I am too sad to write a post.
We spent last weekend at Penn State… My youngest brother graduated and then drove off to St. Louis, where he will either get a job, apply to medical school, or become homeless… depending on the degree to which it turns out he is able to function independently of my mother reminding/ hounding/haranguing/monitoring/and acting as secretary, war general, and private chef.
For 23 years, Matthew has been at my parents’ house nearly every time I’ve been there. Even when he went away to college, he was home for random weekends, school breaks, and holidays. My entire definition of family requires that Matthew live at home with my parents… For the rest of his life.
But instead of accommodating me, Matthew got in his car with his girlfriend Alex, and moved across the country.
When I was exactly Matthew’s age, Lara and I drove across the country and moved to Texas. We did not have any kind of plan. We did not even have a place to live…
So I know better than anyone just how exciting this is for them– the feeling of adventure and the unknown and like your life is really starting.
I am happy for him. But also, people, I am sad.
I am so, so, so sad.
Not because he has grown up. But because the likelihood that he will build a life somewhere else has just increased astronomically.
This is such a terrible plan.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:04 am
That is a hard thing, to be sure. I remember when my kid sister moved from CA to TN and it was SO FAR AWAY. Never mind that I was married and mommed by then. She was my baby sister!
She did awesome.
I know Matt will, too. He’s had your good example.
HEY! Maybe he’ll BLOG!!!
🙂
August 20, 2014 @ 1:20 pm
My daughter Rudi also moved to Missouri to go to school. It’s been four years now and although she sometimes talks about moving back to be near us,her family, something always happens to keep her right where she is. 17 hours away -right there. She is doing very well, with her own cute little rental house and station wagon for hauling Craigslist finds, a great job doing what she has been trained to do. However….. I feel your pain. Sigh.(Insert sad music from Snoopy cartoons here and imagine shuffling in the rain with your head down.)
August 20, 2014 @ 10:09 am
…see this as a whole new Craigslist area to shop…
August 20, 2014 @ 11:02 am
That is brilliant!
August 20, 2014 @ 10:11 am
Oh, VEB,
Being the middle of 5, I SO feel your pain!
The baby of the family is a special person, not only because he or she has reaped the full benefits of your input/nurturing/torturing/etc., but also because this person represents a time period of your own life.
I think you are right in reflecting on your own adventures at that point in your life and understanding his journey. Grieve if you must, search Craigslist for a symbolic purchase to represent your childhood memories (mine would be a cordless Donny and Marie microphone), and put that emotional upheaval into some creative outlet, as only YOU can do!
We are all with you!
August 20, 2014 @ 10:18 am
Well, technically, he only moved halfway across the country but I totally understand. He may as well moved to Timbuktu. But in today’s global society, that is hardly anything. Chin up – You’ll be fine. Maybe he won’t even like St Louis… 🙂
August 20, 2014 @ 10:18 am
I feel your pain.. my baby brother moved to Portugal 10 years ago. He is literally an ocean away. Thank goodness for Skype, IM etc. We still speak almost every day.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:19 am
I hate it when people move!! I had the perfect neighbor whom I would easily compare to the country girl vesion of you… Then she moved 8 hours away!!!! How am I supposed to make ginormous ornaments, homemade glitter for said ornaments, sew elaborate fancy things (totally not qualified to make), homemade cheeses, oh I could go on forever given all the awesomeness pintrest has to offer!!! Oh and she had 7 kids!!! I know initially your reaction is “holy cow batman, 7 kids????” Ah but you must then consider the coolness factor at my house = endless supply of free labor for me. ; (
August 20, 2014 @ 10:22 am
No! Be happy! I used to live in St. Louis and the flea markets and country auctions in Missouri were AMAZING! Lots of vintage wrought iron, amazing architectural artifacts from old country Victorian farmhouses… now you have an excuse to go shopping for treasures in the midwest (which will be practically free, since you’ll crash at your bother’s place and only spend the money you didn’t have to spend on a hotel.) Plus, what are your parents doing with his old room? Surely they will let you use it for storage, right?
August 20, 2014 @ 10:32 am
Love your comment. I live in KC and in search of wrought iron and would love to hear any suggestions of places I can look through out Missouri that I am unaware of. So any help would be greatly appreciated.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:44 am
I KNEW I could count on you all to cheer me up…
p.s.- I get my hoarding-skills from my father. I am pretty sure the void/storage room has already been filled.
August 20, 2014 @ 4:02 pm
…see…already you have shopping secrets for St. Louis…more reason to visit SOON…
August 20, 2014 @ 10:23 am
I agree. It’s a wonderful blessing to have family we love so much.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:26 am
Interesting that many daughters describe their mothers they way you did…. After all those years of hard work. I like dedicated, tireless teacher, loving nurturer, Jack of all trades, defender, warrior.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:50 am
First – sorry, mom.
