Craigslist is my spirit animal – The bed saga, Pt. 1
The bedrooms at our old house were about the size of shoeboxes, but at this house we have plenty of room for a king-size bed.
However.
The bed-shopping experience has been derailed by my ever-escalating symptoms of GFTD: Giant Fancy Thing Disease.
Giant Fancy Things are out there.
I will be getting them.
My affliction is particularly advanced – to the point where practicality has stopped playing any role at all in my design choices.
Do you see a problem here? No? Me either.
For three whole months I succeeded in ignoring this bed thinking about this bed every day.
Aside from the minor issue of being the wrong size, it was originally listed at $1,000. Plus it was far… 2.5 hours worth of far. I do not even know how it ended up in my search results because I don’t look outside the Philadelphia area. If I did, I would spend all my time doing NOTHING but driving around like a mad woman.
Not to mention how I would bankrupt us in 5 days.
Gleefully.
But it turns out that the primordial mirror troll has a sister – the bed troll.
Every few days she would whisper – get me that bed. It is mine. I need to love it.
I kept telling her – please, be serious. We need bigger, not smaller.
But she would just shrug and say – what does that have to do with anything? It is giant. It is fancy. Why not get it?
So I emailed the guy… and just like all my other Craigslist finds, there was:
1 – surprisingly good news.
2 – an insurmountable problem that I decided to ignore.
The good news:
-The bed is actually wide enough. Sort of. Depending on your definition of “enough.”
-He would take $300 if we came THAT day.
The bad news:
-The bed is not quite long enough.
You can decide for yourself whether this is important or not; personally, I decided it wasn’t and the next step was to tell Paul the good news.
After 9 years of marriage, I have learned that Paul and I explain our ideas very differently; I like to use an evangelical fervor to get right to the heart of the matter.
I focus on communicating the pure awesomeness of the possibility… And in contrast, sometimes Paul’s response of excessive questioning and detail-seeking makes me feel like he is not appreciating the idea.
So when possible, I will draw him a diagram. That way when he starts with the questions, I can just point and say– your concerns are addressed here, in section 34.B – and I am less likely to destroy my own campaign by shouting: NOT RELEVANT! NEXT QUESTION!
Paul said – I thought we were getting a king-size bed? I nodded and said – believe me. So did I. But apparently, we are getting this bed.
Then I broke out my diagram.
He looked at it for a minute and then said – you have the mattress being longer than the bed?
I said – yes.
Paul said – so… the mattress will just… hang over?
I said – yes.
Paul said – I do not think that will look good.
I said – it will.
You notice my brief, unapologetic responses? This is my New Year’s resolution: explain nothing. I do not owe the world a justification for my genius.
Besides, who even cares if the mattress does not fit the bed exactly? We are the only ones who hang out in our bedroom… do we really need to be concerned that people might judge us for violating societal-norms regarding arbitrary and restrictive mattress-to-bed-length ratios?
But I caved pretty quickly because Paul did not seem convinced and I did not want him to think I had not thought this through… So I said – well. The other option is that we could cut the mattress. It is just memory foam. We could use the Sawzall.
Paul said – the Sawsall? Interesting.
The bed troll shouted at me– I told you! I told you that was a good idea!!
But she does not know Paul like I do.
I said to him – what do you mean, interesting?
Paul said – you think part of getting a new bed is when you cut the mattress with power tools. That is interesting.
The bed troll whispered – don’t listen to him. You are an innovator. A freer of the mattress-oppressed… just ask your friends on the Internet.
I smiled at Paul, but I used my fake smile that means– later, when you cannot find your keys, I will pretend I have no idea where they are.
Then I pointed out – of course, obviously, it would be BETTER if the mattress fit the bed. But why would we allow something as mundane as a MATTRESS to prohibit us from sleeping in grandeur?
How is THAT logical? It’s not. It is actually beyond non-logic. Into the realm of idiotic.
Only a fool would not make the mattress fit the bed.
Plus, I told Paul – You are the one who was always saying about compromise, compromise, compromise. Maybe this is a case of not being able to have it all. Maybe now is compromise.
Paul said – maybe. Or maybe this is a case of already having it all. We have a bed, a mattress, they fit together… But out of curiosity, and not as an endorsement of this idea… How exactly do you imagine our mattress being paired with this bed?
So I pointed at the diagram and explained how I was thinking we could just lay a piece of plywood over the top of the base… Sort of like a platform bed.
Paul said – that seems low. Too low. Hobbit low.
I looked at the photos. And I could see how that was sort of low… but the bed troll whispered –don’t worry about that now. Now is just the time for getting it. Prioritize. Focus. Goals.
So I said – well. I don’t know… but that is not the important part.
Paul said– no. That IS the important part. Because you are going to want me to FIX it.
I looked around, confused how I ended up discussing matters of such unimportance, and I realized it was time to redirect – I had arrived at the time in a conversation with Paul where he has misappropriated the entire topic.
