A totally unscientific explanation for impulse purchases.
This is a departure from anything remotely house, garden, or craigslist-related.
I’m sorry if this disappoints you.
But:
- This is my blog.
- It was this, or nothing.
- I was afraid to choose nothing, since I live in perpetual fear that you will forget about me and move on to someone younger with better giveaways.
- I apologize for the annoying filters I used on the photos. It’s one of those things where you think a trend is incredibly stupid, but then see so much of it that it becomes weirdly appealing.
This transition from grotesque-trend-that-should-be-banned, to mysterious-overnight-need-for-exact-repulsive-trend-purchase has not yet clad me in skinny jeans or peplum, and I am thankful for that.
So. We’ve established that I love anything giant, odd, fancy, and generally too large to fit in my house–an aesthetic that used to apply to my fashion sense too.
But in the last five years, my vanity has been eroded by my laziness.
This decline in giving-a-shit-about-how-I-look is a huge timesaver, but also accompanied by the sad consequence of technically not needing to buy fancy outfits.
Because:
- I will not wear them.
- It is a well-known fact that elastic-waist pants and flip-flops are superior to every other form of attire.
- I would rather save the money for whatever massively awesome, useless piece of salvage the universe has in store for me.
But once in a while I see something.
And my raccoon brain is like—I MUST HAVE THAT.
Even though I KNOW it’s a ridiculous purchase… Even though I KNOW I’ll only wear it four times… Even though I KNOW I’ll find it restrictive and itchy and clanky… It doesn’t matter. Because the raccoon gets all rabid and is like, I will BITE you, if you don’t buy me that.
If you too suffer from Raccoon-In-Head syndrome, you are familiar with this.
It was a ridiculous price. But I COULD NOT leave without it.
Plus, it was embarrassing to try to hug it through the glass.
So I bought it.
If I told you how much it was, you would think I was insane. But as of this post, it’s sold out so let’s pretend it was a normal price.
By the time I was halfway home, I realized that I could make my own version with the box of vintage pins I hoard uselessly… who wears pins? No one. So after I bought this chain, I had everything I needed to make my own, way-less-awesome necklace.
I’d like to say that I’m returning the one I bought… but the raccoon is still licking it. Plus, lets be serious— it’s called an impulse purchase, because your impulse is to keep it.
Also, in this case it was called– overwhelmed/trying to buy 5 seconds of stress-relief/Versailles was not for sale.
I had SUCH a crap day last week, that I felt close to the brink.
The brink of what? I don’t know. Whatever that is when you feel overwhelmed and close to crying hysterically/tearing your hair out.
But ALSO LIKE YOU ARE ON FIRE WITH RAGE.
And the necklace was some knee-jerk reaction to just BUY five seconds of OTHERNESS.
To just think about something else.
Even though I could go LOOK IN MY CLOSET at all the otherness I’ve ALREADY purchased. And be reminded that it’s only a brief respite…
Although, if you’re going to be on fire with rage, I guess you might as well be wearing a really nice necklace.
Also, I need to tell you how there was a time when I thought this blog was going to garner me a nice side-paycheck AND free swag.
Which? Hello? WHO IS STEALING MY SWAG?
But now I feel differently. I feel this is a revolution.
A redefining of militant—to include shiny things and abolish khaki and berets.
But also a very anxiety-riddled revolution. Where I worry that I will disappoint you. Where I worry that you will tire of me. Where I worry about the responsibility of coming up with new and entertaining things EVERY WEEK.
And where I envy the revolutionaries who came before social media… I doubt Karl Marx woke his husband in the middle of the night to tell him his greatest fear—that he would never get 100,000 “likes” on Facebook.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
July 29, 2013 @ 10:44 am
I have a problem and need help. I want to have a raccoon brain! I buy some really rockin stuff…put it on and feel like I am playing dressup! What to do?
July 29, 2013 @ 11:37 pm
*unfolds a blanket, lays it out by the computer, & falls asleep to the soft glow of your page open on the screen*
What better way to go off into dreamland.
July 31, 2013 @ 11:21 am
I just found this on Craigslist and I want it. http://richmond.craigslist.org/fuo/3971034252.html
I’m blaming you because this is ordinarily not something my raccoon wants. My raccoon inner self wants chairs. Lots and lots of chairs. And now it also wants shiny mirrors. Eep!
July 31, 2013 @ 11:44 am
oh. my. goodness.
I WANT this mirror, as well! Eeep!~was so hopeful it was from Richmond, CANADA….but, alas, it is a wee bit more of a jaunt than that! *sigh*
August 6, 2013 @ 11:47 pm
Ah! Never knew it was Raccoon Syndrome. I’ve always said I’m like a crow and have no power to resist shiny objects. I ❤ things that go sparkle!
August 6, 2013 @ 11:57 pm
Also , I was pretty sure we’re the same age – but now I am pretty sure not based on how smooth and pretty your neck is. Green with envy over here!
August 16, 2013 @ 11:28 pm
I too have a raccoon. She is not cute, she is myopic, obsessed, single minded. She spent 2 hours tonight forcing me to scour the Internet for this very necklace. It is SO sold out that yours is the only image of it that comes up online when I googled “banana republic garden party necklace.” I know I can’t afford it, I know how much it costs, but the fact that it is so hard to find, so sold out , makes my raccoon rabid.
