The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnight…
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it again… and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head said— you should find out what that is.
And I was like— look, mirror-troll:
A. Paul’s head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll said— what if it’s fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was like— S.C.O.R.E.
But I was like— ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll said— I bet it’s not that big.
I bet they didn’t even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was like— word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casually— do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was like— WHAT?
No. No, I do not.
I was like— oh, okay, well… we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane. But now I see it as a stage in the Kübler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he said— what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question. To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out… He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul said—should we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy said— it’s in the alley, under a tarp… it doesn’t fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul said— wait. What? How big is this?
The guy said—about 12 feet.
Paul said—TWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfully— look! That’s NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He said— did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I said— no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didn’t even acknowledge that it’s pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was like— I think I’m going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll said— I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was like— alrighty then. YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Let’s pack it up.
Paul said— are you kidding me? Are you even seeing the same thing I am?
And I was like— look at me. Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets. Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone. But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CAN’T.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, I’m fine with murderous irritation… it’s a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, it’s not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brian’s truck… and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She said— WOW! I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paul— my mom loves it!
Paul said– that’s because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true. And also why I love them.
What’s that?
You’re thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck. And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 times— OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were like— what are you going to do with it?
And I’m confused by what that question means.
I’m not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
December 18, 2013 @ 11:23 pm
Oh my, this so funny! Pleasure to read 😀 And of course:the mirror is stunning!
December 28, 2013 @ 11:55 am
I so love your blog! You are one of those people who turn everything you touch into gold! I think of you as “Wonder Woman”! I wonder what wonderful adventure, story, project, treasure or otherwise amazing endeavors you will share next! Thank you for being so inspiring!…and fun…and humorous.
January 10, 2014 @ 8:45 pm
Ok. That was the funniest story ever! You have renewed my faith in my lack luster hunting ventures on Craiglist. If only I could find a mirror that once belonged in King Arthur’s court on Craigslist! AMAZING!
January 22, 2014 @ 1:27 pm
It fit in the house – what more needs to be said. The magic is you had the matching one at home and didn’t know it. You could sell the pair for a kazillion dollars, if you needed to.
February 1, 2014 @ 1:01 pm
I have been slowly working my way through all your blog posts from the beginning, but this one here…this one makes me squeal with glee and laughter and say, with heartfelt honesty, you are my sister from another mother and I love you! So very, very happy I have found you!
February 17, 2014 @ 5:51 pm
Victoria – this must be a Victoria thing cause I read your post to my husband and he said, “Are you two related?” I’ve drug him all around Colorado to pick up what he calls junk from craigslist or the ‘thrify nickel’ which is like craigslist but paper. Our last purchase was a camper, yep a camper. You keep going girl! Love reading your adventures, especially since I grew up in Maryland and know exactly where you are talking about. Victoria
February 21, 2014 @ 11:49 pm
I stumbled on your Dear John post while searching for a way to tile images in my blog post. It was so funny that I subscribed to your blog ( first ever for me!). And this post was laugh out loud funny…I was reading it to my husband, who was probably thinking OMG, sounds like my wife! 😉
March 9, 2014 @ 3:48 am
Unbelievably jealous, drooling, and soul-trolling right now. My latest big craigslist find was an antique silver tea set and matching tray for my living room. I will use it if looking at it and feeling happy/warm/fuzzy means using it? Keep up the writing – this is definitely my new favourite blog!
June 2, 2014 @ 10:20 am
yep. love it. From a philly resident who bought a 1908 row house 🙂
June 2, 2014 @ 11:15 pm
What a great story! That’s a beautiful mirror. I hope you have some time to take close-up pics. From a distance it looks like it has amazing detail.
I love the ongoing saga of Victoria, Paul and Craigslist 🙂
June 4, 2014 @ 9:03 pm
My third read of this story! Love the mirror, the room, and the writing. I’m soon moving into a *very* old house and am trying to find the right paint colors. What color is in the Kingdom room?
June 20, 2014 @ 1:26 pm
ummm… excuse me. Where have you been in my life? I just found you via the comments section on Karen’s blog The Art of Doing Stuff…which I love. But I think I might love you more. You are my new favorite blogger. I have spent the last hour whiskey laughing and texting family and friends to google you immediately.
July 27, 2014 @ 2:40 pm
Hi there Victoria, and I thought I was one of the last one’s left! From Cape Town, South Africa and also driving my husband up the wall. A couple of years ago I even opened a French vintage shop just to justify my obsession with gold, rissian silver, all kinda of bling, vintage (broken or not) fabrics, carpets, shoes, bags etc etc. just because there was no more wall, floor, ceiling, patio’s, balconies or grass space left to decorate at my fabulous house!!
About a month ago my husband was made an offer to work in the USA and with mixed feelings I am still in 20 minds about the whole thing, but after reading your notes, I feel much much better! I am now a new huge fan of yours and will cling to your fabulousness for more inspiration and feel good things to make my transition to the states easier!!!!
August 19, 2014 @ 12:16 am
Just came across your blog by way of your post about the headboard and have to say, OH MY GOODNESS!! I am insanely envious of you. When I lived in Bisbee, AZ I had the opportunity to buy a mirror that was 10 feet x 15 feet in a gorgeous old gilded frame. Yup, even the original beveled mirror. But, that was when I was newly married living in a small cottage and so had to pass it up. To this day, I can’t forget it (or the full size antique harp for $300 or the 12 x 15 antique angels and cherubs oils painting for $750)!! The price for the mirror? $200!!!!! Congratulations on yr find and a wonderfully willing hubby!
September 25, 2014 @ 11:38 am
I have a mirror the same size as the Victorian one you bought. But it is not in as good a shape… It has some of the wood frame missing and was in an abandoned house that I bought for 20 years
September 28, 2014 @ 9:25 am
I can’t imagine another post getting 540 comments. (There are at least 3 not worth counting, maybe more. I didn’t have time to reread every one this morning but those stood out as rude, crude, and lacking any understanding of humor.) You are the One, Victoria. The Queen of whatever you choose as your kingdom. Queen of blogdom, for sure.
October 21, 2014 @ 11:11 pm
This is the first time I’ve read your blog and I have to say that I love you to pieces! If we lived closer we could so be BFF’s except for we’d be Ninja fighting over “Kingdom” finds all of the time! Thanks for intriguing me, making me laugh and then sigh within seconds of each other.
January 22, 2015 @ 7:56 pm
Oh. My. God. Thatmirrorissounbelievablyindescribablyawesome. And it’s actually antique. And it’s seriously like really and truly shaped like a kingdom. I am overcome. I have goosebumps. I feel dizzy.
February 13, 2015 @ 9:02 pm
This was the best post. Love your journey. Love the mirror. Yes like many others posting here my husband Tom is about done. He keeps telling me to stop bringing stuff into the house. He says there’s no room left… and he’s right!
But I get obsessed about things I find and they are free or such a great deal or… I just have to have them!
We are both realtors in Philadelphia and when we handle an estate sale I just get goofy.
Best, Margaret
March 15, 2015 @ 5:33 am
Paul, I feel and share your pain!!!