I am going nowhere but up… But first I need to lie here on the floor for a while.
I have to tell you that I was pretty crushed after my last post when not one single person said:
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE HOLDING A SIGN IN FRONT OF CITY HALL.
I messaged this dismay to Lara and she said—they think it’s normal for you.
Even she did not seem surprised.
You made it up to me though, because every single one of your comments were the greatest thing ever… not to mention your shared appreciation for all factions of men in uniform.
Some of you were even generous enough to offer to send the Navy SEALS… Either for variety? Or, (I suspect) because you want to keep the Marines for yourself.
So I’ve been waiting… I’ve been sitting around in my night-vision goggles and flippers, and THEY HAVE NOT SHOWN UP.
Forcing me to conclude that either you were lying, or the SEALS are less-good with directions than one might expect.
I loved your comments so much that after I read them 57 times, I forced then on Paul. I told him there would be a written exam afterwards, so he could not get away with skimming.
Some of you said things like—you look fantastic…WHERE did you get that shirt? (If you DIDN’T say that, I just wanted to bring to your attention that OTHER people said it.)
I got it at Neiman Marcus when their clearance was marked down extra, (sold out now). This is the only one I could find online. I didn’t pay nearly that much for it! But it’s good I didn’t see it until it was on sale because I would have been tempted to forgo groceries.
And on another informative note—I’ve been blogging for a year and five months. Since I only wrote about my first year, the title made sense in my head, but turned out to be misleading.
If you are a blogger who has made it to one year and are filled with hopelessness, please postpone your despair for another few months. THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR IT LATER.
I’m also compelled to tell you— in the interest of not joining the ranks of Anna Wintour and propagating some bullshit myth of effortless fashion and beauty— if I had to sit down in those pants for longer than five minutes, I would stab someone.
Repeatedly.
And with great vigor.
I did not even wear them into the city. I took them ON THE HANGER. Because they are that uncomfortable.
In fact, that person in the photo? That’s not me.
I understand why you might have thought it is, seeing as how this is my blog and it would be kind of weird if I posted random photos of other people. But that’s the person I’ve been hiding behind my whole life.
She’s sort of scary. And you can see that if you were mean to her, or yelled out your car window at her, she totally would not give a shit… She might kick you in the face, but probably she wouldn’t even notice you.
Anyway, September was not a good month for me and I was hardly here… On top of a complicated work project, I had some HUGE tech issues with this site.
I’ll spare us all the effort of me trying to explain something that I do not understand and you do not care about and sum it up by saying – sometimes the blog does not work.
I’ve spent ALL of my free time in to fix it. And exchanging endless emails with tech-support where essentially I write the same message again, and again, and again, and again: I’m sorry, I do not understand.
The finale came sometime last week, when my computer started crashing randomly.
And I was like– FANTASTIC.
I meant it too, because it indicated that my nervous breakdown had finally arrived and now someone would give me lithium and everything would be fine.
As much as I was looking forward to having all my meals served on a plastic tray, first I called Apple support. Then I dragged my freaking-out-self to the Genius Bar… REPEATEDLY.
I have to tell you that is is very strange to me that I am at a place in my life where ALL my problems are resolved by 19-year-old boys with patchy facial hair.
The one bright spot last week was when Hooked on Houses linked to The Kingdom Mirror.
I’m guessing you know her site already, since you’re all more-or-less hooked on houses, but if you haven’t met her, the before-and-after page is a great place to start… and for you kitchen-mad people, here’s the kitchen from Practical Magic you keep telling me about (you’re so right! I DO LOVE IT). But did you know that the entire Victorian house from that movie is a shell? I had no idea it wasn’t real.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:04 am
Glad you are back up and running! Love Julia over at Hooked on Houses!
October 15, 2013 @ 10:09 am
I can easily lose an hour over at her site!
October 15, 2013 @ 10:06 am
So glad you are back!!!!!
October 15, 2013 @ 10:09 am
xoxo
October 15, 2013 @ 10:10 am
Can’t let this post be without comments so had to write to tell you that I assumed you spent your Saturday afternoons in front of Philly’s city hall with a sign to promote your blog. I mean, I took photos of myself in front of DC landmarks with a copy of a cookbook I was featured in so it seems normal to me. http://evinok.net/?p=4861 Really, the question is, why don’t all bloggers do it?
October 15, 2013 @ 10:10 am
Love your site, though I am not hooked on houses. I find you hilarious and def must have an obsessive/compulsive disorder. Your husband and mine are cut from the same mold, since I nag and bug until I get what I want.
Don’t burn yourself out worrying about the blog. You have enough on your plate.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:17 am
No, please don’t burn yourself out. We need you to make the world a more bearable place. Shine on.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:13 am
I’ve been blogging into a black hole for years now and have taken an extensive hiatus. {All three people who read me really miss me. Not that they ever reached out to me, I’m just imagining…} Not sure, just probably because I have found {shocker} that I don’t have anything worthwhile to say, and until I do, I should just shut up. This from the girl who people describe as the person who never met a silence she couldn’t fill. {I’m sure they meant that to sound endearing.} My mother even said to me more times than I can count, “take a breath.”
Discovered you from my favorite blogger, Anna Donaldson. She’s a dear for hooking me up. Love your tone and can’t wait to read more.
