I was scammed on Craigslist.
We’ve established that Craigslist is the source of all awesomeness. But it’s also the source of the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. And now that we know each other so well, I think it’s time I told you the story of how I was scammed out of $200.
NOT because the internet is a scary place full of evil people.
NOT due to some sophisticated bait and switch.
Not for any reason at all, other than because I did not stop to apply rational thought to the experience I was having.
Instead, I did what I do best—charged past red-flag after red-flag… gleefully digging my own grave. And I will say this about myself—no one digs a grave like me.
In the last year, I’ve heard the phrase “under the ether.” To describe how scammers depend on emotion replacing common sense. And how people who are taken by scammers later wonder how they did not take five seconds to just THINK about whether this was a likely situation… because FIVE SECONDS is all you need to realize you are being an idiot.
Having had that exact experience, I was able to nod and congratulate myself on being totally textbook.
So. Last year my dad lost his iPhone. He put it on top of his car… and drove away.
I put an ad on Craigslist.
I should emphasize that I did NOT expect a response to my Craigslist ad. If you’re familiar with Philadelphia, you’ll recognize this is not a neighborhood where you might expect to have your phone returned and I credit the element of surprise, combined with my eagerness to believe the unbelievable, combined with my natural idiocy… which allowed me to dispense with reason.
It was a Monday. Around 10 a.m. I was sitting at my desk and my cell phone rang.
The guy on the other end said—I think I have your phone.
I freaked out.
He said—can you verify the color of the case?
And? Brace yourself.
I’m sure this will surprise you as much as it did me:
Amazingly, it was the EXACT same case.
Amazing, right?
Amazing.
Plus? It was totally amazing how he’d been visiting his brother in Philadelphia and bought the phone from a kid on the street… and now that he was on his way home, he mentioned to his wife that he bought it. And she chided him that it was probably stolen… but now he was in North Carolina. And the phone was dead, so he couldn’t look to see whose it was. But his wife looked on Craigslist and made him call me. And now he was checking out of his hotel and wanted to get on the road, and could send it to me overnight if I wired him money through Western Union.
From the page on craigslist dedicated to making sure idiots are protected from themselves:
I cannot say the guy’s story made total sense to me, because there was no point at which I applied any sense to the conversation. My only response was JOY that I had recovered my dad’s phone.
I accepted it at face value. And as scam stories go, I think it was pretty decent… I mean, it’s better than the Nigerian prince.
AND? The real kicker was that he paid $50 for it, and that was ALL he wanted. Plus shipping.
He did NOT want the $300 reward.
But I was like, oh my God you are so amazing.
And your WIFE!!! SHE is so amazing.
And my dad is going to be so amazed!
And I cannot believe this worked out so amazingly.
AMAZING.
So I insisted—I AM SENDING YOU $200.
BECAUSE YOU ARE SO AMAZING.
Plus, I was practically getting a bargain.
I was saving $100!
Then I RAN to Western Union. Because this amazing guy was on the road, and wanted to mail it out that morning, and he didn’t have too much time, and I had to do it RIGHT AWAY.
Then I called Paul and said—you will NOT believe what just happened!!!
Meaning my good fortune.
Meaning the amazingness.
Meaning the incredible generosity of the human spirit and Craigslist’s near-cosmic ability to solve all of life’s woes.
Paul said— are you sure? That sounds like a scam.
And then immediately I was like—DAMMIT.
That was totally a scam.
Once Paul said those words, there wasn’t even any transition period where my brain tried to deny it. IMMEDIATELY the spell was broken. And I sat there totally confused how I had done something so obviously stupid. I mean, I’ve done plenty of stupid things that were arguably avoidable, but not like this. Not SO OBVIOUS.
Paul said—look, I can’t talk right now, but I will make fun of you as soon as I get home.
Be sure you’re there.
Then the rest of the day he texted me stuff like:
Arkansas is NOT for sale.
And:
DO NOT BUY ARKANSAS.
But when Paul got home, he didn’t mock me. He said that he’d decided I couldn’t actually claim to have been scammed at all. Since being scammed requires some level of hesitancy or inquisitiveness– a suspension of disbelief rather than just plowing forward without thought.
I wasn’t even angry at the guy. My eagerness was such that he must have several times thought that I was scamming him.
My principal feeling was embarrassment. At being the dumbest target ever.
I COULD have been scammed for $50 dollars plus $30 for imaginary overnight shipping.
But no. I had to INSIST on sending extra.
This was so mortifying I couldn’t tell anyone.
If my brothers find out? I will NEVER hear the end of it.
When I’m on my deathbed, they will hobble in with their walkers and their oxygen tanks, and they will be sure it’s the last thing I think of before I die.
