DIY upholstery: for people who love being irritated.
update: finished sofa is here.
Step 1:
Never do this.
If you decide to skip step one, I can’t help you; because after 5 seconds of this project I thought: WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH DID I BUY THIS THING?
LET’S THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE RIGHT NOW.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell Paul about the new and improved plan of throwing the sofa directly into the trash, because earlier that afternoon I was dancing around and hooting about getting a John Jelliff loveseat for $50, and Paul said— I think you are going to spend a day on it, realize the scope of the project, get frustrated, lose interest, leave it in the garage, forget about it, then it will be in my way every time I try to work in there, and I will end up finishing it.
And I was all— what! lol! no way! YOU MUST NOT KNOW ME AT ALL!!
Fast forward three hours, I was like— GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, PAUL!
So now Paul is a certified upholsterer.
The lesson here is: know thyself.
Or alternately: marry someone who cannot stand to see an unfinished project.
Part of the problem was the tacks… this sofa frame contained all of the tacks in the entire history of mankind.
ALL OF THEM.
The tacks eradicated my will to live.
By the time I had stabbed all of my fingers with the chisel/pliers/tack-pulling-accouterments, I was like— new plan! LEAVE THE TACKS WHERE THEY ARE AND ABANDON THIS DUMPSTER FIRE.
Fortunately, Paul.
Tying the springs came next.
If you don’t know about tying springs, believe me, you’re fine.
But if you’d like an explanation, here it is:
Back in the dark ages, people didn’t have foam and cheap furniture.
So people who might otherwise have been rocket scientists, were like– OK! Let’s take this rope and these springs and secure them in a way that the furniture seat has a nice rounded rise/shape to it.
And as you look at these next photos, please process how the springs lining the frame must have DIFFERENT compression from front to back! Because it’s more fun that way!
All you have to do is be sure that the back row and side rows and front rows are more smushed than their interior counterpart, and then you also need to consider the compression on the center springs, (not TOO much! just enough!) and also be sure that it’s all EVEN and generally a gently rounded masterpiece.
I (mistakenly) consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, so I assumed I’d be able to tie knots around metal coils.
My brain was like– sure, okay! Got it! No problem!
Rope, over spring, rope, under spring, knot.
Confusion.
Try again!
Rope, spring, rope, knot.
Confusion.
Try again!
Rope, spring, ro…PAUL!!!!
I literally could not understand what was happening after the first two steps.
Even watching the youtube instructions while standing directly in front of the springs and holding the rope, I could not understand past step two.
Fortunately, Paul.
The boards on the seat are to compress the springs while getting the fabric pulled taut and smooth.
If this is the wrong way to do this part of the process, please keep that comment to yourself because any project this irritating is absolutely correct if someone else is doing it for you and you do not even have to be involved.
The base layer of fabric is upholstery jute— it’s like a very tightly-woven burlap. You want it at least 17 oz. (regular burlap is about 10 oz. per sq. yd).
We kept the original jute on the back pieces because it was in surprisingly good condition.
Wow! Almost done! All I had to do was choose fabric.
I wanted something light-colored; a true antique shade would be rich/jewel-toned, but I wasn’t going for authenticity.
I wanted something bright to highlight the sofa frame’s details and help it stand out from the portal to Narnia, (and my general fondness for buying things-I-don’t-need-and-have-no-spot-for-so-use-this-as-my-storage-inn-of-awesomeness-and-crap.)
I considered white, (because I don’t like to learn from my mistakes) but then I decided that white was too easy… white velvet exists! You can buy it! Where is the fun in that!?
So I doubled down on my commitment to manifesting the exact shade that lived in my head… a light grey-ish blue, with no whiff of green or lavender.
After going to all 57 stores on fabric row, and also to every place in a 30 mile radius, I realized that no storefront carried the imaginary fabric that lived in my head.
So irritating.
Fortunately, the internet was invented for exactly this purpose: assisting you in compulsively spending AS MUCH TIME AS NECESSARY searching for imaginary fabric.
I ordered all kinds of velvet swatches… ALL kinds. Possibly I ordered ALL OF THE SWATCHES IN ALL OF THE WORLD.
Then! Finally! Success!
