Kitchen design possibility of ridiculous proportion.
It took me noĀ time at all to extrapolate an entire kitchen design fromĀ a singleĀ photo… a photo that is completely indistinct and has nothing to do with anything kitchen-related.
I am just that good.
I walked downstairs and silentlyĀ handed the computer to Paul… ThenĀ I waited patiently, because the concept might not beĀ immediately apparentĀ if you are not blessed with my innate ability and imagination.
Also, the person who speaks first loses.
Paul said– I cannot even begin to guess whatĀ conversation we are about to have.
So I started explaining my ideaā¦ Roughly, it is that you put the plaster pieces at the ceiling like crown molding, but bumped out so that they areĀ flush with the face of our imaginary cabinetry.
This would be glorious.
Obviously.
Let’s take a moment to imagine it.
Paul looked like he was unsure of where to begin, so he just waded right in with irrelevant commentary.
He started saying things like ā plaster… heavyā¦ hugeā¦ ceilingā¦ attachā¦ supportā¦ safetyā¦ structural instabilityā¦ wall collapsing.
I said ā NOPE.
If it came out of a house, it can go INTO a house.
Specifically, our house.
Paul said– this entire idea will look totally bizarre. And half-assed.
I said ā to you, maybe. To me, the gloriousness will outweigh the half-assedness.
Behold:
Paul saidā I cannot imagine doing returns on that.
I said ā returns? What are you talking about?
All you have to do is stick it up there…Ā WHO CARES WHAT THE ENDS LOOK LIKE?
Paul saidā so let me understandā¦ you are proposing a kitchen plan that has nothing to do with the kitchen?
I saidā not at all! THERE IS MORE!
Along with the giant fancy molding, we would acquire some antique, floor-to-ceiling glass doors– in lieu of cabinetry. But specifically ones that are NOT just boringĀ old French doorsā¦ ones that are way more unique and interesting and special, with the original fancy hardware.
(No matter that I have been looking for these for a year, and they have yet to show up.)
Paul said ā ignoring all other considerations, like where you propose we are moving the refrigerator and stove, do you understand HOW TALL 16 inches is? Aside from being completely disproportionate to our house and impossible to work with, that is a lot of wasted space.
Paul has done this to me before ā ruined perfectly glorious ideas by giving me cause to second guess myselfā¦ But I decided, no. Anything this good cannot be bad. It might be difficult and impractical, but that is not the same as wrong.
Paul said ā fine. Please understand that I am not endorsing this idea, but find out what he wants for a few sections, and then we can talk about it more.
I said ā a few sections? I will need to buy ALL OF IT.
Paul said ā eh? What? No. That would be likeā¦ he looked at the computer againā 175 FEETā¦ we only need maybe 25ā¦ What are you going to do with the other 150 feet?
I said ā I will hoard it. It will be the most ultimate hoard ever… People will build SHRINESĀ to me as The Supreme Hoarder.
Probably I will have a national holiday named after me.
Paul said ā I am unsure if you are actually this unstable, or if you just do this to rattle me.
Now.
You read that, right? THE REAL DEAL.
But when I called the guy, it turns out that HIS definition of āthe real deal,ā is FAR different than mine.
The molding is a reproduction. It is real in the sense that it IS plaster/heavy/unwieldy, but NOT real in the sense that it is old/original-to-building-of-magnificence-and-history.
All my enthusiasm drained away.
It is one thing to commit to something ridiculous in the name of giant fancy things from an amazing Gilded Age mansionā¦ It is an entirely different thing to commit to GFTās from a catering hall, circa 1980.
September 11, 2014 @ 6:07 pm
I know you are on the track of a really elegant and beautiful kitchen and I was hoping it would not be more of the “unique kitchens” that are now found in every house, manse and some more upscale cardboard boxes. Ergo: granite countertops, stainless steel appliances and cabinets that all seem to look alike. I know I must be wrong about your present kitchen since everybody seems to hate it but to me-with a couple of cabinet doors to cover up the contents, some hiding of the jerry rigging of the island so the 2x4s don’t show it seems to me “charming”. I heard that collective scream throughout Blogger Land but gheeze-think of opening one of those drawers and seeing 30 t0 50 thousand dollars in cold hard spendable cash-like breakfast in Paris or Pasta in Rome. Or! Mirrors!