They will say things like—hey Vic? Can you hear us? Remember the time you gave that guy extra money to scam you?
And also—hey Vic? Remember that time you bought your own gas cap?
And I will come out of my coma and be like—HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT I WAS BEING SCAMMED WITH MY GAS CAP???????
Then I will die.
I think of myself as being a great judge of people.
But after being presented with some pretty fundamental evidence to the contrary, I think I need to reevaluate.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:36 am
My favorite is the INSISTING because of the AWESOME. I would have done the same thing. It’s like this great ray of hope for humanity. How could you not get excited? Until the whole humanity screwed me over thing–that part sucks.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:36 am
Oh Victoria, I think in this specific case I would have told him what it looked like and totally gone for the whole thing… We’ll just say he caught you at just the busiest time of your day and the stage was set for just an incident!! Look at all the lovely people you’ll help with your scammer of a story!! Many hugs and I can’t wait to read your next craigslist story!!
July 16, 2013 @ 10:39 am
I just discovered your blog. Hilarious! What is the gas cap story? After this one about the phone, I am dying of curiosity.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:44 am
I tried to wedge the gas story in there, but it really didn’t flow, so I took it out… but just like the phone, sheer idiocy is the explanation. I’d gone to visit a friend in NJ, where they don’t let you pump your own gas… the attendant told me it was MISSING. But that I could buy one for $5. It wasn’t until I was over the bridge on the way home that I was like, wait minute…
The part that bothered me most was that he was able to pick me out as someone who wouldn’t question the premise.
July 16, 2013 @ 12:28 pm
Oh my goodness! (I was wondering about the gas cap story also and thought perhaps it would be another column.) I cannot believe the audacity and meanness of some people! I would have never thought that someone would do that. And what if you figured it out right then? “No. I know you are holding my gas cap in your hand, but I would rather drive of without it than give you $5, you big meanie.” argh.
July 16, 2013 @ 1:17 pm
Only $5? I could definitely be scammed out of a lot more for a gas cap.
July 17, 2013 @ 12:06 am
That is so funny (and awful.) I was Braised in NJ and never had that happen but that has left me unable to pump my own gas (spill it on my foot everytime or break the machine or have a huge anxiety attack.) I ‘ve lived on Long Island for the past 24 years and I will drive a LONG way not to pump!
July 16, 2013 @ 10:40 am
Thanks for sharing… I would totally do this too! I have also come to the conclusion that I don’t really have that whole “gut response” to people that tells you when something’s off. I think I would totally be the person who gets suckered into the serial killer’s van because I’m helping them load a couch.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:41 am
What’s the gas cap story??? I need to hear the gas cap story!!
July 16, 2013 @ 10:44 am
I tried to wedge the gas story in there, but it really didn’t flow, so I took it out… but just like the phone, sheer idiocy is the explanation. I’d gone to visit a friend in NJ, where they don’t let you pump your own gas… the attendant told me it was MISSING. But that I could buy one for $5. It wasn’t until I was over the bridge on the way home that I was like, wait minute…
The part that bothered me most was that he was able to pick me out as someone who wouldn’t question the premise.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:47 am
The gas cap story is awesome. Pure 100% awesome.
July 16, 2013 @ 11:26 am
Well, to be fair, you WERE dealing locally. And you didn’t wire him the money or anything.
Let me guess, the “new” gas cap just happened to be tethered to your car like the old gas cap? 🙂
July 16, 2013 @ 8:29 pm
Only $5 dollars – do you know how much it costs to get a genuine replacement gas cap (or petrol cap as we call them here downunder)?
I shelled out $25 dollars about ten years ago when my husband managed to lose the original from our CRV. I should add that he is a serial offender, we’ve lost about four of them – so I now know where to buy the generic ones. I should also add that Honda’s newer models have the gas cap attached – we’ve even broken that one!
PS: I hear there’s a great deal on an opera house in Sydney Australia, if you get in quick apparently there’s a bridge they’ll trow into the deal as well!
July 18, 2013 @ 9:58 am
Laughing… clearly I had NO idea the cost of a cap (OR that they are not universal).
Looking into the opera house now. Always wanted one of those.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:46 am
Hopefully you can save others with this story.
In a (trying to be) positive light, perhaps your $200 fed the scammer’s kids for a week.
If you want to be scammed some more, Kayne West just put out a basic white t-shirt that will sell for $120. Seriously ridiculous.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:50 am
It did give me a moment of being truly thankful that I am not him… I know that NO one does that if they have better options.
July 16, 2014 @ 10:38 am
I don’t know about that opera house, that roof looks like a money pit just waiting to happen.
