119 Comments

  1. Roberta
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:19 pm

    “A man who tells me that EVEN IN DEATH, I will be overly particular… and that when I get to the River Styx, I will be all— I do not like this boat… do you have another one?”

    Girl, forget the kitchen. WHERE IS YOUR BOOK?

    Reply

    • Linda Montgomery
      August 30, 2017 @ 12:32 pm

      And so life goes on and you, you lucky lucky woman, have a life partner who is not only sticking and staying but building you your dream kitchen!! There is no expiration date on loving a person or an animal after they’ve moved on. (wanted to say left us, but they don’t ever really leave us, do they?)
      I hope that something shiny (and blue perhaps?) will inspire you to move forward with the kitchen. And that one day soon, one of your fosters will grab your heart in a way that says “let’s stick and stay too!” Sending warm, fuzzy thoughts your way.
      Best,
      Linda

      Reply

      • Karen Gilbert
        August 30, 2017 @ 7:15 pm

        Lovely reply Linda

        Reply

    • Jacqui
      August 30, 2017 @ 12:57 pm

      EXACTLY!!

      Reply

    • Judie Peters
      August 30, 2017 @ 9:09 pm

      Elvis would purfur black. Oh wait, what was the question?

      Reply

    • Ana
      September 1, 2017 @ 1:15 pm

      Gotta agree with Roberta! Write! I laugh, no matter what, every time I read something you have written, my goodness you have a way with it! Thank you for being you in all your outrageous glory. Carry on girl you are a wonder!

      Reply

    • Debbie
      September 10, 2017 @ 8:27 am

      Dear Extraordinaire VEB,
      Since the house holds so many memories of Elvis, perhaps it would be better to move?
      Or challenge Mr. Barnes to complete the kitchen?
      L’chaim!

      Reply

  2. Martha Berry
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:21 pm

    I like the blue.

    Reply

  3. Lisa
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:21 pm

    Perhaps an interior designer can help you get over your kitchen apathy? Just to make the decisions easier? Love your posts and approach to life!

    Reply

    • Suzanne Melton
      August 30, 2017 @ 3:12 pm

      Lisa! I think you’re right! A designer would allow VEB to say “No!” many times until she gets to “Yes!”

      Reply

  4. LaurieB in PA
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:22 pm

    So what color did you decide upon. After all that…

    Reply

  5. Alicia
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:22 pm

    I really enjoy your blog! I have been curious about something though esp given this post. Do you have a job? I mean, i know you must make money from your blog, I meant a job outside of the house. Cheers!

    Reply

    • Pamela Reid
      August 30, 2017 @ 7:08 pm

      Sorry, but |I am going to say this, even if VEB is too tactful to, but what the f… do you need to know that for??? Are you suggesting that she needs to get a job to help make a decision about the interior of her house?? Or are you saying that she is obsessing too much about this decision? That is none of your business one way or another! Be respectful that this beautiful woman( both inside and out ) is sharing her inner feelings to us! She is wanting advise for decorating and wishing for some support in making her decision. Not a ” what are you doing with your life? Oh and BTW, how much money do you make?” We, as women, as human beings, are all surrounded by enough negativity, that we certainly don’t need to hear it from a stranger that is so willing to write down such flippant and intrusive questions. VEB, I expect you read all of these comments, so if this is not suitable for publishing, please feel free to delete my response, but that was just so damn rude!

      Reply

      • Susan
        August 30, 2017 @ 11:22 pm

        Over react much?

        Reply

        • Cheryl
          August 31, 2017 @ 8:42 am

          I agree. Pretty sure Alicia is just trying to get to know VEB a little better, and maybe even have one more thing to admire her for.

          Reply

        • Lynn
          August 31, 2017 @ 2:49 pm

          I agree. I have been reading for a few years now and have always been curious. We all have lives beyond a blog. Once, VEB mentioned life was crazy and alluded to it being work / career / job / non-house related, what have you.

          I literally came back to this comment thread 24 hours after I read it to see if she had answered because frankly, I like her and her writing and am simply curious to what she does. Even if what she does is not have a job. Still cool.

          Reply

  6. Emily
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:24 pm

    Oh, man. I so relate to much of this. I lost my 20 year old cat and my two (elderly) puppies in a three month span and I’m still just sitting around feeling shell-shocked and numb. I was never good at making decisions, but now when anyone asks me anything I just want to explode at them in anger and irritation, or curl up in a ball under the bed. Or maybe both. I hope we both find a way back. Good luck.

