Kitchen Design — Liberace meets Versailles.
I need this kitchen to be special.
Like me.
Basically, I am thinking Versailles. But Paul? Paul wants to order cabinets from the cabinet place… Why does he want me to live a lie?
Did he not get the memo? About the Sun King?
About how the kitchen must be a révolution of wit and surprise and charm?
Also, we should have jesters.
After enduring Paul’s umpteenth lecture proselytizing the benefits of cabinets from the cabinet store, I realized that the problem is that CLEARLY, Paul has not spent enough time on the internet.
If he had, he would KNOW that your kitchen is an extension of your SOUL… And MY soul is not full of cabinets from the cabinet place.
architectural digest, petworth house
Plus, I reminded him – You know I write a blog, right? Maybe you’ve heard me talk about it? Well, in blog-land your kitchen must be magical. And full of whimsy and novelty and fantastic ideas that people PIN ON PINTEREST.
I said—let me help you understand. Here is my KITCHEN BOARD.
See?
Marble, marble, marble, marble.
$40,000 stove, $50,000 stove, $60,000 stove.
Giant range hood, giant-er range hood, giant-est range hood.
Paul acted progressively more horrified. Which after nearly 10 years of marriage has to be an act… If he expected anything less than utter madness? He didn’t think it through.
Plus, I’ve nearly gone blind in service to my Pinterest board, so maybe he wants to act a little grateful?
Now. Let’s specify what I mean by a kitchen defined as “Liberace meets Versailles.”
1. Unexpected – seeing as how Liberace is dead, there is an immediate element of surprise to see him reincarnated in my kitchen.
2. Dispensing with all practicality – Versailles is art over function. Old and full of character. Also, servants.
3. Over the top – this could mean different things to different people. Shiny, bold, big, unusual, fancy, repurposed, or just plain flat-out-insane-amount-of-money-to-spend-on-any-room-in-your-house.
What’s that? That is not a kitchen? Why are you so critical?
Wouldn’t you rather have THAT than a kitchen?
Besides, as you can see – there is PLENTY of room for a stove.
ps – THANK YOU for all your comments, sharing, and emails on last week’s luxury-kitchen manifesto, but PLEASE STOP giving me practical advice– I have to work REALLY HARD to ignore it… pps– Extra thanks to Making It Lovely (she is also doing a Victorian) & Rage Against The Minivan (greatest name ever, no?) For sending me lots of their blog-friends.
June 5, 2014 @ 7:37 pm
I’m worried about Paul, he is clearly losing it. Obviously, if he was in his right mind he would realize that he married Victoria Elizabeth Barnes and he would know that Victoria Elizabeth Barnes is not the type of woman/almost princess to purchase her kitchen cabinets at a mundane cabinet place (the nerve of that man to even utter those words in front of you…you poor thing). Would Mr. Big suggest Carrie purchase her clothing at Target or Kmart? I think not! If Paul dares to suggest anything along these lines again, marriage counseling is highly recommended..
I’m looking forward to your final kitchen reveal!!!
June 5, 2014 @ 7:57 pm
I just discovered you a blog ago… Yea, I feel like an alien just coming on this planet. And because of our blog, I think I’m gonna stay a while…
June 5, 2014 @ 8:00 pm
I just want my servants to be happy in the kitchen. I don’t cook. No desire to BE in the kitchen except to get coffee. So the servants… man servants please… can bring my my coffee wherever I am. 🙂 Now let’s talk about a creative art studio space…. 🙂 🙂 🙂
June 5, 2014 @ 9:08 pm
You continue to make me laugh! This so reminds me of the time we were trying to build a little house for about 140K. I informed the contractor (in a town of about 9000) that I wanted a copper tub ($35K) and a La Cornue range and hood (app. $75K at the time). When he stopped laughing….
We never did build that house. We subsequently sold the lot, and moved to a bigger house in a bigger city where we became proficient at a lot of DIY projects, controlling infestations of rodents and bees, and numerous other homeowner battles.
Good luck! You have a great career ahead of you in comedy.
June 5, 2014 @ 11:37 pm
Look….don’t feel bad about not getting everything you want in the kitchen. At least you’re getting a kitchen. We are starting renovations on an 1874 Italianate Victorian home, and the kitchen designer just FIRED me. Yes, I’ve been fired by a woman to whom I wanted to write a large check. She hadn’t even met me yet! (Props to her for being able to play ‘spot the loony’ for email alone!). I finally tried to lure her back in by doing an end run and emailing her husband to beg him for help and mercy. He happens to be her office manager, so that helps. Alas, he was not persuaded. And when I asked what it would take to bring them back to the project, he said, “$75,000, plus the cost of appliances and installation.” So, yes. It looks like we are breaking up for real and I will have a rebound fling with the guy at the cabinet store. My poor heart…….
