I’m like Gollum. But much taller.
This year I wanted to do less.
Less with the manic, glassy-eyed hauling of stored ornaments. Less of my frantic bow-making when I realize the ribbon I used last year is undeniably hideous. Less of asking myself, where did I put that twelfth box of holiday stuff. Less with the hanging and nailing and hauling.
Less of looking at my absolute mountain of Christmas decorations and asking myself WHY I HAVE SO MUCH CRAP.
Glass crap, garland crap, berry crap, ribbon crap, random sparkly crap, fake gold crap, fake silver crap, fake mini-tree crap, bow crap, boxwood crap, red crap, green crap…
Bells, glitter, holly, ornaments, wreaths… Miles and miles and miles of lights which are totally tangled up and not labeled with their length so that every year I am either short three feet around the front door, or have an extra fifteen feet.
A headlong dash into stored chaos.
An explosion of sparkle, ribbon, and plastic junk.
Let me emphasize the double futility of it all– how I end up facedown in the ensuing mess. Boxes pulled apart. Me, wondering WHY in GOD’S NAME I bought all this crap.
WHY am I spending my free time, making a huge mess that will have to be repeated in reverse in a month?
Last year I SWORE that this year I would do ONLY THE ESSENTIALS.
The bare essentials.
The very minimum you can do, and still claim to have decorated for Christmas.
I am tired of feeling like I am drowning in my own junk. So obviously the first step in my recovery would be to NOT go in The Christmas Tree Shop.
I drove past and pinched myself in an attempt at aversion therapy.
I chanted— evil, soul-killing, sucker of time…
But my addict-self piped up—what if they have ONE thing that you really need?
Oh. Hello. My precious.
If you read my DIY Mirror Ball Chandelier post where I explained how I believe that Christmas is synonymous with Disco Balls. And how I am like Liberace. But with more flair? Then you saw that I do not technically need any more mirror balls.
But the shiny-loving, raccoon-part of my brain demanded that I buy these and take them back to my den. I tried to leave, but it chattered insistently and clawed at my good sense.
It actually demanded that I buy ALL of them. Which I didn’t. And which I consider a triumph of human logic over my most primitive instincts.
The biggest restriction on cleaning out the bin was Paul. Imagining his face if I came home with the ENTIRE BACK OF THE CAR FILLED WITH DISCO BALLS.
Was a deterrent.
But only briefly.
I will allow you to decide for yourself, the extent to which this is the awesomest thing you have ever seen.
I myself? Can barely comprehend the stupendousness of it.
See all my Christmas decorating ideas!
November 19, 2012 @ 11:16 am
Okay. I love it. There’s something about a stately old home that really cries out for a thousand disco balls.
I admire your creativity and dedication to us… your devoted readers. Tell Paul a lack of mirrored balls a la Saturday Night Fever would have been a crippling disappointment for me, personally, and the broader blog world in general.
And I’m also in awe that you, apparently, have previously labeled your used light strands so you can easily tell their length! Seriously, I never thought of that.
You are talented and smart… as well as being a shiny thing hoarder.
November 20, 2012 @ 7:32 am
It’s nice to swan around, and say things like—my readers expect… it sounds so official and important and also like I am slightly put upon.
I have some swirly glitter ornaments/words that say— peace, love, joy… all the usual holiday sentiments. If I were craftier/ interested in more tedious projects, I would make another word that said “Disco,” so that over my door it would say—Peace, Love, Disco.
That. Would. Be. Awesome.
November 19, 2012 @ 12:03 pm
Nothing says “there’s a chick I’d like to know” than a cart full of disco balls! Honestly, I think you’ve proven to everyone just how awesome the xmas disco ball really can be. Those little reflective squares look like holiday snow! I feel like I’m in the middle of a snow globe (wearing platform shoes, bellbottoms, and a really sparkly headband… of course!) It’s a HIT!!
I’m with you… I love beautiful real garland and simple white lights. To me that’s perfection! But now disco balls will be on my list too. We don’t do a WHOLE lot of Christmas crazy… but I use to. Your stash above looks VERY familiar. Now we’re down to a wreath on the door and our 50’s aluminum Christmas tree with a few ornaments and some white lights.
P.S. I’m sure Paul loves that you bring home trunk loads of disco balls… it makes life FUN! (his and yours)
November 20, 2012 @ 7:43 am
My Christmas decorating-mania was kind of curtailed when we moved here… the inside of the house was immediately a construction zone/dumpster… and there’s really no point in decorating a dumpster.
