Holiday gift guide— AND a giant fancy giveaway.
I hate getting presents.
It’s an extension of my fundamental hatred of surprises.
And if I want to extrapolate that to a deeper level of self-analysis: my hatred of surprises is actually a hatred of other people’s expectations.
I hate all surprises. At all times. From all people.
Unless you are giving me a kitten.
In which case, thank you. But I cannot accept it… I can only accept gifts of stray, elderly cats with medical issues.
However, since now is the time of year when we are socially obligated to participate in joyful gift-giving, and I am obligated by blogger code to speak of nothing but the holidays and how I graciously bring warmth and elegancy (not a word? Think again.) to every element… I decided to do a gift guide.
(If you’re only here for the shiny giveaway, you’d better just go ahead and scroll already.)
I sat down to write this imaginary-magical-list-of-brilliant-advice-to-simplify-your-holidays and I tried to steer STRAIGHT TOWARDS MY GOAL. But the Distraction Troll started typing about Gwyneth, and then randomly began googling vintage Christmas ads.
To get myself back on track, I crowdsourced you all for your best gift ideas… and I was overwhelmed at how great your responses were.
If you’re stuck for a suggestion, OR want a different perspective on what YOU think is a good gift, go read all the responses.
If you want a summary of the advice? Here it is:
THINK ABOUT THE GIFT FOR MORE THAN FIVE SECONDS.
Unfortunately, after reading your replies, it was clear to me that you do NOT need a gift guide… which I guess is why Gwyneth doesn’t ask her goop-readers for help… and also because NO ONE actually wants compote from berries harvested by monks in the outer reaches of the Mongolian Alps. (I made that up, and my grasp of world topography is pretty shaky so don’t make any vacation plans based on my theories.)
Anyway. I already started down this path, so here’s what I came up with before you all crushed my perception of myself as saving you from the gift-giving pit of despair.
For the cook. OR for anyone who has a refrigerator. OR for anyone who eats food:
- You use these silicone suction lid covers in place of plastic wrap. They create a seal with any bowl that has a normal rim. I use mine ALL the time. They are super practical, inexpensive, and I have never given them to anyone who already had a set… They also make a great housewarming gift.
For parents/family/loved ones:
- Digital photo frame loaded up with all of the pictures that you have on your computer.
- Transfer old home movies to digital… bonus if you make a Christmas morning highlight reel.
- A photo album/coffee table book. I made one in iPhoto a few years ago— it was fun to make and my parents LOVED it. (I made mine on my computer, but I know there are lots of places online… If you’ve used one that you are happy with, let us know in the comments?)
For a teacher:
- On behalf of all teachers everywhere, I IMPLORE you to put down the scented lotion/candles/mulling spices/Mason jar filled with bath salts.
Teachers do not need any more random crap. - A gift card to Amazon will do just fine… I know it can feel weird to give a gift card because it places an actual dollar value on the gift, but please believe me when I tell you that your teacher would RATHER have 30, $5 gift cards RATHER than 30 mugs.
- Don’t give a gift card to one specific store…. not everyone loves Starbucks and Target.
GIVEAWAY– what? You thought I’d give you something practical?
When I saw these, I pretty much had a seizure… Like walking in on the final round of Iris Apfel and Diana Vreeland attempting to one-up each other in an earring contest adjudicated by Little Edie.
You really need to click through and see the giant fanciness that is Anna Davern’s mind… she is an Australian artist who makes all her designs by hand in her studio.
OBVIOUSLY I love the giant fanciness. But I also love the humor. And the general ridiculousness.
General ridiculousness is pretty much my fashion mantra.
Then I told myself– no. Don’t get excited. They cannot be that big.
BUT THEY ARE.
The earrings are super lightweight… and they go with EVERYTHING. There is no sweatpant that is not immediately improved by these.
