Craigslist is my spirit animal – The bed saga, Pt. 1
The bedrooms at our old house were about the size of shoeboxes, but at this house we have plenty of room for a king-size bed.
However.
The bed-shopping experience has been derailed by my ever-escalating symptoms of GFTD: Giant Fancy Thing Disease.
Giant Fancy Things are out there.
I will be getting them.
My affliction is particularly advanced – to the point where practicality has stopped playing any role at all in my design choices.
Do you see a problem here? No? Me either.
For three whole months I succeeded in ignoring this bed thinking about this bed every day.
Aside from the minor issue of being the wrong size, it was originally listed at $1,000. Plus it was far… 2.5 hours worth of far. I do not even know how it ended up in my search results because I don’t look outside the Philadelphia area. If I did, I would spend all my time doing NOTHING but driving around like a mad woman.
Not to mention how I would bankrupt us in 5 days.
Gleefully.
But it turns out that the primordial mirror troll has a sister – the bed troll.
Every few days she would whisper – get me that bed. It is mine. I need to love it.
I kept telling her – please, be serious. We need bigger, not smaller.
But she would just shrug and say – what does that have to do with anything? It is giant. It is fancy. Why not get it?
So I emailed the guy… and just like all my other Craigslist finds, there was:
1 – surprisingly good news.
2 – an insurmountable problem that I decided to ignore.
The good news:
-The bed is actually wide enough. Sort of. Depending on your definition of “enough.”
-He would take $300 if we came THAT day.
The bad news:
-The bed is not quite long enough.
You can decide for yourself whether this is important or not; personally, I decided it wasn’t and the next step was to tell Paul the good news.
After 9 years of marriage, I have learned that Paul and I explain our ideas very differently; I like to use an evangelical fervor to get right to the heart of the matter.
I focus on communicating the pure awesomeness of the possibility… And in contrast, sometimes Paul’s response of excessive questioning and detail-seeking makes me feel like he is not appreciating the idea.
So when possible, I will draw him a diagram. That way when he starts with the questions, I can just point and say– your concerns are addressed here, in section 34.B – and I am less likely to destroy my own campaign by shouting: NOT RELEVANT! NEXT QUESTION!
Paul said – I thought we were getting a king-size bed? I nodded and said – believe me. So did I. But apparently, we are getting this bed.
Then I broke out my diagram.
He looked at it for a minute and then said – you have the mattress being longer than the bed?
I said – yes.
Paul said – so… the mattress will just… hang over?
I said – yes.
Paul said – I do not think that will look good.
I said – it will.
You notice my brief, unapologetic responses? This is my New Year’s resolution: explain nothing. I do not owe the world a justification for my genius.
Besides, who even cares if the mattress does not fit the bed exactly? We are the only ones who hang out in our bedroom… do we really need to be concerned that people might judge us for violating societal-norms regarding arbitrary and restrictive mattress-to-bed-length ratios?
But I caved pretty quickly because Paul did not seem convinced and I did not want him to think I had not thought this through… So I said – well. The other option is that we could cut the mattress. It is just memory foam. We could use the Sawzall.
Paul said – the Sawsall? Interesting.
The bed troll shouted at me– I told you! I told you that was a good idea!!
But she does not know Paul like I do.
I said to him – what do you mean, interesting?
Paul said – you think part of getting a new bed is when you cut the mattress with power tools. That is interesting.
The bed troll whispered – don’t listen to him. You are an innovator. A freer of the mattress-oppressed… just ask your friends on the Internet.
I smiled at Paul, but I used my fake smile that means– later, when you cannot find your keys, I will pretend I have no idea where they are.
Then I pointed out – of course, obviously, it would be BETTER if the mattress fit the bed. But why would we allow something as mundane as a MATTRESS to prohibit us from sleeping in grandeur?
How is THAT logical? It’s not. It is actually beyond non-logic. Into the realm of idiotic.
Only a fool would not make the mattress fit the bed.
Plus, I told Paul – You are the one who was always saying about compromise, compromise, compromise. Maybe this is a case of not being able to have it all. Maybe now is compromise.
Paul said – maybe. Or maybe this is a case of already having it all. We have a bed, a mattress, they fit together… But out of curiosity, and not as an endorsement of this idea… How exactly do you imagine our mattress being paired with this bed?
So I pointed at the diagram and explained how I was thinking we could just lay a piece of plywood over the top of the base… Sort of like a platform bed.
Paul said – that seems low. Too low. Hobbit low.
I looked at the photos. And I could see how that was sort of low… but the bed troll whispered –don’t worry about that now. Now is just the time for getting it. Prioritize. Focus. Goals.
