A totally unscientific explanation for impulse purchases.
This is a departure from anything remotely house, garden, or craigslist-related.
I’m sorry if this disappoints you.
But:
- This is my blog.
- It was this, or nothing.
- I was afraid to choose nothing, since I live in perpetual fear that you will forget about me and move on to someone younger with better giveaways.
- I apologize for the annoying filters I used on the photos. It’s one of those things where you think a trend is incredibly stupid, but then see so much of it that it becomes weirdly appealing.
This transition from grotesque-trend-that-should-be-banned, to mysterious-overnight-need-for-exact-repulsive-trend-purchase has not yet clad me in skinny jeans or peplum, and I am thankful for that.
So. We’ve established that I love anything giant, odd, fancy, and generally too large to fit in my house–an aesthetic that used to apply to my fashion sense too.
But in the last five years, my vanity has been eroded by my laziness.
This decline in giving-a-shit-about-how-I-look is a huge timesaver, but also accompanied by the sad consequence of technically not needing to buy fancy outfits.
Because:
- I will not wear them.
- It is a well-known fact that elastic-waist pants and flip-flops are superior to every other form of attire.
- I would rather save the money for whatever massively awesome, useless piece of salvage the universe has in store for me.
But once in a while I see something.
And my raccoon brain is like—I MUST HAVE THAT.
Even though I KNOW it’s a ridiculous purchase… Even though I KNOW I’ll only wear it four times… Even though I KNOW I’ll find it restrictive and itchy and clanky… It doesn’t matter. Because the raccoon gets all rabid and is like, I will BITE you, if you don’t buy me that.
If you too suffer from Raccoon-In-Head syndrome, you are familiar with this.
It was a ridiculous price. But I COULD NOT leave without it.
Plus, it was embarrassing to try to hug it through the glass.
So I bought it.
If I told you how much it was, you would think I was insane. But as of this post, it’s sold out so let’s pretend it was a normal price.
By the time I was halfway home, I realized that I could make my own version with the box of vintage pins I hoard uselessly… who wears pins? No one. So after I bought this chain, I had everything I needed to make my own, way-less-awesome necklace.
I’d like to say that I’m returning the one I bought… but the raccoon is still licking it. Plus, lets be serious— it’s called an impulse purchase, because your impulse is to keep it.
Also, in this case it was called– overwhelmed/trying to buy 5 seconds of stress-relief/Versailles was not for sale.
I had SUCH a crap day last week, that I felt close to the brink.
The brink of what? I don’t know. Whatever that is when you feel overwhelmed and close to crying hysterically/tearing your hair out.
But ALSO LIKE YOU ARE ON FIRE WITH RAGE.
And the necklace was some knee-jerk reaction to just BUY five seconds of OTHERNESS.
To just think about something else.
Even though I could go LOOK IN MY CLOSET at all the otherness I’ve ALREADY purchased. And be reminded that it’s only a brief respite…
Although, if you’re going to be on fire with rage, I guess you might as well be wearing a really nice necklace.
Also, I need to tell you how there was a time when I thought this blog was going to garner me a nice side-paycheck AND free swag.
Which? Hello? WHO IS STEALING MY SWAG?
But now I feel differently. I feel this is a revolution.
A redefining of militant—to include shiny things and abolish khaki and berets.
But also a very anxiety-riddled revolution. Where I worry that I will disappoint you. Where I worry that you will tire of me. Where I worry about the responsibility of coming up with new and entertaining things EVERY WEEK.
And where I envy the revolutionaries who came before social media… I doubt Karl Marx woke his husband in the middle of the night to tell him his greatest fear—that he would never get 100,000 “likes” on Facebook.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
Lenita
July 23, 2013 @ 11:49 am
I am getting rabid eyes over the bought neclace. Yours is nice too. You’re so crafty. *doh!*
But what is this pressure about getting likes? And comments?
Tyler J. Yoder
July 23, 2013 @ 11:51 am
Victoria, your sparkling wit is what *my* raccoon brain craves. Even if you think a new post isn’t up to your usual standards, your adoring public is clamoring for more of your words, your brain, your self. Also, I’ve read all of your posts. All of them.
Also also, I wear brooches and pins constantly. And I’m a fella.
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
July 24, 2013 @ 9:42 am
You know, I emailed your blog to Lara (my best friend) back when I “met” you. This is my exact message to her:
The photos in this guy’s sidebar… are? I lack the words for how much I love them. It pains me I am not him.
She emailed me back and said:
The variety is amazing. It’s like you created him out of your own mind. Does he know you’ll be stalking him?
And I was like—WE’RE MUTUALLY STALKING EACH OTHER.
It was beyond satisfying.
p.s.- I have no doubt you put my pins to shame.
Tyler J. Yoder
July 24, 2013 @ 1:18 pm
Oh, my stars, Victoria. I still get shivers whenever you reply to me; you’ll always be one of my favorite internet rockstars.
