95 Comments

  1. Tattycoram
    February 23, 2016 @ 10:56 am

    I have slightly cracked rib from slipping on the ice next week, messy house, raging deadlines, news as of three minutes ago that children have early dismissal on account of as-yet-nonexistent snow–and yet I had to drop everything to read this post. Reaction on completion: feel ready for anything.

    Reply

    • Tattycoram
      February 23, 2016 @ 10:57 am

      Argh I slipped LAST week (to be precise, Tuesday at 9:32 in the morning as I was carrying Goodwill stuff to car and taking my husband to the Acela)

      Reply

    • Caroline
      February 23, 2016 @ 11:09 am

      Nature abhors a vacuum, they say, so surely that empty space will soon be filled with something more worthy (and definitely fancier).

      Reply

    • Paige
      February 24, 2016 @ 3:03 pm

      An ottoman that looks like a giant soda cracker and is larger than the mirror-back settee it serves seems a bit anti-fancy, but fashion eludes me and I may just be revealing my ignorance. My cats are riveted my your blog, and I too enjoy it.

      Reply

      • Pam Kalista
        April 20, 2016 @ 9:29 am

        Yes. Your blog is fabulous. Your mania is shared. However the ottoman deserves it’s own special place in “Architectural Egest”

        Reply

  2. Maureen
    February 23, 2016 @ 10:56 am

    You are hysterical!

    and that ottoman has to go……Love your floors — love the settee -now get an appropriate rug! – i am getting my great grandmother’s settee reupholstered this month — removing the original gold velvet and bringing it into 2016! —-

    your blog is awesome!

    Reply

  3. Ann
    February 23, 2016 @ 10:57 am

    Paul must wonder each day what will be missing and what new GFT will be in its place when he returns from work. One thing seems certain, being Mr. V.E.B will always be intetesting. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Nancy
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:04 am

    Never a dull moment. You are hilarious.

    Reply

  5. Garden, Home and Party
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:05 am

    So, did you make money on the “bargain” RH sofa? I hope so, that way you can buy the beauteous piece that you love before someone less worthy grabs it! I get caught up in the whole RH sales pitch too. I have several friends and some family that love their furniture, but it really isn’t my style and like you said, we have to be who we are. Right?
    P.S. what’s going on in the kitchen? I’m a kitchen fanatic and can hardly wait to see the finished product.
    xo,
    Karen

    Reply

  6. Jayne
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:06 am

    Ottoman – out! I bet you can make some money on it. Don’t buy a hideous sofa; it may well be a really hideous sofa. Don’t buy anything you have to decide on in a New York minute. Buy things that you can ponder for a week or more. Everything worth having is worth waiting for. I’m old, I know this!
    You make me laugh, and I thank you for that!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  7. diane
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:14 am

    This is a lame question, but what is GFT???

    Reply

    • Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
      February 23, 2016 @ 11:16 am

      Giant Fancy Thing… NOT a lame question! My own fault for assuming you can read my mind.

      Reply

  8. Debbie from MountainMama
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:17 am

    Ok, you totally crack me up – I had to go back to all your links and was laughing my head off at the one where you acquired the wardrobe!! Can’t wait to find out what GFT has caught your eye to the point that you need to sell EVERYTHING ELSE YOU OWN – but no doubt it will be awesome!!

    Reply

  9. Linda
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:23 am

    Never ending source of amusement, fascination, like minded thinking……you just amaze me,VEB.

    Reply

  10. Christine
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:30 am

    Oh wow, so glad I read the comments too. I mistook GFT for god forsaken thing….LOL Those wonderful things we want but our wallets say “are you kidding” but we still skimp on those litte unnecessary items like food to have.

    Oh yeah, totally relating right now!

    Reply

    • Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
      February 23, 2016 @ 11:57 am

      Actual lol… if you asked my husband he’d agree with your original guess.

