Kitchen Design — Liberace meets Versailles.
I need this kitchen to be special.
Like me.
Basically, I am thinking Versailles. But Paul? Paul wants to order cabinets from the cabinet place… Why does he want me to live a lie?
Did he not get the memo? About the Sun King?
About how the kitchen must be a révolution of wit and surprise and charm?
Also, we should have jesters.
After enduring Paul’s umpteenth lecture proselytizing the benefits of cabinets from the cabinet store, I realized that the problem is that CLEARLY, Paul has not spent enough time on the internet.
If he had, he would KNOW that your kitchen is an extension of your SOUL… And MY soul is not full of cabinets from the cabinet place.
architectural digest, petworth house
Plus, I reminded him – You know I write a blog, right? Maybe you’ve heard me talk about it? Well, in blog-land your kitchen must be magical. And full of whimsy and novelty and fantastic ideas that people PIN ON PINTEREST.
I said—let me help you understand. Here is my KITCHEN BOARD.
See?
Marble, marble, marble, marble.
$40,000 stove, $50,000 stove, $60,000 stove.
Giant range hood, giant-er range hood, giant-est range hood.
Paul acted progressively more horrified. Which after nearly 10 years of marriage has to be an act… If he expected anything less than utter madness? He didn’t think it through.
Plus, I’ve nearly gone blind in service to my Pinterest board, so maybe he wants to act a little grateful?
Now. Let’s specify what I mean by a kitchen defined as “Liberace meets Versailles.”
1. Unexpected – seeing as how Liberace is dead, there is an immediate element of surprise to see him reincarnated in my kitchen.
2. Dispensing with all practicality – Versailles is art over function. Old and full of character. Also, servants.
3. Over the top – this could mean different things to different people. Shiny, bold, big, unusual, fancy, repurposed, or just plain flat-out-insane-amount-of-money-to-spend-on-any-room-in-your-house.
What’s that? That is not a kitchen? Why are you so critical?
Wouldn’t you rather have THAT than a kitchen?
Besides, as you can see – there is PLENTY of room for a stove.
ps – THANK YOU for all your comments, sharing, and emails on last week’s luxury-kitchen manifesto, but PLEASE STOP giving me practical advice– I have to work REALLY HARD to ignore it… pps– Extra thanks to Making It Lovely (she is also doing a Victorian) & Rage Against The Minivan (greatest name ever, no?) For sending me lots of their blog-friends.
June 5, 2014 @ 10:12 am
Too right, you tell him, VEB! A kitchen with cabinets from the cabinet store will never-ever-ever express your soul, and everyone knows the kitchen is the soul of the home, too!! On a practical (hahahahaha) note, WOW that red/white checkerboard floor is killer! I’m so showing that to my Paul (yes, that’s his real name. He’s talented but not in the ways your Paul is – I wield the circular saw in our house:) for our hopefully soon-to-be-found new house!
June 5, 2014 @ 10:15 am
HAA! I love everything about this post! (Except I do like some cabinets – open storage is not for me.)
June 5, 2014 @ 10:16 am
I know EXACTLY how you feel. We are just about to close (hopefully) on our first house, a Victorian in Ridley Park!
My poor husband seems to understand that this decision is the one that will send us spiraling into poverty, but we will be rich in cornices and stained-glass.
My contractors look at me like I’m “touched” when I describe my vision for the bathroom or kitchen. My husband however, just keeps repeating “whatever you want, babe.”
June 5, 2014 @ 10:18 am
Your husband won another argument early in the marriage, and will be paying forever, right? At least, that’s how I got mine aboard the good ship I Am Right About Everything Now, lol
June 5, 2014 @ 10:44 am
Lady, you married well!
June 5, 2014 @ 10:16 am
First of all, I am NOT siding with Paul. But…
I’m confused. You deliberately chose NOT the most perfect tile ever in that bathroom because Tiny Grout Lines (something about cleaning hassle, I think?). So why is Easy to Clean not a priority in the kitchen, which at least in my house) needs to be cleaned roughly every hour?
(As an aside, the blue kitchen? No. Unless that is your favoritest blue ever and there is no blue anywhere else in the house and nobody’s ever going to see your kitchen anyway.)
My advice is to find a NEW cabinet place, one that is ridiculously expensive and does fabulous custom work. Then you insist that THIS is the cabinet place and begin perusing options. Wait for Paul to step in and insist that HE can make the cabinets and voila! Also, explain to him that there is no alternative for marble (unless, if I may be allowed to offer a suggestion, stainless steel countertops).
Ooh, and there should be COPPER!
Poor Paul… he’s just never going to get a kitchen.
June 5, 2014 @ 10:46 am
V’s first bathroom had the tiny marble hex tile with a bazillion grout lines, so she went for easy-to-clean in the 2nd bathroom. Ergo, she needs TWO kitchens, design being inherently an iterative process. The first kitchen being the Versailles-with-servants…the second, the omg-the-servant-is-me design.
