Christmas decorating… Part one.
Christmas is to bloggers, what tax season is to accountants.
Except with whimsy, and extravagance, and the need to not do anything anyone else is doing, and with the requirement to have 57,000 ideas that people will want to make and pin and share.
Ideas that will make people envy your home, your creativity, and your general existence on this planet… An existence that has somehow allotted you the free time to create your remarkable home, with your extraordinary creativity, with ease and joy and merriment and not wanting to stab yourself.
I would have liked to opt-out of that. But I got invited to participate in a holiday-home blog-tour and it made me look around and realize other bloggers are winning Christmas.
And because I am petty and childish, I find that unacceptable.
If there is a competition, I must be the winner.
Especially if that competition is empty and meaningless.
So I snorted some glitter and ordered a truckload of garland. When I filled out the order form, it said – choose your ship date. I typed– yesterday.
The Christmas house tour also clued me in to the secret of REALLY good-looking greenery: you need MORE. I cannot explain why I needed this demonstrated to me, rather than knowing it intuitively… But I am compensating for my past mistakes.
When Paul came home, he said – how was your day?
I said – GREAT! I ordered 200 feet of evergreen garland.
Paul said – 200 feet?
I said – yes. It will be an EXPLOSION of Evergreen. A lush, wintry forest of magic and Wonderland and sap all over everything.
Paul said – you found someone to MAIL you 200 feet of evergreen garland?
I said – yes! That is the beauty of the internet. YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING DELIVERED.
Paul said – do you even know how long 200 feet is? That is MORE than twice the length of our house.
I said – yes. I wanted to be sure I had ENOUGH. And if there is any left over, I will craft it into mini wreaths! Wreaths for windows! Wreaths for doors!
Then I told him –I also ordered a POUND of German glass glitter.
(Which you will be seeing twelve posts about shortly.)
And I bought four yards of taffeta.
WHICH I WILL SEW INTO GLORIOUS BOWS.
Then I smiled, all crazy-eyed and whispered in my just-escaped-from-the-lunatic-asylum-voice:
IT IS GOING TO BE A HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA.
Paul said – right. It sounds like a nervous breakdown extravaganza to me.
So if you got this far, and are actually reading, not just looking at the pictures… I consider you my friend. And therefore will invite you to watch my debut on national television me make a bow on a Google+ hangout.
It is for a site called Hometalk. They are fairly new, kind of a cross between the social aspects of a chatboard and the practical aspects of Pinterest. They are doing a video about holiday decorating ideas and they asked me to do a demonstration of my post about how to make a bow.
And I have learned something already: when invited to do a video – IMMEDIATELY ASK IF YOU CAN GO FIRST.
Someone beat me to that, so I am second. And I am hoping the first demonstration goes wildly awry so that in comparison I look extra competent.
It would be great if she could accidentally light something on fire.
Update: here is the video. I am at 10:00. I talk too much and do not even realize that Elvis is cleaning herself inappropriately. Also, I refer to Paul as long-suffering. What I MEANT to say was– he is extremely lucky.
I was actually reluctant to invite you to watch me make a bow and I considered not mentioning it at all, but I am pretty sure that is not the correct way to promote myself.
I am someone who requires a lot of editing, and I am far, far, far better on paper than in person… It is certain that I will say something idiotic. Or catapult myself into the Christmas tree.
My biggest concern is the likelihood that I cannot make a bow and talk at the same time. (Not to mention how I do not even understand how to use Google+ and I need to get on that before 2 o’clock this afternoon.)
It also seems possible that my bow-making skills will fail me and I will be revealed as a fraud.
If this sounds interesting to you, here is the Google event page. You do not need to have a Google account or anything… Just show up today at 2 o’clock.
It is exactly like watching a video on YouTube. Except, it is live. So if I make up a spur-of-the-moment song about bows, there will be no erasing it from eternity on the internet.
see all my holiday decorating ideas
December 3, 2013 @ 12:25 pm
I love your blog. Every time I get an email notifying me of a new post I get so happy. You are an excellent writer. You are charming and witty and incredibly funny. I look forward to reading about the glitter.
P.S. Your home looks so warm and festive. I feel like I stepped back in time.
December 3, 2013 @ 12:38 pm
I’m am now officially confused. As a first time reader, I thought for sure this post was a parody. Over-sharing, overly-cute-and-snarky bloggers of the world unite! Then I read the comments and it would appear that a great majority of the readers think this is serious. They sing praises and would love to live in a world where buying 200 feet of live garland without consulting the check book is just as normal as picking up the kids from school in the mini-van. I love some good entertainment as much as the next person and the home decor group hug going on here is great. But is this fact or is it fiction?
December 3, 2013 @ 12:51 pm
Shh…the garland is actually all photoshopped…
December 3, 2013 @ 1:43 pm
I knew something was off here.
