126 Comments

  1. Leslie Cavell
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:49 pm

    I still miss your sweet Elvis too– I always say that why, oh why can’t our pets live as long as we do? Having to say goodbye is so difficult.
    A little La Cornue therapy would definitely be helpful to me– my personal favorite–white with the COPPER accents instead of brass– but the willow green with copper is stunning–after that the provencal blue with brass is lovely. If you like the white with copper accents–then you must get Mauviel copper cookware with brass handles and a copper rack to hand them from. Happy decision making!

    Reply

    • Needarizonanest
      August 31, 2017 @ 12:42 pm

      I agree…copper.

      Reply

  2. Micki
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:50 pm

    Choose the color that Elvis would have liked.

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  3. Jennifer Schultz
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:52 pm

    I recall reading here once upon a time that Paul likes things to be finished. I think I’ve even read your comments about Control and Balance and how worthwhile it is to have a Paul who does all the other terrific Paul things (as you said here again.) YOU are not perfect but you are lovely as YOU, and at the same time, in the business of marriage, we sometimes have to do things just to make someone else happy. If you have to do it TOO often that’s a problem. But but but. Can whatever Paul wants just be done to make him happy? Can he be forgiven for behaving intolerantly? He is definitely a different species. I’m pretty sure they all are. Good luck and peace be with you.

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  4. Val
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:53 pm

    Another gentle, loving, kitten-paw nudge to go see a doctor…you really may need some temporary meds to get you out of the funk…OTOH, if it turns out that all is well “as is,” you could just tell Paul he can make all the decisions about the kitchen, because YOU DON’T CARE, tra-la-la!! 🙂

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  5. Sarah
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:56 pm

    A. Cobalt blue, always.
    B. Grieving will have its way. There are no clocks.
    C. We all need a Paul and some of us are lucky enough to have one, who will stick with us even when they have no idea what upside-down universe we sprang from and why we were sent to harass them in particular.

    side note: I cannot, try as I may, see you as an aardvark. I fail.

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  6. Ceara
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:57 pm

    1. Please don’t even joke about leaving Paul (plus you know that 100% of your followers will swoop him up ASAP- we love Paul)
    2. Do write a book- a big project (excuse) is just the thing 😉 I would definitely read it!
    3. My kitchen remodel was similar to childbirth- I look back at my year of a plywood floor, garage fridge and skillet only with fondness, sort of forgetting the pain. Remember, this too shall pass.

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  7. Jacqui
    August 30, 2017 @ 12:59 pm

    This is the most beautiful ode to a partner I have ever, EVER, EVER!! I’m sending it to my own version of Paul. Seriously you wonderful gal, please write a book. Unfortunately for Paul is actually a great and hilarious title.

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  8. NevadaNylene
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:02 pm

    They make purple stoves?

    Reply

  9. Pam
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:03 pm

    The blue is gorgeous…but also limiting should you decide to change your color scheme at a later date. I love black too….run with it……

    Hugs,

    Pam

    Reply

  10. julie frontera
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:04 pm

    Oh. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like that, and for so long. That’s a description that reached out and grabbed me by the throat, it’s so familiar and painful, yuck. A bit post traumatic depression/self-disappointment/needing a cattle prod….. Having married my further-birth-than-polar opposite, I think I can relate on several levels. My honey and I are never really in synch and usually he tolerates my excintricities rather than accepts them, when I really want him to yaaaa-whoooo with excitement at every idea I let spill out of my brain. He asks me ‘why is it always chaos?’ and I have no good answer. But, we try to always keep appreciating each other’s quirks (you can set your watch by his every purposeful moment), and I love the heck out of him. Back to YOU, applying my therapist hat again… seems you need a creative idea stimulating push-partner right now to kick start your otherworldly wonderfulness and Paul just isn’t it, not st the moment; he’s not seeing the forest, only the trees. That’s my 2 cents, I usually need someone to yank me out of that funk kicking and screaming and dangling a quick instant gratification project in front of me. I wish you sincere luck, you know you’ve got it in you!

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    • julie frontera
      August 30, 2017 @ 7:22 pm

      (Oh! Just read my comment! I certainly didn’t mean to imply Paul doesn’t EVER get it!! His head is in a different place right now, your mutual planets will align again once you get your groove back. His current reaction seems to be in response to your current inaction.) Probably wish we’d all keep our advice to a dull roar by now, eh?