We haven’t even done a tree since we’ve been here. People act like that’s some kind of holiday violation, but I’ll tell you what, I may never do one again. Not having to un-decorate it? Is like the greatest thing ever.
I’m hoping to just get rid of some of this stuff this year. We’ll see how that goes.
November 19, 2012 @ 1:06 pm
Victoria,
I would argue these disco balls have so many more uses throughout the year then most Christmas bulbs, and I never thought I needed/wanted one. Until I saw their sparkly wonderfulness on the ceiling and walls of your home. I must get one just to hang somewhere in my home in hopes that I too can have the magical sparkle.
You have my sympathy where the over abundance of Christmas storage boxes are concerned. Honestly, even when I say to myself, “YOU DO NOT NEED ONE MORE CHRISTMAS ITEM!” not one season goes by when I don’t buy some things…mostly after Christmas, at half price, which gives me more of an excuse…I saved so much money.
Karen
November 20, 2012 @ 7:46 am
I know, right? I may just leave them up all year round.
I do the—Oh! It’s on sale, therefore I must buy it, too. Although, now it looks like I have a whole other excuse: my blog *needs* this!!
Have a great holiday!!
November 20, 2012 @ 3:21 pm
I think I’ll borrow this excuse for buying from now on…I have to make a blog post that will involve these items. Great idea, Victoria!
November 21, 2012 @ 9:47 am
I am always excellent with excuses! Happy Thanksgiving!
November 19, 2012 @ 1:45 pm
Reblogged this on The Wordy Photographer and commented:
Add your thoughts here… (optional)
November 20, 2012 @ 7:50 am
Hey! Thanks! I’m flattered!
November 19, 2012 @ 2:08 pm
Ah, Victoria. I am disappointed. I expected at least a game of riddles. I did. Gollum remember riddles…
Okay. I am laughing at your Spousal Unit. “Your readers do not have to live in Saturday Night Fever.” Well, no, no we don’t. Some of us live in the land of Broken Gingerbread Ornaments that Must Be Displayed Every Year Without Fail. Not as flashy, granted.
May I recommend this for your Holiday Open House (or Riddle Extravaganza) http://www.amazon.com/Disco-Christmas-Party-Various-Artists/dp/B00000DFFM
P.S. You’re a fantastic blogger. 🙂
November 20, 2012 @ 8:07 am
You know? I had forgotten about Gollum’s riddles… I was just thinking of his love of shiny things, repulsive covetousness, and irritating self-absorption.
I was going to say something sarcastic about how you underestimate me, if you think I actually need to buy disco music! (As though I do not have a computer full of it.) But then I realized that is actually DISCO CHRISTMAS MUSIC. Which I definitely do not have… the sample tracks I listened to are delightfully terrible.
January 28, 2014 @ 6:37 pm
I loved his comment about us not living in Saturday Night Fever, but what really made me laugh (loudly!) was that he then went to get the ladder. That’s love, ladies!
November 19, 2012 @ 2:50 pm
I do not have any disco balls, and now I think that I should get some. Those reflections are beautiful! And you are to cute to be Gollum. 🙂
November 20, 2012 @ 11:03 am
Aw thanks. But you haven’t seen me before coffee… the resemblance is unmistakable. ☺
Have a fantastic holiday!!
November 19, 2012 @ 11:00 pm
Ooh, shiny! I love it. There’s just something warm and fuzzy about those little bits of light bouncing around. Unfortunately I don’t have a Christmas Tree Shop anywhere near me; I’ll have to see if Hobby Lobby has anything similar.
November 20, 2012 @ 11:05 am
You should be glad you don’t have a Christmas Tree Shop. Seriously. I need an electric collar to keep me out of there. It’s the kind of place where everything is delightfully cheap and surprisingly cute, so you end up buying all kinds of junk that you absolutely do not need.
Of course, I’ve never been in Hobby Lobby, so perhaps you’re already familiar with this phenomenon.
June 14, 2013 @ 9:40 am
You can get disco balls of various sizes on the inter-webs at Save-On Crafts. Same price V.E.B. payed at the Christmas Store. I know this because our nearest C.S. is hours away in Dayton. Seriously? None in Cleveland? Who goes to Dayton?
June 15, 2013 @ 12:31 pm
Just spent waaayyyy too much time there… (but read sizes, if you order… mine are pretty big. Maybe 10″ diameter?)
November 20, 2012 @ 8:57 am
I was so excited to do this. Although on a smaller scale because our front porch is pretty small. I have a Christmas tree shop on my way home from work, but I went by last night and they were sold out. You’re lucky you went in there when you did.
