Only idiots stop to think before they purchase things.
One of the salvage yards in Philadelphia moved locations… their stuff was a mix of hipster nonsense and amazing architectural salvage. It was unusual and well-curated and hideously expensive– a fun place to browse.
The new owners had a demolition sale at the old location and Paul and I went over there to look on Saturday morning… there was almost nothing left in the building.
It was mostly trash.
And this.
I could feel my eyes heating up because you know how I feel about fancy hinges. And my instinct was to rip the tag off and RUN to pay for this new item of gloriousness which serves no purpose.
I was mid-rip when Paul said – are you sure? You have been so single-mindedly pursuing this OTHER THING… Are you sure you want to spend $200 on THIS? What will you even DO with it? Are you sure you aren’t just being distracted by shiny things?
Normally, I would defend my hoarding ferociously, while foaming at the mouth and scurrying protectively around my new item… But for the first time ever, Self wondered– is he right?
After all, WHY do I look at this and see some cross between Strahov Abbey, a 200-year-old French bakery, and the Titanic?
That makes no sense!
This is just an old, broken chalkboard.
Why WOULD I want that?
What would I DO with it?
Is this a mistake?
Obviously these are questions only an idiot asks themselves. But in the moment, I was swayed.
Yes, you read that correctly. I WALKED AWAY.
All the way home I felt a deep sense of disquiet and agitation. But it was tempered by the awareness that I am impulsive. And covetous. And distracted by shiny things… And I need to be careful that I am not buying things just because of the primordial MINE instinct.
Paul said – you are very quiet over there.
I said – yes… Self-thwarted GFT acquisition is a deeply uncomfortable experience. I’m not sure I did the right thing… I might have made a horrible mistake.
Maybe this is the thing that will give me not-buyer’s remorse for years.
Maybe decades.
MAYBE I HAVE RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I tried to be calm and remind myself that a broken chalkboard is NOT the key to my inner peace, and that material objects overall are a source of unhappiness and basically a distraction from the real meaning of life which everyone knows is cats.
But Self whispered – are you sure? Don’t you think that’s a gamble? What if those hinges ARE the meaning of life?
Do you really want someone ELSE to have it?
Why didn’t you buy it so we could BE SURE?
We could always sell it later if it turned out we didn’t NEED it.
We were about three minutes from home when I got out my phone and googled antique brass hinged chalkboard… just to see what I could have sold it for.
Self said— CONGRATULATIONS! You’re an idiot.
I said to Paul – Turnaround. TURNAROUND. TURNAROUND.
Then I reclined the seat and breathed deeply through my nose while chanting to myself: I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot… So that the universe understood that I knew I was an idiot and it did not need to mete out further punishment.
This was a completely amateur mistake for which there is no excuse.
I blame Paul for short-circuiting my natural thought process.
Please note:
1. I put the chalk in a charming antique teacup because I am a blogger and thus live only the most extraordinary of lifestyles.
2. It’s not going to sit on the floor… it’s going to get mounted to that wall at about the height of the picture frame.
*GFT= Giant Fancy Thing.
March 29, 2016 @ 10:50 am
If i hadn’t paused to read this twice and look at all the photos I would have been the first comment.
But nevermind! You’re hilarious, Victoria. Love your writing x
March 29, 2016 @ 10:58 am
Katie; you ARE first…. and I would have been first if I didn’t have to scroll over to the linked pages AND re-read everything AND looked up what I could do with such a find….. and and and :)))))
March 29, 2016 @ 6:51 pm
Kiki, I’m exactly the same as you!!! I do that!
Karen
March 29, 2016 @ 10:51 am
You are correct, it IS cats.
