Life… Roadtripping to Ohio… CHANGE OF PLANS.
I wish you weren’t here.
I love the beach. I love hot humid weather. I love tomatoes and basil and peaches. I love sitting on the front porch in the morning, enjoying the flowers, while drinking coffee and listening to Paul tell me what I’ve done wrong recently.
I love tank tops and flip flops and canoes and camp fires and not being freezing… the next eight months of the year are basically me just ticking off the days until spring… not awesome.
HELLO OHIO… I HOPE YOU HAVE THE GLITTER CANNONS READY.
*Insert sound effect of screeching brakes*
Turns out they (accidentally) scheduled me for Atlanta… NOT Ohio.
Last Friday I wondered: is it a little weird I haven’t heard from Country Living? I reminded myself that the fair in Rhinebeck didn’t get a set schedule until the very last minute, so I figured that was it…
But then I decided to be all professional and just CHECK… so I emailed– hey, no rush, just wondering if you have a time set for me yet? And the Country Living lady was all– ARGH!!!! I put you in Atlanta! I don’t know how I did that! I… I just… I HAVE NO IDEA.
I’m disappointed of course, but it’s the kind of mistake I live in fear of making, and I was weirdly relieved I wasn’t the one who made it.
As much as I’d like to go to Atlanta, I have a thing… blah blah blah.
If you’re near the fair in Ohio, go! (Assuming you’re into OLD STUFF, which if you are not, why are you here?) The shopping and the vendors in New York were great. AND I was pleasantly surprised that the prices weren’t too gouge-y
The historic Ohio Village looks charming… and you are guaranteed to have beautiful weather because it was rainy and freezing in Rhinebeck.
It was extra wet, and extra freezing, for me in particular, because I was so totally distracted by STUFF that I stepped directly into a VERY LARGE AND OBVIOUS puddle while wearing flip flops.
Also, apparently Country Living does not feel as I do about fall… in fact, they seem SUPER PUMPED.
Anyway… I had already written the below post, based on my plans to get to Columbus, so I’m publishing it anyway because I feel like it.
To make Ohio extra exciting for myself, I am roadtripping to Columbus with my dad… This past year has smacked me in the face with the fact that life is short and unpredictable.
It’s been a long while since I spent a chunk of time with just my father. Mostly I see him together with my mom; but I also talk to my mother approximately nine-million times a day, so it’s really not the same.
Infact, I almost never talk to my dad on the phone, because I am rarely struck by the desire to have a quick lunchtime conversation about Kierkegaard.
My father thinks the way to be a person is: scholarship, deep thought, academic pursuits, and opera… so he wonders who is this frivolous, animal-loving, crinoline-collecting, bookshelf-hoarding, circus-protesting pagan, who only likes Verdi and does not appreciate Der Ring des Nibelungen… (her parents must be mouth-breathing philistines who did not even try!) SAD!
My father LOVES A ROAD TRIP… I cannot overstate how he is basically a Dr. Seuss book about a man who loves road trips.
With a friend!
With a cat!
And a hat!
In a car!
Or a van!
On a bike!
With a kite!
On top of my father’s already-inherent roadtrip excitement, ADDING to that, the opportunity to have one of his children as a captive audience for his indecipherable beliefs on the confluence of theology and philosophy… (which are actually just poorly-disguised attempts to bring us back into THE FOLD)… well… this is my father’s version of THE BEST DAY EVER.
So, if you see me in Columbus, and I look like I just stuck my finger in a light socket, it’s because I’ve spent the previous 24 hours listening to the person who sends me this sort of thing ALL OF THE TIME.
It’s fine though, because he too will look electrocuted!
Because, I AM MY FATHER… pedantic, long-winded, eager to bash you over the head with WORDS.
My father and I know words.
We have the BEST WORDS.
SO MANY WORDS.
My father and I have identical personalities… but we are not remotely living on the same planet, so sometimes it’s easy to forget that.
A short list of things my father does not care about:
Giant Fancy Things, sequins, the intersectionality of big pharma trying to kill everyone in conjunction with the bacon industry, while climate change swamps Houston and Florida and decimates islands… which we all claim to care about as long as we don’t have to DO anything about it… but what no one seems to care about AT ALL is that by the time climate change impacts America’s way of life, places in Africa will long have run out of water.
What’s that? You’d like to hear MOAR HIGHLIGHTS FROM MY LECTURE SERIES?
I’m glad you asked!!
STATINS, (cholesterol medication)– a plague perpetrated by the pharmaceutical industry, linked to everything including dementia and Parkinson’s.
Cholesterol is a waxy substance that, (among many other things,) plays a crucial role in the brain, and in the formation of neuronal connections—the vital links that underlie memory and learning.
The human body produces all the cholesterol we need… however, when we add animal cholesterol (which is not bio-identical to our own) we end up with problems.
But no worries, bro! Big pharma’s got your back! You don’t have to take care of your body! Duh! That’s for wussies! JUST TAKE THIS PILL!
