Christmas decorating… Part one.
Christmas is to bloggers, what tax season is to accountants.
Except with whimsy, and extravagance, and the need to not do anything anyone else is doing, and with the requirement to have 57,000 ideas that people will want to make and pin and share.
Ideas that will make people envy your home, your creativity, and your general existence on this planet… An existence that has somehow allotted you the free time to create your remarkable home, with your extraordinary creativity, with ease and joy and merriment and not wanting to stab yourself.
I would have liked to opt out of that. But I got invited to participate in a holiday-home blog-tour and it made me look around and realize other bloggers are winning Christmas.
And because I am petty and childish, I find that unacceptable.
If there is a competition, I must be the winner.
Especially if that competition is empty and meaningless.
So I snorted some glitter and ordered a truckload of garland. When I filled out the order form, it said – choose your ship date. I typed– yesterday.
I ordered the garland from Alpine Farms… Our town has an annual holiday home tour and last year, my favorite house had simple but very dramatic decorations. Mostly swags of garland with ribbon elements, and the greenery was so much nicer than the scraggly stuff from Home Depot that I asked where she got it.
All these years I’ve assumed that garland is garland. But no. Garland is yet another thing I am required to have an opinion on.
#garlandsnob
The Christmas house tour also clued me in to the secret of REALLY good-looking greenery: you need MORE. I cannot explain why I needed this demonstrated to me, rather than knowing it intuitively… But I am compensating for my past mistakes.
When Paul came home, he said – how was your day?
I said – GREAT! I ordered 200 feet of evergreen garland.
Paul said – 200 feet?
I said – yes. It will be an EXPLOSION of Evergreen. A lush, wintry forest of magic and Wonderland and sap all over everything.
Paul said – you found someone to MAIL you 200 feet of evergreen garland?
I said – yes! That is the beauty of the internet. YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING DELIVERED.
Paul said – do you even know how long 200 feet is? That is MORE than twice the length of our house.
I said – yes. I wanted to be sure I had ENOUGH. And if there is any left over, I will craft it into mini wreaths! Wreaths for windows! Wreaths for doors!
Then I told him –I also ordered a POUND of German glass glitter.
(Which you will be seeing twelve posts about shortly.)
And I bought four yards of taffeta.
WHICH I WILL SEW INTO GLORIOUS BOWS.
Then I smiled, all crazy-eyed and whispered in my just-escaped-from-the-lunatic-asylum-voice:
IT IS GOING TO BE A HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA.
Paul said – right. It sounds like a nervous breakdown extravaganza to me.
So if you got this far, and are actually reading, not just looking at the pictures… I consider you my friend. And therefore will invite you to watch my debut on national television me make a bow on a Google+ hangout.
It is for a site called Hometalk. They are fairly new, kind of a cross between the social aspects of a chatboard and the practical aspects of Pinterest. They are doing a video about holiday decorating ideas and they asked me to do a demonstration of my post about how to make a bow.
And I have learned something already: when invited to do a video – IMMEDIATELY ASK IF YOU CAN GO FIRST.
Someone beat me to that, so I am second. And I am hoping the first demonstration goes wildly awry, so that in comparison I look extra competent.
It would be great if she could accidentally light something on fire. (Which might be a stretch since she is doing a boxwood wreath.)
Update: here is the video. I am at 10:00. I talk too much and do not even realize that Elvis is cleaning herself inappropriately. Also, I refer to Paul as long-suffering. What I MEANT to say was– he is extremely lucky.
I was actually reluctant to invite you to watch me make a bow and I considered not mentioning it at all, but I am pretty sure that is not the correct way to promote myself.
I am someone who requires a lot of editing, and I am far, far, far better on paper than in person… It is certain that I will say something idiotic. Or catapult myself into the Christmas tree.
My biggest concern is the likelihood that I cannot make a bow and talk at the same time. (Not to mention how I do not even understand how to use Google+ and I need to get on that before 2 o’clock this afternoon.)
It also seems possible that my bow-making skills will fail me and I will be revealed as a fraud.