So I said – well. I don’t know… but that is not the important part.
Paul said– no. That IS the important part. Because you are going to want me to FIX it.
I looked around, confused how I ended up discussing matters of such unimportance, and I realized it was time to redirect – I had arrived at the time in a conversation with Paul where he has misappropriated the entire topic.
He is good at this. Very subtle. And I always follow him down that path, into the woods… answering his questions and talking about things that do not matter… until I look around and realize I have no idea where I am and it is getting dark and it is time to marshall us back into formation.
So I said– do you SEE the headboard? Why are we talking about anything else?
I mean, sure. It’s too bad the bed is not the right size and everything… But DO YOU SEE THE HEADBOARD? Throw up your hands! Join the tent revival!
Rejoice!
Paul said – there will be no rejoicing if I cannot fit the headboard up the stairwell.
I said – my friend, I will make it fit.
If necessary, I will rearrange the laws of space and time and molecular composition… One of my readers is a quantum physicist, and she said that will absolutely work.
And what did the bed troll say? Nothing… She was silent because she knows that once you have something IN the house, the war is won… All that’s left is to hammer out who controls France.
*** cliffhanger***
I am working on part two as fast as I can.
You will be surprised to learn that my space-time-continuum-rearrangement did not go as planned.
Update: here’s the bed, part two. And here’s part three: a VIDEO where we haul the bed up to the roof and THROUGH a window.
January 23, 2014 @ 8:32 pm
Hi,
Have you thought about using the headboard, but making a custom bed box for the mattress you have? Try Ana White’s site. She makes her own furniture. There will be some great ideas there, as she has plans for several beds. http://ana-white.com/
My suggestion would be that since the headboard is what you really want, you can cut it free of the rest of the frame. That would make it easier to maneuver it up the stairs. Then, get some wood, build the correct size and height bed box. Stain it in something close to the color of the headboard. Even if it’s a bit ugly, you can use a bed skirt to cover it. Then attach the headboard, and voila! Victorian bed.
The headboard may be a little narrower than your mattress. You have several options there. Leave it, or, if it’s TOO narrow and it looks weird, use the curley parts of the side that are right next to the headboard to “extend” it. Just connect them at the back so they are flat with the headboard, and no one will see them. Same color already, too.
January 24, 2014 @ 5:08 pm
It’s in MA, and it doesn’t have the super awesome looking wrap-around base, but it’s just as fancy a headboard and a super fancy footboard to boot, and would actually fit your bed: http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/fuo/4273888274.html
Of course it’s more money, further away, you’d need to get a boxspring, and it wouldn’t let you upgrade to a king… I’m not really helping after all, am I? At least it doesn’t involve cutting the mattress?
January 25, 2014 @ 10:10 am
Have you seen Napoleon’s bed? no one else is using it they’d probably let you have it.
http://tonesandtints.com/the-louvre-a-challenging-photographic-subject/_mg_8060/
January 25, 2014 @ 12:39 pm
I fixed this exact same problem with an iron bed many years ago. My then 20-year old self just nailed 2×4’s to the bottom of the box springs to fit inside the bed rail, raising the too-big mattresses just over the too small frame. I fit a bottom sheet over the box spring and boards – no one has ever noticed.
January 26, 2014 @ 10:07 am
Many years ago we faced a similar problem involving skinny stairs and a too big steel framed box springs. For two years it stayed downstairs leaning against a wall. We solved that tiny little problem by cutting a hole in the roof and building a new bathroom upstairs (we needed one up there anyway…). Our carpenters handed the box springs upstairs thru the framing and voila! Problem solved. Of course, when we sell the house, the new owners get a ‘free’ box spring.
See. All St. Paul has to do is cut a hole in the roof. You probably wanted a sky light or dormer for a bigger closet anyway.
January 27, 2014 @ 4:02 pm
This is absolutely fabulous.
That’s all I have to say.
January 27, 2014 @ 8:10 pm
DYING FOR PART 2!!!!!! Seriously NEED the rest of this story! My husband and I were both dying laughing while reading this post. Let’s just say this saga has played out several times at our house.
January 30, 2014 @ 11:22 am
http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CoteDeTexas/~3/RGrehFhWAwg/versailles-in-sky-look-at-inspirations_29.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email
I hope this link works-because in terms of mirrors, gorgeous stuff, and bling this place is over the top!
February 2, 2014 @ 3:51 pm
WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE BED?! We’re dying here, you know…
February 3, 2014 @ 10:26 am
So???? What happened????