June 6, 2014 @ 1:02 am
Clearly, the Portal to Downton Abbey has a smaller friend out there, just enough smaller to fit in your kitchen, and this smaller friend simply hasn’t shown up on Craig’s List yet. Give it time. It wants to come home with you.
June 6, 2014 @ 1:54 am
I love reading your blog. It never fails to make me snicker, giggle, guffaw, and practically fall off the chair laughing. I’m in a bit of a funk right now, so I need the laughter.
You have to remind Paul who he married. VEB, The Envy Of All…that’s why you have a Kingdom Mirror. Your kitchen must be equally majestic and very Liberace meets Versailles. You have a blog rep to upkeep, and blog followers to slay with your fabulousness (that’s a bit self-serving…I live vicariously through your renovations and CL conquests/acquisitions). If he doesn’t believe that, show him your Pinterest kitchens. Then he should understand that Herself must not ever have ordinary; it simply will not do. Or, you can tell him what I tell mine, “You can agree with me , or you can be wrong.” I actually own a magnet with that printed on it. That statement has been working about 75% of the time for over 20 years. I don’t use it on him that often, only when I really want something for a good reason.
No, the Palace of Venaria is not a kitchen…it’s a dining room. One more tidbit… you have Paul and he makes wonderful things…mine is named Butler, and he cleans. And that’s the truth.
June 6, 2014 @ 12:27 pm
No, the Palace of Venaria is not a kitchen…it’s a dining room.
My thought, EXACTLY!!! With servants, standing at attention, behind every chair! In full, regal uniforms, and wigs…definitely wigs!
June 6, 2014 @ 12:28 pm
-Because, YES, I do suffer from ADOLS syndrome. (Attention Deficit….Oh, Look! Shiny)!!!!
June 8, 2014 @ 3:32 am
@Yvonne
OMG! ADOLS Syndrome!!! I knew I had it, but I didn’t know what it was called…for me it’s ADPS (Attention Deficit…Pretty! Shiny! Syndrome), because when overwhelmed by fabulousness, all I can say is, “Pretty! Shiny! MINE!” LOL
June 6, 2014 @ 11:47 am
Bon jour Victoire… I am quite sure Louis XIV did not give a merde about the kitchens, only that they steadily delivered petit fours and wine. Heck, if I could have that, screw the kitchen.
June 6, 2014 @ 4:19 pm
In the land of architectural salvage that is Philadelphia one only needs to go to y0ur local Restore to obtain one’s marble and other Versailles inspired cabinetry.
http://www.re-store-online.com/what.html
June 6, 2014 @ 8:26 pm
These are the best types of stores ever. More places should do this. In Danbury, CT, we had Poor Man’s Paradise, where you could get just about anything.
June 7, 2014 @ 12:46 am
http://jacksonville.craigslist.org/atq/4499375988.html
Here is a portal to Narnia, but a bit on the pricey side.
June 7, 2014 @ 12:51 am
Sorry, but they did misspell wardrobe!
June 7, 2014 @ 9:53 pm
click on the above and get some spam about a free phone, bah! humbug!
June 8, 2014 @ 10:20 am
This comment about spam- refers to a utube thingy that seems to have disappeared- please ignore– it does not refer to any of the above comments – thanks
June 8, 2014 @ 10:51 am
While I tell my husband and those around me that material things don’t matter, that I could live in a small apartment in Paris, I am just deceiving myself. I want a kitchen that makes me SWOON! And that others ENVY. Love your post.
June 8, 2014 @ 5:10 pm
Me no likey…..What I want is a large kitchen with every last shiny new-fangled thing I want but with zero nooks and crannies so that at the end of the day I stand at one end of said kitchen with my gold leafed crystal encrusted garden hose and hose it all down from top to bottom, floor included, and then come back 30 minutes later with the whole room gleamingly clean with that Pepsodent smile “ching” sparkle at every corner. NOT sure what era of design is, but Id pay big bux to have it….