      Reply

      • Maureen
        February 27, 2016 @ 10:30 am

        GFT

        Love this idea!!
        I have been collecting and fixing things for years! You are fun fun fun

        Reply

  11. Sharyl Murphy
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:32 am

    Hi Victoria, another great laughter inducing post. I’m doing this in comments because you aren’t responding to your private message on Facebook. Could it be you don’t know about the magic of Messenger? I’d like to pay for you to come to a huge antique show in New England and talk about blogging etc. Any interest? PM Me please!

    Reply

    • Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
      February 23, 2016 @ 11:50 am

      Once the fb messages pile up too much, I can’t open them anymore (which, uh, I guess I will include in my talk of “what not to do.”)

      Reply

  12. Cathy
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:33 am

    LOVE your blog but just had to chime in to say be careful of the scale of your pieces. Yes I realize the irony of saying that due to what GFT stands for. But the massive wardrobe and island-sized ottoman are seriously fighting with and dwarfing the victorian sofa so it looks like a dollhouse piece. Seriously, go back and really look at the photo again under the “Girl, no. Bye.” caption and you’ll see it.

    Reply

    • Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
      February 23, 2016 @ 11:39 am

      Don’t worry, I agree! I am going to fix that because soon everything will be equally giant!! (Or the entire house will be empty.)

      Reply

  13. Jeanne
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:35 am

    I so enjoy this site and your humor:)
    I link to your “Manifesto Against the Tyranny of Luxury Kitchens” frequently when answering questions on the Houzz forum when internet brainwashing and HGTV marketing has convinced someone their very pretty kitchen is not up to snuff – usually because it is not white.

    Reply

    • Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
      February 23, 2016 @ 11:39 am

      You seriously made my day.
      xoxo

      Reply

      • phyllis
        February 23, 2016 @ 3:51 pm

        Jeanne, I would love to read some of those conversations…can you link it right here?
        Victoria, I trust your gut instincts. Even thinking about starting a GoFundMe for your gft habit! Why not?

        Reply

  14. Yvonne Angus
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:37 am

    While I loved the LOOK of the white couch, especially at Christmas, with the GIANT red bows on the cushions, I did always feel it didn’t quite fit into your sense of STYLE. Read as old, giant, fancy, Victorian, sparkly and generally magnificent! Keep looking. I’m quite sure you’ll stumble into the perfect sofa, for FREE, kind of like the piano for your awesome island!

    Reply

  15. Gerry
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:46 am

    So anxious to see what you find to replace the sofa with. On another note, did I miss a post in which you might have revealed the finished piano island? If not, how can you keep us in such suspense? Please, show us this brilliant display of ingenuity!

    Reply

  16. teri
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:50 am

    lol and yes the ottoman has to go. Quickly.

    Reply

  17. Dawn
    February 23, 2016 @ 11:56 am

    What is this Arkansas Fund?? ARE YOU SELLING THE KINGDOM MIRROR??

    Reply

    • Mary
      February 23, 2016 @ 1:20 pm

      PLEASE don’t sell the Kingdom Mirror! It makes me feel happy that you have it and it is safe and sound in your house! You must not sell the Kingdom Mirror, the ottoman is another story!

      Reply

  18. cheapdiva
    February 23, 2016 @ 12:09 pm

    I have just signed papers to take on a new house – that needs lots of work! AND the paint color on your living room walls is what I need for my new “project”. Will you share?

    Reply

    • Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
      February 23, 2016 @ 12:17 pm

      Eggnog by Behr. It’s a light yellow. I looked at 47,000 shades of paint, so I feel confident endorsing it as the ultimate wall color.

      Depending on the light or time of day, it might look white or cream in the photos, but it’s distinctly yellow, especially next to white trim.

      More photos in my FAQ post: http://victoriaelizabethbarnes.com/red-front-door-paint-and-faq/

      Reply

    • Suzen
      February 23, 2016 @ 8:54 pm

      Just in case you want another lighter hue, I have been using Pam’s Lace by Valspar. It’s a cream that also changes with the light and looks good with white trim. Good luck! I’m nearing the end of singlehandedly painting our 1900 square ft Victorian.

