DIY upholstery: for people who love being irritated.
update: finished sofa is here.
Step 1:
Never do this.
If you decide to skip step one, I can’t help you; because after 5 seconds of this project I thought: WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH DID I BUY THIS THING?
LET’S THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE RIGHT NOW.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell Paul about the new and improved plan of throwing the sofa directly into the trash, because earlier that afternoon I was dancing around and hooting about getting a John Jelliff loveseat for $50, and Paul said— I think you are going to spend a day on it, realize the scope of the project, get frustrated, lose interest, leave it in the garage, forget about it, then it will be in my way every time I try to work in there, and I will end up finishing it.
And I was all— what! lol! no way! YOU MUST NOT KNOW ME AT ALL!!
Fast forward three hours, I was like— GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, PAUL!
So now Paul is a certified upholsterer.
The lesson here is: know thyself.
Or alternately: marry someone who cannot stand to see an unfinished project.
Part of the problem was the tacks… this sofa frame contained all of the tacks in the entire history of mankind.
ALL OF THEM.
The tacks eradicated my will to live.
By the time I had stabbed all of my fingers with the chisel/pliers/tack-pulling-accouterments, I was like— new plan! LEAVE THE TACKS WHERE THEY ARE AND ABANDON THIS DUMPSTER FIRE.
Fortunately, Paul.
Tying the springs came next.
If you don’t know about tying springs, believe me, you’re fine.
But if you’d like an explanation, here it is:
Back in the dark ages, people didn’t have foam and cheap furniture.
So people who might otherwise have been rocket scientists, were like– OK! Let’s take this rope and these springs and secure them in a way that the furniture seat has a nice rounded rise/shape to it.
And as you look at these next photos, please process how the springs lining the frame must have DIFFERENT compression from front to back! Because it’s more fun that way!
All you have to do is be sure that the back row and side rows and front rows are more smushed than their interior counterpart, and then you also need to consider the compression on the center springs, (not TOO much! just enough!) and also be sure that it’s all EVEN and generally a gently rounded masterpiece.
I (mistakenly) consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, so I assumed I’d be able to tie knots around metal coils.
My brain was like– sure, okay! Got it! No problem!
Rope, over spring, rope, under spring, knot.
Confusion.
Try again!
Rope, spring, rope, knot.
Confusion.
Try again!
Rope, spring, ro…PAUL!!!!
I literally could not understand what was happening after the first two steps.
Even watching the youtube instructions while standing directly in front of the springs and holding the rope, I could not understand past step two.
Fortunately, Paul.
The boards on the seat are to compress the springs while getting the fabric pulled taut and smooth.
If this is the wrong way to do this part of the process, please keep that comment to yourself because any project this irritating is absolutely correct if someone else is doing it for you and you do not even have to be involved.
The base layer of fabric is upholstery jute— it’s like a very tightly-woven burlap. You want it at least 17 oz. (regular burlap is about 10 oz. per sq. yd).
We kept the original jute on the back pieces because it was in surprisingly good condition.
Wow! Almost done! All I had to do was choose fabric.
I wanted something light-colored; a true antique shade would be rich/jewel-toned, but I wasn’t going for authenticity.
I wanted something bright to highlight the sofa frame’s details and help it stand out from the portal to Narnia, (and my general fondness for buying things-I-don’t-need-and-have-no-spot-for-so-use-this-as-my-storage-inn-of-awesomeness-and-crap.)
I considered white, (because I don’t like to learn from my mistakes) but then I decided that white was too easy… white velvet exists! You can buy it! Where is the fun in that!?
So I doubled down on my commitment to manifesting the exact shade that lived in my head… a light grey-ish blue, with no whiff of green or lavender.
After going to all 57 stores on fabric row, and also to every place in a 30 mile radius, I realized that no storefront carried the imaginary fabric that lived in my head.
So irritating.
Fortunately, the internet was invented for exactly this purpose: assisting you in compulsively spending AS MUCH TIME AS NECESSARY searching for imaginary fabric.
I ordered all kinds of velvet swatches… ALL kinds. Possibly I ordered ALL OF THE SWATCHES IN ALL OF THE WORLD.
Then! Finally! Success!
I ordered the fabric… helped Paul put it on… and then realized that the one and ONLY factor in choosing upholstery fabric should NOT be your inner-color-troll of shade-perfection (she is also the manager of the custom-paint-laboratory); it should be the AVAILABILITY OF MATCHING TRIM.
So now I have to try to match trim after the fact.
And according to my research thus far, I’ve chosen a fabric that has no matching trim in all of the world.
Paul says this is because I do not think things through to their logical conclusion.
Which is A– true. And B– irrelevant, because if the perfect shade of blueish-greyish is not controlled by the laws of time and space and availability of matching trim, HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?
And also, C– on the list of mind-boggling stupid things I have done that could have been prevented by a simple application of critical thinking, this isn’t even worth mentioning.
When I die I will offer my brain to science so they can finally figure out what is wrong with me.
