I bet you thought I was kidding about DIY-mining my own marble countertops.
Paul was away for work early in spring. This doesn’t happen very often, but when it does I worry about two things:
1. previously-discussed proliferation of ax murderers outside the house.
2. that something really good will show up on Craigslist and my retrieval team will be unavailable.
Which is exactly what happened.
And it turns out that sometimes it is better if your retrieval team is not available. Because sometimes the retrieval team gets confused and thinks that their role is actually the roadblock-to-happiness team.
I called Paul and said – GOOD NEWS! Marble! Giant fancy edge! The guy will put it in the car for me! I’m going this afternoon!
Paul said – have you actually thought this through?
I said – nope. BUT YOU ARE NOT HERE TO STOP ME.
#winning
The marble originally lined a foyer; sort of like wainscoting in a small vestibule. The guy had three sections, each one is 2’ x 4’.
What am I going to do with it? I don’t know.
Why are you on Paul’s team?
When I got there, it was EVEN BETTER than I expected. EXCEPT for the 50,000 ways it is going to be impossible to work with.
When I saw the marble, half of me was like – awesome.
The other half was like – Paul is not going to be too happy with this.
First, the slabs are slightly different thicknesses. And the back of it sort of resembles the surface of the moon– unfinished.
Second, the edge that would be out-facing/flush with (my special, imaginary non-cabinet) cabinetry is rough. REALLY rough.
Now. Normally my part of the acquisition would be finished… but because Paul was away, I was tasked with the get-this-out-of-the-car finale.
I had planned to ask one of my neighbors to help me. And Paul made me promise that I would not drive ANYWHERE until it was unloaded.
Paul has this weird thing about safety. And also about not leaving loose ends lying about. How we ended up together is a total mystery considering that my entire personality consists only of loose ends… you cannot even get near me without tripping.
Plus, do you know what I’m really good at? Doing only part of a project: the fun part.
I am SO great at the enthusiasm part— the part where you will move heaven and earth to ACQUIRE GIANT FANCY THINGS. But after that, I am tired.
So after I got it, I just left the marble in the car.
I never asked the neighbor. I kept putting it off. And forgetting. And forgetting. And forgetting. Until I’d go to get in the car and be like– oh, right… this marble is STILL HERE.
So it was no surprise that I ended up with a pile of stone still in the car the same afternoon Paul was supposed to come home.
I cannot overstate how incredulous he will be to realize that I drove around for a week with roughly 600 pounds of unsecured marble in the car.
Whenever I go to pick something up without him, he tells me 50 times – don’t forget to tie it down. If you get in an accident, you do not want to be speared in the back of the head with vintage patio furniture/plant stands/the hand truck… USE THE STRAPS. Safety first. Boy Scout code of conduct. Blah, blah, blah.
For whatever reason, it does not motivate me to actually take steps to prevent being bashed in the head. I just drive around IMAGINING my head bashed in.
Why I choose to go around, mentally dissecting worst-case scenarios, rather than taking the 10 minutes to avoid them in the first place, I cannot say.
Anyway. Paul was coming home, I had three giant slabs of marble violating the car-safety-code-of-conduct, and not one of my neighbors was home. So I decided to do it myself.
I was pretty sure my chances of breaking one, (or all) were high. Marble is notoriously fragile during transport. But it tells you something about Paul’s ongoing frustration with my inability to complete tasks that I found it more appealing to possibly trash my find than incur an interrogation.
So, I figured I would video it… When you are an blogger, this is how you spend your Sunday: videoing yourself wrestling a 200 pound rectangle.
Was that the most interesting thing you have ever seen? No… Was it slightly more interesting than whatever you are supposed to be doing at work right now? Probably.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:10 am
Funny, I saw this same listing. I’m glad you got it instead of me though; you have a good use for it. Also I’m drooling over the brickwork on that house it came from.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:10 am
That is pretty impressive, seeing as how the marble outweighs you by at least 100 lbs! You are my heroine!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:14 am
Your blog posts are such a kick! Thanks!
My question is one of the video technique.
How did you, while by yourself, file this so effectively from two different camera angles. Do you have two cameras with tripods and you then edited the two sets of file after?
June 11, 2014 @ 10:14 am
That was fantastic. Thank you for making me laugh and laugh and laugh.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:14 am
Lol! Lol! Lol! 🙂
June 11, 2014 @ 10:15 am
Ah, a girl after my own heart! I wrestled a 100# filing cabinet up a big flight of stairs yesterday – pushing it with my thighs!!
