Christmas decorating… Part one.
Christmas is to bloggers, what tax season is to accountants.
Except with whimsy, and extravagance, and the need to not do anything anyone else is doing, and with the requirement to have 57,000 ideas that people will want to make and pin and share.
Ideas that will make people envy your home, your creativity, and your general existence on this planet… An existence that has somehow allotted you the free time to create your remarkable home, with your extraordinary creativity, with ease and joy and merriment and not wanting to stab yourself.
I would have liked to opt-out of that. But I got invited to participate in a holiday-home blog-tour and it made me look around and realize other bloggers are winning Christmas.
And because I am petty and childish, I find that unacceptable.
If there is a competition, I must be the winner.
Especially if that competition is empty and meaningless.
So I snorted some glitter and ordered a truckload of garland. When I filled out the order form, it said – choose your ship date. I typed– yesterday.
The Christmas house tour also clued me in to the secret of REALLY good-looking greenery: you need MORE. I cannot explain why I needed this demonstrated to me, rather than knowing it intuitively… But I am compensating for my past mistakes.
When Paul came home, he said – how was your day?
I said – GREAT! I ordered 200 feet of evergreen garland.
Paul said – 200 feet?
I said – yes. It will be an EXPLOSION of Evergreen. A lush, wintry forest of magic and Wonderland and sap all over everything.
Paul said – you found someone to MAIL you 200 feet of evergreen garland?
I said – yes! That is the beauty of the internet. YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING DELIVERED.
Paul said – do you even know how long 200 feet is? That is MORE than twice the length of our house.
I said – yes. I wanted to be sure I had ENOUGH. And if there is any left over, I will craft it into mini wreaths! Wreaths for windows! Wreaths for doors!
Then I told him –I also ordered a POUND of German glass glitter.
(Which you will be seeing twelve posts about shortly.)
And I bought four yards of taffeta.
WHICH I WILL SEW INTO GLORIOUS BOWS.
Then I smiled, all crazy-eyed and whispered in my just-escaped-from-the-lunatic-asylum-voice:
IT IS GOING TO BE A HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA.
Paul said – right. It sounds like a nervous breakdown extravaganza to me.
So if you got this far, and are actually reading, not just looking at the pictures… I consider you my friend. And therefore will invite you to watch
my debut on national television me make a bow on a Google+ hangout.
It is for a site called Hometalk. They are fairly new, kind of a cross between the social aspects of a chatboard and the practical aspects of Pinterest. They are doing a video about holiday decorating ideas and they asked me to do a demonstration of my post about how to make a bow.
And I have learned something already: when invited to do a video – IMMEDIATELY ASK IF YOU CAN GO FIRST.
Someone beat me to that, so I am second. And I am hoping the first demonstration goes wildly awry so that in comparison I look extra competent.
It would be great if she could accidentally light something on fire.
Update: here is the video. I am at 10:00. I talk too much and do not even realize that Elvis is cleaning herself inappropriately. Also, I refer to Paul as long-suffering. What I MEANT to say was– he is extremely lucky.
I was actually reluctant to invite you to watch me make a bow and I considered not mentioning it at all, but I am pretty sure that is not the correct way to promote myself.
I am someone who requires a lot of editing, and I am far, far, far better on paper than in person… It is certain that I will say something idiotic. Or catapult myself into the Christmas tree.
My biggest concern is the likelihood that I cannot make a bow and talk at the same time. (Not to mention how I do not even understand how to use Google+ and I need to get on that before 2 o’clock this afternoon.)
It also seems possible that my bow-making skills will fail me and I will be revealed as a fraud.
If this sounds interesting to you, here is the Google event page. You do not need to have a Google account or anything… Just show up today at 2 o’clock.
It is exactly like watching a video on YouTube. Except, it is live. So if I make up a spur-of-the-moment song about bows, there will be no erasing it from eternity on the internet.
see all my holiday decorating ideas
December 3, 2013 @ 11:13 am
There should be 31 bloggers for the 12 Days of Christmas Bloggers Tour and you should/will be added to the list after your bow making tutorial hits the internet. I WILL be watching and laughing very out loud and if you live up to my expectations perhaps spontaneously snorting as I learn your method for making bows for all my holiday decorations. I can’t wait for 2 o’clock and I know you probably can’t wait for it to be over so you can get back to decorating and basking in your new fame. Love your blog!!!! xox
December 3, 2013 @ 11:13 am
Wow! Okay, I’m now officially envious…yes, I just looked in the mirror and I’m literally green with envy. Thank goodness I look good in green. Picture Elphaba from Wicked but with very short red hair. I think your house is amazing and, quite frankly, I think Paul should be glad you restrained yourself and purchased ONLY 200 feet. I mean, really, can you ever have too much garland? or glitter for that matter? I’m afraid I must admit defeat this year. Our 1900’s farmhouse fixer-upper is in total remodeling disarray and I haven’t the energy to go the the garage and drag down my decorations. However, I warn you, by this time next year I’ll be gunning for you with decorations out the wazoo. I will probalby even decorate my chicken coop with lovely twinkle lights and wreaths with bright red bows. I mean, who said chickens can’t appreciate decorations too, right???
