Do I really need a range hood?
SEE OUR FINISHED KITCHEN HERE!
I need to tell you my deepest darkest kitchen secret:
I do not like a range hood.
I hate them all.
I particularly detest the massive monument-to-wasted-space that has become a bizarre status symbol; like mounting a Range Rover over your stove.
Sure, you can choose one that is low-profile, but that would be in direct opposition to the opportunity to install an oversized jet-engine, directly in the place your face goes while standing at the stove.
Although obviously, (like any sensible person) I would trade a good portion of my soul for this kitchen.
Those sentences above areĀ the beginning of a post I started months agoā¦ Back when I thought I could withstand the scorn of the internet if I chose to not waste money and space onĀ an appliance that I will never use.
However.
I have since begun to fear the wrath of the Appropriate-Cooking-Evaluators: a band of angry militants who patrol the internet for violations which offend them personally; and who believe that forgoing a direct-vented range hood is akin to voluntarily injecting yourself with Ebola virusā unbelievably stupid.
Like this kitchen below– so terrible! Let’s take a moment to reflect on how badly we feel for these people that their kitchen is so subpar!
Iām practically BLIND FROM HOW HORRIBLE THIS IS.
So whyĀ would I considerĀ an about-face from hood-denier to herd-animal; when my preferred response to scorn and judgment is always to dig in my heels and run forward towards the executioner?
I guess the internet has broken me.
Specifically, a particular element to the internet that pervades every single topic that people can possibly form an opinion about: the mindset that there is ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY to do something that has zero impact on anyone else’s life.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY people believe ONE THING, and then that is ALL THEY BELIEVE and they make it their lifeās work to make sure anyone not doing THE WAY is immediately disqualified from life, clapped in irons, and dragged to the town square to be flogged for idiocy.
Which, upon reflection, is the source of all human conflict through history: your own opinions are fine, but other peopleās are moronic and intolerable and deserving of the flaming cannonballs with chains.
Unless they happen to agree with you, in which case they are well-informed.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY peopleās initial input is well-meaning! (If bordering on didactic and unhinged.)
But if you fail to PROPERLY HEED THEIR WARNING AND APPRECIATE THEIR WISDOMā¦they become enraged.
WHY! Why would someone WHO HAS BEEN WARNED!! Fail to instal a direct-vent range hood???
Look at THESE IDIOTS! Living without a range hood!
Imbeciles!
Ā
I am thinking specifically of a kitchen-chatboard thread, where a woman explained that it was IMPOSSIBLE to direct-vent her range hood. And she wondered if (seeing as how she couldnāt direct vent,) could she just skip the questionably-effective-substitute-which-is-essentially-just-a-fan and install a light fixture she had fallen in love with.
It was the light fixture of her dreams! A design element that would bring her peace and joy and goodwill towards all! A lamp that would improve her very existence on earth and she could die happy because SHE HAD THE BEST LAMP.
The responses variedā¦ but there were an ALARMING number of respondents who were EXTREMELY BOTHERED by the fact that this woman was not gutting her kitchen to the studs and reconfiguring everything towards the goal of direct-venting the range hoodā¦ and she should probably just go out and rent a bulldozer THAT VERY NIGHT and knock it all down to the ground while flagellating herself for having considered any other option.
Ā
They basically went on to suggest that she was a filthy, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron.
And as I read on and on and onā¦ I have to tell you that I was AMAZED at the PASSION total strangers were bringing to disparaging this woman and her lamp… I mean, who has time for lengthy screeds decrying other people’s DESIGN CHOICES?
And then I was EVEN MORE AMAZED at how these people do not realize that they look like flaming lunatics.
My FAVORITE response was from a woman who wrote:
This one time, we didnāt have a range hood, and we had to THROW AWAY ALL OF OUR BELONGINGS INCLUDING THE FURNITURE after one monthĀ BECAUSE THEY SMELLED SO FOUL AND HORRIBLEĀ from non-vented cooking odors.
I donāt know about youā¦ but that does NOT sell me on a ventā¦ it DOES, however, make me wonder WHAT THIS WOMAN IS MAKING FOR DINNER.
Anyway. All of this is to explain that I do not want a range hood.