If this sounds interesting to you, here is the Google event page. You do not need to have a Google account or anything… Just show up today at 2 o’clock.
It is exactly like watching a video on YouTube. Except, it is live. So if I make up a spur-of-the-moment song about bows, there will be no erasing it from eternity on the internet.
see all my holiday decorating ideas
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
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December 10, 2013 @ 1:44 pm
Victoria you are BRILLIANT! Really I do believe so 🙂 I am such a garland snob and the local stuff has been terrible. This year I went to the local school drive christmas tree sale and purchased boatloads of garland at a discount price. They only had Pine but it was the best pine around and I looped it up AND down my long steps leading to my home. I stepped back and thought…” More is much more delightful! I STILL need to find out where Victoria gets hers” ….and today I found this article. YAY. I will certainly be checking out that place next year. LOVE garland and theirs looks divine. Please keep us posted on how it holds up indoors.
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December 11, 2013 @ 11:23 am
I have no words. Well, ok. I do. I am actually rarely speechless but I have just finished laughing so hard at this post that I am still catching my breath. I may have snorted {yes, out loud} several times. I realized I was reading and laughing so hard that I forgot to look at half the pictures and had to go back. What kind of home tour compadre am I, anyway??
Your home is beautiful and your post is hilarious. Pinning now and then I am off to stalk you on all of your social media because… how was I not following along already??
Glad to have “met” you through the tour!!
December 11, 2013 @ 4:57 pm
LOL…Seriously laughed out loud more than once! That is a TON of greenery, but it’s fabulous…all of it! Love your sense of style and humor 🙂
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December 13, 2013 @ 2:18 pm
Fantastical as usual. I hope you snorted the German glitter…it is much smoother on the nose. Those mirrors you love certainly hold up the garland nicely! Well done. A joy to be on tour with you…alas, I am the last day. Are people tired of Christmas? I hope not! Swing on by & let me know if your garland has dried out? If not I will be an Alpine girl next year or maybe still this year!! My sincerest hope is that yours is fresh & fragrant throughout the holiday season!!
Kelly
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December 18, 2013 @ 10:31 pm
Loved this blog! So amusing … so I made a few bows, checked out your lovely home & pinned you on my board & group boards … THANKS for the giggles, the sympathetic sighs, the affirmation that I am not alone in never having enough craft supplies & know that I will be back. I’m a sucker for being entertained & crafting at the same time. P.S. You do your mother proud!
July 18, 2014 @ 6:04 pm
Going back through and caught this video – I love that Elvis is nonchalantly grooming behind you. You’d think she’d want to help show off the couch or something!
November 18, 2014 @ 9:25 pm
You’re ideas are brilliant.
I am wondering how to attach the fake mantel to my existing mantel without damaging it?? My existing mantle is not very deep, only 6-8″. Once I attach my stockings to the fake mantel, I am worried it will flip forward and fall. Please help. 🙂
November 19, 2014 @ 8:57 am
I don’t hang stockings, but I can see how that’s going to pull a narrow board right off. Could you hold the board down with something heavy to offset the stockings? Or secure it with a nail into the wall? (If you can avoid molding and just hit plaster?)
April 23, 2015 @ 3:22 am
“Christmas is to bloggers, what tax season is to accountants”……one of the greatest lines I have ever read thus far in blogland!!!
I found you thanks to Karianne @ Thistlewood Farms and I cannot thank her enough!!! You are both so talented and fabulous, you are teaching a baby blogger like me how it is done!!! I just signed up and cannot wait to see what is next in the renovation chapter.
Also, I share your obsession with Mr. Draper…..what a man, what a man, what a mighty fine man!!!
November 11, 2015 @ 7:19 pm
I want you to know that this ribbon has ruined me for all other ribbon for the rest of my days on earth. I will not be happy until I find this exact ribbon or at least some identical replica! boo hoo!
December 7, 2016 @ 12:38 pm
Very newbie to garland and greenery…yours intrigues me, it’s gorgeous! But how do you keep it alive😳