My favorite date is when Paul chauffeurs me around Philadelphia’s various salvage/antique/emporiums of delight and crap.
These excursions help me to focus:
I do not have NEARLY enough stuff.
It’s actually pretty scandalous, considering how few other responsibilities I have.
When we go in these places, I’m like:
LET’S BUY ALL OF THE THINGS.
SHOULD WE GET PUPPETS?*
AN ELECTRIC ZAPPING MACHINE?*
500 POUNDS OF BRASS KEYS?*
ANTIQUE EMBALMING TOOLS?*
Why have I not covered every available surface in OUR house with COOCOO CLOCKS and GILT FRAMES and TERRIFYING RELIGIOUS ITEMS?
*not made up… all actual things you can see in my instagram stories
is this a skeleton with brooches?
and does it come with this amazing threadbare VELVET DISPLAY CASE that has sterling FANCY BITS and various accessories and accouterments?
CAN I HAVE THIS SKELETON?
Then we went to that antique chandelier place on South Street… a really old building, small, narrow; just CRAMMED FULL with crystal, brass, gilt, cut glass, ALL THE FANCY.
The lighting is MAGIC. Everything looks so GLOWY when lit with nothing but candelabra bulbs!
The only lighting in this entire shop is chandeliers.
There is NO other lighting. JUST chandeliers.
You see where I’m going with this?
When we walked back into OUR front door, Self was like – well! this is distinctly NOT AWESOME! You are not even going to trip over anything and fall into an antique display OF KNIVES.
And by the way, if you do not actually apply yourself, your entire life is going to go by and you are NEVER GOING TO BE GREAT AUNT GERTRUDE.
To prove her point exactly, Self said– where is our collection of cripplingly-heavy cocktail rings?
Velvet lounging robes?
WHERE IS OUR STABLE BOY?
Self said— if you are going to keep on living, DESPITE YOUR OWN IDIOCY, the very LEAST you might do, is hang a chandelier in every single room.
Should that not be the BARE minimum of effort you muster?
So now I have to buy 9 more chandeliers.
You think that sounds like too much?
Happy Passover and Easter and SPRING. 🌱
I hope you get to spend it with beings you love.