September 11, 2014 @ 8:59 pm
You are not only hilarious, but very humble and inspirational! I love your posts. They keep me motivated and filled with possibility, given the largesse of what you accomplish. Good on you!
Kindly
Jan from Maine steward of a 1924 bungalow cottage with old slate countertops and apple trees in the back yard – ocean breezes, too!
September 12, 2014 @ 2:33 am
oh my gosh you crack me up! i love reading about your house adventures! Im sorry the molding didnt work out but i have to say i do love your idea – the picture was striking. Maybe this will allow you to get the same affect but with smaller molding making it more practical? Anyway i think youre on the right track, it would be different and unique and gorgeous!
September 12, 2014 @ 10:57 am
Love that your thought of what to do with the leftover molding is to hoard it! If you thinking is like mine, you MIGHT be able to use it somewhere in the future. I have run out of room in the attics to hoard and have moved on how to hoard in the back back yard. Hey did you notice that in the list of items the guy was selling was 100 sewing machines? Bizarre….
September 12, 2014 @ 6:10 pm
Darling,
Its dentil. as in molding. and although it isn’t plaster, it is much easier to work with some fabulous layers of crown dentil molding (and do returns) that you can buy at your local millwork supplier. . . there are specialists in wood trim in your town . .do not visit with your wallet in hand . .
but just know that indeed you can get a proportional look very much like that without breaking the bank or pauls quality standards (or capabilities)
trim is the easy part in a kitchen . . it is the functional layout that is hard and worthwhile. . .settle on that . . determine what elements of equipment you cannot live without . . surround them with open and closed and glass covered shelving and drawers .. . buy some grid paper . . take actual measurements and figure out what standard cabinet configurations do for you around the equipment you “must have” .. . now you are close. .. then you will know what to look for on craigslist in the way of old butlers pantry’s that can convert to part of your charming new space . . .
step by step
September 14, 2014 @ 10:19 pm
I love having my husband read your hilarious posts so he knows he’s not alone. There are other supreme hoarders/lover of the impractically correct decorating plans. Tonight I dragged him through Home Depot, looking for “round things” that I could turn into shelves I want to cover with wool felt. My daughter’s plan for a “stuffed animal” bedroom will be awesome…despite the theme. And don’t get me started on the time I had him do full-wall built-in’s which became known as “The Beast”…
September 15, 2014 @ 10:03 pm
Paul must have been quite relieved. For what it’s worth, I LOVE this kind of thing, but 16″ would have been more appropriate for 12-14 foot tall ceilings. It would have looked a bit silly in such a standard height kitchen.
September 21, 2014 @ 7:37 pm
I just caught up! Yay! And the kitchen addition is still cheddar! But I have an idea – can you prime the walls in the wonky room now? It would be easier to think in there – and maybe it wont even be that bad without the contrast?
Also – would a wall work right across from the bathroom to the angled door? With new glass doors right in the middle – maybe a window in the back wall? So through the doors you would have a bath on the left and a mudroom and angled exit to the right?
September 22, 2014 @ 1:52 pm
I am much too practical to have fancy moldings like that in a room that will be used for food (think dust collecting and then falling, and/or grease rising and sticking), but I like the look somewhere away from the kitchen. If nothing else, a chunk of it would look nice in that blank little curtain wall where the kitchen ends and the addition gets raised, or use a similar, but shorter, molding all along the back and side walls where you’ll make your work, study, entertainment area. Keep up the imagining. The right thing for you guys will materialize when the timing’s right.
December 21, 2014 @ 11:05 pm
I found your blog this morning looking for how to make a mold of a metal antique. Needless to say, since your brand of relating things to readers is so entertaining, and it being Sunday – I’ve read everything that was remotely interesting from old to new posts between my first cup of coffee and tonight. Not that I’ve done nothing but sit here and read you. I’ve also washed 2 loads of clothes, put new seals on all my hermetic storage jars, glazed the base of a 1930s bed lamp, inspected an new bed skirt for possible hazards after washing and adorned said bed with its new awesomeness x 2, did the dishes, and several other tasks I can’t remember at the moment…
Sister lover of GFT’s – really enjoying your quest for total awesomeness. I’ll be back to see what’s new soon. Keep typing!
February 20, 2015 @ 11:48 pm
Saw this and thought of you and your kitchen.
http://www.houzz.com/projects/465899/A-Brand-New-Kitchen-in-Westlake–TX
Is the new kitchen ceiling going to match the orange room ceiling?
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