He is good at this. Very subtle. And I always follow him down that path, into the woods… answering his questions and talking about things that do not matter… until I look around and realize I have no idea where I am and it is getting dark and it is time to marshall us back into formation.
So I said– do you SEE the headboard? Why are we talking about anything else?
I mean, sure. It’s too bad the bed is not the right size and everything… But DO YOU SEE THE HEADBOARD? Throw up your hands! Join the tent revival!
Rejoice!
Paul said – there will be no rejoicing if I cannot fit the headboard up the stairwell.
I said – my friend, I will make it fit.
If necessary, I will rearrange the laws of space and time and molecular composition… One of my readers is a quantum physicist, and she said that will absolutely work.
And what did the bed troll say? Nothing… She was silent because she knows that once you have something IN the house, the war is won… All that’s left is to hammer out who controls France.
*** cliffhanger***
I am working on part two as fast as I can.
You will be surprised to learn that my space-time-continuum-rearrangement did not go as planned.
Update: here’s the bed, part two. And here’s part three: a VIDEO where we haul the bed up to the roof and THROUGH a window.
January 21, 2014 @ 11:31 am
First off……….I live to read your blog. Love your wittiness…oh and your creativity is pretty swell as well. I think like you do, but never did I think people would understand what I meant if I wrote it out; then I found your blog and your “smarty pants” comments and I understand everything you say. I get it and obviously I’m not the only one that gets it. Go figure.
But about the bed. It is lovely, very lovely! But I have a suggestion. What if you doubled the lovliness and ask your friend “Craig” to find you twin Victorian beds? (And I don’t mean that you have to sleep in separate twin beds like June & Ward Cleaver) This could work to your benefit for several reasons: 1. Will fit easily up the stairs 2. Can be bolted together and a king size mattress will fit 3. King size box springs can be bought in two pieces and will fit in each bed 4. You’ll have TWO lovely headboards to adore 5. If you do decide to sleep apart 6o years from now, you can change it back to twins. 6. No lose situation
Good luck on your search and rescue mission. I have two victorian beds in my shop right now. I must be a better “Cragslist” puruser than you, I only paid $75 for the one and $50 for the other; both are full size and the one with the highest headboard is just begging to go home with me. “Please, please, please…..I promise I’ll make you very happy in bed every night” she keeps telling me……..I’m beginning to fall for her line.
January 21, 2014 @ 11:32 am
Yep, you (Paul) could totally take it apart at the corners (or just before the curves for the purpose of the end of the bed) and expand it to fit the size mattress you want.
And the short answer to the too-low issue is bed-risers (simple, inexpensive, and work like a charm)!
January 21, 2014 @ 12:08 pm
I bought a leather sectional couch from my landlord when I moved out – he had it in a bedroom turned into a tv room. The movers couldn’t get it out the bedroom door no matter how much stuffing they took out of it, so I measured the window and voila, it just made it through (after I removed the um window sashes – thank goodness they were new, modern replacement windows. No major carpentry required – just a screw driver and good eyes to see where the spring flew to.). My current residence has much larger doors! Since the Victorians didn’t make queen sized beds, I am going to just make a headboard. Someday. I’m still trying to figure out how to put together twin beds from my childhood since the movers lost the gorgeous maple side rails. All four of them.
January 21, 2014 @ 12:08 pm
Having read so many of your posts (delightful!) I know what a handy guy Paul is. Many of these old beds can be fixed simply by extending the side rails. No problem at all.
Please do not tell him this was my idea.
January 21, 2014 @ 12:10 pm
I live in a 900 square foot ‘Hall and Parlour I House’.
This is my fabulous, big Civil War Bed (that I think we brought in through the front window)? (I don’t remember because it has been so long – kind of how you forget how much labor hurt after you have that cute baby in your arms…) I told my husband that I want a 2×4 platform built for the box spring and matress – so I can finally put the right side rail in place. Right now it is held in place with heavy telephone wire. But you can’t see that because of the dust ruffle!
It’s the first photo:
http://bittersweetdesignstudio.blogspot.com/2011/09/project-900-sqft-purging-and-organizing.html
January 21, 2014 @ 12:11 pm
OK – one of your new missions – I, and the rest of your followers – need a workshop situation with you as leader – to teach all of us poor, unimaginative, slow-thinking Craigslist wannabe’s how to make sure OUR husband/significant other/worker-bee/helper/measurer/cutter/fitter sees the futility of discussing (arguing) about every little item we find/can’t live without and the POSSIBLE problems curtailed after jumping prior to measuring/thinking/discussing/figuring ad nauseum. Don’t they know we ALWAYS win anyway? We need instruction and diagram training from The Queen of Craigslist, so that next time they will be speechless and just accepting of our genius. Where do I sign up?
January 21, 2014 @ 1:06 pm
I gave this some thought… and realized that I am simply more annoying than other wives.
Getting this stuff is a hassle for Paul, but I guess it must be less of a hassle than being hounded by multiple trolls?
xoxo
ps- but we should still have a conference.