March 29, 2016 @ 10:53 am
AAAHHH LOVE CHALKBOARDS! Those are fantastic. I never knew such a thing existed, and now of course I must have one. So if you DO ever decide you don’t need it …! 🙂
February 18, 2024 @ 6:17 pm
I have achalk oard as this one posted, 36 ×42 brass bronze frame. And a replacement price of slate.. I’d would like to sell ..if interested contact me montanapanhead @yahoo.com
March 29, 2016 @ 10:54 am
Oh, this brings out the teacher in me. I love your GFT hinged chalkboard. That is an incredible find. I don’t think I have ever seen one quite like this before. Can’t wait to see your Arkansas find! Thanks for making my day so much fun by sharing yours.
March 29, 2016 @ 10:56 am
I wouldn’t even have looked at this – but it takes a VEB with her über-natural sense of ‘just-know’ to find this pearl amongst the junk – and it takes a VEB’s sense of value (buy and sell something in order to gain the ultimate GFT) to succeed.
CONGRATS Darling, you ARE MAGNIFICENT – now it’s totally official 🙂
March 29, 2016 @ 10:57 am
“Self-thwarted GFT acquisition is a deeply uncomfortable experience.” Glad we got that out of the way.
March 29, 2016 @ 10:58 am
Brilliant blog. Nice recovery.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:00 am
I’m so jealous! I had no idea I wanted this until you showed me, which itself goes to show I’m quite savvy with GFT Mentor selections! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! So SOOOOO glad you turned around and brought it home!
I keep hoping when we move in a few weeks that the island will have hidden treasures like you always find!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:01 am
I salute you with BOTH hands. And maybe even my nose. Because you were amazing. I mean…you walked away! You did! And then you did research! And you went back!
Plus . . . CHALKBOARDS!! I mean, I wouldn’t have been able to leave that alone, and I’m not even a GFTAE*. I’m actually probably jealous that you have these. Because I would be blissfully ignoring my entire family to play with them for . . . way longer than I should. 🙂
*GFTAE Giant Fancy Thing Acquisitions Expert
March 29, 2016 @ 11:01 am
I’m glad you overcame SELF’s initial bad decision to leave this behind. Otherwise, I would’ve likely never known such a thing existed!
February 18, 2024 @ 6:18 pm
I have achalk oard as this one posted, 36 ×42 brass bronze frame. And a replacement price of slate.. I’d would like to sell ..if interested contact me montanapanhead @yahoo.com
March 29, 2016 @ 11:02 am
So worth turning around & going back!!!! This chalkboard is AMAZING!!!!! Lesson learned-only listen to “self” ?
March 29, 2016 @ 11:02 am
So glad you got it. So very cool!
Of course, it took until the end of your write-up to know what “it” is. ?
March 29, 2016 @ 11:03 am
I knew immediately that you had acquired the thing. I’m glad you googled it and turned the car around.
I would say lots more witty stuff but for some reason your blog is making it very difficult to type stuff today. (weird?)
March 29, 2016 @ 11:03 am
OMG, I know you are my sister from another mother! I love that you convinced yourself to buy it based on an *asking* price (not a sold-for price, mind you) and yet, you didn’t sell it to make $$$ for other GFTs. No, no, you kept it and you get a thrill every time you look at it and think What a bargain! It’s worth *sixteen times* what I paid for it! LOL!!!!
I wouldn’t know anything about that pattern of behavior. never saw it before. No sirree bob.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:05 am
Forgot to mention in my previous comment that I am Green With Envy. I adore chalkboards!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:09 am
Chortling with glee and relief that you acquired the magnificent chalkboard after all! Whew! You alllllmost let it get away. I was about to hyperventilate on your behalf while reading about you leaving it behind.
But all’s well that ends well. Can’t wait to hear about the GFT to beat all other GFT’s!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:09 am
Well done!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:11 am
I would TOTALLY have dragged that home and my husband would be scowling the entire time! C’est la vie, honey. I’m a firm believer in if you have to ask “where would I put that”, then you don’t LOVE it beyond reason.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:12 am
Haha! I too have experienced reverse cognitive dissonance. So glad you were able to recognize your error and collect that beautiful find. It actually is quite a useful piece for a family-one board for each member (including felines). Enjoy!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:14 am
Whoa! that was a close one! NEVER do that again.