But that I am thinking about it anyway.
Because of the internet.
And I am mad about it.
The way Iāve decided to deal with this irritating anxiety that MY kitchen in MY house designed to MY preferences might draw the ire of some random stranger on the internet is to turn it over to you.
Here’s what you need to know: our township construction code does not require one. I will not have an eight-burner stove outgassing 67 billion btu’s/therms/whatever other specs.
Ok! GO FOR IT!
This is your chance!
I WASH MY HANDS.
And if you fail to draw me out from the cave and convince me of the shadows on the wall, then you must return to your war room and inform the other ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY-ers that your method is flawed.
Please make a good argument! Definitely do not include information like this: you NEED a hood!
Because: SURPRISE! I do not!
I can prove that to you because we HAD a hood! It was direct-vented!
And I NEVER USED IT.
I never used it SO MUCH that I had Paul take it out.
Every single night I was likeā WHY IS THIS THING RIGHT IN MY FACE?
Until eventually I was like– Plague of nonsense, BE GONE!
p.s.ā save some outrage for the post where I explain how Iām thinking of not having a freezer.
xoxo,
VEB, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron, esq.
December 18, 2016 @ 12:31 pm
Our electric company fried my microwave/fan/light above my stove. They don’t want to pay to replace it. Anyway, I am happy to not use the microwave as it isn’t the best and destroys the nutrients in food, and it is quite easy to reheat or heat in a pan. Actually, I like it better! My kitchen does steam up, but I could open the window. The one thing I miss is the light, but I can also make do without. The one thing I hate is the look of this monstrous behemoth over my stove. Good grief is it ugly! I asked DH if I could just have a small hood. He says won’t work because of the short cabinets above. That is fine, but good grief I hate this microwave and how it looks. So I guess I am just stuck with leaving it there?
My Maytag dishwasher went out yesterday, on top of the microwave. Well, it was only 4 years old and it is disgusting how they are made to not last now. So what will I do with that? I am hand washing at this point and I must say it isn’t too bad. My dishes actually look better and the glasses sparkle. With my husband being sick this past year and not being able to do any work, plus out lack of money with him not being able to work, I find I can do without. It isn’t horrible, it isn’t awful. It just is. And I think making life more simple is kind of refreshing. Yes?
December 18, 2016 @ 5:23 pm
I had always WANTED a venting hood, and completely rearranged my new kitchen to have the stove on the outside wall in order to get one. By the way, if it doesn’t directly vent outside it’s a complete waste of money and space. Now that I’ve lived with it for a year, I have to say that I don’t use it all that often, but when I do it’s a godsend. Smoke, odours, steam (especially during a humid August heatwave!) gone in a whoosh. It’s a little too loud for my liking, but then I don’t run it continuously, so it’s not really a problem. I also like having the light directly over the stove. Mine had two halogen bulbs which I swapped out for LEDs – bright light, little heat, and low energy draw. My hood is hidden inside a cabinet matching the others in the kitchen. I don’t think anyone should verbally abuse you for not getting one, but my vote is yes to range hoods.
December 18, 2016 @ 6:21 pm
I read through half the posts and noticed that all the posters were concerned about just smoke and smell. If you have one of those commercial GAS stoves such as Viking or Wolfe then your concern should be CARBON MONOXIDE. Most homeowner gas stoves have one big burner and then all smaller ones. This is to keep under the Btu limit that triggers some gas codes that require ventilation so you don’t die cooking dinner. The commercial higher Btu stoves/ovens will require ventilation in some gas codes. For any ventilation you have to work properly you must have “make-up air” . That is sufficient air coming in for what your fan is pushing out or the ventilation will not work effectively. Some commercial kitchen systems work in concert with carbon monoxide detectors that will shut off the gas when they get tripped because of this hazard.
December 18, 2016 @ 8:19 pm
You are absolutely FABULOUS and I LIVE for your posts! Do whatever the hell you want and screw everyone else because whatever you decide will be a MILLION times better than what anyone else has…I just know it!!! Cheers to being the most fabulous you!!! ššš
December 19, 2016 @ 7:39 am
I RARELY use the vent hood. I also rarely cook. I say do what YOU want to do. There are enough sheep. Be a shepherd.