January 21, 2014 @ 1:59 pm
I just ask. He knows nothing about home improvement, and he loves seeing me happy. Works…every…time. And, he does not ask how much it costs either!
Now, computers…I am toast. So, he wins there.
January 22, 2014 @ 11:55 am
I would totally go to this conference. Sign me up!
January 21, 2014 @ 12:12 pm
I love your blog, a fact which scares my husband. I may have a solution to your mattress dilemma. Here in MN there is a company called The Original Mattress Factory. They make their mattresses right here in the Twin Cities. They can make custom sizes to fit antique beds and it will not cost you a fortune. They also do split queen box springs for the tight stairwells in older homes. I bet they could ship to you. Good luck, that bed is gorgeous! http://www.originalmattress.com/
January 21, 2014 @ 12:14 pm
This has to be the best buy on the freakin planet for the entire year! Hello! It is
going to be absolutely incredible in your beautiful home.
January 21, 2014 @ 12:18 pm
Not to worry, I have actually done this. I inherited by Great Grandparents’ Empire bed made about 1830 by Berkey and Gay in Grand Rapids, Michigan. It was handcarved mahogany and massive looking but not the right dimensions for a queen mattress. I had new sideboards made (out of Honduran mahogany) allowing me to specify a new length to the bed and we re-attached the sideboards in a different place on the posts accommodating more width. Problem solved.
January 21, 2014 @ 12:39 pm
I bought a 70’s era electric knife to cut down foam to size. Works like a dream, mostly.
I found it on Craigslist, of course.
I’m looking forward to Part 2 of the Bed Saga!
January 21, 2014 @ 1:08 pm
Of course you need that bed. That’s a no brainer. However, why not put it in a guest room as is and hold out for a king size? You’re sure to find something amazingly Victorian in a king eventually, right?
January 21, 2014 @ 1:24 pm
i’m dying of jealously over your new beautiful bed! i wouldn’t hesitate for a second on somehow cutting the mattress to fit!
January 21, 2014 @ 1:28 pm
Seriously funny stuff, but it sounds like your husband and my husband are far too weighed down by practical matters that should never get between a girl and her creativity! Go you. I’m a new follower and excited to hear how this story ends.
January 21, 2014 @ 1:35 pm
Sorry, I don’t have time to read all the comments right now, so someone might already have suggested this, but…why don’t you get it for the guest bedroom? That way you can have the bed but you don’t have to try to make the king-size mattress fit into a full size bed. I hate to tell you but NO WAY that’s gonna work. Although you could put it into Photoshop and stretch it… 😉
Actually I have a bed that’s very similar—it’s in storage right now (long story) and I will use it in my next house’s guest room.
January 22, 2014 @ 10:03 am
I WILL sleep in this bed… If it means that I too have to sleep in the guestroom.
January 21, 2014 @ 1:39 pm
Don’t worry, you have nothing left to hammer out, as I happen to live in France and I control it. That’s one lovely bed (I suspect) you’ve got there!
January 21, 2014 @ 1:50 pm
Yayy! I have a bit of sense of humor after all – I laughed out loud this time! Thank you Paul for that. Or it could be left-over joy from doing my EZ taxes on line successfully last night, and looking forward to an early return. No, it was your superb writing, fabulous mental thought processes, and great diagram artwork!… and Paul’s “Interesting.” comment and reply. Thank you for giving me laughter today! Looking forward to “The rest of the story”.
January 21, 2014 @ 1:52 pm
I was having THE MOST
January 21, 2014 @ 1:58 pm
Oops. I am new to leaving comments, obviously – disregard that false start.
As I was trying to say, I was having THE MOST disgruntling day today (and yes, in my world, a day can be disgruntling). Your bed post just made me grin and feel like all is going to be well in the world, because you have even better shenanigans going on than I do. I’m not alone!
As soon as I get home from my day job, put the baby to bed, and can go outside and work on my giant gold Humpty Dumpty frame – the Victorian one that is utterly fabulous (once it’s all glued back together and I finish learning how to faux finish the white parts), and I have great plans for making into a giant magnet board where I will hang smaller frames that I have made magnetic. That’s once I figure out how to add a backboard that won’t weigh 800 lbs, somehow get home the sheet metal that is wider than my vehicle, and convince my husband to help me hang it.
He hates large, gold, useless things. Fortunately for me, he loves me more than he hates my latest massive craigslist treasure.
So thanks for reminding me go back to obsessing about my creative project, instead of letting the frustrations of my day get me down. :0)
January 21, 2014 @ 2:01 pm
What a gorgeous bed, and a great price as well! Others have suggested this, but we have actually done it. We have a house full of antique beds (and everything else!) and most all of our beds have had the side rails lengthened to accommodate the mattresses. Works like a charm!
January 21, 2014 @ 2:03 pm
I can’t wait for part two!!! I miss you when you don’t post. I wish you would post every day- even just random thoughts 🙂