DIY upholstery: for people who love being irritated.
update: finished sofa is here.
Step 1:
Never do this.
If you decide to skip step one, I can’t help you; because after 5 seconds of this project I thought: WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH DID I BUY THIS THING?
LET’S THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE RIGHT NOW.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell Paul about the new and improved plan of throwing the sofa directly into the trash, because earlier that afternoon I was dancing around and hooting about getting a John Jelliff loveseat for $50, and Paul said— I think you are going to spend a day on it, realize the scope of the project, get frustrated, lose interest, leave it in the garage, forget about it, then it will be in my way every time I try to work in there, and I will end up finishing it.
And I was all— what! lol! no way! YOU MUST NOT KNOW ME AT ALL!!
Fast forward three hours, I was like— GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, PAUL!
So now Paul is a certified upholsterer.
The lesson here is: know thyself.
Or alternately: marry someone who cannot stand to see an unfinished project.
Part of the problem was the tacks… this sofa frame contained all of the tacks in the entire history of mankind.
ALL OF THEM.
The tacks eradicated my will to live.
By the time I had stabbed all of my fingers with the chisel/pliers/tack-pulling-accouterments, I was like— new plan! LEAVE THE TACKS WHERE THEY ARE AND ABANDON THIS DUMPSTER FIRE.
Fortunately, Paul.
Tying the springs came next.
If you don’t know about tying springs, believe me, you’re fine.
But if you’d like an explanation, here it is:
Back in the dark ages, people didn’t have foam and cheap furniture.
So people who might otherwise have been rocket scientists, were like– OK! Let’s take this rope and these springs and secure them in a way that the furniture seat has a nice rounded rise/shape to it.
And as you look at these next photos, please process how the springs lining the frame must have DIFFERENT compression from front to back! Because it’s more fun that way!
All you have to do is be sure that the back row and side rows and front rows are more smushed than their interior counterpart, and then you also need to consider the compression on the center springs, (not TOO much! just enough!) and also be sure that it’s all EVEN and generally a gently rounded masterpiece.
I (mistakenly) consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, so I assumed I’d be able to tie knots around metal coils.
My brain was like– sure, okay! Got it! No problem!
Rope, over spring, rope, under spring, knot.
Confusion.
Try again!
Rope, spring, rope, knot.
Confusion.
Try again!
Rope, spring, ro…PAUL!!!!
I literally could not understand what was happening after the first two steps.
Even watching the youtube instructions while standing directly in front of the springs and holding the rope, I could not understand past step two.
Fortunately, Paul.
The boards on the seat are to compress the springs while getting the fabric pulled taut and smooth.
If this is the wrong way to do this part of the process, please keep that comment to yourself because any project this irritating is absolutely correct if someone else is doing it for you and you do not even have to be involved.
The base layer of fabric is upholstery jute— it’s like a very tightly-woven burlap. You want it at least 17 oz. (regular burlap is about 10 oz. per sq. yd).
We kept the original jute on the back pieces because it was in surprisingly good condition.
Wow! Almost done! All I had to do was choose fabric.
I wanted something light-colored; a true antique shade would be rich/jewel-toned, but I wasn’t going for authenticity.
I wanted something bright to highlight the sofa frame’s details and help it stand out from the portal to Narnia, (and my general fondness for buying things-I-don’t-need-and-have-no-spot-for-so-use-this-as-my-storage-inn-of-awesomeness-and-crap.)
I considered white, (because I don’t like to learn from my mistakes) but then I decided that white was too easy… white velvet exists! You can buy it! Where is the fun in that!?
So I doubled down on my commitment to manifesting the exact shade that lived in my head… a light grey-ish blue, with no whiff of green or lavender.
After going to all 57 stores on fabric row, and also to every place in a 30 mile radius, I realized that no storefront carried the imaginary fabric that lived in my head.
So irritating.
Fortunately, the internet was invented for exactly this purpose: assisting you in compulsively spending AS MUCH TIME AS NECESSARY searching for imaginary fabric.
I ordered all kinds of velvet swatches… ALL kinds. Possibly I ordered ALL OF THE SWATCHES IN ALL OF THE WORLD.
Then! Finally! Success!
I ordered the fabric… helped Paul put it on… and then realized that the one and ONLY factor in choosing upholstery fabric should NOT be your inner-color-troll of shade-perfection (she is also the manager of the custom-paint-laboratory); it should be the AVAILABILITY OF MATCHING TRIM.
