorite things… but not in furniture.
For whatever reason, the STUFF that makes me twitch is architectural motifs: pilasters, columns, pediments, balusters, corbels, pedestals, brackets, grooves, risers, cornices, ribbons, crests, Corinthian capitals, Doric columns, CARTOUCHE… stringcourse! architrave! with some acanthus leaves and tassels thrown in for garnish.
Essentially: THE FANCY THAT REPRESENTS FANCY FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN FANCY.
Which reminds me, IMPORTANT ASIDE: one of you sent me VICTORIAN ARCHITECTURE COLORING BOOKS… they also have historic houses of New England and Godey’s fashion! I did not even know these were a thing!
Anyway.
I’m selling The Kingdom Mirror to make room for a new behemoth.
(that you will hate because it is ugly and i am stupid)
OR
I am making a mess of my house by stacking GFT’s in front of each other… because I should have already gotten rid of the kingdom… but what kind of lunatic just GETS RID OF A KINGDOM!
So I waited too long to deal with it and now almost FOR SURE I’m going to have a traffic jam of GFT’s… because selling something the SIZE OF A KINGDOM, for more than pocket change, puts you in the very slow lane.
As you can see, it’s listed on Philadelphia Craigslist for $3,000… could I get more? Sure…? maybe..? if I had all the time in the world; and if I don’t get rid of it, before something gets STACKED IN FRONT, maybe I’ll revisit.
And.
While I’m at it… I might as well tell you I’m selling EVERYTHING ELSE TOO… not for what is scheduled for delivery; but for something I saw at FANCY CHANDELIER SHOP that gave me fitz.
FITZ! <—fancier than regular fits.
However, if you are like me, and you have never purchased anything from an ACTUAL antique STORE… you may be unfamiliar with how it works; what happens is: you have to pay MONEY.
LOTS OF MONEY.
SOMUCHMONEY.
And if you can’t PAY THE MONEY, you cannot have your thing.
EVEN IF YOU REALLY WANT IT.
wish me luck.
SEE ALL MY FAVORITE CRAIGSLIST FINDS!
April 20, 2018 @ 12:05 am
Okay first of all…you’re an amazing writer. You should totally write a book! Second I just found you with the kingdom mirror blog and I’m hooked. I want to read more! Bring it! GFT GFT GFT HAHA
April 20, 2018 @ 12:38 am
I’m confused. You’re talking about two different categories of GFTs. Mirror category and lighting category. Why do you have to get rid of one in order to get the other? It’s like comparing apples to oranges. Now if you were selling an old chandelier to buy one you like better, that would make sense. Why can’t you keep the KM and also buy the chandelier? If it’s the money, I think a GoFundMe account should be set up. I’d contribute at least $5 and maybe even $10. I don’t want you to sell the KM and then regret it years later. And so many bad things are happening in the world now that we need to know that at least one icon remains in its rightful place, namely the KM in YOUR house. Please don’t sell it. It will be the end of an era.
April 20, 2018 @ 9:17 am
Not the Kingdom Mirror!! That adventure is what led me into your Wonderful World of Fanciness <3. Whatever comes next MUST be fantasticly amazing to heal all of the hearts broken by the loss of the Kingdom! I believe in you!!
April 20, 2018 @ 10:57 am
Dear VB,
I have followed wour blog for a while, but this is the first time that I comment.
Fist of all, I have to tell you that you are THE MASTER OF GFTs (I don´t know if it is appropriate to call you Mistress of GFT´s. English is my second language) so I trust your judgement without hesitation.
I hate to see the Kingdon Mirror leave, but I agree that you need GF chandeliers. It surprised me that you didn´t.
So, good luck with the sale and with the new purchase. I hope that they will take place soon, I´m desperate to see the new GFChandelier.
Hugs.
April 20, 2018 @ 1:17 pm
You’ll regret it.
April 20, 2018 @ 2:06 pm
I am not emotionally prepared for the sale of this mirrror.
April 21, 2018 @ 6:20 pm
I love all the GFT’s too but totally get that sometimes things have 2 go to make room for the new!!
Have always meant to ask…are your ceilings taller than 8ft?
All the GFT’s I find won’t fit in our house (and now I’m going to go cry in some ice cream as I remeber thag fact…)
April 21, 2018 @ 11:38 pm
You’re so funny. I can’t imagine what the new GFT might be….I mean you already have the Elvis Memorial Library, what could be more magnificent than that?! Can’t wait to see what comes in the door next!
April 22, 2018 @ 4:33 pm
Love your literary style. Actually, you have a very cool life-style as well. It’s so pleasant to read each post, even all the comments are fun to read. I am just aghast that anyone would email you to tell you anything you own is ugly and/or that you are stupid! Unbelievably rude and uncalled fora . You’re delightsome and brilliant and you make life fun for yourself and others with your stories and incredibly insightful knowledge of the female mind. (and your husband is a saint…a saint that can dance…how cool is that?)
April 27, 2018 @ 6:05 am
I was in the market for a big fancy gilded mirror not too long ago, and the prices were staggering–I saw some (online) in the $80,000-$90,000 range. My search led me to a new appreciation of the absolutely amazing deal you got when you bought the Kingdom Mirror.
April 26, 2019 @ 9:17 am
The Kingdom Mirror is part of your soul. If you let it go, you will regret it!!!!!