But statins don’t do anything about the cholesterol you EAT… it just STOPS YOUR BODY from MAKING ITS OWN… Sounds like a solid plan!
(I’m not saying no one should take them, I’m saying that they are one of the most-prescribed drugs and let’s consider that the pharmaceutical industry has profit as its first consideration and maybe let’s not hand them out like candy.)
“We can’t understand how a drug that affects such an important pathway would not have adverse reactions,” says Ralph Edwards, former director of the World Health Organization
— Scientific American, It’s Not Dementia, It’s Your Heart Medication: Cholesterol Drugs and Memory
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
Dairy = cancer AND forcing a mother to birth baby after baby, and never letting her nurse any of them.
WHO CHOOSES THAT?
That’s not a rhetorical question… I truly need to know: WHY do humans NOT choose empathy? This BAFFLES me… there are 57,982,356 other options for every single kind of dairy product made from animal breastmilk… not to mention how the plant-based stuff WON’T GIVE YOU CANCER.
We can we can LITERALLY CHOOSE ANYTHING ELSE… anything other than pain, sadness, and a truly disgusting amount of pus, and we’re like– NAH!
Anyway! Incase you are thinking this roadtrip sounds like a terrible arthouse film about suffering and a debate team, WELL. YOU ARE WRONG.
My dad and I super know how to party, so I will also bring along the list of misspelled, misappropriated, misunderstood, words I have been collecting from Craigslist ads.
My father is literally the only other person I know who will appreciate the HILARITY of “rot iron rap around porch railings.”
I CANNOT WAIT.
Beatrice A Berman
September 13, 2017 @ 11:21 am
That was a lot!! Thanks! 🙂
September 13, 2017 @ 11:21 am
No joke, I want to go on this road trip with you.
September 13, 2017 @ 11:27 am
My hubby has gone off frozen moo boob juice, enjoy your road trip x
September 13, 2017 @ 11:28 am
Take me! I love wordy stuff, giant useless pretty things—and philosophy! Great post. 🙂
September 13, 2017 @ 11:28 am
Words! My former hair stylist told me that when she was little her older brothers told her that if she didn’t stop talking so much, she was going to run out of words before she even grew up! And then she would have to live the rest of her life without being able to talk! She totally believed them and carried around that fear of using up her words, only using them when absolutely necessary (sorta like the “sponge worthy episode of Seinfeld”), until her parents became concerned that something was seriously wrong with her! So they asked her about it, and I am sure she carefully selected the minimum amount of words to tell on her brothers! Still cracks me up to this day!
September 13, 2017 @ 11:30 am
September 13, 2017 @ 11:29 am
I love your dad who I just met by reading your post. And I love your rant about EVIL STATINS. I watched my father deteriorate while taking them. Muscle aches and pains which eventually rendered him unable to walk. But he said, “why do you think you know more than my doctor?” When he finally knew that I know more than his doctor it was too late. And I also must say that I live in Atlanta and I don’t know why you have a thing because Atlanta is awesome. So will you be here?
September 13, 2017 @ 11:30 am
There always seem to a good number of “dinning” tables for sale on my local Craigslist….
Diana awesome Craig
September 17, 2017 @ 11:27 am
Ha ha. There’s tons up dinning tables where u live, too. Mostly solid wood.
September 13, 2017 @ 11:32 am
I am married to a philosopher & the texts he sends me are things like “do you want me to pick anything at the supermarket on the way home” and “look at this cool place I am right now.”
Have a great time on your trip, and I look forward to your collection of Craigslist Words at some point.
September 13, 2017 @ 11:33 am
Woman, you are killing me! Can’t we talk about your kitchen again? Or Halloween decorations? Or how an actual road trip actually went?
September 13, 2017 @ 11:53 am
Casting a vote for the people who are here for the writing about theoretical roadtrips.
September 13, 2017 @ 12:02 pm
I’m with Katherine.
September 13, 2017 @ 12:15 pm
VEB is the only one who gets a vote. Her blog. Her words. She basically invites us over for dinner every so often. No need to tell her you hated the pie.
September 13, 2017 @ 1:39 pm
Yes. Her blog,she gets to choose what she writes about. If you don’t care for non-decorating stuff, perhaps check back later?
September 13, 2017 @ 2:35 pm
September 18, 2017 @ 5:25 pm
I’m here to read. If I wanted to dictate, I’d write my own damn blog. Hint!
I love your ramblings – it’s relatable on so many levels.
September 14, 2017 @ 8:43 am
I agree with Brenda. But can I also agree with Katherine?
September 15, 2017 @ 9:42 am
Usually I love reading the comments but this makes me sad! This is a post about her father. It’s full of love and very personal. If you don’t like it, that’s fine, but leaving unkind comments is strange and tactless, especially if you like her as a blogger? you are not going to love every thing from everyone right?
September 13, 2017 @ 11:33 am
Rotton iron! Why would you want that? 😉
September 13, 2017 @ 7:23 pm
Sorry Lora but I think you’ve missed the point – it’s funny because the ad should have read ‘wrought iron wrap around railings’ – nothing to do with rotten iron.