So now I have to try to match trim after the fact.
And according to my research thus far, I’ve chosen a fabric that has no matching trim in all of the world.
Paul says this is because I do not think things through to their logical conclusion.
Which is A– true. And B– irrelevant, because if the perfect shade of blueish-greyish is not controlled by the laws of time and space and availability of matching trim, HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?
And also, C– on the list of mind-boggling stupid things I have done that could have been prevented by a simple application of critical thinking, this isn’t even worth mentioning.
When I die I will offer my brain to science so they can finally figure out what is wrong with me.
SEE ALL MY FAVORITE CRAIGSLIST FINDS
In other news, little man Fetcher got adopted (I got a huge # of photos from his new momma and I can see they looooooove him!!) And I got this girl Fancy Feet! (there’s another photo of her on Instagram a few days ago)
January 24, 2017 @ 10:06 am
I officially nominate your husband PAUL for sainthood. Does he actually have a job that makes real money in his spare time? You should pictures of him up here as well. Unfortunately for me I have the same brain as you do, but not such a patient husband.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:26 am
Total backup from me!!!! I did a few old but beautiful chairs and honestly, it was so difficult and finger-damaging that I have successfully refrained from trying my hand on a sofa!
Paul for sainthood!
January 24, 2017 @ 3:43 pm
I swear, if you get any funnier, I won’t be able to read your blogs in one sitting! I’m laughing myself silly! My husband thinks you and I may been separated at birth!
January 24, 2017 @ 4:23 pm
Yes, seriously, Sainthood
February 4, 2017 @ 7:39 pm
http://rover.ebay.com/rover/1/711-53200-19255-0/1?ff3=2&toolid=10044&campid=5335871202&customid=&lgeo=1&vectorid=229466&item=201074732672
January 24, 2017 @ 10:09 am
I admit … I have tried the reupholstering demon once or twice … I didn’t have a ” Paul” … 😐 So it sat … and sat and sat … I live through your blog because I am you … except you get your projects done .. either by you or Paul . I’m still living through your projects . Love your blog! 🌹❤❤❤
January 24, 2017 @ 10:10 am
i can’t even…. your posts are the highlight if my week. between your creativity and humor, its therapy withou t the diagnosis, prescription or having to leave the couch. You are the best.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:11 am
Do you think you could possibly turn the blog over to Paul for a day? I wonder what goes on in his head as you proceed through your daring escapades. How lucky were you to have found such a gem of patience and skill!
January 24, 2017 @ 1:10 pm
Great idea…maybe VEB writes it and Paul inserts commentary!
January 24, 2017 @ 6:01 pm
Yes. That is a great idea. How about it, VEB?!
January 24, 2017 @ 10:15 am
Does it have to be a contrasting trim? You can make your own trim! Why not make a complicated project, more complicated?
I have been researching how to do this to an antique (currently has orange fabric) chair that I own. The DIY sites tell me that I can make my own trim out of the same fabric,
Now, that I have read the most honest tutorial, I am going to call around and get quotes.
February 28, 2017 @ 3:10 pm
Oh wow…. I have THREE couches like this that I was going to try and recover….. Now I KNOW why the quotes seemed so high…. I too, have a husband with the patience of steel….. but he is so busy.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:17 am
Matching double welting is your answer.
January 24, 2017 @ 12:56 pm
I think you mean self-welting, in other words, use the same fabric to make the cord, but I agree, double welt would be great.
January 25, 2017 @ 9:18 pm
I agree with the double welting suggestion and it will look far more sophisticated than gimp and the bonus is is really is very easy to make and apply.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:18 am
I reupholster antique furniture for weddings and I have your solution! Take your extra fabric to an upholstery store or seamstress and have them make you double welt cord trim. Perfect match for the fabric!
January 24, 2017 @ 10:18 am
I am so with you on the upholstery thing! In your case, this is the absolute reason why you can never divorce Paul. Women around the world would enter a slug fest to get his attention. Final product is fabulous.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:21 am
Hey I haven’t heard anything from you on the Circus closing down. You were the first one I thought of when I heard the news.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:30 am
So did I…. 🙂
January 24, 2017 @ 10:40 am
It filled me with JOY… but you’ll have to tolerate one more post about it (soon) because Ringling has not yet said WHERE THE ANIMALS WILL GO.