SEE ALL MY FAVORITE CRAIGSLIST FINDS
In other news, little man Fetcher got adopted (I got a huge # of photos from his new momma and I can see they looooooove him!!) And I got this girl Fancy Feet! (there’s another photo of her on Instagram a few days ago)
January 24, 2017 @ 1:21 pm
Well, hell.. you are one step ahead of me. I don’t even pretend I’m gonna rip that sucker apart and but her back together. No.. I am a wuss and walk away from anything that will require my attention in the re-upholstery department because THOSE TACTS! THOSE SPRINGS! They’re evil. Kudos to your husband for doing a stellar job. Good luck with the trim.
January 24, 2017 @ 1:29 pm
You are so funny!!! The sofa came out beautiful!!
I think you and Paul need your own HGTV show, I won’t miss it!!!
January 26, 2017 @ 8:50 am
Yes! HGTV we know you are here looking… can this happen?
January 24, 2017 @ 1:36 pm
double welt — much cleaner looking than the braided trim. I vote for double welting a thousand times ++++
January 24, 2017 @ 1:37 pm
I have a “Paul” character in my life, though after 30 years of fixing stuff he is sorta losing patience. How do you kids pull this off without any yelling?
January 24, 2017 @ 1:41 pm
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: DOES PAUL HAVE A TWIN BROTHER???? Because obviously I need a Paul twin. I’m in the middle of ripping apart my dining room and have furniture to refinish and crazy to share…
January 24, 2017 @ 2:04 pm
Love the sofa, your husband is a saint! Especially when there is a FABULOUS (inexpensive!) upholstery guy right around the corner from you in Norristown! I don’t upholster any more because HE does! Also, you can just fold you a stip of your fabric in three’s (lengthwise) to the width you would like your trim to be, and VIO`LA! Self-trim! Upholstery guy didn’t get it until I showed him, but it is now my standard go-to trim! Good luck on your new sofa!
January 24, 2017 @ 4:40 pm
Cutting your trim fabric on the diagonal makes it much easier to work with, especially if there are any curves involved.
January 24, 2017 @ 2:10 pm
Would a brown trim not work? Do you mean like the rope type of trim? I know you can do that yourself on a sewing machine with the fabric you already have though I’ve no idea how.
January 24, 2017 @ 2:16 pm
I’ve had to make my own trim before, maybe check out the link below. There are a lot of other tutorials out there.
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/diy-upholstery-project-how-make-your-own-custom-fabric-piping-or-welting-apartment-therapy-tutorials-202418
January 24, 2017 @ 2:34 pm
A contrasting color would look lovely. And it looks like it is neutral enough that you could choose from a range of palettes…blue, gray, aqua, black. I love your projects (um, or Paul’s), and you always brighten my day with your humor.
January 24, 2017 @ 2:42 pm
Dye trim to match?
January 24, 2017 @ 2:45 pm
Where do I find a Paul??
January 24, 2017 @ 2:47 pm
Tina at The Enchanted Home is the queen of great trim! Good luck!
January 24, 2017 @ 2:49 pm
Oh my goodness, what a beautiful piece! Hats off to you for even trying! Your husband must truly love you to rescue you when you throw in the towel. Love this post!
January 24, 2017 @ 3:43 pm
I have 2 words for you… contrasting trim.
January 24, 2017 @ 3:44 pm
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. I was going to try this. Seriously I have an Eastlake settee sitting in my foyer and I’ve been like…. “That should be a fairly easy first-time upholstery project.” Ummmm…. I can’t say you haven’t warned me. (Standing on edge of cliff now…..)
Your new kittay is soooooo prettay!
January 24, 2017 @ 3:47 pm
I didn’t read all the comments to see if someone said this, but the double welting can actually be made for you at an upholstery shop for a fairly nominal fee. (And at this point I would think “nominal” might have reached a realm of significant relativity.)
January 24, 2017 @ 4:25 pm
Oh, the tacks! I always find the best way to make sure you’ve got all the tacks out is to sit on it. Then you will find EVERY. SINGLE. TACK. left in it.
January 24, 2017 @ 4:29 pm
What about matching the trim to the color of the wood?
January 24, 2017 @ 4:31 pm
You cant imagine how relieved that Im not the only person who set out to find the Holy Grail of color that is the perfect bluish greyish (not too this or that) that existed only in my head. I once dragged my husband through the fabric stores in the Grand Bizaar of Istanbul looking for a fabric that existed only in my imagination. Im forever searching for stuff I later learn doesnt exist.
I finally mixed up paints to create a color swatch then had the paint store analyze and recreate it….in their computer its saved as “Holy Grail”….its now the color of my office with Eastlake Victorian furniture similar to that sofa.
January 24, 2017 @ 4:38 pm
I completely understand the staples issue. I bought a chair with the intention of having it recovered and thought — I’ll take the fabric off (it was horrid). There were thousands of staples and when I thought I had them all out, then a few more would pop up! I just finished a slip cover for a new chair and ottoman (why would any person in their right mind buy a white linen chair and ottoman with two cats and one dog in the family?! In any event, that was the hardest project I have ever taken on and right then and there decided I wouldn’t even think about tackling re-upholstering the chair! As a suggestion regarding your trim — you could make your own piping (single or double) with the left over fabric and it would match perfectly. Making single piping is super easy and in Dallas, there is a man who makes double piping (in a jiff — he has the right equipment) and it’s really reasonable. Just a thought to get you out of your dilemma and help Paul finish your project!