December 3, 2013 @ 11:14 am
Your house looks like a STORE, I want to buy something!!!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:16 am
You are soooo fun! I can’t wait to see you live. Don’t worry about it, if I can do it anyone can. I had a video about shelter animals and the dog started bark just as the Hometalk video started. Yikes! But, it only captured the last little yelp.
Okay! now I want 200 feet of garland!!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:16 am
Are you kidding? Do you think anyone would actually just look at your pictures and not read your words? In fact, feel free to skip pictures entirely and just give us more of your profound insights about … well, anything!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:20 am
Good luck today! I would totally watch, but I have a meeting at 2:00. I love your tip about putting an extra board on the mantle to protect it–which also allows room for more garland. Our mantle is not affixed to the wall. We have it affixed with cinder blocks and pushed the couch against it, but every once in a while it collapses and terrifies our dog. I think I’ll invest in some eye-hooks.
December 3, 2013 @ 11:26 am
Victoria, I adore you! (I think I start all of my comments to you this way. Let me know if it’s getting old). My biz partner and I are in the first year of our blog (www.littleyellowcouch.com), which I’ve just shamelessly promoted, and we are up to our eyeballs in decorating my house for the holidays in a deer/antler/ski lodge/plaid/post-modern theme, in time for our cocktail party on Dec. 6th, which we are throwing specifically so we can blog about it. Yes, like you, our lives are dictated by making ourselves look good and, at least in our case, so much better than we really are. Anyway, I can’t wait to see you make this bow. Live. You’re our hero. Good luck!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:28 am
Pretty please will you tell us more about that tree stand?
Ps Does Elvis try to chew the greens? My cat is OBSEssed! I had to move my tiny tree-let to the top of an armoire and he’s been trying to leap up there to get his fix.
Emily @ Two Purple Couches
December 3, 2013 @ 11:30 am
I cannot wait to hear more about this German glass glitter!! Your Evergreen is stunning, and I hope your home smells like a magical wintery forest. Because I imagine that it does, and that would be wonderful!
Abby @ Just a Girl and Her Blog
December 3, 2013 @ 11:33 am
I don’t know what I enjoyed more– your gorgeous home or your hilarious commentary! I’m going with both! Absolutely beautiful job, Miss Victoria! Everything is stunning!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:33 am
You are going to do great! Trust me. Slightly crazy translates really well on the intranets. It becomes energy! Pizazz! Charisma! Je ne sais pas.
We’ll be there and rooting you on so just think how you are talking to a slightly middle-aged bow fan with a kitty cat walking back and forth across the keyboard.
Tyler J. Yoder
December 3, 2013 @ 11:35 am
We used to throw themed Christmas dances, at this charmingly rustic building built by the WPA and therefore FDR, all fieldstone and exposed cedar beams. I wish, now, that I knew how many feet of garland we went through each year, because I had to make it by hand. It took hours.
Also, I’m pretty sure that if you spontaneously make a song about making bows, you’ll get a record deal, so you have that to look forward to. I wish I could watch your tutorial this afternoon, but I can’t – will it be available to view later?
December 3, 2013 @ 11:38 am
This has to be the funniest post I have read for some time. No insult intended… Keep your “roll” going & I wouldn’t miss your bow video for the world! The house is beautiful..reminds me of the Christmas Open house tour in town… I guess since I live by myself I have turned into a grinch… I did make my wreath…then I shut the door with the satisfaction that I decorated…lol
Merry Christmas to All!!!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:40 am
I feel sad now. I’ve only ever had fake garlands. *hangs head in shame* But in SoCal the real stuff doesn’t last long. But dead and brown or not, I must find real ones now.
December 3, 2013 @ 11:45 am
WHAT? 2 P.M. – Eastern, Central, Mountain or Pacific???? How can I watch if you don’t give me this info VEB???? PLEASE tell me so I don’t miss you!!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:50 am
I read several blogs and I have to say… yours is THE MOST entertaining. Funny, funny, funny. PLUS your home is absolutely beautiful! Keep up the good work!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:55 am
I’ve been following your blog since I learned of you from the Gardener’s Cottage blog. I’m a great admirer of your antics, writing, and home. What I found most interesting, however, is your striking resemblance to Wallis Simpson, but funnier, and much more appealing–except for the jewelry, hers was spectacular and I’ve not been shown any of yours–and Paul is definitely much handier and more useful than Edward, except for the title, and private income.
December 3, 2013 @ 11:59 am
I’m afraid we’ll have to add Christmas to the list of holidays-I-do-not-rock-at. That garland is AMAZING and I think all bloggers everywhere should just agree that the Christmas Queen crown rightfully belongs to you. Honestly, I don’t know how you keep topping your game, and I’m not sure what you’re going to have to do next year to keep up with yourself! Probably glitter live reindeer and stable them in your front yard.
Kathy, Petticoat Junktion
December 3, 2013 @ 12:08 pm
I absolutely love your fresh garland. That’s what my decor is lacking….fresh greenery. I ran out of time! The way you decorated the staircase railing is awesome and thanks for the tip on cutting a board and stapling the greenery to it 🙂
December 3, 2013 @ 12:18 pm
Love reading your posts! Love that garland! Wish they were even more photos!