November 20, 2012 @ 11:09 am
I hate when that happens… hopefully you didn’t go far out of your way. I’m trying to be better about calling places in advance, rather than driving somewhere on the assumption that they will have what I’m looking for. I actually went to Michaels and A.C. Moore two weeks ago, assuming that they’d have their holiday ribbon, and it wasn’t out yet…
Thanks for leaving me a comment!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
November 20, 2012 @ 9:10 am
Sparkly! Love it! All those reflective dots will make up for no snow in the months to come, or accentuate the snow we do get…
Because my mother’s Christmas collection is so huge, I told myself I was going to limit my Christmas collection to just one box – it stayed that way while I was apartment dwelling. Well. I’m up to three boxes now now that I’m a homeowner, proving that gold fish, and humans do indeed grow to fill out their settings…oh well.
November 21, 2012 @ 10:00 am
Sigh—my mother actually gives me MORE ornaments every Christmas. I have *tried* prohibiting her, to no effect. I’m like, do you really not understand that I am running out of room to store this stuff!!
p.s.- I am in the hoping-for-NO-snow camp. Or, just one light dusting.
Happy Thanksgiving!
November 20, 2012 @ 9:50 am
I laughed out loud. Maybe more of a sustained loud chortle or guffaw. Hilarious.
November 21, 2012 @ 10:02 am
Hey thanks!! I think you should get a few.
p.s.- I’m near Philly too.
November 21, 2012 @ 10:24 am
I loved your Society Hill pics, btw.
I have one pink disco ball thus far. The babies and the cat love it when it sparkes in the sun. Hours of entertainment. I’m thinking more would be better…
November 21, 2012 @ 12:58 pm
You are such an entertaining writer. Thanks for giving me a chuckle today. =)
November 22, 2012 @ 7:45 am
Thank you!! Happy Thanksgiving! Hopefully it’s a day with no house-projects!
November 22, 2012 @ 2:58 pm
I vote for total awesomeness! This post was so funny. So hilarious! Wow, you DO have a lot of Christmas stuff, which is awesome, yet I do sense a little hoarder warning too! Love the disco balls though, those pictures totally put me in the mood to rudely steal your idea and also stock up on disco balls to hang on the porch. Love how they sparkle. Your house must be wonderful to come visit this time of year! Happy Thanksgiving!
November 24, 2012 @ 9:35 am
Hey thanks!! You’re right—I heard the hoarder-warning siren too. It’s not deafening yet, but I just put an ad on Craigslist that says “free Christmas crap.” Someone else can sort through the junk stuff!
Hopefully this is the last new Christmas decoration-theme I feel the need to embrace. I cannot imagine anything better will ever come along. Unless it’s bigger disco balls…
November 22, 2012 @ 3:17 pm
Awww, the reflections are so pretty! I’m pumped about Christmas this year. We will start putting up decorations tomorrow and I can’t wait!!!!!!
November 24, 2012 @ 9:30 am
I love the holidays too. And I love decorating. But I tell you, I hate taking it down. I always wait a few days too long, and end up doing it on the most freezing cold day of the month!
Happy putting-up-your-decorations!!
November 24, 2012 @ 1:39 am
Oh dear. I suspected it last time you featured a sparkly disco ball, but now I know for sure. I ***need*** to buy a disco ball. Nay, I need to buy many disco balls. Pronto. Post haste!
November 24, 2012 @ 9:33 am
I cannot endorse strongly enough, the disco ball as all-purpose decoration. There is really no greater combination of glitter and kitsch. ☺
November 24, 2012 @ 11:29 am
It’s officially on my agenda for the day: obtain disco balls. In a former life, I might have been a grackle. Although, as I was decorating my Christmas tree with glittered snowflakes and waxing poetic in my head about glitter, I wondered if I was a Drag Queen in a former life. 😉
November 24, 2012 @ 4:32 pm
A grackle is a good starter previous-life. Possibly you will upgrade to drag queen in your next. That seems like the correct progression of glitz. Final step being somewhere between Elizabeth Taylor and Marie Antoinette.
November 24, 2012 @ 12:32 pm
That looks beautiful! I love it decorated but as we are traveling this year, I’m not going to do it. Is that bad?
November 24, 2012 @ 4:32 pm
Bad? More like respite. I love the holidays. And I love great decorations. But even more, I love excusing myself from stress. And eventual clean up…
January 29, 2013 @ 10:43 pm
Dear Victoria Elizabeth Barnes,
Thank you for your postig about glitter balls – it has saved Christmas for me.
