New kitchen design: FANCY.
index of kitchen posts
previous kitchen design plan
My plan for The Nuclear War Of Fanciness was to put it where The Kingdom Mirror is.
But because I do not understand how time works, I failed to get rid of Old Kingdom, before New Kingdom arrived.
Which meant that the day before nuclear armageddon, I was running around my house with a measuring tape, asking myself: why does my house not have more walls?
And despite my VERY THROUGH SEARCH of our home, there was no yet-to-be-discovered wing… and I was forced to accept reality: I have acquired something for which I have no space.
Literally, I myself may need an alley for storing mirrors.
To be clear, that’s not a PROBLEM… it’s just not exactly what I was planning.
I walked back into the kitchen to put the measuring tape away… defeated.
And LITERALLY staring me in the face, was a wall.
A wall that I had not considered.
IN THE KITCHEN.
Self said— yes.
And I was like— word.
Then all night, I lie awake, worrying that I would hate the mirror there.
Loving something IN YOUR HEAD.
Allows for ALL KINDS of possibilities!
You get to IMAGINE the perfect height-width-aspect-ratio-in-respect-to-white-space-and-also-laws-of-physics.
Remember the bookcases I was CONVINCED (wrongly) we could MAKE WORK as kitchen cabinets?
Not to mention, how: when speaking of a wall-sized-thing-with-glass?
You do not make it work.
Either it WORKS or it doesn’t.
EITHER you have purchased an item of absolute magnificence that is unassailable proof of your own genius… OR you are a demented orangutan who failed to use her impulse-control strategies.
I will say this for the orangutan: she has spectacular taste.
As the new fanciness settled back against that wall, it was EXACTLY AS I HAD IMAGINED.
ONLY 97MILLIONBILLION TIMES BETTER.
Self performed an interpretive dance to mark the occasion and also convey THE MASTERWORK OF AMAZINGNESS THAT IS MY ABILITY TO FILL MY HOME WITH THINGS NO ONE NEEDS OR WANTS.
Marie Antoinette applauded.
The Louis/Louies/Louises/whatever/all of them/ gave me a standing ovation.
The peasants booed and threw crusts of bread.
Ok. Now I have to go take real pictures and do mockups and go to the cabinet person… I have been TOO EXCITED WITH FITZ to do anything but leap around and set off the glitter cannon.
FRIENDS! THE IDLE BRAIN IS THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND!
important note: YOU should NOT join me in getting excited because literally, no one is going to think the new kitchen plan is good… you are basically looking at it… GIANT MIRROR… not much else.
For the very first time, I AM DOING LIFE RIGHT.
it feels amazing
In fact, I’m just going to go ahead and call the kitchen finished!
Ladies and gentlemen, goodnight.
SEE ALL MY BEST CRAIGSLIST FINDS!
May 15, 2018 @ 10:36 pm
Truly YOU are my hero and my own personal creative muse!!! I salute you!!!
May 16, 2018 @ 1:48 pm
Love, love, love it! What else do you really need in your kitchen….I have been following you since the “Kingdom mirror” and I am pretty sure that we are one and the same…or at least my american dobbelganger, my husband totally agrees! I have to admit that when he thinks that I am going overboard on something I just reed to him one of your posts….rest is history!
May 16, 2018 @ 4:57 pm
I also love mirrors but even more than that, clocks. I think three wall clocks in a room is just right while the person I live with might have a problem with that. This is the guy who has five desks so his opinion is not to be trusted. Keep up the good fight and where do I get a glitter canon?
May 16, 2018 @ 5:14 pm
All I hope for is a complete photo tour of your home. I exist on bits and pieces, corner shots and reflections in mirrors of other mirrors. That shot of the two mirrors leaning against the wall actually gave me an ENORMOUS look into what your house might look like, I saw doorways and floor and light. It was nice.
Just being nosy. Glad to hear you think the kitchen is finished! Pics?
May 17, 2018 @ 10:02 am
<3 <3 <3 it makes me happy that you are so happy with it…now for some of that kind of happiness in my own life…
May 17, 2018 @ 12:40 pm
I thought Victoria was hysterical and then for the first time I read the posts from other readers. People who read the “Fancy Thing” blog write very funny comments. All of this sure beats reading “Facebook brags” or the national headlines. It is truly comforting to know that I have role models whose commentary I can read daily. Long live excess!
May 19, 2018 @ 1:28 am
It could be the door to a pantry…
May 25, 2018 @ 10:30 pm
Is this the place where I should not mention under pain of death/excommunication/extreme scorn that many people believe that a mirror captures the viewer’s soul? (But who needs a soul anyway when she has the PERFECT KITCHEN?)
April 13, 2020 @ 9:56 pm
Victoria, you are my spirit animal. I LOVE (love, love, love) The Music Man, glitter, kittens, tuxedo cats (mine was named Olie), Elvis, and last but not least, beautiful GFT’s. I’m really bad with lamps, chairs, and bed linens. And vintage china. And books. It’s a disease I tell you.
Kathryn Dotson Richmond
April 28, 2020 @ 2:43 am
Amazing!. I think you still need to use the goddess mirror in the kithen somewhere. Perhaps still above the sink now that it has been moved? She absolutely deserves to be there.
December 13, 2020 @ 10:17 pm
I have recently read through some of your blog this evening, and I can so relate on SO MANY LEVELS!
I read some of the posts to my husband (while ugly laugh crying ) because he said, wait, “I probably know that guy.. or .. are they family?” 🤣🤣🤣
So many projects, so many houses . I get it my friend! Now, where are your glasses from? ❤️❤️❤️
October 31, 2021 @ 1:02 am
Ho could you do without that beautiful thing