I am too sad to write a post.
We spent last weekend at Penn State… My youngest brother graduated and then drove off to St. Louis, where he will either get a job, apply to medical school, or become homeless… depending on the degree to which it turns out he is able to function independently of my mother reminding/ hounding/haranguing/monitoring/and acting as secretary, war general, and private chef.
For 23 years, Matthew has been at my parents’ house nearly every time I’ve been there. Even when he went away to college, he was home for random weekends, school breaks, and holidays. My entire definition of family requires that Matthew live at home with my parents… For the rest of his life.
But instead of accommodating me, Matthew got in his car with his girlfriend Alex, and moved across the country.
When I was exactly Matthew’s age, Lara and I drove across the country and moved to Texas. We did not have any kind of plan. We did not even have a place to live…
So I know better than anyone just how exciting this is for them– the feeling of adventure and the unknown and like your life is really starting.
I am happy for him. But also, people, I am sad.
I am so, so, so sad.
Not because he has grown up. But because the likelihood that he will build a life somewhere else has just increased astronomically.
This is such a terrible plan.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:45 am
I live right across the river from St. Louis, and believe this city is under-rated. There is a lot to do, many old neighborhoods with wonderful architecture, and the price of living is very reasonable. Now you have a new venue to visit on vacations, and possibly a new supply of places to shop. A must visit is the Warehouse of Stuff. From there I bought an 11 foot burled oak former counter that used to live in the old St. Louis Public library and is probably 100 years old. This beauty will be my new kitchen island as soon as I rip a few walls out and do a reno on my 158 year old former farmhouse. We can dream, can’t we? Plus, I can’t afford to keep it in storage for long. 🙂
August 20, 2014 @ 12:12 pm
Well, look at this as an opportunity for free housing when vacationing in St. Louis… awesome zoo, gardens, beer fests…
August 20, 2014 @ 12:30 pm
I feel for you Victoria! And for anyone else whose family group is having a diaspora.
IT IS NOT NATURAL I TELL YOU.
I don’t live near any of my siblings or parents and I really miss them sometimes.
And NOW, my kids are all growing up and it’s really sad sometimes. My oldest daughter(22) got engaged last weekend and my middle daughter (19) went back to college. It’s just me and my youngest (16) at home now. Because I homeschooled them all their lives (don’t worry – they are imperfectly normal and they had TONS of friends), it is even weirder for me to become an empty nester.
August 20, 2014 @ 12:35 pm
Oh, BTW, I was born in medical school in St. Louis in 1958.
August 20, 2014 @ 1:39 pm
Why can’t we all live on the farm like Little House on the Prairie, right? About the time I complain to someone about our oldest (and I might add our only granddaughter) living in Austin while his loving parents live in California, my dear friend reminds me that her oldest lives in Manila with her only granddaughter! I guess this is life. The thing is you raise children to be happy, healthy, independent, productive adults, but you don’t bargain for these moves!
It will be an excuse for you and Paul to go for visits…a whole new region of Craigslist.
Karen
August 20, 2014 @ 2:15 pm
Victoria, I completely feel your pain. My sister is ten hours away from me and it breaks my heart on a daily basis!
One thing I can say, despite all of the horrible images in the news lately, St. Louis, overall, is a fantastic place. I’m about 25 miles west of down town, have lived here almost my whole life, and I love it. Hopefully, you will come and visit out fair city. When you do, be sure to visit the Webster Groves area to see lots of houses that are just your style.
God bless you!
Valerie
August 20, 2014 @ 3:57 pm
I appreciate you all immensely. I am the baby sister and have never really understood the over-attachment my sister feels toward me. She’s five years older and I was always given the cold shoulder growing up trying to “hang” with her and her friends. When we got closer in maturity ages she was off to college then got married and was out of the house for good. I carried on with my own friends, life and hobbies. Only a few months ago, (we’re 54 and 59 years old now), while I was visiting her she told me she still worries about me! Really? I’ve lived in China, and Washington state, traveled north and south of the border as well as several southeast asian countries, and back east, and have settled down with my husband in California (the same state as her, but I am a 7-hour drive away). Our parents passed away a few years ago, so maybe that’s part of the package too, and her two boys are both recently out of the nest as well, so now I understand from that comment above, that me being her baby sister to whom she can be an older sister, represents a time in her life that she looks back on fondly (whereas I have few memories of it myself). I’ve felt a tad abandoned all these years and have lived an independent and happy life, and now she’s telling me how important I am to her. Family is so interesting and birth order only makes it more so! So, Victoria, enjoy your visits, wherever your baby brother ends up, and don’t wait until you’re 59 to tell him in a round about way how important he is to you.