So I emailed the glorious mind behind such a creation and I told her – I know these people? They are the best people on the Internet. Maybe you should give them earrings? In return I will tell them about your giant fancy designs… And she said yes.
So if you’d like these for yourself… or know someone inclined towards awesomeness, enter below. If you don’t win, or want a different pair, Anna is offering a 15% discount through Christmas if you enter code: VictoriaElizabeth.
November 25, 2014 @ 4:57 pm
Presents. I think it is very hard for anyone to really know what someone else would like/need/want. Unless copious hints have been made early and often, which obviates the surprise factor. My husband surprised me in the first years of our marriage, resulting in a drawerful of jewelry I wouldn’t wear and scents that made me gag. Don’t get me wrong, he is a wonderful man. But taste? Not so much. Except, of course, in wives. 😉 After 25 years, he buys what he wants, I buy what I want, and we’re both blissfully happy. Your mileage may vary.
The EARRINGS. I think they will make quite a statement when I wear them to my dog walking visits, and will be very practical, particularly after dark, when their luminosity will mean that cars are more likely to see me coming (unless drivers are blinded by the reflection of their headlights in all those facets). Hopefully, the bling won’t scare the dogs.
November 25, 2014 @ 5:58 pm
Alas, I don’t tweet, face page or pin, so I can’t enter your give-a-way, but I just don’t think I could pull those gorgeous earrings off as well as you, I didn’t think you could top the pearl earring story, but obviously that’s the way us non pinners who don’t tweet on facebook think. I still love you, you make my day.
November 25, 2014 @ 6:03 pm
I don’t understand not liking presents. You put too much pressure on yourself. You don’t have to like the gift, get the receipt just in case. The giver has all the pressure to please you. Also, anybody who gives a scale as a gift, should be beaten with it.
November 25, 2014 @ 9:27 pm
What a super fabulous giveaway! Rafflecopter won’t let me enter my Twitter entry but here it is: https://twitter.com/Etcetorize/status/537430837256409090 ~ Have a great week 🙂
November 25, 2014 @ 9:56 pm
I don’t like the pressure of gift-giving either, and frankly there is nothing we need or much desire. We are truly blessed by God. Perhaps I inherited this trait as whenever any package was being opened, before the wrapping was even off, my mother would chime in loudly with “I saved the tags!”. 🙂
November 25, 2014 @ 9:57 pm
I just heard an enormous crowd of teachers yelling THANK YOU!
November 25, 2014 @ 10:12 pm
OMG-the double baguettes! NEED them!!
November 25, 2014 @ 10:27 pm
I actually don’t want these lovely earrings as I don’t wear earrings, so count me out. Just wanted to say that you might enjoy mixedmediamanic.blogspot.com because she has lots of humorous pictures like your Colt one. And ditto on the teacher gifts. I heard that rant from a teacher once when I was trying to sell “teacher” mugs at a church bazaar. And the one time I tried to give a deserving teacher a Starbucks gift card he informed me icily that he didn’t drink coffee. I’m all in favor of shopping for yourself and not for anyone else, then everyone would get what they want!
November 25, 2014 @ 11:43 pm
Dear Victoria
I think I now understand why your posts are so eagerly anticipated by so many after reading this one. (And it isn’t just because they are hilarious…which they are)
It’s twofold.
Firstly the laser like insight you possess into your own personality and quirks.
Secondly, the totally forthright manner with which you share it with your readers.
Then the reader experices a moment of clarity as we recognise the same qualities in ourselves.
Genius!!
November 26, 2014 @ 2:28 am
Oh, those earrings would be perfect on my ears to replace the tiny,itsy-bitsy ones that broke today.
November 26, 2014 @ 8:06 am
Love your list.
November 26, 2014 @ 9:32 am
I usually agree whole heartedly with your comments and laugh through them. You are such a good writer and love the word pictures you paint. I think Christmas gifts are NOT surprises but something that is expected of us each year, which is the part I dislike. I randomly send packages to my daughter and now grands when they AREN’T expecting it and for no reason. That’s the fun part for me but to HAVE to do something because it’s expected, now don’t care for that one bit!!
