Craigslist is my spirit animal – The bed saga, Pt. 1
The bedrooms at our old house were about the size of shoeboxes, but at this house we have plenty of room for a king-size bed.
However.
The bed-shopping experience has been derailed by my ever-escalating symptoms of GFTD: Giant Fancy Thing Disease.
Giant Fancy Things are out there.
I will be getting them.
My affliction is particularly advanced – to the point where practicality has stopped playing any role at all in my design choices.
Do you see a problem here? No? Me either.
For three whole months I succeeded in ignoring this bed thinking about this bed every day.
Aside from the minor issue of being the wrong size, it was originally listed at $1,000. Plus it was far… 2.5 hours worth of far. I do not even know how it ended up in my search results because I don’t look outside the Philadelphia area. If I did, I would spend all my time doing NOTHING but driving around like a mad woman.
Not to mention how I would bankrupt us in 5 days.
Gleefully.
But it turns out that the primordial mirror troll has a sister – the bed troll.
Every few days she would whisper – get me that bed. It is mine. I need to love it.
I kept telling her – please, be serious. We need bigger, not smaller.
But she would just shrug and say – what does that have to do with anything? It is giant. It is fancy. Why not get it?
So I emailed the guy… and just like all my other Craigslist finds, there was:
1 – surprisingly good news.
2 – an insurmountable problem that I decided to ignore.
The good news:
-The bed is actually wide enough. Sort of. Depending on your definition of “enough.”
-He would take $300 if we came THAT day.
The bad news:
-The bed is not quite long enough.
You can decide for yourself whether this is important or not; personally, I decided it wasn’t and the next step was to tell Paul the good news.
After 9 years of marriage, I have learned that Paul and I explain our ideas very differently; I like to use an evangelical fervor to get right to the heart of the matter.
I focus on communicating the pure awesomeness of the possibility… And in contrast, sometimes Paul’s response of excessive questioning and detail-seeking makes me feel like he is not appreciating the idea.
So when possible, I will draw him a diagram. That way when he starts with the questions, I can just point and say– your concerns are addressed here, in section 34.B – and I am less likely to destroy my own campaign by shouting: NOT RELEVANT! NEXT QUESTION!
Paul said – I thought we were getting a king-size bed? I nodded and said – believe me. So did I. But apparently, we are getting this bed.
Then I broke out my diagram.
He looked at it for a minute and then said – you have the mattress being longer than the bed?
I said – yes.
Paul said – so… the mattress will just… hang over?
I said – yes.
Paul said – I do not think that will look good.
I said – it will.
You notice my brief, unapologetic responses? This is my New Year’s resolution: explain nothing. I do not owe the world a justification for my genius.
Besides, who even cares if the mattress does not fit the bed exactly? We are the only ones who hang out in our bedroom… do we really need to be concerned that people might judge us for violating societal-norms regarding arbitrary and restrictive mattress-to-bed-length ratios?
But I caved pretty quickly because Paul did not seem convinced and I did not want him to think I had not thought this through… So I said – well. The other option is that we could cut the mattress. It is just memory foam. We could use the Sawzall.
Paul said – the Sawsall? Interesting.
The bed troll shouted at me– I told you! I told you that was a good idea!!
But she does not know Paul like I do.
I said to him – what do you mean, interesting?
Paul said – you think part of getting a new bed is when you cut the mattress with power tools. That is interesting.
The bed troll whispered – don’t listen to him. You are an innovator. A freer of the mattress-oppressed… just ask your friends on the Internet.
I smiled at Paul, but I used my fake smile that means– later, when you cannot find your keys, I will pretend I have no idea where they are.
Then I pointed out – of course, obviously, it would be BETTER if the mattress fit the bed. But why would we allow something as mundane as a MATTRESS to prohibit us from sleeping in grandeur?
How is THAT logical? It’s not. It is actually beyond non-logic. Into the realm of idiotic.
Only a fool would not make the mattress fit the bed.
Plus, I told Paul – You are the one who was always saying about compromise, compromise, compromise. Maybe this is a case of not being able to have it all. Maybe now is compromise.
Paul said – maybe. Or maybe this is a case of already having it all. We have a bed, a mattress, they fit together… But out of curiosity, and not as an endorsement of this idea… How exactly do you imagine our mattress being paired with this bed?