This year (last year 2012) I did not put up a Christmas tree or decorate my house. I gave myself the excuse that I was grieving and felt I should have a sign on the front fence apologising and promising to make an effort next year. My mother did teach me the magic of this special time of year and I have previously embraced it with a happy house full of decorations, gifts, food, friends and family. All that had gone and I had only memories… how sad. (how ironic).
You see, when I was “young and slim”, part of “my brilliant career” was spent as International Manager for the Australian display company who are the very kings of Christmas. I spent about a million dollars a month on CHristmas – and that was i the 1980’s. I have seen a LOT of Christmas displays in my time and, like you, have hoarded boxes and boxes of decorations… but never have I seen a home Christmas display as lovely as your glitter balls – they are overwhelming in their loveliness and there is a simplicity in the reflected light that reminds me of the charm of Pollyanna – remember how she was entranced by light reflected by chrystals. Thank you. You have restored my faith – faith in Christmas – and faith in the generosity of spirit of decorating the outside of your home for the enjoyment of others – It is only natural that some of that beauty should shine back inside through your windows. Hope I can source glitter balls reasonably next year – as I will follow in your footsteps. Carpe Diem – Judy Joy!
January 30, 2013 @ 2:17 am
What a lovely and heartfelt post. I too was taken by the beauty of the mirror ball display in Victoria’s post especially the light show around the room. I found packages of 3″ balls in my local craft store, hung them off my wooden kitchen chandelier – it had instant bling appeal. I recently stopped dead in my tracks when I came home early one day from work and saw the most amazing light show bouncing around the room with the last of the days sunlight. It reminded me to step back and slow down and look for the small details of my own life and surroundings, I had been too busy decorating and building for clients that I must have missed a whole month of light shows. I vowed right then and there that this was my new and improved kitchen chandelier and it will stay decorated throughout the year as a reminder that I have faith and joy and everyday is a celebration!
January 30, 2013 @ 10:30 am
This is one of the nicest comments I’ve ever gotten and it will go in my folder of “incredibly nice things strangers said to me.”
I have to say that both you and TK pretty much prove my theory that disco balls are the answer to everything… and that I probably should have just left them up year-round.
p.s.—your name? I’m totally jealous… and you kind of can’t avoid Christmas/cheer/decorations with it… although, it does sound like you should give yourself permission to take a year or two off, if you need it. Grief can be truly paralyzing, and I hope whatever you’re struggling with eases up for you.
November 21, 2013 @ 12:10 pm
Dear Ladies,
I just came across these comments after linking in from a newer blog. Although you may not make your way back to read these comments, thank you for sharing your stories. You have reminded me of the holiday spirit Nov 21st – in plenty of time for the actual holidays.
I’m going to find a few sparklies for our kitchen table.
June 28, 2013 @ 7:53 am
LOVE this post and your whole blog! We have a disco ball in our downstairs toilet (we call it the disco loo). It’s the only room we have finished thus far and it makes me eye-wateringly happy every time I go in!!
June 28, 2013 @ 11:14 am
Stealing this idea!
xo
June 28, 2013 @ 11:30 am
We stole it originally, so it only seems fair!!!
http://1910housetohome.wordpress.com/rooms/disco-loo/
July 17, 2013 @ 7:44 pm
I am SO going to steal this for Christmas! I love all the sparkliness and it makes me so mad at myself because about a year ago my husband and I passed a house with a stack of junk on the street for the trash pickup. In the middle of the trash was a HUGE disco ball…like the Saturday Night Fever size. My husband says, “Hey let’s pick that up and take it to Genny for her apartment.” (She’s our 23 year old daughter.) Stupid me says, “Genny does not want a giant disco ball!” Can you believe I did that??? UGH! I’m kicking myself now.
July 19, 2013 @ 11:26 am
I am mad at you on BEHALF of your daughter.
September 4, 2013 @ 12:12 pm
I love the disco balls. I actually had to give my blessing to a client who wanted one for their clubhouse; they were concerned that it would be tacky. It was the hit of the renovation. Of course I lit it from 4 sides with color changing lights, I am not a hack!
Personally I have a gazing ball fetish, since I found a bunch of them on clearance at Old Time Pottery. Anything cool that can be purchased for $5 or less needs to be multiplied by how many do they have undamaged. I bought about 20 in various sizes. They grace the top of my wall units nearly 14 feet of otherwise empty.
November 22, 2013 @ 12:18 pm
oh the sparkles, they make me instantly happy