The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
July 30, 2013 @ 3:55 pm
To me, it’s clearly a stolen mirror!
July 31, 2013 @ 12:08 am
Oh my gosh, what a great story! You have a new FB follower! Love the mirror–why can’t I ever find anything that cool on CL?
July 31, 2013 @ 9:29 am
Now THAT was an amazing score and a freaking funny & enjoyable story of how it came to be! I would have been the same way.
I love this part :
“Paul saidā are you kidding me? Are you even seeing the same thing I am?
And I was likeālook at me. Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because Iām not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.”
Haha….Men. I guess they have to TRY to be the voice of reason. The only thing is, when you find IT, you must have IT! There is no reasoning š
July 31, 2013 @ 9:43 am
Would you post a detail photo of the “kingdom” please? I’m in lust and need MORE of this mirror.
July 31, 2013 @ 12:26 pm
Read your Houzz post, came over to read this, had to stop reading until I could catch up on the laughter (with tears) it was generating. Great story, great telling of the tale. You got the kingdom alright, now run with it!
August 1, 2013 @ 11:07 am
I am pretty sure that if you DID place those two mirrors facing each other some serious rift would develop in the Space Time Continuum.
I HATE mirrors and yet–I WANT this one! OR Baby Brother. I surely don’t have the ceilings or walls for either but—–
I too have that long suffering husband who has put up with LETS MOVE TO THE COUNTRY and WHY IS THERE A HORSE IN THE KITCHEN and DID WE NEED TO BUY THREE KIDS I WANTED TO RENT——Oh and Did we really NEED to buy a TRAILER so you could haul home more crap er GREAT STUFF???
Yes he really HAS said all of those things. Usually when I am trying to DO something that he will grumble or yell about but then later on I find he has been braggin’ on to all and sundry. Also we make a BIG DEAL whenever our “scores” get us actual cash money in return when we don’t keep them. Who is this WE you ask? Well it used to be my mother and my friends now it is my daughter and her friends and my friends and son in law and daughter in law–proves that you CAN make your own “Village”.
Awesome from the land of No CRAIGSLIST to speak of. We too have the FB Redneck dealie—explains WHY I now have two rescue guinea pigs in my kitchen. Well at least they ARE smaller than the horse.
Love this and def need to come back and read more!
August 7, 2013 @ 6:03 pm
I love your blog and want your mirrors. lol If I had a house, I’d so be there.
Thank you!!!!
August 11, 2013 @ 10:55 am
Hello, I just stumbled on your blog today. As I type, there are tears streaming down my face after reading this post. Well done! The Kingdom mirror looks good but your husband is the real champ.
Still giggling, Tracey
August 12, 2013 @ 4:22 pm
This is the fourth time I’ve read this particular post and I still laugh out loud each and every time. Also, I’m totally envious of the magical power you wield over your husband — well done!
August 12, 2013 @ 4:40 pm
Victoria……485 comments!!!?? The impact of your post lives on. Quite a big deal, I think.
August 17, 2013 @ 11:41 am
Best CL story ever!
August 18, 2013 @ 8:44 am
Rhoda told us to visit, and she was soooooo right!
We live Down Under and though I have heard of the lure of the craigslist we have never ventured down that rabbit hole.
BTW my husband may be Paul’s soul-troll.
August 20, 2013 @ 7:58 am
Thanks to your amusing blog post my wife is now hunting craigslist for 800lb `15 foot high kingdom mirrors. š
August 25, 2013 @ 5:04 pm
Where did you get the mirror troll? I want one too.
August 25, 2013 @ 5:12 pm
Victoria…..you must read Emily Henderson’s recent post about craigslist.
August 30, 2013 @ 8:10 am
Girl, we are soul mates. Yesterday, I went for the table and came home with the Ginger Jar. Love this story.
September 3, 2013 @ 9:59 am
I’m not going to tell you I LOVE this post and then tell you to check out MY blog. I don’t have a blog. But I DO love this post. Like all your other millions of fans, this one, incredible post has hooked me. I check your blog multiple times a day to see if you’ve added a new post. Even on holidays like yesterday, when I know you aren’t going to post anything. This post and all the others I’ve read so far (not even close to reading all of them yet) makes me laugh so hard. In fact, I’m a bit concerned about the health of all this laughing. I’m pretty sure some research is just about to be published that says contrary to the long-time belief that “laughter is good medicine”, it’s actually like a lot of things – dessert especially – it’s not good for you. I don’t care. I would be happy to die laughing. And if I do and if they blame you, I hope you are honored and proud. Keep making me and your other millions of fans laugh!
September 4, 2013 @ 11:28 am
Now that I saw you had ANOTHER mirror very similar to the kingdom one, it makes perfect sense why you would want another. You and I are exactly like when it comes to craigslist. It’s the fourth website I open every morning, EVERY morning despite what my boyfriend tell me (not to look at it). We buy stuff off of there at least once a month.
September 6, 2013 @ 7:57 pm
You have brighten my day with laughter. Today, I was introduced to your blog by reading about you on Southern Hospitality as the feature guest. You certainly captured my attention with your gift of writing and am looking forward to following your remodeling adventures on your blog.
September 9, 2013 @ 11:23 am
I was giggling the whole way through your post. Apparently 496 people agree with me that this story is hysterical. And this is my fave:
“I told Paulāmy mom loves it!
Paul saidā thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true. And also why I love them.”
I have a soft spot in my hear for insane enablers. They’re the best. š