      Reply

  19. Cricket
    February 23, 2016 @ 12:11 pm

    The ottoman has to go. I am sure you are aware that some of the older chairs and sofas have horse hair in them.

    Reply

  20. Jessica
    February 23, 2016 @ 12:19 pm

    I just wanted to put your mind at ease a bit and explain that PETA greatly exaggerates. Live-plucking is actually a pretty rare practice. It is illegal in most countries and is actually twice as expensive as simply using the feathers that are a by-product of the food-processing industry. Since most companies are all about cutting expenses, they would be very unlikely to use live-plucking.

    Happy GFT hunting!

    Reply

    • Rachel
      February 23, 2016 @ 12:42 pm

      Live-plucking is *not* rare. I’m not sure where you are getting that information.

      *Over* 50% of down (and leather, fur, angora) sold in America comes from China where they have zero animal welfare regulations. (Google bear bile farms and you will see the extent to which China is comfortable abusing animals.)

      Reply

    • Suzen
      February 23, 2016 @ 8:56 pm

      There’s “down alternative” which is actually more comfortable, in my opinion and hypoallergenic to boot.

      Reply

      • Debbie Klausing
        February 23, 2016 @ 11:10 pm

        Love down alternative! Those puffer coats totally overwhelm me, like they are on steroids! Down alternative comforters are wonderful also, in my opinion.

        Reply

    • Abby Bean
      February 28, 2017 @ 11:59 am

      PETA has a lot of faults, but exaggerating animal abuse is not one of them. Incidentally, animals are not ours to use- so whether down feathers are “live-plucked,” or what you callously refer to as a byproduct, they are abhorrent and unnecessary.

      Reply

  21. Pat
    February 23, 2016 @ 12:20 pm

    Hysterical! I live in the Philly area, and also troll CL for affordable GFT’s (though I have officially run out of room, and now have to sell pieces so my kids will stop threatening to sign me up for a Hoarders episode). You are a riot, glad I found this site….though I may love my down comforter and coat too much to watch that video. Yea, I know, but I don’t wear fur, and hope my down fill came from recently deceased geese that died of old age. Pat

    Reply

  22. Devon
    February 23, 2016 @ 12:34 pm

    The suspense of the mysterious GFT you speak of is driving me crazy!! I can only imagine what it could be……when can we expect a reveal? You are a hoot Victoria! Ps hope dear Elvis is doing ok, I’ve been thinking about her?

    Reply

  23. Bobbie
    February 23, 2016 @ 12:44 pm

    I also avoid down. Always love reading your posts!

    Reply

  24. Michelle Holland
    February 23, 2016 @ 12:56 pm

    I can only hope the house itself is exempt from this selling spree…..after all where would you store your GFTs?
    Can’t wait to see the mystery GFT!
    Michelle

    Reply

  25. BJ
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:08 pm

    You know I love you… I read your blog – religiously!! I’m not really much of a commenter, but I did today have to just say, good for you for sharing about the animals. Down is awful and I love that you brought some attention to it.

    Reply

  26. Mary
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:18 pm

    Victoria Elizabeth Barnes! Get rid of that ottoman, IMMEDIATELY! Keeping something like that around will decay your mind and turn Paul into, well, we don’t know what, but whatever he becomes, it wont be pretty.
    Of course, you could take all that tufted, white stuff off, use the frame, paint the frame and re-create something GREAT for your tool shed- a low table to hold stuff, a low table to layout fabric on, etc.
    OR you could put it on Craigslist and then observe WHO buys it…
    LOVE your posts! a bit of sunshine – always!

    Reply

  27. Betsy
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:21 pm

    Paul surely lives a great life with you! Imagine coming home everyday and not knowing what he’ll find when he steps through the door. He must feel like a kid on Christmas morning. How fun!