So I pointed at the diagram and explained how I was thinking we could just lay a piece of plywood over the top of the base… Sort of like a platform bed.
Paul said – that seems low. Too low. Hobbit low.
I looked at the photos. And I could see how that was sort of low… but the bed troll whispered –don’t worry about that now. Now is just the time for getting it. Prioritize. Focus. Goals.
So I said – well. I don’t know… but that is not the important part.
Paul said– no. That IS the important part. Because you are going to want me to FIX it.
I looked around, confused how I ended up discussing matters of such unimportance, and I realized it was time to redirect – I had arrived at the time in a conversation with Paul where he has misappropriated the entire topic.
He is good at this. Very subtle. And I always follow him down that path, into the woods… answering his questions and talking about things that do not matter… until I look around and realize I have no idea where I am and it is getting dark and it is time to marshall us back into formation.
So I said– do you SEE the headboard? Why are we talking about anything else?
I mean, sure. It’s too bad the bed is not the right size and everything… But DO YOU SEE THE HEADBOARD? Throw up your hands! Join the tent revival!
Rejoice!
Paul said – there will be no rejoicing if I cannot fit the headboard up the stairwell.
I said – my friend, I will make it fit.
If necessary, I will rearrange the laws of space and time and molecular composition… One of my readers is a quantum physicist, and she said that will absolutely work.
And what did the bed troll say? Nothing… She was silent because she knows that once you have something IN the house, the war is won… All that’s left is to hammer out who controls France.
*** cliffhanger***
I am working on part two as fast as I can.
You will be surprised to learn that my space-time-continuum-rearrangement did not go as planned.
Update: here’s the bed, part two. And here’s part three: a VIDEO where we haul the bed up to the roof and THROUGH a window.
January 21, 2014 @ 9:16 pm
I was trying to explain to my husband about your latest dilemma on the bed, chuckling along the way, and he just looked at me as though it wasen’t funny at all…can’t wait to read part 2…I hope you got the bed and that you ordered a mattress to fit…and that Paul loves, loves, loves it…
January 21, 2014 @ 9:41 pm
Maybe you’d like to top it with this 7 foot wide headboard on our Craigslist:
http://pennstate.craigslist.org/fuo/4289432669.html
January 21, 2014 @ 9:42 pm
Why don’t you just buy a metal bedframe? If you can disconnect the headboard from the wood surround, it will work with your mattress.
I had my tall Rice bed taken apart and attached the headboard to the metal frame and am not using the footboard. You might like a bench or something to place at the end for a more balanced look.
January 22, 2014 @ 1:12 am
Don’t cut the mattress! Antique beds are almost always shorter than modern mattresses! One of the other comments recommended that “you could have a good finish carpenter (maybe even Paul) just cut the sides of the bed, add a filler, finish to match the original”. My Dad did this to several antique beds… including a couple of antique iron ones. She also recommended a box spring and yes, get a box spring and raise that mattress up! You will feel like a queen as you climb into your bed at night. Well, you are already a Queen, but you understand what I am saying, I’m sure!
January 22, 2014 @ 1:14 am
By the way, $600 for that bed is a bargain. Assuming you bought the bed, $300, was a steal! Good for you! (I hope!)
January 22, 2014 @ 1:46 am
By all means…..the bed is calling your name! You can put a wider mattress in front of the headboard alone (without the side rails) and it wouldn’t hardly be noticeable. I have a queen mattress set on a hollywood frame in front of an antique double headboard, and you can’t even tell they don’t go together. Anxious to hear “the rest of the story!”
January 22, 2014 @ 9:02 am
I hope you got the bed frame in the room and your mattress fits perfectly. We have found that bed frame sizes are merely suggested sizes and your mattress may or may not fit the appropriate frame. Our most recent queen bed frame has a 6 inch gap along the side and at the foot of the bed. It could have been mis-labeled? Maybe it’s a king frame? Who knows.
We knew you would end up with that bed. It’s your destiny…
January 22, 2014 @ 1:00 pm
Your husband has a city named after him…
St. Paul!
January 25, 2014 @ 10:51 am
Wish I’d thought of that. St. Paul. Perfect.