September 15, 2017 @ 1:06 pm
Oh, I firmly believe Lora got it!!
September 13, 2017 @ 11:35 am
These are my fav posts where I have no idea what is coming next and wouldn’t guess correctly in a million years.
COME TO ATLANTA
September 13, 2017 @ 11:37 am
So – evidently I can’t spell. Don’t judge me. Or add me to your Craigslist list. Rotten. ok? R O T T EEEEEE N.
September 13, 2017 @ 11:43 am
Shoot! I will be at the Columbus cl fest and was hoping to see you there. Maybe next year.
September 13, 2017 @ 11:48 am
Never thought I’d see Kierkegaard mentioned in a blog about GFT’s! Would love to know more about your father. Is he a college professor?
Also, does your concern for animal life square with concern for unborn human life? I always ask vegans this question because it interests me.
September 13, 2017 @ 1:41 pm
I am also really curious about this! We’re all adults here ( at least I think o!) and should be able to handle the answer.
September 13, 2017 @ 2:11 pm
Curious how your concerns for unborn human life square with the death penalt; cutting food subsidies for poor kids; cost of higher education out of the reach of poor and middle class children; elimination of environmental protections which has a major impact on children; and equal pay for equal pay which means women may not be able to provide for their children adequately. I’m concerned about unborn children, but more concerned that once they are born our society seems to throw them away!
September 13, 2017 @ 5:28 pm
I’m with you Jayne Z. Those are some very important concerns.
September 15, 2017 @ 12:12 pm
Can I just interject one small opinion about unborn life. As a three year old kid picked up by a wonderful Police officer and a Social Worker and given a hot dog and a cold Coke cause I and my 4 siblings had been left alone for days without food or drink(had another brother but evidently he starved to death not long after he went from unborn to born.) Unwanted kids are for the most part-unwanted and thus they are “parented” by the poorly paid,frustrated,exhausted workers who inflict lots of nasty on the wretched charges they are stuck with. Foster parents? All I can say is RUN-HIDE!
Are there wonderful caretakers and cracker jack Foster Parents. Must be. But I never encountered a Kid who had the good fortune to encounter same. Unwanted kids have problems and they are not all cute smart and easy to raise. Visit an ancient graveyard of old and note the birth control of the past. Disease and accident took most of the many children before they got their second teeth. The greatest mercy you could give me is to not only let my “mother” abort me but to encourage it. My little soul might have found a life not filled with terror,absence of love or kindness or how to be…….only taught by Mommies and Daddies who have achieved that skill themselves.
September 15, 2017 @ 9:06 pm
Judy I’m sorry for your pain. It’s so sad that everyone can’t look into their babies’ eyes and see all the hope that they come into this world with. And the trust. And that they don’t then do everything in their power to love and nurture this little life. You were vastly ripped off, but I hope you know how important you are in this world. I am, for the very reasons you spell out, pro-choice.
September 21, 2017 @ 11:05 pm
Beautifully written and deeply emotive. Thank you for your honesty and I hope you now have a life surrounded by love. <3
September 15, 2017 @ 10:18 pm
I’m a vegan, also pro choice. The reasons I choose not to participate in animal based agriculture, simply do not intersect with any reasons to stop human women from choosing what to do with their own uteri.
September 19, 2017 @ 1:00 pm
I find vegans to have a logical, science-based reasoning for their lifestyle. I can apply the same logical, science-based reasoning for being pro-life.
I, too, Lana wonder how one arrives the conclusions that being vegan and pro-life are mutually exclusive; they seems inextricably linked. Briana, I’d love to hear more about your take on this.
September 13, 2017 @ 11:52 am
Remind me to tell your dad about the “exploding rat population” described in a PBS documentary…
September 13, 2017 @ 11:55 am
Whoa…I watched it…and I am already a vegan…now I’m going to throw up. Thank you for your honesty.
September 13, 2017 @ 11:59 am
Great post (once again!)! The picture of the old Buick and Airstream is so inviting; I love road trips and misspelled words! Are you going to Atlanta with your father on a road trip there? Also-my doctor just put me on a statin med a few weeks ago. I’d gone off it about a year ago because I’d read they weren’t good for a person. Now I’m scared again. I need to do some research; thanks for mentioning it. Take care and looking forward to your next post.
September 13, 2017 @ 12:03 pm
Oh, WOW, I am sitting on my daughter’s front porch less than ONE MILE from the OH Fairgrounds, RIGHT NOW, LOL!!! Normally I would be at home in Georgia, about 90 miles from Atlanta, but decided to come see my children and grandson in OH to avoid having the power outages from Irma this week.
September 13, 2017 @ 12:23 pm
Hey. There are other people who find rot iron rap around porch railings hilarious too! ❤️
September 13, 2017 @ 12:34 pm
Don’t tease . . . are you coming to Atlanta? That would be so awesome