December 19, 2016 @ 11:12 am
Your individuality is part of your charm and you should NOT let anyone take that away from you! You know how you function and what is best for you. Besides, you’re the one cooking in that kitchen, not those busy-bodies on the internet, so they shouldn’t really get a vote. About the freezer: what about ice? Ice is necessary for life. š
December 19, 2016 @ 12:10 pm
It is your house, your kitchen, your smoke, your steam, your grease. Do with it what you will. You’ll be happier. Hoods are unattractive and often inefficient. Plus I think they pull out all the very expensive heating from my house. I forget more often than not to turn mine on. I do my canning and cooking of fried or stinky things outside on a portable gas burner. Works for me. Now the freezer- that I can not do without and I have three and am considering a fourth. I live in a big agricultural area and the farm stands make opening the freezer in January a real treat. Freezing berries. peaches and green beans in the summer. Making homemade egg rolls and cookies by the hundreds for drop in guests at holiday time. Doubling a recipe and freezing in single size portions for times when I just don’t feel like cooking. My freezers don’t hold commercially frozen foods. Freezers, at home vacuum sealers and I are big time buddies. I have trouble keeping an unused shelf that will hold a half-sheet pan for freezing things individually. If you are only cooking fresh foods, I can see that all you need is an icemaker. Indeed, it is your kitchen and should be designed to reflect and service your cooking style and needs – not those of the general internet public
December 19, 2016 @ 7:11 pm
I live in a 1930’s Dutch Colonial, we have never had a hood, I hate them too and when we re-did the kitchen we did not install one. I have NEVER missed having one, and many people tell me how much they HATE theirs and like the open space above my cooktop. If you don’t like them, don’t use them, and don’t need to have one to be up to code, don’t get one!!! You’ll be happier and all the haters can envy how nice and open (and most likely fabulously fancy!) your kitchen is compared to theirs. Win, win, win for YOU!
December 19, 2016 @ 9:46 pm
I’ve never used ours and I cook every day.
December 20, 2016 @ 1:06 am
I went over 30 years without a hood and LOVED it ! I had an all white kitchen with open shelves and white glass pendants hanging above the stove, I raised 3 kids, cooked a LOT every day, canned vegetables and jams in the summer, entertained constantly and never once thought “I wish I had wind tunnel hanging over my head while I cook this”. Not once. Now I will say those screens that cover the pans to help prevent splatter are a must. Did I have to wipe things down a bit more often than people with ginormous suction devices above their stoves? Maybe but I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t comparing my life, time or kitchen to anyone else’s and I loved it! My last home I hung a huge silver leaf mirror above the stove like the picture you posted above. Now THAT was a bit of a problem, it showed every speck of gunk and was tuff to clean. But still all in all I didn’t want, need nor desire a hood.
If I had listened to other people telling me what I should or shouldn’t have in my kitchen 30 years ago (What?! Everything is going to be white? NO upper cupboards only shelves? No hood over your stove?) I would never never have gotten a kitchen that I loved to be in and oddly about 10 years later everywhere I looked were white kitchens with open shelves.
Pave the path sister, pave the path.
December 20, 2016 @ 6:25 am
I loved this post! In my adult life, I have never had a range hood, and it’s mostly fine, but the ceiling over my stove is pretty grimy. But since you are a vegan, you are far less likely to be spattering noxious grease all over your kitchen than those of us who cook bacon. Enjoy your hood-free kitchen!
December 20, 2016 @ 11:03 am
I do not like range hoods. I do NOT have a range hood in my kitchen. However, I also do not like the smell of certain foods as they’re being prepared. Here’s how we fixed the problem. It’s called a “Whole House Fan”. Spend your money instead by having a contractor install one into the ceiling of your second floor or into the attic area. You open a window on the first floor, turn on the whole house fan for a few minutes and whoosh….odors be gone. Also fabulous for circulating air after a hot summer day and drawing the cool night air into the house after dark. Is a whole house fan cute? No, but it’s lower profile and much cuter than a range hood.
December 20, 2016 @ 3:41 pm
I’m on of those idiots who live without a vent hood. I do love the look of a hood, though, wo I have a fake-hood. I haven’t thrown away any of my furniture so far… thought I dreadfully need to change my sofa, but that has nothing to do with the vent and everything to do with the fact that I’ve been saying the sofa needs changing for years!