Just like the time we had a bit of wine and the raccoon forced me to buy J Crew glitter capped ballet flats that were $127.00 on sale, non refundable and a SIZE TOO BIG. They live in a box in the raccoons closet.
Often my raccoon forces me to open store accounts to get the “40% off your first purchase”deal, which is promptly used on clothes for a life I don’t have. “Wouldn’t this dress be perfect for the Christmas Dance at the Club?!” She trills. Wicked, wicked creature. There is no Club. There is no dance. And yet the black silk sheath dress comes home with us.
I am just pleased to know the necklace does exist, it wasn’t a raccoon dream, and there is not a one to be found. Whew. We are going to bed, my raccoon surrenders for now. But she makes me save the image of your necklace. Just. In. Case.
May 14, 2014 @ 6:20 pm
Erm, I love your version better actually.
May 20, 2014 @ 5:07 am
Ohhh…beautiful!!
July 13, 2014 @ 10:54 pm
Dear Victoria, I loved your blog and can totally relate to being fascinated by sparkly things, which overflow from all available storage spaces I have. I, too, have a large stash of vintage pieces I have gathered over the years and would love to make a necklace like you did! Just wondering – how did you attach them to the chain? Are the pins connected to each other, or are they attached to the chain, or both? I am a “beginner level” jewelry crafter!!
July 14, 2014 @ 8:14 am
First I connected the pins together… lay them out first and determine that you are happy with the amalgamation.
Some of them are easier than others depending on what the backing looks like, or what the setting is. (To connect to them – sometimes I used individual links from the chain. Sometimes I used some jewelry wire that I already had.)
Then I split the chain in two… put the chain-of-pins between the two chain-lengths… And connect the end of each chain to whatever pin is on the end.
Hope this makes sense!
November 12, 2014 @ 11:21 am
A raccoon! thats it! I always felt the critter in my head was a squirrel but now I can clearly see its a raccoon…which face it is so much better than a squirrel..but scarier. which would explain some of my ‘must have this, don’t need this or know what I will do with this’ purchases.
Love the necklace and if I had a neck I would be so tempted to make one but that aside I’m just so happy to have a critter to blame my ‘retail therapy’ on and frankly to stop thinking that I suffer from ‘squirrel brain’. So much cooler to be possessed by a raccoon.
Thanks for all your therapy and making us all feel that these things that we do are normal. 🙂
November 13, 2014 @ 5:04 am
PLEASE never think we will abandon you! Every time I open my email, I first look for a notification of a new post from you. I even get excited if it is “only” a reply from one of your countless fans! Most of us would still read you if you only blogged about mundane things such as how to clean wood floors. It is certainly not WHAT you blog about, but most definitely HOW you blog about it! I liken it to my love of all things Stephen King. I love to read him, because he can take the most outrageous, “probably” impossible to ever happen things, and make them seem like something you experienced JUST LAST WEEK!!!!! I get the same feelings when I read your blog. I can see myself doing similar things, and thinking similar thoughts…just not with the great sense of humor you use to impart your ideas!
When I DO find a VEB post, I immediately think, “ALRIGHT”!, immediately followed by “There goes my morning”! Because I can not stop until I have read every last comment, and linked to every last link, from you AND your wonderful fans. Just when I think I have read everything you ever posted, you will link back to one I missed! Followed by hundreds of comments! We are addicted, pure and simple!
PS…LOVE the necklace you did. Love the color combo way more than the Banana Republic one (Oh, yes…my nemesis is “remember”…I have to mentally say the “emem” part to spell it right!)
March 6, 2015 @ 11:01 pm
Hi raccoon,
This is squirrel. When I go out and forage for nuts, I find this particular nut that cost to much. I pass it on, and wait for it to go on sale. I go to bed at night and I have dreams about this particular nut. I keep going back at the store to visit sometimes. One sales lady actucully called me a clothes starker. I finally go back to buy the DAME nut and someone bought the nut and there are no more nuts in my size. Valuable lesson do not wait so long to buy a particular nut again. Note to self, work on the clothes stalker thing.
March 7, 2015 @ 10:11 am
I have a chair at the antique store that I visit. The last time I was there it wasn’t in it’s spot. Momentary panic but I found it displayed somewhere else. For those few minutes I couldn’t find it I was having the reverse of buyer’s remorse. But when I spied it again, I couldn’t part with THAT much money. So I’ll just have to keep visiting my chair at the store and have a pity party when it finds a new home.
April 16, 2016 @ 8:45 am
I love them both but actually prefer the one you made!
May 26, 2016 @ 12:41 pm
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007WDU0WG/ref=cm_cr_dpvoterdr?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B007WDU0WG&linkCode=as2&redirect=true&tag=victoelizabar-20&thanksvoting=cr-vote-R3L2UDV2IPBAMW#R3L2UDV2IPBAMW.2115.Helpful.Reviews
The review on the chain is about YOU! I hope you already saw it, but had to notify. Just in case.
July 28, 2017 @ 4:34 pm
Have you ever considered collecting crazy quilts? Because it seems like they would be up your alley.