Elvis has left the building.
We put Elvis to sleep last Tuesday.
It was time.
She had not been eating well and she just wound down and down… Even after Paul had a very serious conversation where he explained to her: earth is for eaters; if you don’t eat, you can’t stay… nonconformists will not be tolerated.
The hospice vet came to the house in the morning. We held her on our bed, on her favorite blanket. We told her that she didnāt have to be afraid, and that we loved her more than anything, and she willĀ always still be here, right in our hearts, forever.
Elvis’s head was on my shoulder when she died. I hope she didnāt know what was happening.
An hour later we took her to be cremated.
We took her all the way to the machine because my heart hurt to think of her being alone, or with strangers; and I wanted to be with her as far as I couldā¦ I don’t think she knows any of that. But it mattered a lot to me.
Then we waited for her ashes and took her back home.
She’s got a little shrine right now, with lots of flowers from the garden, and her fuzzy ball, and the small dish of whiskers she shed/I found over the last 12 years.
Itās on the spot on the rug where she would RUN, as soon as you walked in the door; she would start doing her aerobics because she wasĀ so excited that you were going to pet her…Ā At night she comes upstairs to the bedside table.
When I’m ready she’ll get moved to the Elvis Memorial Library. (Previously known as Cleveland bookcase)
For twelve years, Elvis was basically half of myself, soĀ I expected to be sad. Really sad. Debilitatingly sad. But I didn’t understand the actual FRANTIC physical sensation of missing her. Wanting to pick her up and feel her fur and talk to her and hear her purry chirp.
And I would like to say officially: THIS IS A HORRIBLE SYSTEM.
How has humanity not just curled up and died from incurable loss?
I literally do not comprehend how people survive when it is human family.
Iāve been camped out in my tent of sadness… it was really unmanageable at firstā the tent kept collapsing and trying to suffocate me.
But I think now Iāve got it packed into something more wheelbarrow-sized, which is nice and convenient because it’s portable, so when youĀ have a breakdown outside your house, you have all the supplies.
Making this video was helpful, but also so sad… I can’t believe she’s really gone.
*If you can’t watch the video, try reloading the page, or being sure that you aren’t inside of the Facebook app… it seems to break the video.
I miss everything about her. Our conversations. Her smell. Her chirp. Her smoochy face. Her white feeties. Her wompy ear.
But I know she had a wonderful life and THE MOST LOVE, and that’s really the best that any of us can hope for in this life.
Elizabeth
August 9, 2016 @ 10:43 am
My love and comfort to you and Paul. And to Elvis always.
Leslie Reeves
August 9, 2016 @ 10:43 am
Having been thru this recently, a year ago but still recently to me, I cried thru the whole post but feel Elvis would purr,” thank you very much” š
Kelly
August 9, 2016 @ 10:44 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to lose a beloved pet. They are a part of our family so it hurts. Sending you lots of love and prayers for peace.
Jo
August 9, 2016 @ 10:45 am
I cannot find the words to tell you how sorry I am. I cried through your entire post. I recently lost the dearest little cat and a big sweet dog and I know how you feel. It’s a terrible pain. I still cry over those two whenever I think about them. My heart goes out to you and your dear husband. I hope time makes your heart hurt less.
Mary
August 9, 2016 @ 10:46 am
Oh. My. Goodness!!! Victoria I am so incredibly sorry to hear this about Elvis. I know exactly what you’re going through…I’ve been through it myself. It’s such a difficult thing to go through, and my heart hurts for you. Take your time and grieve ~ there’s no time limit and no right or wrong way, it’s different for everyone who experiences loss. Just know that you aren’t alone and even though I’ve never met you in person, I’ll be thinking of you. ā”
Wendy
August 9, 2016 @ 10:46 am
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Hugs!
Sandi
August 9, 2016 @ 10:46 am
Ah, I’m so sorry. I am glad Elvis is no longer suffering any pain, confusion, or discomfort, but I’m sorry you’ve lost your feline soul. She could not have had a better home than with you, for all your redecorating, and if SHE had been a blogger, you would have been featured as Feline’s Best Family for years, I’m sure. Pain of loss doesn’t go away, but it gets incorporated into our perspective so that we appreciate the rest of our world more, if we’re wise, and wring more joy from our life’s experiences. Mourn. Breathe. Step forward. You are highly valued and loved.
Mary Beth
August 9, 2016 @ 10:47 am
I’m in tears…. and I’m so sad about your sweet Elvis. I know how devastating the loss is after having to put to sleep two kitties and a dog. You feel as if you’re heart is ripped out. My heartfelt condolences to you and your husband, and may your pain lessen when it needs to do that. A dear friend once suggested to me, after our cat Charlie died, to write down everything teeny tiny thing about him that I could remember and keep doing that… because we always think we’re going to remember everything about our dear furry companions. But we don’t. My heart is with you.