Here’s the link to the fake-hood in my tiny seaside French (not French style, really French) kitchen:
http://thelittlewhitehouseontheseaside.blogspot.fr/2014/10/little-white-kitchen-hood.html
And yes, I’ve had a few weird comments as well after this post… I lived through it… so will you.
December 20, 2016 @ 6:01 pm
I have to say, I have *ever* used my hood…but largely when I’ve made some other mistake, like I’ve gotten lazy about cleaning the oven, or I let a pan get too hot, or I allowed my husband to cook something nuclear-level spicy on the stovetop.
Your range is right next to a window anyway, right? So if you make some careless mistake (not that I think you would), you can just open the window and fan the offending smoke outside?
December 20, 2016 @ 7:17 pm
If you have a stove fire, yes it happens to the best of us, the fan is helpful getting the smoke out of the room. You want that burned to a crisp, curtsins almost went up smell out of the kitchen BEFORE hubby comes home for dinner.
December 20, 2016 @ 8:09 pm
haha! i love this post! i also am a subhuman filth dweller, we moved into a little house with a really crappy kitchen and not only did i not have a real stove then but when we did buy a stove/oven we did not put in a vent hood. We need to gut and renovate, but that will wait until we can manage it and in the last 3 years i’ve not needed a vent hood. I’m totally with you, forego the noisy, unnecessary vent! Thanks for the laugh and the great pictures! I’m convinced we’re right in our ventless lifestyle choices!
December 20, 2016 @ 11:23 pm
I have lived with suboptimal hoods in the past and I prefer having a direct vented hood that is adequate for the cooktop. The reason is exactly what others have mentioned – I really hate having a greasy film on the backsplash, cabinet fronts, etc etc. Those pictures of pots, plates and other decorative items hanging over the cooktop fascinate me. I figure either these are the kitchens of people who NEVER cook or the kitchens of people who live on trust funds and can afford someone else to constantly wipe everything down. The combination of moisture, grease and dust clinging to the cabinet fronts, backsplash etc is disgusting (to me). It has an unpleasant furry texture that I really don’t like. If you have any embossed or decorative tiles in your backsplash these will also develop this furry mess in the crevices (more disgustingness).
If you rarely cook anything that contains any fat on the stove top (ie you mostly boil water) and you religiously use a spatter screen on the rare occasions when you do, then it could work, particularly if you have a window you can pop open to create a draft that will serve the same purpose as the vent. I know you love the beautiful woodwork and I think having a greasy furry film on those would be distressing. Now if your cabinets were that melamine stuff popular in the 90s with no knobs and little handhold at the bottom, which are easy to wipe down, living without a hood would not really be an issue. I just think that the kinds of finishes you like, which tend to be dark wood and ornate, are incompatible with living without a hood. Unless you NEVER cook. Then it’s OK.
Even having a hood, I have one kitchen rule that I follow because I hate the gunk so much. I NEVER EVER deep fry anything. If I had to cook something in oil I would do it outside. Also, I do my bacon in the oven. It is easier that way anyway. Regardless of your decision, it’s your kitchen and you can do what you like. I enjoy your stories and I think your ideas are inspired. Your new foster kitty is cute too!
December 21, 2016 @ 10:28 am
I love how eveyone continues to try to convince you that you need one! lol… Phrases such as ‘here’s why I wouldn’t do it, but you do what you want, or suit yourself…’ enrage me to a level that I will fucking do what I want even if it is use live badgers for slippers!!!!! I feel your pain.
December 21, 2016 @ 11:52 am
I don’t care what anyone on the internet or anywhere else says – I don’t want a vent hood in our new kitchen in our new house and that’s that. I don’t want it to block the view, I don’t want to bang my head on it, I just don’t want it! I talked to a kitchen designer friend about our kitchen plans and he said if we don’t want a vent hood, then we should go with an induction stove. End of story.
So, if you don’t want a vent hood, then don’t put in a vent hood!
December 22, 2016 @ 7:54 am
Mine was impeding my line of vision – it had to go. I fry bacon with the windows open. No one has died yet.