And I’m with you on the exciting part is the chase! Though I DO end up doing the work since I have no Paul, only a Jeff (and as mentioned previously, Jeff’s are of little use on the home front!).
June 11, 2014 @ 10:16 am
I can’t wait to see how this turns out. You are superwoman.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:16 am
It looks like you did all right to me. You know, I’ve found that having a slab of marble about is pretty handy. I saved one from an old sideboard and it’s been great as a fancy gardening table, a kitchen island, and an impromptu bar for a party.
Who knew marble could be so versatile?
June 11, 2014 @ 10:16 am
We are idea people, not execution people.
Good lord, how much time and mental energy gets wasted when we must actually toil?
I drove around with a piano in my van for days. And many, many other things.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:16 am
Paul should be thrilled that you at least wore gloves and safety goggles! (Those were safety goggles, right?)
June 11, 2014 @ 10:17 am
Hmm, this sounds suspiciously like the dialogue I have w/ my husband, w/ each and every new treasure I discover that will improve our house (it WILL, but a certain amount of imagination is required to envision same. 🙂 I am SO on your team! And hooray for you for sorting out the marble on your own! Impressive. I lugged a huge marble bowl back from London and thought that was doing well – you’ve just surpassed all expectations!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:19 am
Did Paul watch the video????
June 11, 2014 @ 10:19 am
Yes, you are right, I was supposed to be working, but I took time to read your post! I always do! You are the highlight of my workday!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:20 am
fabulous!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:24 am
Too funny. I get you on soo many levels. Girl power rocks!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:30 am
Awesome find and great technique fro removing them from the van! I would have forgotten the trolley until I really needed it! For my own rough backed slate chalkboard cum countertops, my hubby edged them in beech wood butcher block type trim to match the counters that were all butcher block. It looks good but it on the more rustic side of things. We are in an old farmhouse though. Keep up the great work and the fabulous posts.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:35 am
That was hilarious! Almost as funny as the kingdom mirror post, which was my all-time favorite!
June 11, 2014 @ 4:15 pm
Right?! But, I also REALLY liked the video of hauling the BF bed up to the second floor bedroom.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:38 am
I think there is a direct correlation between husbands out of town on business and the likelihood of finding awesome things on Craigslist (or Facebook … more on this in a second). My husband is out of town a lot. Last time, I found a perfect crystal chandelier for our living room. Texted him the photo of it ahead of time and got his blessing … which is the way I know I’m supposed to handle these things.
In January, with him out of town, of course, a friend shared the photo of a geriatric Chihuahua who needed a home and was being fostered at her vet’s office. The little voice in my gut was screaming about that being MY dog, and my brain didn’t want to waste the time having the conversation with my husband about it … so I drove 45 minutes toward a threatening snow storm to retrieve the dog and bring her home. Fortunately, when I told him what I’d done and that we were now the proud parents of a tiny, elderly dog, my husband didn’t hesitate to agree with me that I did the right thing. Whew!
Great buy on the marble, by the way.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:45 am
Here are links for you, just in case:
Chihuahua story:
http://hartwoodroses.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-chihuahua-formerly-known-as-olive.html
http://hartwoodroses.blogspot.com/2014/01/making-it-official.html
Chandelier for the Living Room:
http://hartwoodroses.blogspot.com/2014/05/craigslist-chandelier.html
Enjoy!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:39 am
The video was the topping on the (marble) cake. So glad you frittered away more time shooting and editing it. And that I frittered away time watching it. Now back to work, blah 🙁
June 11, 2014 @ 10:43 am
A. Am I absolutely convinced that you removed 600 Lbs. 0f Marble from that vehicle and transported it to a secure place in the rear of your Manse? Without damage….that would be to you and not the Marble( I don’t care fiddly squat about the SWT(small weird things). but if I lose your communiques I may lose what’s left of my mind!) VEB! Let us be very protective of that intellect of yours, it is irreplaceable! (unless you have made prior provision for its preservation by cryogenics) in which case Sally forth! My pathetic attempt @ humor aside-you have done what I thought was impossible-write something that was even funnier than previous reports on Life as Lived by VEB. GET an Agent! Get a Manager! Think of the Kitchen you could have with your own TV show. Carol Burnett did it and she didn’t have a Paul.
June 12, 2014 @ 11:07 pm
Correction: I just watched the video again because someone had commented on the music and I see that the pieces are way too large to serve as a pedestal for the gorgeous Urn-I know you’ll forgive the mistake when I tell you I was laughing so hard that I had my eyes half closed.