Susan A
August 9, 2016 @ 10:48 am
Elvis lived the best life ever, thanks to you and Paul. She knew nothing but LOVE. I share in your sadness with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I anticipated this sad post on your blog and I am so sorry for your loss. Here’s to happy memories. ^..^
Madeline Antilla
August 9, 2016 @ 10:48 am
Your video was a wonderful wonderful tribute. So sorry for you loss, but I am so happy that you loved her so much.
Anna quackenbush
August 9, 2016 @ 10:48 am
Okay….my husband would tell me not to do this, but he’s not here right now. Yes, you may all think I’m bat crap crazy, but here’s how it happened to me…
four-years-ago, two days before Christmas, I went into accute respiratory failure. I’d had a terrible case of bronchitis, one of many rounds over several years, and was just dukeing it out to get through the holidays. Early that Friday morning I realized that my little dog Bearnie was curled in his usual place in the hollow of my back. But it wasn’t usual, Bernie had been dead for 2 years.
There were lots of sirens and people in uniforms and a fast ride, lights, noisy machines, loud voices….and my husband sitting very quietly in the corner of an emergency room. Bernie never left me. He was in my arms by then. He stood up and shook himself and turned to me with his silly grin. That was when I realized that there was a beautiful blue ribbon leash around his neck. I took hold of his leash and suddenly I was rising out of the room, up and up with Bernie dashing ahead. As I rose I became younger and younger and at each age the dog of that time came to relay me.
It was so beautiful….the universe was filled with light and music, I could hear children’s voices singing. I realized I was on the back of a great winged creature.
For whatever reason I looked back and I saw the Earth and realized I and many others were ascending in rays of light that emitted from the Earth itself. I could see all the way down into the emergency room and saw my husband sitting crumpled and silent and my heart broke.
Then I heard a voice say, “don’t be worried, this time it’s your choice.” And immediately I dropped the leash and fell from a great height landing back into my body.
Welcome back! I felt like a six year old trying to wear a body 50 years older. I tried to tell them what had happened. My husband smiled and called it my ‘beautiful hallucination’.
It turned out that I was much sicker than anyone realized and the health issues have changed my life, radically.
But, I’ve never forgotten my beautiful hallucination, nor the comfort of my dogs coming to claim me. sometime later I heard a very old hymn I had heard only once before and I started to weep. ‘Why are you crying?” Glenn asked. “Because it is the song I heard the children singing during my beautiful hallucination.”
I have every faith you will see and hold Elvis again….and you will be filled with joy!
Patty/NS
August 9, 2016 @ 10:48 am
? So sas to read that Elis, such a sweet lovely kitty soul, has passed. It will take a bit of time before you adjust. Because that is all we ever do, adjust to them not being there. For me I never get over the loss, I think you may feel the same, and that’s ok. Talk to her – she is still with you, this I believe. ??
Melissa
August 9, 2016 @ 10:49 am
So very sorry for the loss of your precious Elvis. I heard a bell so I know she got her wings and will be watching you from kitty heaven. Our precious pup of 14 years is battling cancer and I dread the coming day when we have to put him to sleep, for now I am treasuring each moment with him as I know you did Elvis.
Jane
August 9, 2016 @ 10:49 am
I’m so sorry for you and Paul, Victoria. Elvis was a beautiful cat. I’ll be thinking of you guys.
Amy in StL
August 9, 2016 @ 10:50 am
Elvis knows you loved her, you adored her – she knows.
Katie C.
August 9, 2016 @ 10:50 am
Ok, you made me cry. It brings back everything I went through with Chloe Cat. I feel your pain.
Patty/NS
August 9, 2016 @ 10:51 am
Sorry for typo meant Elvis of course!
Susan
August 9, 2016 @ 10:52 am
No matter how necessary that moment becomes it is still the hardest decision anyone will have to make. It can only come when you reach a point of acceptance that you are doing this FOR her, not TO her. Forgive me for not watching the video yet, but I could barely read the whole post, for feeling your hurt so deeply. I understand that empty spot in your arms all too well.
And although Elvis is not, and never can be, replaceable, when my furbaby died my father sent me this:
http://www.eoneill.com/texts/blemie/contents.htmhttp://www.eoneill.com/texts/blemie/contents.htm
and although it too, made me cry, it also gave me a level of acceptance and understanding of what I had to do next, that I wanted to share it with you. It was written in 1940. with so much love. About a dog. But it’s timeless.
Sue J.
August 9, 2016 @ 10:52 am
deepest sympathies. a horrible system indeed.
Alena
August 9, 2016 @ 10:53 am
I am sorry to hear about Elvis. Death of a beloved pet always makes me cry – because no man is an island and that applies to the passing of animals, too.