Kitchen Design — Liberace meets Versailles.
I need this kitchen to be special.
Like me.
Basically, I am thinking Versailles. But Paul? Paul wants to order cabinets from the cabinet place… Why does he want me to live a lie?
Did he not get the memo? About the Sun King?
About how the kitchen must be a révolution of wit and surprise and charm?
Also, we should have jesters.
After enduring Paul’s umpteenth lecture proselytizing the benefits of cabinets from the cabinet store, I realized that the problem is that CLEARLY, Paul has not spent enough time on the internet.
If he had, he would KNOW that your kitchen is an extension of your SOUL… And MY soul is not full of cabinets from the cabinet place.
architectural digest, petworth house
Plus, I reminded him – You know I write a blog, right? Maybe you’ve heard me talk about it? Well, in blog-land your kitchen must be magical. And full of whimsy and novelty and fantastic ideas that people PIN ON PINTEREST.
I said—let me help you understand. Here is my KITCHEN BOARD.
See?
Marble, marble, marble, marble.
$40,000 stove, $50,000 stove, $60,000 stove.
Giant range hood, giant-er range hood, giant-est range hood.
Paul acted progressively more horrified. Which after nearly 10 years of marriage has to be an act… If he expected anything less than utter madness? He didn’t think it through.
Plus, I’ve nearly gone blind in service to my Pinterest board, so maybe he wants to act a little grateful?
Now. Let’s specify what I mean by a kitchen defined as “Liberace meets Versailles.”
1. Unexpected – seeing as how Liberace is dead, there is an immediate element of surprise to see him reincarnated in my kitchen.
2. Dispensing with all practicality – Versailles is art over function. Old and full of character. Also, servants.
3. Over the top – this could mean different things to different people. Shiny, bold, big, unusual, fancy, repurposed, or just plain flat-out-insane-amount-of-money-to-spend-on-any-room-in-your-house.
What’s that? That is not a kitchen? Why are you so critical?
Wouldn’t you rather have THAT than a kitchen?
Besides, as you can see – there is PLENTY of room for a stove.
ps – THANK YOU for all your comments, sharing, and emails on last week’s luxury-kitchen manifesto, but PLEASE STOP giving me practical advice– I have to work REALLY HARD to ignore it… pps– Extra thanks to Making It Lovely (she is also doing a Victorian) & Rage Against The Minivan (greatest name ever, no?) For sending me lots of their blog-friends.
June 5, 2014 @ 11:22 am
I found you via Rage Against the Minivan and my life will never be the same. I cannot get over the craigslist post about the kingdom mirror.
June 5, 2014 @ 11:23 am
I have been dealing with some serious morning sickness this last month and some days your blog is the only thing that makes me smile. So thanks for sharing :).
June 5, 2014 @ 11:27 am
I sure hope you’re mad rich. I’ll be disappointed if you end up with a regular kitchen now…
June 5, 2014 @ 11:34 am
You are an original — ergo — you deserve the VERY best!! Practicality can fly out the window –you and your kitchen should scream YOU!!!
June 5, 2014 @ 12:00 pm
I love all of those kitchens!! and I’m the fan who decried the excessive display of money spent, but wow$ golly$ imagine having toast and a cuppa in those kitchens. Of course with our budget the fridge would be empty, also the cupboards and no need for dishes since no food anywhere in sight. Very good for the waistline….though.. I do feel that you may have stumbled upon a way to keep both you and THE PAUL-happy since THE PAUL is not THE DONALD… and THE PAUL would like to adhere to a budget-you can find the definition of that term under logical reasoning in the google-you keep putting together elaborate plans for the KITCHEN$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and Paul can look interested and willing while hiding the Family Silver. You are the best Blogger ever!
June 5, 2014 @ 12:12 pm
You know, I don’t need any of those fancy kitchens. I would settle for the house around them.
Love you, Miss V!
June 5, 2014 @ 12:19 pm
“Also, we should have jesters”.
Due to budget constraints, we have sadly had to release our jesters which would have been harder to swallow if I did not have your blog as a back up supply of utter amusement.
Yes, you should have all of this and more. I have no practical advice except maybe this. Possibly a small eensy disclaimer before each post that reminds readers to NOT drink any beverage while reading?
Because I almost spit my coffee all over my keyboard at the “Unexpected Liberace” comment. If the neighbors didn’t already think I was crazy photographing food, etc outside in my pajamas at all hours, they know now because I cackled. Loudly. I might have even snorted. The cat was less than amused.
I’ll just wait here for the next post.
June 5, 2014 @ 12:28 pm
I think that top one just SCREAMS a “practical” version of Victoria since Paul is being so cruel and refusing the Portal to Narnia kitchen. The La Cornue is, obviously, required as compensation.