July 16, 2013 @ 10:49 am
Loved Paul’s response. 🙂
July 16, 2013 @ 10:51 am
Haha! I found this blog on a whim and now I love it. You’re a great writer!
July 16, 2013 @ 10:56 am
I felt like I was right there with you. I would think a scammer would’ve gone for the full $300! That would’ve thrown me off. I totally sympathize with ya! The text from your husband totally slayed me. We may be married to men from the same sarcastic, ballbusting bloodline.
PS. You get major points for trying to help your dad and having faith in the potential “amazingness” of humanity 🙂
July 16, 2013 @ 11:00 am
So Arkansas may not be for sale — but I can give you a GREAT deal on Missouri.
July 16, 2013 @ 11:05 am
Okay seriously, probably one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time – you are so priceless. Life happens right? Atleast you can make good fun of yourself!
~Kylie
July 16, 2013 @ 11:06 am
In a good way this is probably one of the best posts I’ve read in a while!!! Hilarious! Well not really hilarious for you but your re-enactment of what happened was pretty hilarious!
Also, I’m new to your blog and already love it!
July 16, 2013 @ 11:22 am
I’ve done some remarkably stupid things in my day as well… Whenever anyone calls me for a donation, from like public radio for example, I’m always like.. “Yeah, but how do I know this is Terry Gross? and what does Terry Gross want with a money order?” Can I just get the free Billy Joel CD collection?”
July 16, 2013 @ 11:22 am
Oh, bless your heart…
July 16, 2013 @ 11:26 am
Great story (as usual) & I can empathize! We’ve all been played, at some point, when we’re caught up in the unexpected, frenzied excitement of what seems amazing & wonderful. Just wanted you to know that sometimes scammers get scammed themselves, to wit: My daughter’s brand-new laptop was stolen from her dorm room in FL several years back; amazingly, she received a call the next day that police a few towns away had recovered it–they traced my daughter’s ownership in a bright but convoluted way, but that’s another story–and she went to the police station to recover it. That’s when she found out what happened: A young man (the thief, a non-student) had come into the dorm on campus & knocked on doors till he found unlocked doors w/no occupants (in my child’s case, she’d been in the communal hall bath at the time; she never left her door unlocked after this!). Then the young man entered the unlocked rooms & stole whatever electronics he could & ran out of the building. (After this incident, the college insisted that laptops be locked to the desks in dorms!) Anyway, apparently Young Thief then sold the hot loot out of his car trunk on some sketchy street in a nearby town. YT did indeed sell my daughter’s brand-new $900 laptop (I know; I paid! She was a newly minted college frosh–this happened in Nov. of her freshman yr) to some guy for $50. About 30 minutes later, while YT was still peddling stolen stuff from his car on the same street corner, the laptop buyer, after examining this fabulous Apple laptop, decided he’d been overcharged. (!!! How did they make ME feel? He paid 50 bucks; I was out $900!) SO: Laptop Buyer went & got a COP!! He pointed out the Young Thief who’d sold him the laptop & said, “He ripped me off for $50. This computer’s a piece of #*%@@.” (Sorry, Apple.) The rest is, as they say, history (and now part of our family lore & gore). Young Thief (and his stolen-merchandise buyer) were arrested, & I hope justice was served (at least a little bit). My daughter was reunited w/her Apple, which hadn’t suffered at all, fortunately. Hmmm, now that I look back at this incident, I guess YT wasn’t really a “scammer” cuz he was selling a really fine laptop, not a fake-o one, but, oh well….it’s a story. LOVE YOUR POSTS. KEEP ‘EM COMING! XOXO
July 16, 2013 @ 12:08 pm
OMG. How priceless is that??? They BOTH got arrested. A truly excellent ending. 😀
July 16, 2013 @ 11:29 am
Can’t stop laughing at Paul’s response… he might be my husband’s actual sibling, switched at birth, because that is EXACTLY what my man would have said to me.
July 16, 2013 @ 11:31 am
I totally want to hear the gas cap story. I must have missed that one, LOL!
July 16, 2013 @ 11:35 am
Since I was reared to be ridiculously wary in dealing with people, I probably wouldn’t have been taken in by the scam. If I had however, I would have insisted on giving him $200. Means you’re a good person. Gullible is better than hardened.
July 16, 2013 @ 11:37 am
Oh, just too funny. Thanks for sharing!!! I love the fact you gave him more than he asked for -you’re clearly an exceedingly nice (if gullible) person. Karma, my friend, karma. He’ll get his.
You, meanwhile, have the balls to publicly laugh at yourself, a supportive husband and dear brothers who live to mock you.
I have the exact same situation this side of the Pond – and it makes me happy every day!
July 16, 2013 @ 11:41 am
Oh my goodness this was the best laugh out loud start to my day. Live it