I ordered the fabric… helped Paul put it on… and then realized that the one and ONLY factor in choosing upholstery fabric should NOT be your inner-color-troll of shade-perfection (she is also the manager of the custom-paint-laboratory); it should be the AVAILABILITY OF MATCHING TRIM.
So now I have to try to match trim after the fact.
And according to my research thus far, I’ve chosen a fabric that has no matching trim in all of the world.
Paul says this is because I do not think things through to their logical conclusion.
Which is A– true. And B– irrelevant, because if the perfect shade of blueish-greyish is not controlled by the laws of time and space and availability of matching trim, HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?
And also, C– on the list of mind-boggling stupid things I have done that could have been prevented by a simple application of critical thinking, this isn’t even worth mentioning.
When I die I will offer my brain to science so they can finally figure out what is wrong with me.
SEE ALL MY FAVORITE CRAIGSLIST FINDS
In other news, little man Fetcher got adopted (I got a huge # of photos from his new momma and I can see they looooooove him!!) And I got this girl Fancy Feet! (there’s another photo of her on Instagram a few days ago)
January 24, 2017 @ 10:48 am
” this sofa frame contained all of the tacks in the entire history of mankind”
I will argue with you about that. I’m quite sure I had a chair with all the nails, tacks and staples in the world. And layers of upholstery to go with them.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:51 am
All I can say is…Paul! What a guy!
January 24, 2017 @ 10:55 am
It is wonderful to see that Paul is your “partner in crime”, and talented to boot! My husband and I have the most fun and problems when we say to ourselves “oh yea, that would be fun to do”! Good news is that we have a warehouse for our business that stores some of these wonderful ideas we have yet to tackle, bad news is that there are these “ideas” taking up space……but another good news is that when we are searching for one thing or another I will discover these “ideas” and get excited all over again, well at least until the moment has passed and the “idea” gets buried again. I figure that when the zombie Apocalypse arrives I will have plenty of projects and plenty of books!
January 24, 2017 @ 10:57 am
“If this is the wrong way to do this part of the process, please keep that comment to yourself….” Ha. Made me laugh. Thanks for sharing.
January 24, 2017 @ 11:02 am
I am so glad to hear from you !!!
January 24, 2017 @ 11:15 am
Floofie paws is too rare and precious to not keeeeeeep!!
I can’t even think about upholstery at a time like this (I don’t like gimp…double welt is pretty 🙂
But those fancy feet are so cushy…HEY, that cat doesn’t claw on upholstery, right?!?
January 24, 2017 @ 11:19 am
Isn’t it ironic that Fletcher is on a velvet sofa with trim that doesn’t match! OR maybe it’s a sign?
January 24, 2017 @ 11:20 am
Paul needs to be cloned in all age groups! Love the fancy feet cat!
January 24, 2017 @ 11:32 am
Now that I’ve finished screaming with laughter and venerating your wonderful Paul, I have to say that if you do not keep Fancy Feet, you are not the woman I thought you were. She is completely adorable, and her face says, “I am the perfect cat for Victoria, and I hope she realizes it before it is TOO LATE.”
January 24, 2017 @ 11:34 am
Your posts leave me laughing hysterically with self recognition and longing for a hero like Paul to rescue me from my misadventures. There should be a book and movie deal in your future!
January 24, 2017 @ 11:41 am
I’m sure this is an extremely silly question, especially since I have no knowledge of upholstery or antique sofas, but I kept wondering why you had to keep the springs and couldn’t just stuff with foam or down or something else? I do love that perfect shade of blue grey that you found, I’m with you on the inner color troll, I have one of my own, and they are very insistent, aren’t they?! LOVE those floofy cat paws! Love this blog 🙂 So glad we got the circus to close too! Hooray!!
January 24, 2017 @ 11:50 am
I can just hear Paul’s big frustrated sigh when you embark on a project like this one. He knows he might as well not start anything else because he would be interrupted numerous times and finally have to stop what he’s doing and finish your project first!
Love your blog and the entire cast of characters!