June 5, 2014 @ 10:53 am
This.
greatest. comment. ever.
June 5, 2014 @ 4:06 pm
Victoria, I can hear your wheels turning now! Are you going to convince Paul that you must have two kitchens now? You can have one for everyday and one for company 🙂
June 5, 2014 @ 10:18 am
…Also, My husband is named Paul as well…is there something in the water at this blog?
June 5, 2014 @ 10:22 am
Yes, I want the kitchen from Biltmore House… and the servants to man it!!
June 5, 2014 @ 10:24 am
You are my spirit animal!!!! And I think we also may have been separated at birth.
Looooove your posts! Keep them coming!
there is nothing more horrifying than “routine” cabinets!
June 5, 2014 @ 10:35 am
After doing the kitchen in our Victorian, the only two pieces of advice I’d ever give anyone are
1) Do what makes you insanely happy.
2) Install an instant hot water faucet. It is life-changing, I swear.
(Installing 3 chandeliers in it doesn’t hurt, either, though that sort of falls within #1).
Here’s our kitchen and butler’s pantry! I can’t wait to see yours!
http://wp.me/p3TVq6-8I
June 5, 2014 @ 10:39 am
I still want your portal to Narnia in your kitchen. Tear out the ceiling and walls and windows if you have to–it was meant to be!
June 5, 2014 @ 10:40 am
If only Paul had a blog….
June 5, 2014 @ 10:43 am
I wish I had a Paul, I have a Jeff, and Jeff’s have no skills (the man can’t even roll paint on a wall and yes, he’ll agree with that)! But, due to that factor, he also has no say in any decorating or design decisions.
But what I REALLY want is VEB living next door to me. Let me know when your neighbors list their house!!
June 5, 2014 @ 10:46 am
Oh, to be a fly on the wall in your home on Design Discussion Days.
Okay, maybe you don’t *have* flies on the wall. Maybe you have awesomely cool designer accents into which one can place tiny microphones from which one can spy. Maybe even webcams.
You should do that. Have a live webcam in your kitchen. Or, maybe time-delayed. Make room for one. The servants can see to it. 🙂
As for me? I like it rustic. With tons of counterspace and electric outlets galore. So, techno-hep rustic. Yes, that. Is that a style?
June 5, 2014 @ 10:47 am
While touring Versailles, one area we did not see was the kitchen. Perhaps a return visit is in order. I hope you will get the kitchen of your dreams.
June 5, 2014 @ 10:51 am
No practical advice. Paul reads your blog right? Have you ever considered what will happen when you convert him to “utter madness?” It will be epic.
June 5, 2014 @ 10:52 am
Thanks Victoria, Can always count on your blog for a good rib ticklin! I guess I’m FINALLY blessed, in that my husband (the 3rd) and I are both so in tune with one another, that I never have to fight to get anything…usually, we agree wholeheartedly. On the rare occasion that we disagree, we talk it out, and so far it’s been fairly even on the give and take.
June 5, 2014 @ 10:53 am
I have to agree with someone else’s disdain for the crazy-bright blue, but I’m already certain you did not choose that photo because you plan the color for your kitchen. While you are deciding on your kitchen why not bring Paul for a visit? You and I can visit and Paul can build me a house full of built-in shelves? What say ye?
June 5, 2014 @ 11:00 am
“Also, servants.”
IF you have to sacrifice the $60,000 stove and have cabinet-store cabinets, keep the servants. Or I’ll trade you – let me have the servants in my measly cabineted galley kitchen. Please.
Also, I love the blue pantry.
June 16, 2014 @ 8:22 am
Late to the part here but I agree, completely. There’s a lot to be said for a galley kitchen. And I love the blue pantry. Well maybe not that exact shade of blue.
June 16, 2014 @ 8:23 am
party, not part.
June 5, 2014 @ 11:02 am
Just remember that in the end you have to clean all that ….stuff. Imagine trying to dust the top of a massive vent over the stove. Or keep all that copper bright and shiney. Imagine living in a house with an island of veneer and trying to keep dried pancake batter off of it. Factor in: ”
How hard will it be to maintain”. You’re welcome
June 5, 2014 @ 11:04 am
P.S. Who can be clean enough to let their dishes sit out in the open on glass shelves. You’d have to have servants to get it all done.
June 5, 2014 @ 11:12 am
I’m now officially disgusted with my remodeled kitchen after seeing these extravagant examples of over-achieving kitchens! Not really, I have no illusions of who would clean the huge spaces you’ve shared…it would me! What I want to know is how you even found these kitchens. I’ve been on pinterest and have never seen even one of these. Great job on originality.
My favorite idea you’ve thrown out was to basically do an unstructured kitchen. Like furnishing any other room, just use great finds off craigslist and do not worry if the pieces match, you can make it work.
So stop talking and get going, I can’t wait to see what you come up with…although you have set the bar pretty high.
xo,
karen