November 26, 2014 @ 1:07 pm
I love surprises and I love those earrings. So why don’t you surprise me and give me those earrings? 🙂
November 26, 2014 @ 3:44 pm
Hey Victoria and all of your lovely readers,
Thanks for the post and the wonderful comments, you have made my day!
btw, that profile shot of you in the earrings is VERY Wallis Simpson
xanna
November 26, 2014 @ 10:49 pm
I busily told you about my brother and the awesome gift he sent last week, I failed to mention my other greatest gift. I grew up loving Miss Dove, a self righteous teacher in an old movie called “Good Morning Miss Dove”…anyway, Miss Dove was a movie from the 40’s and her prim and proper hat with matching gloves always effected me, I have imitated her style for years…ok, so the amazing gift…on my last birthday (50 all ready?) my mother gave me a certificate to what she called THE HAT OF THE MONTH CLUB…she had scoured yard sales and flea markets…and on the 5th of each month (my bday is the 5th) I receive a new treasure in the form of an old hat which I proudly wear to church every week! Love your blog…getting those earrings whether I win or not!!!
November 27, 2014 @ 12:24 am
Holy craptarts! How did I not know of these? I have a giant Oprah size head with more hair than 10 people. Earrings never are seen on me unless my hair is pulled back. These are all kinds of awesome!
November 27, 2014 @ 1:19 am
As a teacher, I thank you! I really don’t want or need any more mugs. Actually, what I want my students to do- since I don’t gamble myself- is each spend ONE dollar and get me a scratch-off lottery ticket. Then I could have a blast scratching all 105 of them (the tickets, not the students) and I bet there would be a $10 or $20 winner in there somewhere. But who knows? There MIGHT be something bigger! Oh, the glorious suspense!
November 28, 2014 @ 7:23 am
Oh thank GOODNESS I’m not the only one who doesn’t like surprises… or gifts, unless from my sister in-law and BFF who totally gets me… most of the time. Like you, I love LARGE, CHUNKY, OVER-THE-TOP jewelry that comes around a corner minutes before I do. My mother and regular sisters are jewelry minimalists choosing small, “dainty” pieces, if they bother wearing jewelry at all. Why bother? If I must squint to see it, it isn’t there.
Husband is almost as bad and yes, I buy all of his gifts to me. It has worked out perfectly for the last 20 years following the 17 he got it wrong. There is one year in there when he nailed it by giving me a huge triple strand set of… LARGE PEARLS! (Sound familiar?). He finally figured out that I would much rather have UBER BIG GLORIOUS fake pearls than small, dinky (aka: dainty) must-squint-to-see pearls, with 14K gold beads in between. Ick.
Oops. Got distracted by those giant fancy earrings and breakfast is burning. Merry Christmas VEB; keep the blogs coming!
November 28, 2014 @ 9:49 pm
Not sure what happened? I entered the other day – I’m sure I did! But today it tells me I have zero entries.
November 29, 2014 @ 11:08 am
It must reset everyday… I didn’t realize that I could restrict the option to share on more than one day. (why must there be so many options for EVERYTHING?)
I checked in the entries, and you are in there.
Hope you had a nice thanksgiving!
November 29, 2014 @ 2:58 pm
You know, I love reading the comments on your blog almost as much as I enjoy the posts (almost). While these earrings would surely liven up my work attire (I work from home so you can imagine work attire there, of course almost anything could liven that up!)…I’m more amazed to find out you don’t love gifts! I would think that $100 for a fleamarket or craigslist splurge would be the most perfect gift for you. I’m fixing up my 1890 Victorian in NH and love looking at the items you find and wondering how the heck you found THAT. I tell my husband the perfect gift would be helping me bring home my latest find with no complaints what-so-ever…