August 20, 2014 @ 5:03 pm
I am here in StL. Do visit often. Our junk is cheap!!
August 20, 2014 @ 5:34 pm
I too live here in STL. Our junk IS cheap but I haven’t found any grand shiny objects or kingdom mirrors yet. But I bet if you come, you will find something amazing and then I will read about it on your blog. Don’t worry. St. Louis is a good town despite what you are currently hearing on the news. It is a true anomaly and I am speechless that this is happening. I grew up near there!!
Anyway, we will look after Matthew. My oldest son is named Matthew – great name! Please let all of us know if you do visit. I would love to see what you write about our hometown. We are pretty proud of it. I bet Matthew will love it here.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:49 pm
I have a little brother who is 52. I am 57. I was the one who moved far, far away. He has always been my sweet little brother. Well, let me tell you! I was able to go to a fancy banquet in his honor and he gave the best speech I ever heard (I used to do his English papers in college…he could not write a sentence back then) Anyway, After listening to this awesome MAN, little brother, my heart grew and grew in love and respect for him. When did he grow up like that…without me?? He has four wonderful boys an awesome wife and he helps design commercial aircraft. This little kid who could not write a sentence? they do become great men and mighty fine ones. and I am so proud, not that I did anything but that we shared a great childhood and that he found his way in the world. Our family history is our common bond and our family helped to make us who we are. Stay connected even from afar. I know he will surprise the socks off of you. I love your blog. (:
August 21, 2014 @ 9:00 am
My brother moved out of state in 1985 and I’m still waiting for him to “move back home”. I feel your pain.
August 21, 2014 @ 4:10 pm
My son, who goes to college but lives at home, went to England for three months and we didn’t expect him to survive on his own. But surprise! He lived. They do adapt when they have to.
August 22, 2014 @ 12:48 pm
Boy did these words hit home: “the likelihood that he will build a life somewhere else has just increased astronomically”. My youngest son moved from VA to AZ three years ago. Now he has a baby girl and I only see them about twice a year. He loves AZ! We do face time but it’s not the same…
August 22, 2014 @ 3:08 pm
I live in StL. I don’t often see the grandiose pieces you find in Philly, but I did just see this listing at an estate sale just outside of town: http://pictures.estatesales.net/694911/15168931/1.jpg
So make sure to drive a U-Haul when you visit 🙂
August 23, 2014 @ 8:59 pm
This piece is the explanation of how Victorian Décor left the realm of attractive excess and fell into the black hole of “Holy Cr*p” ..That thing is Gawk Awful Urrrgly!
August 23, 2014 @ 7:41 pm
Enough of the encouragement and glass half filled! You are smart and creative. If you start immediately you can sabotage his plans and have him home before Halloween. Hack his bank account. Divert his mail. Call his new landlord and tell them about the $1000’s of damages to his last place. I have faith in you. OR…..follow the advice from other posters and begin making travel plans, lol
August 25, 2014 @ 10:40 am
I was just trolling craigslist here in State College and found a mirror/bench combo that I thought you might like (though it’s nowhere near as grand as the Kingdom Mirror). And then I see that you were just here to see your brother graduate! I could have directed you to the most diabolical antique store right next to campus! Missed opportunities! Anyway, sympathies to you. I just moved my son into the Penn State dorms this past weekend and my heart is breaking too : (
September 1, 2014 @ 10:54 am
This is a blessing in disguise for you. St. Louis has the best estate sale scene you can imagine (estatesales.net), plus some of the most beautiful architecture you’ve ever seen in your life. You absolutely must visit Lafayette Square (lafayettesquare.org)–don’t miss the Christmas parlor tours in December, and be sure to stay in a B&B in the neighborhood. I bought a house in this neighborhood a few years ago, and I found your site by looking for Victorian renovation tips. Also, you must check out Lemp Mansion, the Magic Chef Mansion, and Campbell House. Trust me–you will LOVE visiting your brother!