The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
June 25, 2013 @ 9:45 pm
I am an inveterate Craigs-Lister myself and totally LOVED this story! Thank you!
June 25, 2013 @ 10:20 pm
Ah Mazing! I have total CL envy!
June 25, 2013 @ 10:53 pm
Best story ever! Love the enabling mirror troll.
June 25, 2013 @ 11:02 pm
Oh my! I think you are my long lost twin! I read through so many entries on your blog, that I forgot who pointed me to it in the first place. This post had me in tears. It was like reading about myself. I believe I have ruined my eyesight on craigslist. I too have an 100 year old house in the constant state of frustration. I love it and your blog! I think I’m in love with Paul too!
June 26, 2013 @ 12:21 am
I could have written this almost word by word. I get my poor husband in the middle of some awful situations and he is MR NO WAY IT WILL WORK. But every step I convince him that we CAN do it and we always do. Not without pain, or injury or problems..but I end up with what i wanted! Many things I would paint. This piece? NO WAY!
June 26, 2013 @ 12:48 am
One day my dreams of being able to not only write like you, but to own a magical mirror like you… will become Kingdom!
June 26, 2013 @ 1:10 am
My friend sent me to you and told me that you tell a Craig’s List story like I’d want to hear it.
A-to-the-frickin’ MEN.
I think I love you. And now I think I need a kingdom mirror in my house. Or two.
June 26, 2013 @ 3:06 am
What an incredibly amazing find! That mirror is THE MIRROR of all mirrors and the name, “Kingdom Mirror”, is fitting. And the way you tell this story… so hilariously funny! I will be back hot more!
June 26, 2013 @ 7:37 am
You . Are . Me.
OMG this entire story, every detail (besides the part where you have the amazing giant mirror of happiness and I do not. Yet.) is me and my husband and my life. Craigslist and freecycle are the end of many a marriage. And the beginning of beautiful friendships … with odd pieces of inanimate happiness.
BRAVO on your mirror!!!!!!
Deb
June 26, 2013 @ 8:17 am
I love it! I have the same talent/gift where I find amazing things. Much to the joy/annoyance of my husband. “But I thought you loved solving problems!” Lol
June 26, 2013 @ 8:32 am
Oh, I love how you tell this story.
And the mirror looks really wonderful in your house!
June 26, 2013 @ 8:40 am
I look on craiglist every morning, its like my morning prayer. I’ve found fantastic treasures but sure, your mirrors are absolutely fantastic and by comparison, put my finds in shame (gotta look harder and follow my inner troll..I loved and enjoyed reading this blog!.
June 26, 2013 @ 8:44 am
Love this … my husband was not nearly as amused as I was though, but thats OK, he does not GET it!! Sharing it on my FB personal and business page. Thanks for helping me start my day off laughing!!!
June 26, 2013 @ 9:07 am
Wow, what a find! I love browsing craigslist, just hoping to find a hidden treasure.
June 26, 2013 @ 9:10 am
How did the guy who listed the mirror end up with it? Awesome find for you and your house!
June 26, 2013 @ 9:23 am
Love, love. love your sense of humor in telling your ventures! It sounds just like my husband & myself. hehe
June 26, 2013 @ 9:57 am
A friend of mine posted this entry on facebook and I’m so glad she did! Not only was I COMPLETELY entertained by this post, it inspired me to stretch my writing legs that have been in hibernation for far too long.
The mirror is astounding! But your writing technique is what I adore. I was even more entertained when I read it out loud to my husband after assuring him it was worth it. He agreed, it was worth it.
I will continue to read your blog and enjoy hearing of your journey and work. Also, everyone needs to hear how awesome they are every once in a while. And you are, without a doubt, awesome!
Thanks for sharing your life with us strangers. š
June 26, 2013 @ 10:03 am
Have you ever read Dwell magazine? That’s my style. It is a beautiful mirror, but it’s not my thing. Your husband is a saint. Nonetheless, I can’t believe I was laughing out loud while reading this in a room by myself! Thank you. It’s only Wednesday, and my week thus far has been beyond difficult. I really needed a good laugh.
BTW, I clicked through from a comment you left on Apartment Therapy. So glad I did.
June 26, 2013 @ 11:03 am
hahahahaha!! this is the BEST! i need a primordial-mirror-troll living my head too. or heck, just a furniture-troll would be cool. but seriously, the mirror? gorgeous.
June 26, 2013 @ 11:03 am
Omg! I love your site and the voice in which you write. What a fantastic article. I also adore that you now have two mirrors in your house. Awesome! I was actually thinking how well this mirror would look in a room in my house. Very cool!