January 22, 2014 @ 1:50 pm
I am thoroughly disappointed in you, Victoria. The approach was off by a mile.
I’ll be brief because I have a life, you know.
Tell your husband you are set on buying a twin bed for your Master Bedroom. A twin bed that will keep you close, close, close… on cold nights and warm nights too. Especially on warm nights. Assure him that the lovely Elvis will fit too. Family bed.
Why? Because you love him and he loves you. He loves you enough to coil tightly together for the remainder of your days. Elbows be darned! Snuggly. Wuggly. Buggly.
He will run to a full size bed like Julie Andrews running to the mountain top in the Sound of Music. He will probably sing too.
Don’t ask me how I know this.
As an aside, have you seen this?
http://www.thisisglamorous.com/2012/04/decor-inspiraton-at-home-with-designer.html
xo
Andie
January 23, 2014 @ 4:31 pm
Oh YES, I have seen that… that blogger didn’t even post the whole tour. It was originally in House Beautiful. I think I ripped out the magazine pages before Pinterest even existed.
http://www.housebeautiful.com/decorating/house-pictures/victorian-house-design-0512#slide-1
ps- we could get a full size bed, if one of us slept in a cot next to it.
January 22, 2014 @ 1:56 pm
We found a tall-backed antique oak spoon-carved bed frame on a trip to the gold country. The frame rails had already been reasonably well extended (wooden inserts) near the footboard to accommodate a queen mattress. Our queen “half-height” box spring sits on slats on top of the rails and fits within the length of the head and foot board. We dismantled the bed when our first dog was too feeble to jump the height and had the box spring right on the floor for over a year. After she was gone and we got new carpet this past summer we just put “the bed” back in our bedroom and I can tell you that there’s been more than once that I’ve told my husband how much I love our bed. I think with the curved sides on “your” bed frame (yes, I already know it’s yours), the answer is to either cut your foam mattress or have the side rails extended. Then get a box spring that will fit inside those curved areas and put your mattress on top of slats. That should raise it up to Paul’s satisfaction. Our bed is plenty big for us (but a King-size would be nice when the new Borzoi/Saluki decides to hop up there with no effort at all and expects to stay the night.) As for getting your frame up your stairs, it will either come apart by design, or by force. Either way, it will come altogether beautifully!
January 22, 2014 @ 2:29 pm
Daaahhhhllling! There must be a way to have your cake and Pauls’ too. Did you know the length of a full is the same as the width of a king? The fancy carvings on the side can be integrated into the headboard plane instead to get a full king size headboard width. New side and foot rails can be made and stained to match and connected to the corner feet. If you entice Paul with this concept, and find the furniture / woodworker in your town to give you a price . . . well, two tall people with space enough should have a king size bed. He cannot be a prince without a good nights sleep . . . you will love it, he will love it. Case closed!
January 22, 2014 @ 4:53 pm
Uhm…Hello Victoria,
I have a question and you need not answer, since this question is for you to answer yourself ;-).
How old is your mattress? Does it need to be replaced due to sagging in the middle or a bad back? Have you checked into how much it would cost to have one custom made? Hmmm, all interesting questions that only you can answer.
I too have one of those lovely old beds that was too short when I bought it some 25 years ago and yes, I had a custom mattress and box spring made for it. Who cares that they’re 25 years old. They’re still as comfortable as the day I brought them home. And please! Don’t concern yourself with bed bugs…my set has been snugly wrapped in bed bug protectors ;-)).
Lovely to meet you!
Xoxo, Cori
January 22, 2014 @ 5:28 pm
Now, I’m not sure if you’ve obtained this bed yet or not….but, I picture something more like this. Not only would it be more difficult for you to convert into a king, but probably next to impossible to get up your stairs. They say that you truly don’t appreciate something unless you work for it…right?
http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/atd/4299820636.html
January 23, 2014 @ 8:45 am
you know I just had a seizure, right?
