A totally unscientific explanation for impulse purchases.
This is a departure from anything remotely house, garden, or craigslist-related.
I’m sorry if this disappoints you.
But:
- This is my blog.
- It was this, or nothing.
- I was afraid to choose nothing, since I live in perpetual fear that you will forget about me and move on to someone younger with better giveaways.
- I apologize for the annoying filters I used on the photos. It’s one of those things where you think a trend is incredibly stupid, but then see so much of it that it becomes weirdly appealing.
This transition from grotesque-trend-that-should-be-banned, to mysterious-overnight-need-for-exact-repulsive-trend-purchase has not yet clad me in skinny jeans or peplum, and I am thankful for that.
So. We’ve established that I love anything giant, odd, fancy, and generally too large to fit in my house–an aesthetic that used to apply to my fashion sense too.
But in the last five years, my vanity has been eroded by my laziness.
This decline in giving-a-shit-about-how-I-look is a huge timesaver, but also accompanied by the sad consequence of technically not needing to buy fancy outfits.
Because:
- I will not wear them.
- It is a well-known fact that elastic-waist pants and flip-flops are superior to every other form of attire.
- I would rather save the money for whatever massively awesome, useless piece of salvage the universe has in store for me.
But once in a while I see something.
And my raccoon brain is like—I MUST HAVE THAT.
Even though I KNOW it’s a ridiculous purchase… Even though I KNOW I’ll only wear it four times… Even though I KNOW I’ll find it restrictive and itchy and clanky… It doesn’t matter. Because the raccoon gets all rabid and is like, I will BITE you, if you don’t buy me that.
If you too suffer from Raccoon-In-Head syndrome, you are familiar with this.
It was a ridiculous price. But I COULD NOT leave without it.
Plus, it was embarrassing to try to hug it through the glass.
So I bought it.
If I told you how much it was, you would think I was insane. But as of this post, it’s sold out so let’s pretend it was a normal price.
By the time I was halfway home, I realized that I could make my own version with the box of vintage pins I hoard uselessly… who wears pins? No one. So after I bought this chain, I had everything I needed to make my own, way-less-awesome necklace.
I’d like to say that I’m returning the one I bought… but the raccoon is still licking it. Plus, lets be serious— it’s called an impulse purchase, because your impulse is to keep it.
Also, in this case it was called– overwhelmed/trying to buy 5 seconds of stress-relief/Versailles was not for sale.
I had SUCH a crap day last week, that I felt close to the brink.
The brink of what? I don’t know. Whatever that is when you feel overwhelmed and close to crying hysterically/tearing your hair out.
But ALSO LIKE YOU ARE ON FIRE WITH RAGE.
And the necklace was some knee-jerk reaction to just BUY five seconds of OTHERNESS.
To just think about something else.
Even though I could go LOOK IN MY CLOSET at all the otherness I’ve ALREADY purchased. And be reminded that it’s only a brief respite…
Although, if you’re going to be on fire with rage, I guess you might as well be wearing a really nice necklace.
Also, I need to tell you how there was a time when I thought this blog was going to garner me a nice side-paycheck AND free swag.
Which? Hello? WHO IS STEALING MY SWAG?
But now I feel differently. I feel this is a revolution.
A redefining of militant—to include shiny things and abolish khaki and berets.
But also a very anxiety-riddled revolution. Where I worry that I will disappoint you. Where I worry that you will tire of me. Where I worry about the responsibility of coming up with new and entertaining things EVERY WEEK.
And where I envy the revolutionaries who came before social media… I doubt Karl Marx woke his husband in the middle of the night to tell him his greatest fear—that he would never get 100,000 “likes” on Facebook.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:24 am
I think this fits in just perfect!! It’s a little more of you- which by the way we love and is why we come here!!! So share shiny things and more of you!!! Could never forget about you!! Have a great day!!
July 23, 2013 @ 10:50 am
This exactly. It’s you, Victoria. You are what we love with whatever that raccoon is hungering for next. You are the disco ball that draws us in every glittery second!
July 23, 2013 @ 10:25 am
did you see the report on Dateline about Craiglist scams… yes… I thought of you
You’re Welcome
and thank you for this post… I love the necklace… don’t return it… keep it
July 23, 2013 @ 11:51 am
Now I’m sad they didn’t interview me… don’t they know I’ve appointed myself the official Craigslist spokesperson?
August 24, 2014 @ 6:29 pm
Hi! I love how you diy your brooch necklaces! Lol I have a question, issue is where do you find such beauties? Lol i know for a fact you ain’t going all out for them! Or were you blessed with a vintage jewelry collecting grandmother?
(i’m reffering to the brooches/pins)
Thanks
August 25, 2014 @ 9:43 am
Some are my grandmother’s, but yard/estate sales have also been good to me!!
July 23, 2013 @ 10:25 am
Honestly . . . I like yours better 🙂
July 23, 2013 @ 11:52 am
My raccoon overrides any attempt I make to apply reserve to any part of my life.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:25 am
Dude, that is AWESOME!