    Reply

    • fixitchick
      August 30, 2017 @ 12:43 pm

      Under the bed is where you will find the best fur bunnies to cry into. It is where I find mine. I have no words except to express my heartfelt condolences.

      Reply

  7. Charity
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:25 pm

    I love the black with gold accents!

    Reply

  8. Suzen
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:25 pm

    VEB, I get it. I cannot even figure out a new toilet and vanity for our creepy bathroom, after restoring our entire Victorian home. Gads! I too get that suffocated high pitched brain squeal and then just go on to other more important things in life. Such as cleaning up after my 19 year old cat who doesn’t recognize litter boxes any more, before my husband (Paul) sneaks him off to the vet. PS Will someone please tell Thad that there is entirely too much hardware in that kitchen?

    Reply

  9. Karan
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:26 pm

    And, your original question was……….?

    Reply

  10. Lesely
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:30 pm

    Oh. I thought the story was about choosing between French Blue and Portuguese Blue.

    Reply

  11. Jackie
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:31 pm

    Daffodil yellow. Very soothing.

    Reply

  12. Lisa K.
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:34 pm

    I love your blog so much. You are a wonderful writer and so funny! I agree with Roberta, you should write a book!

    Reply

  13. TucsonPatty
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:34 pm

    These comments are you, and then Paul. “I know how you feel…” versus “What color did you decide?” This insidiousness of an ongoing, even if it is a “mild”(is there even such a thing?) depression is debilitating. I wish you recovery.

    Reply

  14. Kathleen L.
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:39 pm

    I have been wondering for MONTHS what was going on with your kitchen. I almost emailed you a few times, as if it was any of my business! You left us at the piano island and I still want to see it in its finished glory.
    It all makes sense now. 🙂

    Reply

  15. fixitchick
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:40 pm

    Grief paralysis is not uncommon. Brain chemistry can be a tricky thing, and this fog of yours may have become your brains ‘new normal’. If that is the case, it may be time to give your brain the equivalent of a triple espresso and talk to your doctor about ways to do that. If nothing else, having an MD science speak to RagePaul may entitle you to breakfast in bed, wine and cheese in the bath, and daily foot massages as a prescription for seratonin boosting. Like any good dictator knows, the support of minions is essential to a well run Queendom.

    Speaking of Queendoms, and the kitchens therein, is La Cornue only [hahaha, what I wouldn’t give for ‘only’] doing your stove? Are they willing to throw in any cabinetry? because if so, it may actually make sense to delegate to Paul [?!? the horror] and get that stuff in your house before they change their minds. You can always sell it later if you find a better option. Personally I would go for the blue. I think the blue would be the best match for your piano island. Plus, Blue Suede Shoes = happy Elvis memory. Get the blue. If you change your mind, I will happily come and get it and remove it from your kitchen myself. Yes, the blue one. It would go splendidly in my kitchen. Absolutely the blue. It will also be easier to find other accessories that match. Not that making things easier for oneself should be considered a valid reason to do anything.

    Sending hugs and love. From a woman who still cries when unearthing the random dust bunnies of fur left by my recently departed [only 7 weeks] beloved Satchmo, I very clearly feel where you are.

    Reply

    • Erin
      August 30, 2017 @ 1:27 pm

      I named my childhood cat Satchmo! I’m so sorry for your loss, saying goodbye to our furry friends is crushing.

      Reply

    • Jeanie
      September 1, 2017 @ 5:44 pm

      Very good advice! And it’s free!

      Reply

  16. Vickie H.
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:41 pm

    Love all these kitchens….please visit a therapist….life-altering….blue hits every hot button for me….how lucky can you GET???!!!! La Cornue!!! WOW!!!!

    Reply

  17. Lorie
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:42 pm

    ❤️

    Reply

  18. Karen Simon Peterson
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:42 pm

    The blue……is perfect

    Reply

  19. Jayne
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:43 pm

    Give and take, that’s the secret to a long life and marriage. You give a little and you get back what you need to take. We love your adventures. I thought I wanted a spectacular stove, but why would I want to be beholden to a stove and chained to a life in the kitchen that I am not suited to in this life. I dont need a million dollar stove to warm up a dinner or make rice and chicken for a sick pet. (Oh I have nursed so many). Thank you for taking us along on your adventures in making your house a home!

