Ripping out my soul for your entertainment… examining my first year of blogging.
Before my Craigslist–mirror went viral, I’d decided that it was sheer foolishness to have ever thought I would make a dent in the internet.
In fact, if I had any sense at all, I would have quit blogging around six months.
Six months is what separates the sensible people— who go back to their lives.
From the total lunatics— who decide to double down.
Somewhere here, I more than doubled down.
I pushed all my chips in.
I borrowed money from the mob.
I started snorting cocaine in the high-roller suites and set fire to the drapes.
Somewhere here I stopped feeling like a writer.
Or a doer of house projects.
Or a researcher of toilets.
I turned into a version of myself that I had never met– someone who would do WHATEVER IT TAKES. To get people to read my blog.
The word that comes to mind is hustler.
For me, at six months, a very tiny dictator woke up in my head.
She was mean. And wore all grey.
And she looked just like me.
She said: vee must take over zee vurld.
And I agreed.
I thought if I could make it to one year—the parade would begin.
And I believed in my own infallibility— also defined as psychotic self-delusion.
Any megalomaniacal dictator can tell you that the first few months of a war are the best—there are impassioned speeches… the troops are excited… you haven’t run out of food and had to eat the horses.
But sometime between six months and a year is when you get an inkling that perhaps it’s not a matter of simply controlling the world with your mind.
This inkling grows in size and scope… until sometime around month eight, when you have a mini-breakdown.
But no one cares about your breakdown.
No one cares that you are having a crisis of the soul.
They don’t care, because blogging is synonymous with 24-year-old fashionistas in neon sunglasses, so attempting to convey to people the IMPORTANCE of your blog makes you sound like a total moron.
It also doesn’t help that much of what you say is rant-like: about how no one has shown up, and how this is UNACCEPTABLE.
And for the record, if there is anything less sympathetic to people than a 36-year-old woman crying about her blog, I do not know what it is.
In fact, if you want to confirm all of people’s worst suspicions about you? This is the way to do it.
And then– if somehow your blog makes it to one year? Instead of the parade you anticipated, you get the gift of FINALLY grasping the idiocy of your undertaking.
You finally understand that there are roughly one billion other blogs. And that the chances of yours being special are so microscopic as to be nonexistent.
So now you have two choices:
1. You can accept defeat and go spend time with your family.
2. You can commit yourself to self-delusion.
Lucky for me, I’ve been training in self-delusion all my life.
It is my second-greatest talent.
What’s my first? Enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm beyond what is reasonable.
Beyond what is even remotely reasonable.
That endless enthusiasm is what makes people think I am fun. Unless they have to spend too much time with me, in which case it can be wearing… Because when I am excited about something? LOOK OUT.
I am going overboard.
I am going to fling myself off the side of the ship with no life vest or scuba gear or shark-repellant.
And I’ll be screaming— OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS THING!
I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO EXCITING!!
EXCITING, EXCITING, EXCITING.
And you’re going to have to call in a Marine search-and-rescue team to find me in the ocean. (If you’re the one calling, please make sure they only send young Marines… Let’s say under 32, shall we?)
Somewhere in the last year, ALL my enthusiasm BECAME this blog… They merged into one entity—indistinguishable from each other.
I stopped caring about anything else. My only interest became pushing this blog forward… Uphill in a tornado… in an ice storm… carrying it over mountains while being pecked by vultures.
To do WHATEVER it takes.
Anything.
If human sacrifice were required, it would take me no time at all to build the altar.
October 1, 2013 @ 10:05 am
Oh, how I do love this blog.
October 1, 2013 @ 10:05 am
I love your voice. I mean, you know, the one I READ, not the one I HEAR because I don’t think you’ve V-casted, have you? 😉 (Oh, no! One more obsession!)
Blogging is addictive. Absolutely. Been there, done that. My kids would see a light come to my eye in the middle of a regular moment and say, “No, Mom! You can’t blog this!”
