An update of vital unimportance.
If you emailed me or sent me kitchen ideas in the last two weeks, I was having a crisis. And then the original crisis was totally eclipsed by a second… and now stuff has piled up to the point where everything is unmanageable. I may never dig out.
I sort of wanted to explain the crisis, but decided I couldn’t face the extensive typing it would require.
That’s one of the many problems with having a crisis AND a blog: the blog requires that you write everything down, and edit it, and find accompanying images, and compress them, and upload them, and think of a catchy title, and hope people share it on Facebook… and make sure your crisis is entertaining.
But the crisis makes you want to sit on the couch and watch Say Yes to the Dress. Which I’ve JUST discovered and am angry that no one told me about it before now.
It’s something that should fill me with scorn. But instead is so soothing that I want to watch it for hours until my brain melts out my ears.
A reader suggested in the comments last week that I look up the kitchen from Dynasty… and I didn’t even have to, because another reader found it for me (and hello? THAT HOUSE!)
And speaking of comments, if you are not reading them? You’re missing out on the best part.
Not only are you all far more entertaining than I am, you also seem a lot more organized and sensible.
You even have ways to make golf more interesting—pointing out that if played at 200 miles an hour, like Nascar… it would be riveting.
I’m planning to just turn the content over to you all, and dedicate my time to Craigslist and bridal-reality-television and looking at kitchen stuff I cannot remotely afford.
That is from The Enchanted Home’s house tour… Maybe everyone on the internet already knows about her, but until one of you evil people sent me the link, I didn’t…
I spent an hour going through her site and saying—what? What? WHAT IS THAT?
Her house confuses me. Like– I’m sorry? That’s your HOUSE?
I cannot even comprehend what that must be like.
It was sort of like finding out that aliens DO exist. And they have really nice stoves.
To her? A house is a place where everything is beautiful and perfect and finished and huge and the stove costs more than my car. And actually my car is really crappy, so that’s probably not even a good comparison.
To me, a house is where you live, and there is laundry on the floor, and sometimes the cat barfs and you are grateful if it’s on the hardwood and not the rug.
More like this:
So. Anyway. This post lacks any coherent theme or purpose. The crisis (and possibly reality TV) have made me dull. But also there is something pleasant about being able to hit publish on anything I want… Like I am rebelling against society’s expectations for topic-sentences and conclusion-paragraphs.
I do have a bunch of projects I want to share with you, but haven’t gotten around to photographing them. (See crisis, et al.)
We finished the medical table (almost) and I am so excited to say that we are FINALLY finishing the garden urn… it’s been a full year since we got it, and it took me this long to decide that it really did need to be overhauled.
We had it sandblasted because there was SO MUCH paint and rust that it was really the only way we’d get a totally clean surface. It’s ready to be picked up, so tonight or tomorrow we’ll see what we’re working with. I’ll post a photo on Facebook when we get it.
AND most exciting is that after three years of pestering– Paul has agreed to build me a glass-front bookcase in a small nook on the third floor.
I would show you a photo of the space, but I should really clean up first—so as to not actually verify any resemblance to the above photo.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:11 am
Victoria! Really? ….3 years is all it took ? You need something to bribe him with for these things of utmost importance.
Cat throw up..hahaha.absolutely I have picked a cat up in mid vomiting to move her/him to wood floor or tile..I will do anything to not have to clean rugs or transport heavy smelly rugs in my car to the cleaners. Right?
September 10, 2013 @ 11:19 pm
I have done the same thing with my cat! Although sometimes that backfires and you end up with a spray of barf when not moving fast enough, so I opt for shoving a ready-to-recycle newspaper in front of said cat.
And I’ve got to add, I spent hours looking at all the Grey Gardens photos – just amazing (both the beautiful and the squalid ones)!
September 11, 2013 @ 9:53 am
I have to say, if they are going to throw up, it’s best when they do it in the bath tub. Way easier to clean up 😎
September 24, 2013 @ 5:06 pm
I don’t have any experience with moving cats while they are yaking, but does moving a dog outside mid-crap count? I loath my carpet and am tempted to yank all of it out and live on concrete until I save to hard wood flooring. I bought a rug shampooer, but it is not the same as having a maid for the sole purpose of cleaning carpet when your newly diabetic do cannot control his bladder.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:11 am
OMG – the white utensil holder in the Enchanted House is from Target!! (I have the same one in red)…proof positive that you CAN mix affordable stuff with an $80,000 stove!
September 10, 2013 @ 5:32 pm
That stove is $80,000!!! Have just started crying into my coffee at work at the lost possibility.
September 12, 2013 @ 12:24 pm
Thank you, ladies for giving me hope this morning. Last I heard, La Cornue stoves STARTED AT $110K and went up from there. If this one is $80K… So affordable! For those of you on a budget, perhaps you can console yourselves with the $900 wine pitcher that they offer on their site. A mere pitance!