    Reply

  20. Michelle
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:45 pm

    You are my people. ✊🏻

    Reply

  21. Leslie Cavell
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:49 pm

    I still miss your sweet Elvis too– I always say that why, oh why can’t our pets live as long as we do? Having to say goodbye is so difficult.
    A little La Cornue therapy would definitely be helpful to me– my personal favorite–white with the COPPER accents instead of brass– but the willow green with copper is stunning–after that the provencal blue with brass is lovely. If you like the white with copper accents–then you must get Mauviel copper cookware with brass handles and a copper rack to hand them from. Happy decision making!

    Reply

    • Needarizonanest
      August 31, 2017 @ 12:42 pm

      I agree…copper.

      Reply

  22. Micki
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:50 pm

    Choose the color that Elvis would have liked.

    Reply

  23. Jennifer Schultz
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:52 pm

    I recall reading here once upon a time that Paul likes things to be finished. I think I’ve even read your comments about Control and Balance and how worthwhile it is to have a Paul who does all the other terrific Paul things (as you said here again.) YOU are not perfect but you are lovely as YOU, and at the same time, in the business of marriage, we sometimes have to do things just to make someone else happy. If you have to do it TOO often that’s a problem. But but but. Can whatever Paul wants just be done to make him happy? Can he be forgiven for behaving intolerantly? He is definitely a different species. I’m pretty sure they all are. Good luck and peace be with you.

    Reply

  24. Val
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:53 pm

    Another gentle, loving, kitten-paw nudge to go see a doctor…you really may need some temporary meds to get you out of the funk…OTOH, if it turns out that all is well “as is,” you could just tell Paul he can make all the decisions about the kitchen, because YOU DON’T CARE, tra-la-la!! 🙂

    Reply

  25. Sarah
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:56 pm

    A. Cobalt blue, always.
    B. Grieving will have its way. There are no clocks.
    C. We all need a Paul and some of us are lucky enough to have one, who will stick with us even when they have no idea what upside-down universe we sprang from and why we were sent to harass them in particular.

    side note: I cannot, try as I may, see you as an aardvark. I fail.

    Reply

  26. Ceara
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:57 pm

    1. Please don’t even joke about leaving Paul (plus you know that 100% of your followers will swoop him up ASAP- we love Paul)
    2. Do write a book- a big project (excuse) is just the thing 😉 I would definitely read it!
    3. My kitchen remodel was similar to childbirth- I look back at my year of a plywood floor, garage fridge and skillet only with fondness, sort of forgetting the pain. Remember, this too shall pass.

    Reply

  27. Jacqui
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:59 pm

    This is the most beautiful ode to a partner I have ever, EVER, EVER!! I’m sending it to my own version of Paul. Seriously you wonderful gal, please write a book. Unfortunately for Paul is actually a great and hilarious title.

    Reply

  28. NevadaNylene
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:02 pm

    They make purple stoves?

    Reply

  29. Pam
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:03 pm

    The blue is gorgeous…but also limiting should you decide to change your color scheme at a later date. I love black too….run with it……

    Hugs,

    Pam

    Reply

  30. julie frontera
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:04 pm

    Oh. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like that, and for so long. That’s a description that reached out and grabbed me by the throat, it’s so familiar and painful, yuck. A bit post traumatic depression/self-disappointment/needing a cattle prod….. Having married my further-birth-than-polar opposite, I think I can relate on several levels. My honey and I are never really in synch and usually he tolerates my excintricities rather than accepts them, when I really want him to yaaaa-whoooo with excitement at every idea I let spill out of my brain. He asks me ‘why is it always chaos?’ and I have no good answer. But, we try to always keep appreciating each other’s quirks (you can set your watch by his every purposeful moment), and I love the heck out of him. Back to YOU, applying my therapist hat again… seems you need a creative idea stimulating push-partner right now to kick start your otherworldly wonderfulness and Paul just isn’t it, not st the moment; he’s not seeing the forest, only the trees. That’s my 2 cents, I usually need someone to yank me out of that funk kicking and screaming and dangling a quick instant gratification project in front of me. I wish you sincere luck, you know you’ve got it in you!

    Reply

    • julie frontera
      August 30, 2017 @ 7:22 pm

      (Oh! Just read my comment! I certainly didn’t mean to imply Paul doesn’t EVER get it!! His head is in a different place right now, your mutual planets will align again once you get your groove back. His current reaction seems to be in response to your current inaction.) Probably wish we’d all keep our advice to a dull roar by now, eh?

