The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
June 24, 2013 @ 4:34 pm
Thanks for the best few minutes of my day today, but sadly followed by the worst– as I longingly scavenge the world of Craigslist for one of these now.
June 24, 2013 @ 5:50 pm
I am confirmed in my “wanting” of a mirror I found over the weekend now!!! It was HUGE … like 8 or 9 feet by 5ish… But my ceilings are all 12 ft… So, no doubt could handle it!!! and I love it leaning against the wall like that!!! I have a space in my foyer that could handle it …
June 24, 2013 @ 6:16 pm
Okay . this mirror thing had nothing to do with you. or very little actually to do with you. those mirrors called each other over time and space so they could be together again . wherever they were before and they were separated?they used you , and the mirror love you had in your heart to maneuver the universe into such a position that they’re in the same house together again. and i think for everybody’s good, you need to move them one more time so they can gaze at each other. id be glad to contribute towards a fund to hire movers. really.
June 24, 2013 @ 6:53 pm
This is the coolest score ever. The mirror troll totally rules for guiding you and (poor) Paul on this journey. Am I not envious that you have two drool worthy mirrors? Yes, yes I am.
June 24, 2013 @ 7:03 pm
This reads like the story of my relationship. “Can we go to XYZ (read: somewhere 80 miles away) to look at this AWESOME chair?” Me: “We have 30 chairs already. No.” “But it’s so cool, look, and I can get a lot of money out of it if I just sand it down and refinish it…” Me: “How about finishing the other 10 pieces of furniture you haven’t touched yet?” “But this one is so cool! Don’t you want me to be happy?”
End of conversation or pouting will ensue.
Why, just last week we drove 130 miles to get a black leather vintage chair with foot stool included. When we get to this house the ceiling is being held up by plastic tarps stapled to the ceiling and the woman smoked. Like a chimney. And it should not surprise you that she also had 9 cats. Did I mention those cats liked to piss on the furniture, too? We drove that far so we couldn’t go home empty handed, so we paid $20 for a smoke-laden, piss-covered, likely asbestos-infused black leather chair that is now sitting in our garage with the rest of the misfit furniture Craig has bilked me for.
I fucking hate you, Craig.
June 24, 2013 @ 7:23 pm
This is amazing, love it, and your story and photos are humorous, touching and I can feel the NEED to get that Kingdom home, my husband would groan just the same and Id be insisting. This even made me tear up its so cool. Love Love Love and have shared you on facebook
June 24, 2013 @ 8:13 pm
I love the mirror and the story! Clever! Brilliant! Funny! And I recognized that “man look.”
June 24, 2013 @ 9:21 pm
OMFG that is gorgeous! I’m so insanely jealous! Why can’t I ever find anything cool on Craigslist? Seriously no one in my city uses it, there are like 5 ads per month on it, the more popular site here is Kijiji, but I haven’t found anything overly exciting on it yet. š
And yeah, 15 feet? Really? What a retard. It looks more like 7-8 feet tall (how high are your ceilings?) It probably once sat over a very grand fireplace in a very large home.
June 24, 2013 @ 9:41 pm
So beautiful!!!
100000000 points for you and mirror troll.
Also? You’re one of the few bloggers that actually make me LOL. Like, literally LOL. You rock.
June 24, 2013 @ 10:20 pm
Besides how absolutely funny you are, and witty, and have such a good eye for nice things….I’m just taken aback that you have almost an identical already in your foyer!! I think my husband would actually leave me if I ever tried a stunt like this, lol
June 24, 2013 @ 10:36 pm
I understand completely. That mirror was necessary to your life. Just like the 5 1/2ft tall Father Christmas, a Simpson window display was necessary to mine. Hubby just don’t get it.:-)
June 24, 2013 @ 11:58 pm
We haven’t met…but I love you. Craigslist really does bring people together : )
June 25, 2013 @ 4:26 am
Hello!
I just have to say that
1: The mirror is amazing
2: You write how things should be written and it makes me deeply happy to have found your blog š
3: Your house looks amazing and I fully subscribe to your sparkly things and big mirrors perspective. Although are you not a little nervous about being dragged in by mirror people? :\
June 25, 2013 @ 6:22 am
“What if it’s fancy?” Too damn funny.
I’ve been doing Craigslist, estate sales and auctions after buying an old mansion in my hometown. While I’ve gotten some incredible items (all the stained glass windows from a now-defunct Manhattan Catholic Church imported from France in the 1920’s for $300), your mirror is the best I’ve seen so far. Enjoy your kingdom and tell Paul that mirror is the reason he loves you. And his reaction is what makes you love him I’m sure.
June 25, 2013 @ 7:14 am
Hi
Your delightful description of your puss cat on desire to inspire caught my eye and I clicked the link. So glad I did funny lady. Can’t believe you actually already have another mirror almost identical…you go girl.
June 25, 2013 @ 7:15 am
What a funny story! The mirror is beautiful…
My husband is exactly like yours…I was surprised that he actually took me to go get a chair from a consignment store recently š
June 25, 2013 @ 8:48 am
Found this on FB and came here and homygott so glad I did.
LOVED every single thing about it… ESPECIALLY how it was a dream come true for a kingdom mirror loving woman.
xo GREAT POST.
June 25, 2013 @ 9:02 am
You just found a new reader. This was HILARIOUS! And it’s basically my life.
June 25, 2013 @ 9:22 am
Stunning! I love that the Universe is your personal shopper!
June 25, 2013 @ 9:23 am
Oh my God, I think I LOVE you.
What a perfect post.
And a PERFECT find.
Now I’m jealous.
and wishing I lived back in Philly so I could stalk you and your fabulous treasure hunting