I too suffer from raccoon-in-head brain.
Which explains why the closets in the rooms of my house are unavailable for use by guests when they come to stay. LOL!
July 23, 2013 @ 11:53 am
Guests– such a pain. I have mine bring tents.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:27 am
Don’t you worry, Ms. V, we ADORE you! We won’t leave you! Promise.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:28 am
I succumbed to this same necklace! For many of the same reasons, even. I could have made it myself out of my grandmother’s stash but oh, well. But I didn’t get to wear it til 2 months later because my 2 daughters were taking turns with it! By the time it got around to me it had lost its raccoon appeal. A little.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:29 am
Fascinating. I was just talking with a friend about pins and brooches last night. I have no place to wear pieces like that (most days I forget to put on my watch… a necklace would be too much pressure) but I adore looking at them.
In my mind I am very fancy. In real life, it’s yoga pants and painted up denim.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:29 am
Dare I say, I LOVE your version….the purchased version being a ‘tad’ to busy for me, and would perhaps require a visit t the chiropractor, should I have worn it. BUT, now I have a new mission in life to put my jewelry pliers to good use with….hi ho hi ho….off to the thrifts I go! (Please tell me those were amazingly gorgeous, rip your earlobes off, earrings, on each side of your stunning piece of loveliness??!!-and if not, how in the heck did you manage to buy TWO of the same brooch???)
July 23, 2013 @ 10:29 am
PS: Your creation is SO much better! : )
July 23, 2013 @ 10:30 am
Oh, bless you for posting this!!! I, too, had a horrible few days last week and thought I’d lose my mind…glad you found a way to make something even more beautiful than your original purchase. I love your writing, it doesn’t matter what subject you bring up, your humor just makes my day brighter!!!!
July 23, 2013 @ 10:31 am
I love the necklace. I’m not anywhere near as remotely awesome as you are AND I have to say that elastic waists and flip-flops are more attractive on you than they are on me, BUT I concur that they’re the ultimate in elegance. 😉
I mean, aside from this necklace. I bet the raccoon wants one with edibles.
So what kind of swag do you want? 😀
July 23, 2013 @ 11:57 am
I’m so glad you asked.
1. a new kitchen.
2. someone else to install it.
3. for the installer to look like Channing Tatum.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:31 am
You had me at shiny things. Flourishes, furbelows – the more ornate and faceted and gaudy, the more I love it. I own a similar necklace, and I think I’ve worn it twice (?) in two years… but the purchase was OH SO worth it. Because I love it. Because I can sit and admire it even if I’m not wearing it. Because it’s a little bit of the universe’s fantasticness that belongs to me.
I hope your day/week got better and brighter – both from your gorgeous new accessories and from the outpouring of fan-love that will surely follow this post! 🙂
July 23, 2013 @ 10:32 am
Do we have to get rid of berets? it’s somewhere else to put the pins!
July 23, 2013 @ 12:04 pm
This is why I need you people… Clearly I’d overlooked that.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:32 am
Hi Victoria,
I do not read your posts for any giveaways or diy projects but because you are so awesomely funny and articulate and I swear you must be my cosmic twin because we think alike. I will never leave you. In fact I want to be you when I grow up!! ( I’m sixty by the way…)
July 23, 2013 @ 2:39 pm
Make that triplets. I sent this post to one of the “girls” who helped me design my kitchen. She accused me of letting bright, shiny objects distract me! And I’m only 67!
July 24, 2013 @ 9:28 am
Saving this in my “comments that made my day” folder.
xo, your sister.
July 25, 2013 @ 1:47 am
“If you build it, he will come.” If you write , we will read!
July 23, 2013 @ 10:33 am
I made a brooch bouquet for my wedding and so for months I had those glazed-over raccoon eyes (“SPARKLY THINGS!!! I MUST HAVE THEM!!!”). I still have a hard time passing by lovely brooches.
But this? This post? IT VALIDATES EVERYTHING.
Thank you.
July 25, 2013 @ 12:17 pm
I have seen your bouquet, Anne, and it is brilliant. I have another friend who had one made (probably using your tutorial) and it was gorgeous.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:34 am
Love your blog and totally understand that raccoon brain thing. And your Craigslist story was the best! Keep writing and I will certainly keep reading.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:34 am
Love every word you write !! Hilarious !!
July 23, 2013 @ 10:34 am
Keep the great posts coming! Just be you! And based on the things you like and the pictures I have seen online -you should totally do peplum and big pearls or sparkly necklaces!
July 23, 2013 @ 10:36 am
You and my older daughter need to hang out. She will take all of that off your hands. Perhaps you can convince her your ways to get me to use more glitter in my crafts too b/c we both know that’s just not going to happen!!!
Though you will be proud. I gave in and am buying her a chandelier for her room. She calls it the diamond one. Seriously I have no idea how I gave birth to her. She calls my kraft paper the ugliest wrapping paper ever.
July 23, 2013 @ 10:36 am
I wear pins and brooches; almost everyday! When you’re tired of the ones you have send them to me. 🙂