      Reply

  31. Kelly Fox
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:06 pm

    Looooove the title of your memoirs. Almost made me do a spit take. 😉

    Reply

  32. becky s peterson
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:10 pm

    Pick white! I currently have a cheap stove from Sears that is white to match my white Sears fridge, and I hate stainless steel, and want white whenever said stove quits. I had no idea such fanciness existed. So please pick the white one, for moi, a complete stranger. becky up a hill

    Reply

  33. Janet
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:11 pm

    It takes courage to share our insecurities with the world at large, many of whom won’t have any idea of what you are experiencing. Just the act of being able to identify how you feel is in itself helpful and will guide you to your next step in life. Nothing wrong with abandoning an idea or project that at one time you felt was the best thing ever if your life has taken a different turn. It’s difficult for our loved ones to follow along, but somehow they will find a way…just as you would should they make an abrupt change…or maybe that won’t – hard to guess. At any rate, we can all only do our best to struggle forth. It’s about the journey, not the destination, right? I have a feeling that all will turn out just as it should be in the end. No matter what color stove is in the kitchen! Take good care of yourself. You’re the only one you have.

    Reply

  34. Amy
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:18 pm

    I’ve been in your shoes. A life event (a problem I desperatley tried to solve but in reality was completely out of my control) triggered anxiety and then I just stalled. I felt so overwhelmed by every little thing. So I did nothing and just existed and unmade decisions piled up around me. I didn’t solve the problem but I have accepted the problem and I’m slowly digging out of the hole I made for myself, one decision at a time. Good luck to you. When you are ready, you will restart the project and it will flow naturally, one decision to the next.

    Reply

  35. BF
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:19 pm

    I too, have been wondering about the kitchen status… At some point you need to eat…? And so does Paul…? Elvis would not want you to starve to death…? It has been established that you are indeed, very particular, so doesn’t it drive you bananas to live in a construction zone?

    Reply

  36. Kay
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:20 pm

    Grief goes on for quite a while. You are getting through it, whether it feels that way or not.

    When you finally emerge and are again interested in your kitchen (believe me, that will happen–I’ve lived long enough to know), that is the time to pick the color of your stove. Now is not a good time. But when you’re ready, I can say from experience that a blue stove is simply fabulous. I’ve had a Portuguese Blue Lacanche for four years now and never feel like I should have picked something else. You can probably find a beautiful blue in a less expensive stove, since stove manufacturers finally figured out that women like colorful stoves. But if you do get a color, don’t match the refrigerator. It’s better to go with white and let the stove be the star, along with your piano island.

    When you and your husband are so different, times of stress and difficulty are inevitable. It makes me sad when people give up on a marriage during hard times, because eventually things will get better, and the bond strengthens when you stick with it. Paul is a gem, but so are you, so quirky and gifted and interesting. His life would be easier without you, no doubt, but a lot less fun. I’ll bet he realizes that.

    Reply

  37. Lady B
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:23 pm

    There is nothing like bereavement to make you know what is important, a cooker isn’t important in the greater scheme of things. If Paul is impatient then let him make the decisions and choices (because when you DO start to care they can be changed) Brain fog will clear in its own time, if you feel its taking too long then seek help but in the mean time, go with the flow. Hug all the cats that come your way, cat hugging is wonderful therapy.
    Love and blessings xx

    Reply

  38. Cat
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:23 pm

    Sweetie, you are grieving and depressssssed. Those of the Fur-Baby Tribe know this feeling well. Cut yourself some slack. Allow yourself NOT to care. BUT! Wear glitter every day. Things will start to change slowly (Hmmmmm, which stove is a MUST for me? I have whittled my choices down from 1,283 to 5. I’m going to ask Paul what HE thinks, then pick the one *I* want.) Give yourself some time and know you aren’t alone. Big Warm Hug!

    Reply

  39. Sherry
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:28 pm

    HAD to show this to my husband!!
    He says you write like Dawn French—one of his heroes. 🙂

    Reply

  40. Ross
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:31 pm

    “Unfortunately for Paul (the title of my memoirs!)”

    This made me burst out laughing.

    Thank you.

    I love the way you write (“or if who I am is an intolerable mess that should be left on the side of the road with a sign that reads: caveat emptor.”) and how you weave psychology, and, distantly, design and kitties all into one.

    Because I am single the restoration of my huge 1894 house involves none of the titanic personality battles you endure/create/enable but I would trade my stress-free situation for the delicious tangle of a fabulous partner without hesitation. I envy your tangle.

    (Oh, if I were Paul I would wall you off from the kitchen and go ahead a finish it. But I would make sure to include a dance floor.)

    Reply

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