January 24, 2017 @ 12:03 pm
Love the kitties, love the upholstery story, thrilled that other commenters have been so usefully focusing on where you can get matching trim from but Victoria, I NEED to know: WHAT IS THE LATEST WITH YOUR KITCHEN? * wails *
January 24, 2017 @ 12:09 pm
I applaud your intestinal fortitude in even attempting to re-upholster anything! Oh, and I definitely applaud your choice of husband and finisher of your projects. I have my own “Paul”, well, sort of. I have a Jay. He does not, I repeat, does not, help out with any of my home decorating projects. I think he’s allergic to anything even slightly craft-related. HOWEVER, he is a long-suffering saint when it comes to my projects around our mini-farm. We purchased our house and 14 acres almost two years ago and along with the house came a very nice concrete-floored pole barn (which he has commandeered for his version of a man cave) but the four horse stalls on the outside I took to be converted into a chicken coop, potbelly pig stall, and feed room. He designed all of the interior upgrades we needed for the coop and then we built and installed them. We now have 80 chickens but still just the one pig…for now. Then I decided we needed to adopt a mini horse that needed a good home. So, again, Jay put on his drafting hat and designed a lean-to horse stall which we built over a couple of weekends. Most recently, I’ve adopted 3 goats that needed a new home and, yes, you guessed it…..super hubby came through for me again. Next up – straw bale gardening! And might I say, I love the floofy-footed cat! We currently have 9 cats between indoors and farm cats. My husband tells me that I now have my official “Crazy Cat Lady Starter Kit”! I personally believe that I should get another one to, you know, make an even 10 but he is oddly resistant to the idea.
January 24, 2017 @ 3:00 pm
Thanks! I have a new home and have been looking for raised plot gardening ideas. I love the idea of straw bale gardening!
January 25, 2017 @ 10:55 am
Jenny, Tina
can you pls explain straw bale gardening to an ignorant Swiss woman with a large garden? many tks
January 25, 2017 @ 12:08 pm
You can Google the concept but you basically turn bales of straw (not hay) on their sides so the binding strings are not on the ground but on the sides and the cut pieces of straw are pointing up. You condition the bales for 12-17 days using copious amounts of water and sprinkling nitrogen rich fertilizer onto the bales and washing it in. This causes the bacteria living inside to begin breaking down the straw and forming a planting medium inside the bales. I just purchased a book on Amazon called “Straw Bale Gardens” by Joel Karsten in which he explains the entire process and even highlights which plants are good or not so good to plant in the bales. It works very well for people who don’t have a lot of land or space as you can put the bales right onto concrete or even asphalt because you are growing the plants inside the bale and they never touch the ground. It’s virtually weed free gardening since straw is what remains after a grain crop has been harvested, unlike hay which has the grass and other seeds inside the bale. I like the idea that I won’t have to get down on hands and knees to pull weeds and gather veggies and that my husband won’t have to beat himself half to death using the tiller to break up the ground.
January 25, 2017 @ 5:49 pm
What did you do for the back cushions?
January 24, 2017 @ 12:36 pm
Victoria, Fancy Feet looks like she of the Victorian castle….she might have to stay? Also good news, if you haven’t already you should get something in the mail from me this week. You know of what I speak. 🙂 Wishing you oodles of fun projects this year.
January 24, 2017 @ 12:57 pm
Once again, you’ve saved me. I’ve been thinking (casually, in a not-going-t-do-anything-right-now sort of way) about reupholstering some things around here. And I’ve thought, more than once, “ooh, I could buy that and just reupholster it and it’d be perfect!
Now I know better, and I’ll just throw that sofa out and buy a new one. Because I do not have a Paul, and I do not have patience.
January 24, 2017 @ 1:02 pm
No lie – I have that exact settee partially ripped apart in my garage that I got discouraged with and said “I’ll come back to that.” Thank you – I’m going to give it another go.
January 24, 2017 @ 1:04 pm
How much of Paul’s DNA would it take to turn my husband into a saint worthy of the adoration of…everyone!?! Sigh.
January 24, 2017 @ 1:16 pm
The only thing you are missing on this piece is some button tufting! (Probably better for Paul).
I made a similar mistake with the trim on a lovely French armchair I was re-working. The upholstery was a beautiful shade of aqua (equal parts blue & green, not too light,not too dark) and the frame was a distressed white. I ended up using a trim in a white gold shade and it looked lovely.
Your loveseat looks beautiful so far, good luck on finding the right trim.
January 24, 2017 @ 1:17 pm
Stunning! Maybe a local interior designer or upholstery shop would have access to trims that are not available to the average DIYer. Just a thought.