So there is still work to be done to make sure they ARE SENT TO SANCTUARY (a REAL sanctuary) and not sold to the highest bidder for another performing act, roadside zoo, trophy hunts… etc.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:21 am
Im so glad you posted this! This past fall my husband went on a weekend hunting trip. Perfect opportunity to pick up that vintage couch I’d been eyeing. I was like 7 months pregnant, so I had to enlist my dad, and he was sworn to secrecy. This vintage sofa needs reupholstered and I’ve no idea how to do it, but you’ve given me hope! Yours turned out beautiful!
January 24, 2017 @ 10:25 am
https://www.etsy.com/listing/167034364/gray-12-inch-raised-heavy-gimp-decorator?ref=market
January 24, 2017 @ 10:28 am
uhhh… I am dumbfounded that it took you 2 seconds to find something I’ve NOT seen. I thought I had internet skills!
THANKS! I’m going to order a sample!
(I’m adding a photo to your comment so people can see it)
January 25, 2017 @ 3:51 am
other option is to make your own using your original fabric. make two lots of piping and sew them together with the hem edges facing the same way. then put the hem edges underneath and sew down. looks like double piping… i am sure paul can make it!
June 29, 2017 @ 8:58 am
I think Miss Mustard Seed gives instructions for piping, either on her blog or on YouTube.
I also think Paul is one in a million and I hope you realize how lucky you are.
January 24, 2017 @ 2:45 pm
That’s beautiful! Well done!
January 24, 2017 @ 9:28 pm
Oh That trim would look wonderful IMO…. can’t wait to see the sample on the sofa in a photo soon.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:28 am
Girl, you married the world’s most indulgent husband. I thought I had, but no–you did.
That sofa is gorgeous!!
January 24, 2017 @ 10:29 am
Elizabeth, there ARE blogs explaining how you can make miles of tiny little tassle-trimmings…. I saw one only days ago and I thought WHO ON EARTH would want to do that as a DIY project – now I know.
BEAUTIFUL sofa but only thanks to Hero Paul useable (is that English?) – AND the little darling’s photo with the fluffy paws – so much happiness in one post.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:30 am
I can’t comment on the upholstery project (beyond “Whoa”), but the cat! The toe floof! Or would that be paw-lashes? Amazing.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:30 am
Dear Self….
Can you try getting trim dyed to match? Like back inthe day when prom shoes were dyed to match the gown…..OR…..
Match the trim to the wood color and so it blends that way.
This from someone who hemmed curtains this weeken and has 2 out of 9 to go.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:32 am
It’s stunning! What a wonderful find! Paul, too….
January 24, 2017 @ 10:33 am
I Want.that.cat….please! Oh I wish I lived closer I would take her in a minute. Love love her.
January 24, 2017 @ 10:35 am
Love love love your posts – they sound just like my conversations with myself. LOL!
January 24, 2017 @ 10:40 am
It took me two years to reupholster one balloon backed chair. Cursed with itty bitty nails, tacks AND decorative brads. I felt trapped on the second level of Dante’s inferno. Your Paul failed to show up and rescue me. I finally got on with it.
It took me two weeks to finish the second one. The next time I started a project with itty bitty nails I got smart and hired my handyman to come help. He’d never done upholstery before. I told him it was good for his resume.
January 25, 2017 @ 11:01 am
ha ha 🙂
Did he appreciate your career-furthering reference?
January 24, 2017 @ 10:46 am
Dearest VEB, I share your pain because I have reupholstered many, many chairs. Tacks and staples? I do that in the comfort of my family room with the TV on. Slow and easy is the trick to saving your fingers. One full length movie is time enough to do a chair. The spring tying thing terrifies me, so I have avoided sofas. (There is, however, a French recamier out in the garage that I hope to tackle soon.)
For your gimp – well, the double welted in matching fabric will certainly do but it has a very contemporary look.
From one Certified Control Freak to another, how about purchasing a cotton / rayon gimp in white and DYING it to match? This company, http://www.dharmatrading.com/dyes/dharma-fiber-reactive-procion-dyes.html?lnav=dyes.html, has 150 colors. Perhaps you could send them a swatch of your fabric and ask for suggestions on a color (or colors) that comes close.
Keep up the good work. Bravo to BOTH of you!
Smiles from Charlotte Des Fleurs