I could be evil. 😉
Your blog is entertaining, you’re fabulous, and you “give good pic.” Thank you for ripping your soul out and tossing it in front of the masses. 🙂
October 1, 2013 @ 10:07 am
Yours IS my favorite blog. I also get that whole “super excited I must tell everyone or die” thing. I get it atleast once a week. This week’s loves include vintage lighting and pizza fries (have you seen these on Pinterest!!??!!). And the week is not over.
October 1, 2013 @ 10:33 am
You are fabulous! Keep it up – a year is not NEARLY enough of you!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:08 am
Well, I think you can add perseverance to your list of crazy attributes! It fits in nicely with the others, I think. Congratulations on one year, or condolences….whichever feels best to you. Found you a few posts ago – don’t remember how I got here – lost in the sea of blogs. But it’s been great fun!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:10 am
Your blog is my favorite out of the million, so you can never, ever , ever stop blogging. You are hilariously funny whatever that means. Love you girlfriend and I don’t even know you. Whatever!!!!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:11 am
I shared you on Facebook. You are the only blog I read!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:12 am
This post is the very reason I read your blog. I love your enthusiasm (and lunacy), it reminds me of someone…(certainly not myself). 😉
October 1, 2013 @ 10:12 am
Thanks for once again making me laugh!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:14 am
And we are so glad you did:-)
October 1, 2013 @ 10:14 am
Thank you for throwing yourself into the water and sharing it all with us. Hunky rescue team on the way but we all know you will just jump right back in. Congratulations on year one, looking forward to many more.
October 1, 2013 @ 10:14 am
Well, how incredibly swell and wonderful for all of us!! Yes, there are many blogs out there vying for our individual attention, tantalizing us with their slick graphics, trendy topics and the promise of enlightenment. Why choose YOU? Because you’re witty, interesting, topical, relevant, smart, chic, fun, inventive, literary, honest, creative…and did I mention witty? ‘Cause I love witty. So please forge ahead, distance yourself from the nameless and bland drivel out there, and keep up the good — dare I say, at risk of your personal cerebral over inflation: TERRIFIC SLICE OF BLOG PERFECTION? —- And always remember, it’s quality not quantity. Thanks much!
October 1, 2013 @ 12:01 pm
Ditto!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:15 am
I, too, love this blog! Congratulations on your anniversary!
Jan
October 1, 2013 @ 10:18 am
I feel you, sister. A new post from you brightens my day. I shared this post on my business’ facebook page. Rock on!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:18 am
Anything worth doing is worth OVERDOING ! Please keep up the good work !
October 1, 2013 @ 10:19 am
You are so hilarious, hands-down the most entertaining blogger I read!!! And your passion for it is beyond evident!
October 1, 2013 @ 10:20 am
Is that… peplum? Or, at the very least, the beginnings of peplum?
October 1, 2013 @ 10:23 am
BAAHHH. I tried to work in a disclaimer, but then told myself no one would notice.
October 1, 2013 @ 10:49 am
Ahem.
October 1, 2013 @ 12:06 pm
Peplum or not it’s fantastic. Where did you get it? I want one! (Uh oh, did you just start a fashion blog?)
May 27, 2016 @ 6:48 am
I
October 1, 2013 @ 10:21 am
I’m only at the three month mark. You mean it gets worse???
October 1, 2013 @ 10:22 am
Love it! Your blog is such a joy to read~
October 1, 2013 @ 10:23 am
I love the pictures!! Thanks for sticking with your blog throughout this year- I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts. How’s the kitchen remodel?
October 1, 2013 @ 10:25 am
I thoroughly enjoy your blog! I only recently discovered it, and I must say that your writing style is fabulous and speaks to me 🙂 I have a terminal case of delusions of grandeur pertaining to nearly all aspects of my life, and real life frequently chastises me on my idiocy; still I push/pull myself along, utterly convinced that I can accomplish endless superhuman feats of domesticity. Sigh.
If you continue writing, I will continue reading 🙂