October 15, 2013 @ 3:06 pm
Take heart, Kimber! We’ve all felt like we were blogging into a black hole. I’m sure you have lots to say that’s worthwhile. 🙂 If you enjoy it, keep at it. Anything that you enjoy doing is never wasted time.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:16 am
After your desperate cry for blog-o-philiacs in front of City Hall, I drank the Kool-aid and signed up. I’m glad you’re back and posting, even if you can’t sit down in your pants.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:17 am
Victoria,
I am here solely to commiserate with you on your trouser hardships. I have had my fair share. Believe me when I say you are not alone.
Please take a moment to peruse this link and you will understand the source of all your troubles. In a word, horses.
http://www.livescience.com/34077-wearing-pants-horse-riding.html
I am not a “pants on the ground” kinda gal because I think they go too far in the other direction (no pun intended). I do, however, think they are on to something. Something BIG!
As a matter of fact, I am off to the nether regions of my closet to see if I held on to my MC Hammer pants. Genius, really…a skirt AND a pair of pants.?! Genius! I loved them then and I love them now, in all their harem-y goodness. God help me, I loved those pants!
You are on your own with the Apple people. I, too, have sent myriad inquiries as to which end of the cord goes where and received generic, computer generated replies. I would respond with “You hate me, don’t you?”
In response I would receive “We are sorry you are having trouble”…
xo
Andie
October 15, 2013 @ 10:21 am
Stop worrying. You can trust me! Didn’t I promise to love and cherish you until I die? We can get through this together. (you know…you and me and your 57,000 followers!)
October 15, 2013 @ 10:21 am
I offered the SEALs but then noticed you were nowhere around water! They can’t swim through the planks of that Victorian hardwood floor you are lying on. So, get up change that clearance Neiman Marcus top into a swimsuit and hit the first muddy bog you come to. Leave the night vision goggles and flippers at home; that’s their job. They should come swimming up any time now…
Oh, and don’t count on them knowing anything about your blog; like any good soldier, they live to shoot and break things. Rescuing females in distress comes in a pretty close second though, so you might want to ham it up a little there in the bog.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:23 am
You’ve provided me with the slogan for my entire life:
Hamming it up in the bog, since 1977.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:32 am
Me too and same year, except that is when I graduated high school, so experience speaking here. Never let them see you sweat. Keep smiling, wearing those pearls, and walk in everywhere like you own it… though that might be a bit of a hard sell there at City Hall.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:24 am
My take-away from your last two post… KITCHEN IS ON HOLD
October 15, 2013 @ 11:59 am
Spoken like a person who does not get easily distracted by shiny things.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:29 am
As far as tech issues, I am the queen. Resorting to tears (of frustration) with the Apple tech guy didn’t help either. Only minutes after receiving an iPad as a Christmas gift from my husband, he caught me trying to flush it down the commode. Knew I should have locked that door…
October 15, 2013 @ 10:29 am
So glad you’re back! Eff tech support. I swear, when I speak with them, their solution to any problem is to completely wipe my hard drive and start over. THAT IS NOT A SOLUTION, A-HOLES! That is giving up, and we do not give up!
And I must say, your shirt and pants are fabulous and I am scared of you. And somewhat awed to hear that you had a complicated work project, because that means you work, and I didn’t see that coming at all… I mean, how do you find the time?!
October 15, 2013 @ 12:00 pm
I know, right? I was like… work? Whaaa?
October 15, 2013 @ 10:32 am
I really thought you were at Buckingham Palace enjoying the Corgis and sharing reno tips with Charley and Liz. How are they by the way?
October 15, 2013 @ 10:39 am
I have shared you on my blog’s ‘favorite things’ end of the month wrap up two months in a row. Looks like you may score a hat trick:)
October 15, 2013 @ 10:42 am
Victoria;
I think the reason you received no comments relating to holding your sign in downtown Philly, is because by now, we have learned to expect the unexpected from you!
I hope you got some new readers from your efforts. It really was a very creative idea, and I always look forward to your next post!
Kim
Formerly from Burlington Twp, now in FL
October 15, 2013 @ 10:46 am
Personally i thought you were quite hysterically funny, and i loved it, but was i could not out do you and conjure a sentiment to suit the post. i just don’t have your pizzaz but i sure have the appreciation for it! keep posting…love you! xxoo jody
October 15, 2013 @ 10:47 am
new reader here – my very first visit was about that mirror . . I immediately found three people to share you with – YOU give me a lift – You are a true Joy – and, I’m grateful you have a semi-functioning blog (grin) –
YOU Are Awesome Sauce!!!!!
October 15, 2013 @ 10:48 am
noteto self, don’t read Victoria’s blog while in meeting trying to act interested and look professional. burst out laughing, randomly. acted like i was choking instead. need to caffeine up and read this again. keep writing. hysterical.
October 15, 2013 @ 10:49 am
So sorry to hear about all the computer problems, that is so frustrating and infuriating!
Hope the Apple genius bar guys were able to fix it totally, and all will be okay from now on.
October 15, 2013 @ 11:05 am
I thought Apple wasn’t supposed to crash?! Congratulations on the link to Hooked on Houses. It’s such a fun site, Julia is really nice. Hope work levels out, don’t these people know you have blog posts to write?!
xo,
Karen