Thank you so much for mutually stalking me. I hope that I didn’t disappoint.
Not at all, regarding the pins. Also, I’m selling a bunch of them off, soon. You can have first pick, if you like.
janet
July 25, 2013 @ 9:45 am
i want some of your pins too!
Tyler J. Yoder
July 25, 2013 @ 10:43 pm
That can be arranged. I keep putting off putting them up on eBay, because I’m a bit of a collector (hoarder) and it’s a wrench to part with all my beautiful things. I’m trying to become less materialistic, but – well, we all know how that goes.
KariBeth
July 23, 2013 @ 12:00 pm
Bahahaha! So, that’s what it’s called – “Raccoon-In-Head syndrome”! I’ve suffered from this my entire life! Thankfully, it’s now part of my job to find such shiny sparkly things! Otherwise, I’d probably suffer from RABID Raccoon-In-The-Head syndrome!
You did a fabulous job on your necklace!
And… thanks for this priceless visual:
“I’d like to say that I’m returning the one I bought… but the raccoon is still licking it.”
Love your blog!!!
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
July 24, 2013 @ 9:48 am
Um. After clicking over to your site? Mine looks sad.
CONGRATS on Anthro!!!
RamonaQ
July 23, 2013 @ 12:04 pm
My raccoon is impatient, and has ADD, apparently. I spent too much time on the Banana Republic (I think he also interferes with my spelling capability, as it took way to long to correctly type ‘banana’. Both those times.) site getting frustrated that I couldn’t FIND the awesome I’m-a-strangling-you-with-a-beautiful-bouquet (why can I spell bouquet faster than I can spell banana?!) necklace, only to return to your words to discover that YOU -MADE- THAT AWESOMENESS!!!!!!! Well done! I think it’s lovely!
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
July 24, 2013 @ 9:51 am
I TOO have banana-impaired spelling!! No joke!
Tammi V. V.
July 25, 2013 @ 10:54 pm
Whenever I have to spell banana, I hear Gwen Stefani in my head singing “B-A-N-A-N-A!”
Patina and Company
July 23, 2013 @ 12:05 pm
Hahaha–oh how can we ever forget about you when you always hit on the one thing that eats us up, or that crazy thing we did this week. Well, YES, since you ask, I DID actually buy a large and flowery oversized sparkly necklace during the past week. Been through that long, long period of sacrificing glamour to kid- and home-related priorities and I am gladly releasing my inner, shall we say, “fashion raccoon”, these days.
Babs the Elder
July 23, 2013 @ 12:15 pm
Thanks for naming this syndrome. Love it (and the necklace). In recent years I’ve had to keep a tight reign on my Raccoon-In-Head Syndrome when I see a must-have piece of jewelry, and remind myself that I’ve spent a minimum of 50 some years collecting items like that, many of which seem to come back in style in various updated forms when held onto long enough – – which I do, because I love each and every piece I’ve collected, as well as the ones I’ve inherited from my Mom and grandmothers. I try, not always successfully, to satisfy that Raccoon by “shopping” through my own collection, where I often find things I’ve completely forgotten I have, and fall in love with them all over again. Sometimes it sets my creative juices flowing and I can create new things using the old, which is another good therapeutic activity for those especially trying days. Even though I’ve retired, and jeans of various colors and lengths (yes, elastic waists definitely included) and cotton shirts have become my new uniform, I’m not at all beyond spicing it up with jewelry that runs from delicate to chunky and all things sparkly. There are still days when my Raccoon won’t be satisfied with the at-home diversion, by she is getting better.
As for your blog – I love, love, love your writing and your stories, as well as the humor you inject into them. Maybe you need to expand your title of “Restoring Our 1890 Victorian” to “Restoring Our 1890 Victorian and All Things Related (and sometimes seemingly unrelated) To That Restoration.”. 🙂 Would that help take away some of that performance stress? Whatever you do, don’t stop posting. Your fans love you!
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
July 24, 2013 @ 9:52 am
Giant hug. Excuse the raccoon fur, here’s a lint roller.
Babs the Elder
July 24, 2013 @ 10:31 am
Oops – didn’t notice the raccoon fur. Already covered with cat fur – one of my two cats is half Maine Coon and half angora, and he’s rarely more than a couple of feet away from my side, making it almost impossible to be fur free. So a bit of raccoon fur can only make me more interesting. Right? 🙂
Shannon
July 23, 2013 @ 12:18 pm
Awesome! Lots of brooches worn AT ONCE. I usually just wear one at a time on a tshirt or as a shawl pin. It looks like I have some vintage shopping to do. I need more. Can I ask how you connected them together though? I need to make one. Need to.
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
July 24, 2013 @ 9:54 am
I used the links from the chain… it’s longer than you need.
Some of the pins I could use JUST the link, but a few I had to add a bit of wire somewhere to create a loop for the chain to link to…
Shannon
July 24, 2013 @ 10:58 am
Thank you!!
