Only idiots stop to think before they purchase things.
One of the salvage yards in Philadelphia moved locations… their stuff was a mix of hipster nonsense and amazing architectural salvage. It was unusual and well-curated and hideously expensive– a fun place to browse.
The new owners had a demolition sale at the old location and Paul and I went over there to look on Saturday morning… there was almost nothing left in the building.
It was mostly trash.
And this.
I could feel my eyes heating up because you know how I feel about fancy hinges. And my instinct was to rip the tag off and RUN to pay for this new item of gloriousness which serves no purpose.
I was mid-rip when Paul said – are you sure? You have been so single-mindedly pursuing this OTHER THING… Are you sure you want to spend $200 on THIS? What will you even DO with it? Are you sure you aren’t just being distracted by shiny things?
Normally, I would defend my hoarding ferociously, while foaming at the mouth and scurrying protectively around my new item… But for the first time ever, Self wondered– is he right?
After all, WHY do I look at this and see some cross between Strahov Abbey, a 200-year-old French bakery, and the Titanic?
That makes no sense!
This is just an old, broken chalkboard.
Why WOULD I want that?
What would I DO with it?
Is this a mistake?
Obviously these are questions only an idiot asks themselves. But in the moment, I was swayed.
Yes, you read that correctly. I WALKED AWAY.
All the way home I felt a deep sense of disquiet and agitation. But it was tempered by the awareness that I am impulsive. And covetous. And distracted by shiny things… And I need to be careful that I am not buying things just because of the primordial MINE instinct.
Paul said – you are very quiet over there.
I said – yes… Self-thwarted GFT acquisition is a deeply uncomfortable experience. I’m not sure I did the right thing… I might have made a horrible mistake.
Maybe this is the thing that will give me not-buyer’s remorse for years.
Maybe decades.
MAYBE I HAVE RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I tried to be calm and remind myself that a broken chalkboard is NOT the key to my inner peace, and that material objects overall are a source of unhappiness and basically a distraction from the real meaning of life which everyone knows is cats.
But Self whispered – are you sure? Don’t you think that’s a gamble? What if those hinges ARE the meaning of life?
Do you really want someone ELSE to have it?
Why didn’t you buy it so we could BE SURE?
We could always sell it later if it turned out we didn’t NEED it.
We were about three minutes from home when I got out my phone and googled antique brass hinged chalkboard… just to see what I could have sold it for.
Self said— CONGRATULATIONS! You’re an idiot.
I said to Paul – Turnaround. TURNAROUND. TURNAROUND.
Then I reclined the seat and breathed deeply through my nose while chanting to myself: I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot… So that the universe understood that I knew I was an idiot and it did not need to mete out further punishment.
This was a completely amateur mistake for which there is no excuse.
I blame Paul for short-circuiting my natural thought process.
Please note:
1. I put the chalk in a charming antique teacup because I am a blogger and thus live only the most extraordinary of lifestyles.
2. It’s not going to sit on the floor… it’s going to get mounted to that wall at about the height of the picture frame.
*GFT= Giant Fancy Thing.
The new Mrs
March 30, 2016 @ 11:08 pm
I think that you are personally responsible for me now being the owner of a victorian mahogany framed mirror that is 8 1/2 feet high. I want to put it in my mudroom. My new spouse was a gem to buy it for e but thinks the mudroom idea is insane. We shall see …
Suzanne
March 31, 2016 @ 1:17 am
It’s perfect! That is sooo soooo cool. I am envious.
Lori
March 31, 2016 @ 3:21 pm
That is the most glorious find ever! Trust your gut girl, you clearly have the vision. I’m in the Philly area too – where are these places you mention??
Christine
March 31, 2016 @ 4:16 pm
I’m on pins and needles waiting with all of your other faithful fans — to see this new, exciting, horrendously, out of this world, can’t live without it, GFT!!!
Diana I.
March 31, 2016 @ 7:13 pm
OMG! I love the fancy antique chalkboard!!! It is exquisite. You were absolutely right to go back and get it. What if it had not been there??? Gasp! You dodged a bullet.
Hang it on the wall. That is where it belongs. It is beautiful and to be admired – it may even outshine the GFT – but we won’t know until we FINALLY get to see the GFT.
Thanks for brightening a rainy day.
Joan Larae Thurman
April 1, 2016 @ 10:36 am
Beautiful. Good find & good save. Congrats.
Mrs. Marc Otto
April 1, 2016 @ 12:08 pm
I really hope you can find a way to hang it so it opens like a book. I think it would make a great guest book. We have a chalk wall in our house that people graffiti on and it’s quite nostalgic. 🙂
https://thebucketwoman.files.wordpress.com/2016/02/img_3429.jpg?w=700
Mary
April 2, 2016 @ 1:41 am
I’ve read this post three times. It makes me snort out loud. Your writing expresses my thoughts about my hoarding addictions but with grace & razor sharp wit. YES. I’m of the snorting age when you laugh. YES. I don’t care. I’ll admit it. Love you Victoria Elisabeth Barnes.
Mary
April 2, 2016 @ 1:46 am
PS
LOTS of people are bloggers. Probably too many. Very few are able to write! You are are a writer. One of the very few.
Lan
April 2, 2016 @ 3:20 pm
You are a genius! You make me want things I did not know existed. I want to be you for a day! ?
Diane
April 2, 2016 @ 3:53 pm
At first glance, I got all tingly…
Awesome score. Seriously awesome.
Angel
April 6, 2016 @ 12:00 pm
LOVE this, and your stories! I wish there were more things like that around here.
Carole
April 7, 2016 @ 11:20 am
I laughed so hard at this post! I had to read it out loud to my husband. I could just hear you say “Turn around!! Go back!!”
Kelly
April 8, 2016 @ 3:32 am
OMG I just found you. I love you! We’re kindred! Teach me your ways!!
Wanda
April 9, 2016 @ 9:19 am
OMG! I saw the pin on Pinterest and the title pulled me in. Perfect!! You have a new fan. 🙂 I love the chalkboard and I love your writing style. Now I have to see if you got it hung. I just had my husband hang a door that I made into a chalkboard. Not a pleasant experience, I tell ya. He can’t figure out why I always have to hang 50 lb. objects where there is no stud. LOL
Justine Y @ Little Dove
April 20, 2016 @ 2:30 am
Oh my gosh, that piece is incredible and I want one. Badly. 10 minutes ago I didn’t even know such things existed, but now my life won’t be complete without one.
Kimberly
April 20, 2016 @ 5:47 pm
Nothing worse than buyers remorse……Great find!!! I listen to my husband very seldom to never!!!
Hattie Mills
May 2, 2016 @ 5:29 pm
I do this all the time! I suffer from Non-Buyer Remorse! I over analyze it until I justify not needing it and end up wanting nothing but that thing for months until I break down and buy it or something just like it! I know the feeling well.
Laurie
May 10, 2016 @ 9:12 pm
You found a treat in Arkansas? Can’t wait to see! Next time you’re around, give me a shout – I’ll show you around the NW corner (aka – the good part). 🙂
Also, that thing is AMAZING!
Alison
May 16, 2016 @ 9:54 am
I must say, I have become so addicted to your blog!! You’ve inspired me to create my own (it’s also a way for me to be accountable in getting any of my house projects done ha ha).
I also took inspiration from your housewarming gift that you created for your friend a while ago and decided to do something similar for wedding presents as a more unique option than picking something from the registry.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration and continuous entertainment 🙂