      Reply

  11. Kelly Fox
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:06 pm

    Looooove the title of your memoirs. Almost made me do a spit take. 😉

    Reply

  12. becky s peterson
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:10 pm

    Pick white! I currently have a cheap stove from Sears that is white to match my white Sears fridge, and I hate stainless steel, and want white whenever said stove quits. I had no idea such fanciness existed. So please pick the white one, for moi, a complete stranger. becky up a hill

    Reply

  13. Janet
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:11 pm

    It takes courage to share our insecurities with the world at large, many of whom won’t have any idea of what you are experiencing. Just the act of being able to identify how you feel is in itself helpful and will guide you to your next step in life. Nothing wrong with abandoning an idea or project that at one time you felt was the best thing ever if your life has taken a different turn. It’s difficult for our loved ones to follow along, but somehow they will find a way…just as you would should they make an abrupt change…or maybe that won’t – hard to guess. At any rate, we can all only do our best to struggle forth. It’s about the journey, not the destination, right? I have a feeling that all will turn out just as it should be in the end. No matter what color stove is in the kitchen! Take good care of yourself. You’re the only one you have.

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  14. Amy
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:18 pm

    I’ve been in your shoes. A life event (a problem I desperatley tried to solve but in reality was completely out of my control) triggered anxiety and then I just stalled. I felt so overwhelmed by every little thing. So I did nothing and just existed and unmade decisions piled up around me. I didn’t solve the problem but I have accepted the problem and I’m slowly digging out of the hole I made for myself, one decision at a time. Good luck to you. When you are ready, you will restart the project and it will flow naturally, one decision to the next.

    Reply

  15. BF
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:19 pm

    I too, have been wondering about the kitchen status… At some point you need to eat…? And so does Paul…? Elvis would not want you to starve to death…? It has been established that you are indeed, very particular, so doesn’t it drive you bananas to live in a construction zone?

    Reply

  16. Kay
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:20 pm

    Grief goes on for quite a while. You are getting through it, whether it feels that way or not.

    When you finally emerge and are again interested in your kitchen (believe me, that will happen–I’ve lived long enough to know), that is the time to pick the color of your stove. Now is not a good time. But when you’re ready, I can say from experience that a blue stove is simply fabulous. I’ve had a Portuguese Blue Lacanche for four years now and never feel like I should have picked something else. You can probably find a beautiful blue in a less expensive stove, since stove manufacturers finally figured out that women like colorful stoves. But if you do get a color, don’t match the refrigerator. It’s better to go with white and let the stove be the star, along with your piano island.

    When you and your husband are so different, times of stress and difficulty are inevitable. It makes me sad when people give up on a marriage during hard times, because eventually things will get better, and the bond strengthens when you stick with it. Paul is a gem, but so are you, so quirky and gifted and interesting. His life would be easier without you, no doubt, but a lot less fun. I’ll bet he realizes that.

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  17. Lady B
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:23 pm

    There is nothing like bereavement to make you know what is important, a cooker isn’t important in the greater scheme of things. If Paul is impatient then let him make the decisions and choices (because when you DO start to care they can be changed) Brain fog will clear in its own time, if you feel its taking too long then seek help but in the mean time, go with the flow. Hug all the cats that come your way, cat hugging is wonderful therapy.
    Love and blessings xx

    Reply

  18. Cat
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:23 pm

    Sweetie, you are grieving and depressssssed. Those of the Fur-Baby Tribe know this feeling well. Cut yourself some slack. Allow yourself NOT to care. BUT! Wear glitter every day. Things will start to change slowly (Hmmmmm, which stove is a MUST for me? I have whittled my choices down from 1,283 to 5. I’m going to ask Paul what HE thinks, then pick the one *I* want.) Give yourself some time and know you aren’t alone. Big Warm Hug!

    Reply

  19. Sherry
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:28 pm

    HAD to show this to my husband!!
    He says you write like Dawn French—one of his heroes. 🙂

    Reply

  20. Ross
    August 30, 2017 @ 1:31 pm

    “Unfortunately for Paul (the title of my memoirs!)”

    This made me burst out laughing.

    Thank you.

    I love the way you write (“or if who I am is an intolerable mess that should be left on the side of the road with a sign that reads: caveat emptor.”) and how you weave psychology, and, distantly, design and kitties all into one.

    Because I am single the restoration of my huge 1894 house involves none of the titanic personality battles you endure/create/enable but I would trade my stress-free situation for the delicious tangle of a fabulous partner without hesitation. I envy your tangle.

    (Oh, if I were Paul I would wall you off from the kitchen and go ahead a finish it. But I would make sure to include a dance floor.)

    Reply

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