The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnight…
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it again… and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head said— you should find out what that is.
And I was like— look, mirror-troll:
A. Paul’s head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll said— what if it’s fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was like— S.C.O.R.E.
But I was like— ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll said— I bet it’s not that big.
I bet they didn’t even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was like— word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casually— do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was like— WHAT?
No. No, I do not.
I was like— oh, okay, well… we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane. But now I see it as a stage in the Kübler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he said— what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question. To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out… He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul said—should we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy said— it’s in the alley, under a tarp… it doesn’t fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul said— wait. What? How big is this?
The guy said—about 12 feet.
Paul said—TWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfully— look! That’s NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He said— did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I said— no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didn’t even acknowledge that it’s pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was like— I think I’m going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll said— I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was like— alrighty then. YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Let’s pack it up.
Paul said— are you kidding me? Are you even seeing the same thing I am?
And I was like— look at me. Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets. Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone. But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CAN’T.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, I’m fine with murderous irritation… it’s a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, it’s not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brian’s truck… and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She said— WOW! I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paul— my mom loves it!
Paul said– that’s because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true. And also why I love them.
What’s that?
You’re thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck. And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 times— OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were like— what are you going to do with it?
And I’m confused by what that question means.
I’m not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
June 22, 2013 @ 10:48 am
well, you are just the best thing that has happened to me today. i can’t wait to get so deep in your blog.
June 22, 2013 @ 10:54 am
That mirror is fantastic! I just found you through Planting Sequoias Blog and I immediately added you to my favorites. You are hilarious and I love your house!
June 22, 2013 @ 11:41 am
“Everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.” ~ I love your family!!! That mirror is beyond amazing and don’t ever stop listening to that mirror troll, she is always right!
That question that everyone seems to ask, what are you going to do with it, always confuses me too! Love your answer, “It exists. Therefore it is mine. Stealing that! <3 your blog!
June 22, 2013 @ 12:41 pm
I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Your mirror does look like a Kingdom and I giggled and smiled to myself from beginning to end. Love that you got what your heart desired. It is beautiful.
Traci
June 22, 2013 @ 12:42 pm
LOL!!! Not only do I have tears rolling down my face from laughing, the dog just gave me a dirty look. What a fabulous find! I’m sure you will put it to good use and God bless your husband…mine of nearly 40 years would have divorced me on the spot! LOL!!! BTW – my daughter’s late mother-in-law has the perfect living room set to go with the mirror and bedroom set and dining room set…come to think of it…the whole house which is for sale! Too bad you’re overseas!
June 23, 2013 @ 3:14 am
All the text is full with -I was like, I was like. It seems as if Americans don’t know other words!!! Everytime u see a group of Americans traveling all you hear is -OMG, I was like, he was like. Urghhh, soo annoying!!!
June 26, 2013 @ 9:56 pm
girlfriend, if the text is annoying you, don’t READ IT. this is the internet, there are millions of other website and blogs, shoo go find someone else to read who you like better.
leave those of us who enjoy her blog, with our entertainer and c-list master, alone.
bless your heart.
June 23, 2013 @ 4:49 pm
I love this! Obviously we are from the same tribe. As I gasped when the drape fell back on the corner of that mirror–I found an art deco vanity the same way, behind a house, under a bad tarp.
What i want to know is how you hung the first Kingdom mirror? We live in earthquake country & everything must be bolted down.
What a fabulous find. Thank you for sharing. Thank your husband too, for being such a good sport. 😉
dahlila
June 23, 2013 @ 5:59 pm
The mirror is incredible, the story incredibly funny.
I was also reminded of the recent(ish) Maryalice Huggins book, “Aesop’s Mirror”. You are not alone : ) .
June 23, 2013 @ 8:22 pm
You are one of my heros – AWESOME!!! I get that way too, and my hubs is about to dump me out the nearest airlock because I’m in love with amazing ‘odd’ things. But I don’t have your flair for story telling, and this one had me holding my sides. It looks great in its new location too!
As the previous poster wrote – You’re NOT alone!! 😀 😉
June 23, 2013 @ 10:10 pm
My friend sent me this link because she said it “sounded like” me. I had to come see! This was even better than I anticipated……you’re hilarious….and awesome. I can’t wait to read more!
PS. The Kubler-Ross thing was super witty!
PSS. It IS like a kingdom on top! 🙂
June 24, 2013 @ 2:44 am
Hilarious….
June 24, 2013 @ 7:11 am
I read this with the sort of dread that would probably make your Paul breathe a sigh of validation while thinking, “Yes! Somebody understands! You are mad – mad! – for making me go through this.”
I expected the mirror to be junk, and this post the story about how you got it anyways, just because…
And then I saw the unveiling and thought, “Holy – ! That’s actually nice. I hope she brought it home.”
Rock on!
June 24, 2013 @ 12:25 pm
Lost IT! Tears in my eyes out loud laughing by myself reading this while Eddie Vetter is singing on Pandora! You have 2!!! Hell Yes! This whole post was awesomeness!!
June 24, 2013 @ 1:20 pm
OMG! that is absolutely gorgeous!!!
June 24, 2013 @ 1:26 pm
YOU MADE MY DAY ,EVEN WHILE WATCHING MY HUBBY IS SO SICK AT THE VA ,I SPEND TIME SHOPPING ON CRAIGSLIST ,IF I DON’T STAY BUSY I WILL GO CRAZY.THIS POST WAS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY ,YOU ARE SO FUNNY ,BUT IT STILL REMINDS ME OF ME ,I CAN’T GET ANYONE TO PICK UP MUCH ANYMORE ,I WISH I DROVE OR HAD A TRUCK,THERE ARE SO MANY DEALS OUT THERE ,MY WHOLE HOUSE IS NOT USED ,I CALL IT “RECYCLED”
June 24, 2013 @ 1:35 pm
That’s a great deal for an entire kingdom. Nice that it fit in your house. Great story.
June 24, 2013 @ 2:40 pm
Oh my goodness! You scored BIG!! Hubby and I love Craigslist! Your story was hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh! I am a new devoted follower of your blog.
June 24, 2013 @ 2:47 pm
This post is so awesome, I have had to read it again to my hubby (who by the way feels Paul’s “pain”). I must say, I love that it matches the mirror in your foyer 🙂 What a great deal!
June 24, 2013 @ 4:02 pm
So – i am reading and thinking, jealous!! I love mirrors, so i get the pull. then I see it, and think, oh, my goodness – so very cool!! THEN, I see that not only do you have a cool mirror – you actually have TWO!!!! Now, I want to know – what is the actual value of your incredible find? (nosy, i guess….) But, also an antiques roadshow lover – so, do you know the value?
June 24, 2013 @ 4:32 pm
I need to get to that point where I just ignore my husband when he has that look on his face. I’ve given up so many treasures because I didn’t want to rock the boat.
Amazing mirror and amazing writing that an entire post about a mirror could be so enthralling!
April 14, 2016 @ 11:38 am
No, you actually did the right thing, it’s called having empathy and caring about people. Keep it up, it’s worth more than furniture.