December 3, 2013 @ 1:45 pm
Thanks for letting me in on the secret. The house looks fabulous!! I l.o.v.e it!!! 🙂
December 3, 2013 @ 12:42 pm
VALEDICTORIAN OF GARLAND.
December 3, 2013 @ 12:47 pm
Wow! 200 feet of garland is absolutely amazing! Your home looks stunning! I love the wood over the mantel. It’s so genius!!
December 3, 2013 @ 12:47 pm
I love you, Victoria, precisely because you are brave enough to do all the things I really want to do but am too shy/afraid/realistic! Right after I read this, my next email message included this quote, which, in the tradition of fortune cookies that get grabbed by the wrong person, I am sure was meant for you.
“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.”
— A.A. Milne,
British writer
December 3, 2013 @ 1:29 pm
My husband is on a teleconference right beside me which is really unfair when I am trying to hold in guffawing. When, when will I learn not to read your posts when he is here working beside me….
December 3, 2013 @ 1:29 pm
Wow. I haven’t even started to decorate!! Your description of what Christmas is to Bloggers is perfect. So much in fact, that I felt the need to share it on Google+, which I may have done in incorrectly because I’m just learning about it. Anyway…fab looking. I’ll have to get my stuff out soon. You’re so brave to be part of this “competition”:-)
December 3, 2013 @ 1:31 pm
Aw crap. I have a conference call at 2! Who would schedule such a thing?!
My colleague in Texas that’s who. Otherwise I’d eat lunch then and watch!
December 3, 2013 @ 1:37 pm
You know…no, I won’t say it out loud because then it might really happen. BUT…maybe you should be reminded that evergreens dry out and do not get along well with open flames…BUT no, I won’t mention that you will need to be extra careful with the fireplace lighter. I mean, anyone who can catapult herself into the tree must use extra caution with lighters, no? All the same, your house looks absolutely beautiful. Just…use caution, OK?
December 3, 2013 @ 1:45 pm
I am here to say that I have never used garland. But in case I ever do, I am glad to know that more is… more! Good luck on Google + sounds cool – I have to leave for work in 4 minutes but I’ll watch it later, if that’s possible?
December 3, 2013 @ 2:25 pm
Lovely! Your garland is gorgeous! Thanks for the wonderful inspiration!
December 3, 2013 @ 2:26 pm
Hey Elizabeth. You were great. Enjoyed it very much. Your words were in synch with your lips but the moderator’s were not. Interesting.
December 3, 2013 @ 2:28 pm
No video, and I was looking forward to it! Will there be a replay?
December 3, 2013 @ 2:49 pm
Did you come up with the board to staple on top of the mantle idea? It is amazing and opens up so many possibilities!!! That is just as wonderful as the bow tutorial and should be on Pinterest!!!
December 3, 2013 @ 2:50 pm
😉 Your home is stunning all that greenery is so worth it!! Your winning in the greenery category that’s for sure lol! Love your hilarious humor 😉 going to go watch your debut on film!!!
December 3, 2013 @ 2:59 pm
Sorry I missed the live presentation I am on Central Time) still quite interesting and as always humorous. Your bow looked great.
December 3, 2013 @ 3:53 pm
I don’t think there’s such a thing as too much garland- it looks perfect and I especially love the banister! Can’t wait to see what you do with all that glitter!
December 3, 2013 @ 3:55 pm
Always something new with you and your projects..my, how I enjoy your crazy enthusiasm for what you do. I bought 15 feet of garland this year. I will have extra..if you need an extra 5 feet or so that I will have left over…
200 feet – WOW!
December 3, 2013 @ 4:56 pm
I absolutely have to move into your neighborhood so I can come over and drink wine and hold things for you while you decorate. Then I can drink some more wine and walk around and exclaim how brilliant you are and how do you find the time? and where do you get your ideas? and then go home and throw a Home Depot wreath on the door and open another bottle of wine because you drank most of the other one. (Forgive me if you don’t drink wine.)
December 3, 2013 @ 4:58 pm
OK, when you said I was your friend, I was all in. Then you said I needed to be on Google+ at 2:00 and thought, well, easy come easy go. But of course the video was there. Everyone talks way to slowly while they read their script for these things, as if we couldn’t keep up if they talked in a normal voice, but NOT YOU! Your video was everything I want an instructional video to be. You are engaging, captivating, funny, clear, slightly awkward in a way that makes me feel comfortable. Elvis and her cat ‘ballet’ was a funny and unexpected twist. The bow instruction was easy to follow, the ribbon beyond perfect and you were a joy to watch. I was afraid your crazy would show through but I should have known I wouldn’t be friends who was too outwardly crazy. Seriously, you could do these fireside chats in your house and we would all come and watch, and oooh and ahhh over you and how pretty your house is and how nice you are, and it would be like we were all friends. I think you won the Internet today girlfriend!