Second – you are right. My mom IS all of those things. However, the recipient of it doesn’t always appreciate it until later. (Matthew might have thought all the details would sort themselves out?)
August 20, 2014 @ 10:30 am
I understand your sadness. When my oldest son was 21 he moved to Alaska. Just before they drove away, I told my oldest “Don’t fall in love, get married, and have my grandchildren there!” Of course, don’t they always do the opposite of what The 18 year old didn’t stay, but the 21 year old did. Now, it’s 22 years later, and my oldest son still lives there, with his wife and 9 children. Yes. Wife. NINE children. I really do understand your sadness.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:14 am
Pretty much everything you typed is my worst nightmare. (And I am not even his mother.) I imagine you spent a lot of time plotting to somehow make Alaska uninhabitable…
August 20, 2014 @ 10:34 am
Girl… I am well acquainted with that sadness… Evan moves into his dorm TOMORROW!! I’m so excited and yet it’s killing me. And he’s so thrilled to be in this new city, the astronomical odds that he will build his whole life here is all too real.
Hang in there!!
August 20, 2014 @ 10:51 am
I would tell you you’ll be fine… But, probably you won’t.
Hugs.
August 20, 2014 @ 1:17 pm
Ha!! That’s EXACTLY why I didn’t tell you that you’d be fine. :). Pretty much the only thing that could distract me from the sadness is something shiny and sparkly. Jewelry or ornate furniture, I’m not picky.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:35 am
I know you are inconsolable at this point but if our collective commiseration is of any help I am sure it is offered with love and hugs and enormous appreciation from all of us that you have boosted out of our own personal doldrums with your wonderful humor and wit. Hey-my niece and nephew both learned how to fly and bought their own little plane-with your management talents and Paulies skills he could probably build one in the backyard-wouldn’t that shock the c**p out of Baby Brother if you landed on his lawn one bright day. Be sure to bring a Picnic. With love from all of us.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:52 am
I love you people. I really, really, really do.
August 20, 2014 @ 10:39 am
Aww, congrats to your little brother for graduating! So exciting that he’s going to have an adventure in a new state… but it always messes with you seeing the youngest sibling growing up (which they’ve been doing their whole life, unauthorized by us, the elder sibs!) Hopefully you get a chance to visit him out in St. Louis once he’s settled in.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:16 am
Don’t look at it as losing your baby brother; look at it as a million new ways for your husband to prove his love to you!
I see an 18 wheeler and several Hundred-Mile-Yard Sales in your future.
It’s all good. (As long as he names his first daughter after you.)
August 20, 2014 @ 11:18 am
You were HERE? You were HERE on the campus where I work? Wow.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:23 am
I’m still stuck on amazement — how is it that you were in State College (where I live) and the whole town did not light up like a Christmas tree? How is it that silver glitter didn’t shoot out of chimneys, and the rain didn’t turn into tinsel?
My own baby brother moved to Japan, and it was great to get to go visit him there. And now that he’s back in the US, a couple of states away doesn’t seem so far anymore. Do not despair. Enjoy Missouri. Embrace Skype.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:25 am
Hey, tell your brother to get in touch when he gets here and my son and his friends will take him and his girlfriend around and show them all the fun things to do here in The Lou. I would show him myself, but since I try not to get out of my pajamas too often, I no longer am familiar with any of the hot spots.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:50 am
I really don’t want him to make friends there… so please have your son act as horribly as possible.
PS – the biggest hurdle in going to visit him is going to be my reluctance to get dressed unnecessarily and leave the house.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:26 am
I’m going to be mean. I don’t feel sorry for you one bit. I do, however, feel sad for your parents. (Gee, ya think maybe my youngest is looking to live OUT OF THE COUNTRY the majority of the rest of my life?!)
August 20, 2014 @ 11:52 am
ugh. ugh. ugh… Hugs to you!!
With people referencing Portugal and Japan above, I am forced to realize this could be a lot worse.
August 20, 2014 @ 11:41 am
I think, that as big sisters, we should get veto power in our little brothers’ lives. They can move away from home but only if it means they are moving closer to us and will come hang out with us sometimes.
I’ve tried telling this to my brothers but only one moved closer to me and he still persists in wanting to spend time with his girlfriend rather than me.
Who can I report this to?
August 20, 2014 @ 11:41 am
My baby brother and his family went to *visit* Wyoming and sent out a message that they were extending their visit. My mom and I both went into – what happens if they move there? Do we all move with them or is that weird?
I imagined my parents, my husband and I following them like trackers in an old cartoon. We kept hiding behind states/ mountains/monuments in case they caught us trailing them.
Super normal, right?
August 20, 2014 @ 11:54 am
This:
I imagined my parents, my husband and I following them like trackers in an old cartoon. We kept hiding behind states/ mountains/monuments in case they caught us trailing them.
I guarantee you my mother is going to call me on the phone to tell me how hilarious your comment is.