September 15, 2013 @ 5:17 pm
People, please. You can get a La Cornue range for just under $7,000. At that price, you could get two! Assuming that your cat is vomiting up gold-plated hairballs, of course.
And Lisa, I have that utensil holder too!
August 6, 2014 @ 1:51 pm
La Cornue is the $$$$$$ one that I covet….but I’ll settle for the other option they offer- ” CornuFé”, which is more affordable $$$$. *Sigh*…..I’d sleep on the floor next to it if I owned one 🙂
From their website:
The newest member of the La Cornue family, the CornuFé series was introduced in 2005 and quickly found a loyal following worldwide. Designed for the La Cornue enthusiast with a more modest budget, the CornuFé makes the La Cornue attainable to a new client. “
September 10, 2013 @ 10:14 am
Glad someone sent you the Dynasty kitchen photo. I think they must have filmed it in a studio, because the details on the show were slightly different: the countertops were lighter, and it had a gorgeous black and white tile floor, with very pale green paint on the wall above the subway tiles. (Alas, no fab stove in the studio version.) If you are looking for more ways to waste time, check out this youtube link. The kitchen scene starts at about 3:30. And you’ll get the added bonus of Joan Collins in her camp prime. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La4yzniwolk
September 10, 2013 @ 10:15 am
The Dynasty house is Filoli. This is also my All Time Favorite kitchen.
If you think the house is something, you should see the gardens! I go there several times a year, as the seasons change. Want to go? I’ll be glad to show you around (and give you tips on how to avoid the annoying docents.)
September 10, 2013 @ 12:25 pm
I was just going to mention Filoli! My mom loves the place, and just took us there (we had never been as we were rebellious youth who wouldn’t appreciate such things until we were in our 30s).
The kitchen there is great. As are the ornate rooms and of course, gardens. Victoria, it’s definitely something you should check out if you head to the San Francisco / Bay Area.
September 10, 2013 @ 1:02 pm
I have to admit that I was a little horrified to see Filoli being referred to as the Dynasty house. Filoli is more mini Downton Abby with an American accent in mood than Dynasty. Really, you should visit just after watching a Downton marathon; you can just see the butler, Mrs Patmore and various servants working away in the kitchen and Butler’s pantry. When I’ve been docents leave you alone to wander the public areas of the house unattended only supervising at a respectful distance.
September 10, 2013 @ 1:42 pm
I haven’t been to Filoli since it was turned over to the preservation organization that runs it, but….. what I liked about the kitchen was the huge vault room for the silver , and the stove. During the war years the Matson family lived there; i.e. Matson Lines. When the stove failed and a replacement was not available, due to the war. The Matson’s had a stove pulled off one of their ships and installed. It had all the details for keeping the pots on top in rough seas.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:16 am
You are awesome! Especially since you post such perfect nuggets as this:
To me, a house is where you live, and there is laundry on the floor, and sometimes the cat barfs and you are grateful if it’s on the hardwood and not the rug. (or not on the bed at 1am – happens, you know!)
Remodeling a kitchen is a pain the butt. Been there, done that. The only advice I can give to you about that is – quartz countertops. They are simply amazing. And outlets… plenty of outlets…
Hang in there. Someday it will be all finished and then what will you do?? Look for something else to tear apart and redo. Enjoy your journey!!
September 10, 2013 @ 12:03 pm
I woke up yesterday morning to find that the cat had barfed not only on the bed, but on the bed and RIGHT ON TOP OF ME. >< GAH. Well, I needed a new comforter anyway.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:17 am
“Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta” is my favorite. It has given me the ability to say “bless your heart” and people don’t even know I (am most likely) insulting them.
September 10, 2013 @ 12:20 pm
Being raised north of Atlanta I can attest that “bless your heart” is wonderful phrase to have for just the right moment.
September 10, 2013 @ 2:55 pm
My grandmother from Macon was a master of the back-handed compliment. You should also give one of her favorites a try: “Well… she tried.” (Indicating the result was not up to standard.) ;-P
September 10, 2013 @ 5:09 pm
That must be a central Georgia thing. My grandmother said that, too!
September 11, 2013 @ 12:24 pm
It is an Oklahoma thing too. “Bless your heart” is one of my staples, “Oh my” is another when I don’t have anything nice to say!
September 10, 2013 @ 10:19 am
Hi Victoria- I have been creeping your blog for a while and this is my first comment (long time listener, first time caller sort of thing). I just want to say thanks for making me feel like I’m not the only one! It’s constant chaos, and I love it, and I think that makes me a bit nutty.