Amber
July 23, 2013 @ 12:19 pm
LOL! I loved this post! I can identify with your inner raccoon. Although I probably would’ve panicked and returned the original necklace by now. Also, I think you’re funny and fun to read, no matter the subject matter. I don’t read your blog for the giveaways, surveys, sponsored posts, or any of that other crap that makes me STOP reading formerly awesome blogs. So keep it real, and the people that matter will always appreciate your blog. 😉
Mrs. Pear Tree
July 23, 2013 @ 12:20 pm
You know what? I actually like the necklace you made better. Just that little bit more classic in its simplicity. It would look oh, so lovely on my raccoon 😉
Rebeccah
July 23, 2013 @ 12:28 pm
M’kay. Firstly, don’t worry – we like you. And the reason we like you is because there is a real, likeable and funny you in your writing. So, chill before your raccoon gets all overwhelmed and rocking itself in a corner and puts the kibosh on the creative juices. What? Is that just me? You’re doing great. 🙂
Secondly, I love the necklace idea – as a non-crafty, yet still attracted to shiny objects person, this looks in the realm of achievable, unlike some of that bs one sees on Pinterest. Keep up the good work!
Melinda
July 23, 2013 @ 12:30 pm
“The brink of what? I don’t know. Whatever that is when you feel overwhelmed and close to crying hysterically/tearing your hair out.
But ALSO LIKE YOU ARE ON FIRE WITH RAGE.”
This may be redundantly referring to what you were already referencing, but when I read your statement, I just knew I had to post this clip from one of my favorite movies: Clue (1985) 🙂
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
July 24, 2013 @ 9:56 am
That is not what I was referring to, and I THANK you for introducing me. Paul will be getting a version of the “flames, flames, flames” while I gesture towards my face.
Maria
July 23, 2013 @ 12:51 pm
The one you made was so much more awesome than the one you wanted. You should do more! Maybe that’s a moneymaker!! But don’t stop blogging! You blog just like I think!! :0)
Susan Wener
July 23, 2013 @ 12:58 pm
I had to chuckle about your side paycheck and free swag comment 🙂 I often wonder why some blogs are “chosen” and other are not. Mostly I think it’s luck and who might be looking. Plus there’s a lot of shameless self-promotion in the mix somewhere.
Unless some of those “others”, I find your blog very entertaining… which is usually why I read blogs. I also like to learn stuff but that is secondary.
I actually like the necklace (and I do think yours is better… a bit less over-the-top) but then I like quirky, unusual things that I may only where once or twice unless it becomes a signature piece.
Gretchen@BoxyColonial
July 23, 2013 @ 12:59 pm
I love a mirror that looks like a kingdom as much as the next person, but I think I’m really here for your self-reflective analysis on what it means to be a blogger. If a blog fell in the woods and no one came along and offered it a lucrative sponsorship, did it really make a sound? Blogging is SO post-post-modern.
Brian Smingler
July 23, 2013 @ 1:12 pm
Only you Elizabeth, only you. Keep it up I need the comic relief now and then.
Carolyn V. Williams
July 23, 2013 @ 1:16 pm
Well, almost no one wears pins anymore. I wear pins almost every day. I have to wear suits for work and they are so bland (even my hot pink, red, and plum ones)! I have the most random collection of sparkly, fabulous pins–it’s what everyone buys me if they have no idea what to get me for my birthday/Christmas/Labor Day. (I’m wearing my hummingbird one right now.)This necklace is the perfect solution to those days when I need to be extra sparkly! And I can’t ignore my very important work to jump on over and relish your fantastical entries if you don’t write something, so write whatever you want. My procrastination depends on it.
Tina Killeen
July 23, 2013 @ 1:32 pm
I will never leave my new bestest friend. You don’t have to be hysterical all the time girl. Just call me often!
Wes
July 23, 2013 @ 1:36 pm
As part of my work, that I love, I listen to the saddest things I could even imagine throughout the day. I love this work, and yet I need to have a direct injection of funny, wry, happy, and glitter into my brain at the end of the day so I don’t rock back and forth in a corner with a blanket. You are absolutely a part of that happyglitter injection for me, and you could post 100 scrapbook photos of Elvis on a page and put another picture of a tiara on that page and I would think it’s delightful and hilarious. So, in summation:
1. We need you
2. What you’re doing is fantastic
3. My expectation level is at cat picture and tiara picture
Amanda
July 23, 2013 @ 1:57 pm
So beautiful. I do love everything you write and what you share with us. Your loyal minions.
Jenny
July 23, 2013 @ 2:04 pm
I prefer your necklace to the Banana Republic one. I am not one for yellow or orange, so the colors in your version are highly preferable. Yours also looks, in these photos, “real.” There’s something artificial, plasticky, about the purchased necklace.
I too suffer from raccoon brain. That resonated with my spirit way more than I want to admit.