June 8, 2014 @ 6:37 pm
Before I married my husband over thirty years ago, my future mother-in-law made me take a ‘frugal test’. She didn’t say she was going to test me on my attitude to budgeting but I knew she was sussing me out in the ‘realistic expectations department’ when she started to tell me about her first piece of furniture put into her apartment as a newly wed decades before. It was an orange crate turned on its side wherein she put her cleaning brushes and dusters and then dressed the opening up with a frilly curtain as a covering. The top doubled as a small table and she said she was very proud of it. I didn’t quite know what to do with this information as I felt I didn’t particularly wish for an orange crate as a kitchen cupboard when I was in my mid twenties. However, I didn’t want to offend her so I said nothing while staying polite but, nowadays, whenever I see a crate at a reasonable price, especially if it has print on it (“Coca Cola”, “Pepsi” etc.) I snap it up really quickly for garden use trusting I am now fashionable in some areas! Perhaps after all, there is a place for ‘cabinet shops’ when looking for some storage for the garden shed if you consider them not good enough for the kitchen. Having said that and now reflecting on the term ‘cabinet store’ I am nonplussed as to what the alternative can be. What exactly is one, if it’s not the place one always buys one’s kitchens? We are British living in Canada and in Britain, we would call a store (if I recall correctly from over a decade ago) that sold customised kitchen cabinets, a Kitchen Design Studio or we would maybe check out a big box store that sold cabinets and storage for kitchens, bathrooms and bedrooms. Is there an alternative out there to these two possibilities? They both sell cabinets, one made to measure and one ‘off the peg’ but they are still ‘cabinets’ bought from some kind of store. Pardon my ignorance but I married a man
who was brought up with an orange crate as a side table.
June 9, 2014 @ 8:20 am
To answer your question, yes, I would rather have that than a kitchen. Far rather. As in vastly. Now. Someone has to underwrite local food delivery services. I have appointed myself a committee of one to do so. It’s important to do one’s bit. In a kitchen like that.
June 9, 2014 @ 9:34 am
If only LaCornue stoves were mandatory in kitchens I would be giddy.
I am not an open shelving gal so those would have to be done away with, but I can handle anything after living in a 1920’s bungalow with a 1980’s white small kitchen. To the hounds!
June 9, 2014 @ 11:01 am
Upon reflection following my ‘late mother-in-law’s orange crate’ entry with its attendant query over alternative places to acquire kitchens, I suppose you could hang
around demolition sites where a grand period house is being razed to the ground and haggle with the demolition crew over what the cost would be to take out any possible period kitchens which might be therein. When my husband (Mike) and I moved into our first house in Britain, a four-bedroomed Victorian house (1887) we found out through some agency or local authority where local demolitions were taking place and I became a demoliton ‘groupie’ for a while but we only acquired a door and some old wooden shutters. There was a lovely marble fireplace in one house but it was covered over with a piece of wood and the wood covering had large screws bored through it into the centre of the marble (desecration!) My husband didn’t like the shutters so they were tossed (no vision unfortunately) and I can’t remember what happened to the door. However, we did in time, take all the hardboard covers off the existing doors in the house and discovered wonderful pitch pine four panelled doors underneath which we renovated by hand in the most cases. It was a labour of love but as soon as we had done up the house to its supposed former glory (several years later by which time we had two children), we sold it because we wanted the children to attend a school out of the catchment area. I wish we could have winched up that house and taken it with us to everywhere we have lived since (now Canada). Now we live in a modern twenty-six year old house which I keep trying to turn into a cottage. I could turn Buckingham Palace into a cottage given time and enough red and white checked cotton.
June 9, 2014 @ 11:42 am
just a small suggestion though you have likely considered it… we are going through our own kitchen reno plans and i also have visions of grandeur for our galley kitchen. i was surprised after about 7-8 estimates to find that kitchen stores and custom cabinet places have very comparable pricing (in fact, mostly cheaper). we checked out PA dutch country and also in NJ.
we also tried Green Demolitions (dot com) which i thought were very helpful and has some interesting things, it just didn’t work for us. they had several gold plated swan-shaped faucets i considered briefly, but alas, not everyone around here appreciates Liberace aesthetic as much as i do… i was lobbying for it as a laundry room faucet, wouldn’t that have been an unexpected touch of flair?!
June 9, 2014 @ 1:49 pm
Regarding my reference to being a demolition ‘groupie’ for a while, I remember how I found out where the local demolitons were going to take place – I ‘phoned all the demolition companies in the telephone directory. Silly me, forgetting. However, one person at the end of the telephone of a particular demolition company implied that I would have to PAY (!) for any upfront information like that I chose to ignore that comment and found out anyway without bribing anyone. If you do find out where any houses are to be demolished, you have to get there before the architectural salvage companies have muscled their way in. As you might know, it can be a cutthroat business and you have to have your project measurements handy before you go in.
By the way, I LOVE that kitchen in your first photograph of the last blog entry; it would look
lovely in the cottage I am hankering after. However, my husband says, “NO!” (VERY LOUDLY) to the cottage idea (spoilsport) so that’s why I am turning my house into one.
June 10, 2014 @ 4:26 am
I love the first kitchen with the glass shelving on copper stand in the centre of the kitchen island… how very French.