You have great style and wit. Keep up the good work, and again, thank you.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:26 am
And when the vomiting cat is blind it’s particularly important to orient her in a way to prevent her from walking in the mess afterward.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:26 am
I’ve been enjoying your blog for a few months now. Since you mentioned The Enchanted Home, I visited there. OMG! I am so glad to be back with your comforting clutter & chaos! I am just too old for all that perfection — I’ll stay with you, Dear Victoria Elizabeth1
September 10, 2013 @ 10:26 am
I LUV you!
I too have had crisis, ups, downs and a blog. I completely relate to your post. Like discovering aliens, I discovered a counterpart in you.
Will be sharing your blog today with all my “sweeping” friends on Facebook. 🙂
September 10, 2013 @ 10:26 am
Paul is so wonderful! You know, with the building you things with glass fronts and adoring your plethora of disco balls and mirror hauling/hanging and especially that he Never Ever argues with you or even disagrees with you inside his own head. I’m sure he’s nothing like husbands who shall not be named who do not get why you would want a disco ball in your house.
I’m sorry your being all crisisy. I find that Talenti Gelato goes well with a crisis. Or two or more. Way better than the revived twinkies or salty snacks. Or, if you’re in need of some Blue Bell ice cream (you know, so you can reminisce about your Texas days) you can call the manager of a local Outback Steakhouse and they will order you a THREE AND A HALF GALLON container of Homeade Vanilla for $25. Squeeeeeeeeee! This container lasts approximately 3.5 weeks in our house. Coincidence?
I hope your crisis is something like “One of the matching planters on the front porch has a crack in it” and not “The earth will explode on Sept 10th and I’m the only one who can stop it.”
Either way – seek ye the ice cream.
September 10, 2013 @ 5:29 pm
Tammigirl, I’ve been mainlining Talenti’s Belgian Dark Chocolate and Salted Caramel for weeks now. At this rate, I’ll need my own zip code soon. I didn’t know that about ordering Blue Bell from Outback (she said with glazed eyes.) Thanks for the tip!
September 13, 2013 @ 10:08 am
(Sniffle. Sob!) Blue Bell Ice Cream. I live in the UK now. My son (who lives in AL, USA) telephones me and eats a quart of Blue Bell Banana Split whilst talking to me.
I still love him though.
September 17, 2013 @ 9:20 pm
WHAT! BlueBell? Where is the nearest outback? I’m all on track with my pregnancy weight gain…and you may be the saboteur I can’t resist! Can they get any flavors other than vanilla?
September 10, 2013 @ 10:29 am
Cat puke on the rug! Thanks for the reminder! I have a cat puke rug sitting in the trunk of my car, which I forgot to drop off at the laundry…since last week..
September 10, 2013 @ 10:30 am
You are so funny!!! I so enjoy reading yourblog.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:32 am
Interesting kitchens/houses! Here is one more for you:
September 10, 2013 @ 10:34 am
Oh my word. The Enchanted Home kitchen. Is ridiculous. Yes, it’s huge an ornate and full of beautiful things, but I think I would just always be overwhelmed. I guess I’m used to being poor? 😉 I love fancy-gilded-swirly-edible details as much as the next person (although probably not as much as Elegancy) but I must be too plebeian to even wish to dwell amongst such finery.
Plus having to exercise while you cook sounds like a terrible idea to me. I’m firmly in favor of *not* walking a marathon while preparing dinner.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:36 am
Oh dear, hope your crisis isn’t too serious. You always keep us in such suspense!
That is my dream stove up there…a Falcon. *sigh* I attempted to make one in miniature for my dollhouse last year but failed miserably. I may try again this year.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:37 am
come back ASAP – I’m still under the spell of the Enchanted House…. goodness me!
also have to check if neighbour’s cat has pulled out the dead bird off our terrace….
September 10, 2013 @ 10:37 am
The kitchen from dynasty… yes, yes YES!
And please get that stove, you could always bring hitchhiking back.
By the way, that cat barf thing is so familiar; that and a eternally stinky Cocker; and tumbleweed like fur balls, and stacks of newspapers and magazines…and sigh.
September 11, 2013 @ 1:33 pm
Bronne, it is called tumblefur. I grow it in my house.
September 10, 2013 @ 10:40 am
For me, it’s Cake Boss. For my daughter, it’s Powerpuff Girls. (I should mention that she’s 17 now.) We also enjoy reading your blog and looking at your photos. And since she recently had to get up at 4 a.m. because the cat was barfing on her bed, and wash all her bedding, she feels a special bond. I am now going to be a devoted reader of comments, because that thing about golf? IT’S TRUE! Speed would make it SO MUCH BETTER!
September 10, 2013 @ 10:49 am
You are as brilliant as ever. I love sipping coffee while reading your post, then snorting and laughing so hard (see “cat barf” above), that the coffee comes out my nose.