January 24, 2014 @ 9:58 am
Well then get ready because I’m fixing to put you into a coma! Now, I know that this bed is unattainable, but I’ve always been in love with it! It’s on display at the Dallas Museum of Art and it’s MAGNIFICENT!!!
http://uncrated.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/crawford-riddell-bed-c-1844-brazilian-rosewood-tulip-poplar-and-yellow-pine-dallas-museum-of-art-gift-of-three-anonymous-donors.jpg
Have you ever seen it? Maybe you get that handy-man of yours to recreate it 😉
January 22, 2014 @ 5:36 pm
The ONLY thing that keeps me from being you is that I have no money for Craigslist. Like, NO money. So I find equally fancy things that my husband objects to, for free on the curb. And other than that our marital issues and remodeling issues are EXACTLY the same.
January 22, 2014 @ 7:59 pm
omg, I love you. <3
January 22, 2014 @ 9:19 pm
After reading all of the comments I noticed a common thread in most……….that we all love you and are convinced that we would be best buds if we only lived closer…A rather shocking image of thousands?millions? of admirers showing up at your door expecting at the very least tea and scones?crumpets? and perhaps a bed for the night-an introduction to Elvis and Prince Paul and a tour of the family manse suddenly appeared before me…… Have you created a monster Victoria-Will you have to take to wearing expensive sunglasses and traveling incognito? In a convertible with the Hamm of course! Your adventures have only just begun and we’re all in the back seat. Laughing
January 25, 2014 @ 10:54 am
I have thought this very thing. But how can we all fit into the back seat? I don’t think even St. Paul can solve that problem.
January 22, 2014 @ 9:21 pm
You are just a big ass bag of hilarious!!!! Can’t wait for part deux 🙂
January 23, 2014 @ 11:51 am
That’s the problem with antique beds, they are too small. It is a beautiful bed, but how about for the guest bedroom? Can’t wait to see what you come up with.
January 23, 2014 @ 4:17 pm
IMPORTANT – MUST READ!!!!!
Just wanted to make sure you’ve checked out the link that Andie posted last night: http://www.thisisglamorous.com/2012/04/decor-inspiraton-at-home-with-designer.html. This chick has raised the bar in the world of mirror hoarding. Mirrors mirrors EVERYWHERE, covering entire walls and, best of all, small mirrors in front of large mirrors. I’d take this as a challenge if I were you…
xxxooo
January 23, 2014 @ 4:37 pm
I’ve seen that woman, and she shames me. AND I knew that was not the full tour… it took me a while to find the House Beautiful original. (what I mean by that is I had the hardship of digging through my Pinterest mirror board)
http://www.pinterest.com/barnesvictoria/giant-fancy-mirrors/
This is the original tour, I LIKE HER KITCHEN VERY MUCH.
http://www.housebeautiful.com/decorating/house-pictures/victorian-house-design-0512#slide-1
January 27, 2014 @ 6:24 am
Um, did anyone notice that when you click on the link and scroll down a pic or two that there’s a wonderful king bed made with side-by-side twins???
January 23, 2014 @ 4:27 pm
We live in a 1907 small Victorian. We have loved antiques since before we owned this home so ALL our furniture w/the exception of the TV & our MATTRESSES is old (been refurbished, restored and/or reupholstered). Because our rooms are much smaller, I found iron beds for all of us (me/my husband & our two kids). The kids have full size mattresses that just hang over a bit on each side. It does not affect the look of the bed frame (disproportionately) whatsoever. We had the side rails on our bed extended @ an iron shop, so it fits our queen size perfectly. My husband notched out three 2/4s for each bed to sit horizontally under the box spring w/a vertical 2×4 under the middle one for added support for each bed. I would not recommend having a special bed made only because the two people I know who have done this, curse the sheet buying/bed making process weekly! It’s frustrating to make a bed w/out the proper fitting sheets & it costs a lot to special order different size sheets! So, in closing, I would say that although we’ve not done this w/a wood bed, I think you & your husband seem crafty & creative enough to somehow make it work or find the resources to help you make it work (i.e. an excellent woodworker to help you extend the sides?). As a lover of antiques & one that has many stories in her archives about the “one that got away” because I foolishly passed it up for whatever crazy excuse @ the time – I say, take out your checkbook & WRITE THE CHECK! I also know that the price for that item here in the midwest would be for his original asking price or much, much more. There are two pieces of scripture I keep in my wallet. The one says, “the best time to buy an antique is when you see it!” The other is, “when something rocks your world – WRITE THE CHECK!” (I especially like that one!!) I wish you well!!