June 5, 2014 @ 12:33 pm
I need to see a current pic of you kitchen, maybe it’s not so bad? I’m sure it’s buried way back on the blog somewhere, but need some idea of the space to help see your vision? Either way, I like the last one, go with that
June 5, 2014 @ 12:52 pm
Form a blockade between Paul and his current project until he caves to your (incredibly justified and reasonable) demands. You’ll need to compose a catchy tune to sing-yell at him, though…”somewhere beyond the cabinet store is the special kitchen just for me!”
June 5, 2014 @ 1:01 pm
Why is it men always want to be “practical” about kitchens? My husband always wanted to be practical about my areas but his? How big does a TV really need to be. I never really needed a movie theater in my living room. And how many different, EXPENSIVE golf clubs does any one man need. You can only putt with one club at a time. And why does a postage stamp yard need a riding lawn mower. I want a kitchen that says “Terrie” when you walk into it. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that this is MY kitchen. Will anyone else like it? Don’t care. Is it practical? Don’t care. My kitchen my way and we won’t have “practical” conversations about TV’s, golf clubs, tools, garages, lawn mowers, etc.
June 5, 2014 @ 1:04 pm
Being single has it advantages. No husband, no problem. I get to decorate every room in my brownstone exactly the way that I want.
June 5, 2014 @ 3:05 pm
Being single is awesome. I always get my way.
June 5, 2014 @ 1:24 pm
With apologies to the movie Jaws and the line “We’re gonna need a bigger boat!” I think you need to tell your husband “We’re gonna need a bigger house!”
June 5, 2014 @ 2:15 pm
I’ve been to Versailles–you don’t want their kitchen–I’m pretty sure it was outside. It wasn’t meant to be seen except for by the servants. 😉 But Paul should certainly understand you wanting to have your kitchen look like one of the fancy rooms, like the Hall of Mirrors. I mean, he knows you love BFTs and especially when they’re mirrors, right?
June 5, 2014 @ 2:24 pm
What you need is a break from kitchen option overload. In fact, what you REALLY need is take a road trip to New Hampshire to fetch this bed for a 2nd bedroom 🙂 : http://burlington.craigslist.org/fuo/4505675458.html
It’s Victorian. It’s tall. It fits a double bed. It has carving on the headboard and the footboard.
[no, I’m not the seller; only in an adjoining state, where the seller posted this item as well]
June 5, 2014 @ 3:05 pm
I love how the photos of kitchens go from crazy to crazier to craziest to full-on all-caps tits-out CRAY-CRAY-CRAYZYISSIMO.
I need a drink at the end.
June 5, 2014 @ 3:48 pm
I love love Love your blog! And you! I feel like we are twin sisters, separated at birth. Keep up the good work.
June 5, 2014 @ 4:47 pm
I’m pretty sure there isn’t even a kitchen at Versailles. Didn’t they just order out for cake all the time?
Probably Liberace didn’t have a kitchen either. Just ate out all the time too…
There you go! Eat out all the time, and you can have that Palace of Venaria.
June 5, 2014 @ 6:16 pm
clearly, Paul does not……. (spend enough time on Pinterest kitchens….)
This is more like you….. and I’ve seen the Château of Versailles and the Mirror Room and it DOES scream your name – just how did you know???
I wouldn’t want such an extravagant kitchen; mainly because I couldn’t afford the cleaning staff (I can hardly afford the gardener who’s coming once per month for 5h to drive a path through the jungle of our garden) but also, since we are in our 3rd house in 16years (new country each time), my desires are no longer permitted to mingle too much with our possibilities and I ‘only’ look out for a generous granite top, a stainless steel sink OR if possible at reasonable cost for a ‘Belfast’ sink (my great love in the ‘sink’ department), first class equipment and a practical division of ranging space (I’m small, love cooking and have tons of equipment) – ‘outside beauty’ can be achieved with some hard thinking, imagination and search of materials at not exorbitant cost – but if you cook with lots of spices, herbs and condiments you need a double-ranged pull-out drawer nearby your cooker…. stuff like this, basics really.
One day you will – no doubt – have the most beautiful, fancy, truly Victorian but 21st century Victorian style kitchen and we will all hurray you – until then you entertain us with countless brilliantly written morsels of your re-makes, including planting herbs in Belfast sinks, disco balls at Christmas and love affairs with cut-out cardboard stars. Thank you for the fun 🙂
June 5, 2014 @ 6:32 pm
Oh yes, much better and actually more feasible in your Victorian. Le Grande Scullerie!
Thank you for taking the time to explain and share great photos!