I am going nowhere but up… But first I need to lie here on the floor for a while.
I have to tell you that I was pretty crushed after my last post when not one single person said:
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE HOLDING A SIGN IN FRONT OF CITY HALL.
I messaged this dismay to Lara and she said—they think it’s normal for you.
Even she did not seem surprised.
You made it up to me though, because every single one of your comments were the greatest thing ever… not to mention your shared appreciation for all factions of men in uniform.
Some of you were even generous enough to offer to send the Navy SEALS… Either for variety? Or, (I suspect) because you want to keep the Marines for yourself.
So I’ve been waiting… I’ve been sitting around in my night-vision goggles and flippers, and THEY HAVE NOT SHOWN UP.
Forcing me to conclude that either you were lying, or the SEALS are less-good with directions than one might expect.
I loved your comments so much that after I read them 57 times, I forced then on Paul. I told him there would be a written exam afterwards, so he could not get away with skimming.
Some of you said things like—you look fantastic…WHERE did you get that shirt? (If you DIDN’T say that, I just wanted to bring to your attention that OTHER people said it.)
I got it at Neiman Marcus when their clearance was marked down extra, (sold out now). This is the only one I could find online. I didn’t pay nearly that much for it! But it’s good I didn’t see it until it was on sale because I would have been tempted to forgo groceries.
And on another informative note—I’ve been blogging for a year and five months. Since I only wrote about my first year, the title made sense in my head, but turned out to be misleading.
If you are a blogger who has made it to one year and are filled with hopelessness, please postpone your despair for another few months. THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR IT LATER.
I’m also compelled to tell you— in the interest of not joining the ranks of Anna Wintour and propagating some bullshit myth of effortless fashion and beauty— if I had to sit down in those pants for longer than five minutes, I would stab someone.
And with great vigor.
I did not even wear them into the city. I took them ON THE HANGER. Because they are that uncomfortable.
In fact, that person in the photo? That’s not me.
I understand why you might have thought it is, seeing as how this is my blog and it would be kind of weird if I posted random photos of other people. But that’s the person I’ve been hiding behind my whole life.
She’s sort of scary. And you can see that if you were mean to her, or yelled out your car window at her, she totally would not give a shit… She might kick you in the face, but probably she wouldn’t even notice you.
Anyway, September was not a good month for me and I was hardly here… On top of a complicated work project, I had some HUGE tech issues with this site.
I’ll spare us all the effort of me trying to explain something that I do not understand and you do not care about and sum it up by saying – sometimes the blog does not work.
I’ve spent ALL of my free time in to fix it. And exchanging endless emails with tech-support where essentially I write the same message again, and again, and again, and again: I’m sorry, I do not understand.
The finale came sometime last week, when my computer started crashing randomly.
And I was like– FANTASTIC.
I meant it too, because it indicated that my nervous breakdown had finally arrived and now someone would give me lithium and everything would be fine.
As much as I was looking forward to having all my meals served on a plastic tray, first I called Apple support. Then I dragged my freaking-out-self to the Genius Bar… REPEATEDLY.
I have to tell you that is is very strange to me that I am at a place in my life where ALL my problems are resolved by 19-year-old boys with patchy facial hair.
The one bright spot last week was when Hooked on Houses linked to The Kingdom Mirror.
I’m guessing you know her site already, since you’re all more-or-less hooked on houses, but if you haven’t met her, the before-and-after page is a great place to start… and for you kitchen-mad people, here’s the kitchen from Practical Magic you keep telling me about (you’re so right! I DO LOVE IT). But did you know that the entire Victorian house from that movie is a shell? I had no idea it wasn’t real.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
October 19, 2013 @ 7:28 pm
To be fair, some of us didn’t KNOW you were in front of City Hall. I’m sure more people would have commented if they had known. I was still in the throes of being happy to have found you.
October 21, 2013 @ 9:12 am
I was worried you left the sphere because I recently gushed about you on my own blog and well, I am harmless, I swear, I really am.
Also, I covet the hell out of the “eggs” around you neck.
And to keep on being crazy, how much do I love the picture of you holding the sign up while a couple has a wedding picture taken??? You are a fabulously brazen lady. Good for you and glad you are back!!!
October 22, 2013 @ 11:53 pm
Hey! I do not know you. But I find your blog posts entertaining from the standpoint of misery loves company. Plus, hey! You’re a good humor writer!
September 9, 2015 @ 1:37 am
Good Lord girl, you look good. You look like a model. Even a little like a super young girlish Wallis Simpson and she married a King! How do you stay so thin? I am sure being 6 feet tall helps but for us mere mortals, any slenderizing tips OTHER THAN flawless fashion choices?????