February 5, 2014 @ 11:00 am
It’s so refreshing to know that there are others out there who fall in love with items and worry about where/how they will go into the house later. I mean, it’s not EVERYDAY you find something completely fabulous that tugs at your heartstrings!
Good luck with the bed! I have dragged several home myself. Once I managed to get a larger headboard than the one you have up the 22 stairs of my Victorian house with my 9 year old before the husband got home. Surprise! New bed for hubby!
February 5, 2014 @ 5:35 pm
I have to say you had me with Victorian Bed. Your story was also fun to follow, can’t wait to read part two.
February 12, 2014 @ 12:01 am
This is the only blog that I check daily just to see if there are new comments. I love everything about your blog. What a fun group of people who comment here. Love everything you do
Victoria.
April 17, 2014 @ 3:14 am
I love how the photos are inserted in the post, like after every paragraph the bed says from the picture “you see what she’s talking about?”, “see how handsome am I?”.
And the bed is not really my cup tea, so I guess that’s just you and your magic hilarious writing. Or your bed troll controls minds over the internet, not sure what it is.
November 13, 2014 @ 11:39 pm
Holy Crap Batman! You two are like, well, a younger, more affluent Yankee version of us! I discovered your blog through the link on The Bloggess and I’ve been laughing my sides off way past my bedtime now, ever since.
Our last two Craigslist finds were both free. And one was a big wardrobe. Not fancy like yours but BIG. And free. And happened on a Saturday that began with, “Honey, you gotta come look at this freebie.” Followed by an 80 or so mile round trip followed by getting home with a free antique dresser followed by immediately getting back online and saying “Honey, you gotta look at THIS freebie.” Followed by another about 40 or so mile round trip to get the antique wardrobe. A very good day in Craigslist world.
Our house is 105-years-old and was on the verge of condemnation when we bought it. We refer to our restoration style as “eclectic Victorian broke hippies.”
What probably doesn’t “help” our hoarding factor is that we own/are a renovation/restoration business. “You’re THROWING THAT AWAY!?!” “Um, let us take that ‘to the dump’ for you…”
My screensaver: “Antiques—Grandma had it. Mama threw it away. I bought it back.”
Yup.
December 2, 2014 @ 11:01 pm
Hilarious blog – I can totally relate!
January 30, 2015 @ 8:40 am
I laughed so hard I almost peed myself! And my husband sends his sympathy’s to Paul. 🙂 I can’t wait to read your other posts.
February 2, 2015 @ 8:34 am
This blog is amazing, almost like the wood in this bed 🙂
I had bought queen mattress from 3mart.com.au in the last week, but if i have a bed like this i would think about king size 😀
A bed for kings !
February 7, 2015 @ 2:27 pm
I love your thing about the bed experience, we have been renovaiting our really old house that was a toburculosis sanitariom from 1900 to 1930, for 20 years. It was a fun project but now my children are grown and not wanting a fixer upper, but their husband is and it’s really funny to here their wisdom flow out of their mouths about what it is like.
Anyway, I really appreciate your husband, he reminds me of my awsome husband. His job is to figure out how to work on my projects, because they overwhelm me after a point, it’s a good thing he loves me. I am a stained glass artist/ repairer and he is a problem solver, so we are well matched.
I shared your blog, it was great, it’s nice to know there are people out there like me that just love beautiful things and obsess over them.
I love kitties too, I have four, Guss, Leroy, Calvin and Haddy, they watch me with much intensity.
Kandi
March 5, 2015 @ 2:37 am
Obviously you’re a pro, so you already know this-but that had me in stitches! Oh God. Gotta respect paul’s call….. your”empowered’ approach, and ghetto-rig swag IS interesting! Neo-Victorian, now comes with berets n etsy profiles 😉 nice dynamic with your hubby. 9 yrs married? May you have 9 more, and 9 after that, and well, you get the idea. Talk with one of these snotty french companies. LV just hired an American who used to be in Apple’s design dept. She is going to help integrate tech with fashion. Betond micronano supertronics, the big ccorps tend to fail @ social media. If you keep it real, they would probably like some kind of ‘social commentary’ like a literary product placement, n heck you’re not averse to pictoral saturation so like, get a syndication deal on! With podbay and rss or something. I’m saying this evn tho this my 1st time on this blog n I don’t be havin money for a GTFO whatever hobby (cuz thats what this hobby would b tellin my sparse funds lol). But for the sheer entertainment, this needs to be brought closer to the people. You could even do a ‘division of France’ infotainment spinoff. It’s all about your go gettem stratagem.