    Reply

    • Liz H.
      February 23, 2016 @ 2:27 pm

      Or he feels like the over indulgent parent opening up all the Christmas bills in January!

      Reply

  28. Donna Gibson
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:26 pm

    I can’t relate to this post because the RH white sofa is MY DREAM SOFA! It’s so comfortable! I’m so sad to not be the person you sold it to, I would have happily driven 1000 miles to get one for just $1000. I lived 10 years with a white IKEA sofa (that started sagging immediately) and recently upgraded to a Wayfair.com sofa in cream (white took 8 weeks longer & the holidays were upon me) that I detest it after just 4 short months! It somehow manages to soil faster than the white one did. AND collect dust and hair at lightning speed! The white one never did that! Live & learn!

    If you’re selling everything, I’d happily buy the wardrobe or the kingdom mirror! Call me!!!

    Reply

    • Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
      February 23, 2016 @ 1:33 pm

      Find a RH outlet! Give them your name/what you are looking for and they will call you if they ever get it. (This does assume you live near one, which I guess if you did you would have been all over it!)

      Reply

  29. Laura
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:32 pm

    I suppose you think that a white cotton damask slipcover is beneath contempt? Stay with me – if you had one, you could have a WASHABLE white sofa (in fact colors would not be advisable!) – equivalent to having your cake and eating it, too.
    Don’t reply, I’m already ashamed of myself.

    Reply

  30. Trisha
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:38 pm

    So, you really want to live in Arkansas? Without furniture?

    Reply

  31. DARLENE
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:41 pm

    Have I told you I love you lately? I do! You make me cackle every time. I can’t wait to open the new posts and I always hope you go on a rant so it’s a long one. I feel like a stalker, but mostly just hugely entertained! Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

  32. Stacey
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:42 pm

    I love your blog and I love you even more knowing that you do not support the torture of animals through the down and fur industries – I completely agree and was cheering you on as you suggested that if one thinks he/she CAN support that industry, it is important to know the suffering it causes on perfectly innocent beings. Inconvenient feelings should not be buried under our desire for things when perfectly wonderful substitutions are available 🙂 THANK YOU!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!

    Reply

    • Lyra
      February 23, 2016 @ 6:48 pm

      Just wanted to tag along and say, Yes! This! I have very very (very) different style tastes, but you’re hilarious and ten points for the animals! Alternatives are really good nowadays…why use down/fur/leather?
      (Also, my cat died almost six years ago and it still absolutely crushes me, so I feel your pain as well as your glee/horror/churlishness).

      Reply

  33. Rachel
    February 23, 2016 @ 1:57 pm

    Wow, what a lovely post. First time commenting, but I have been FB/blog stalking you for a while. Frankly, seeing the bounty of GFTs that exist near you makes me sad (rural Oklahoma is definitely not a great source of GFTs!), jealous, and definitely wondering how I can replace my SFTs with GFTs, and avoid alerting Himself. Five children, limited budget, and a husband who work from home makes finding, purchasing, and getting GFTs into my late 70s one story ranch house difficult, so I am really enjoying your never ending search for/finding/replacing old GFTs with new GFTs… I am trying to talk Himself into making me (he does custom woodworking, furniture etc) a GFT for our bed… Getting their slowly… King size beds just are not available. ? So, for all of us in a sadly GFT deficient life, keep going! Your GFTs give the rest of us hope!

    Reply

  34. Diana
    February 23, 2016 @ 2:32 pm

    We all seriously want to know what the GFT is!!!! I can’t wait until it is revealed.

    One more thing. Do you have a kitchen yet? I kept wondering how you got through the holidays with hordes of people coming to share a holiday meal and no kitchen.

    Love your sense of humor! I wait to read your blog when I can savor it.

    Reply

  35. Fl!p Breskin
    February 23, 2016 @ 2:53 pm

    Keep the ottoman! It’s fabulous. Also, in terms of functionality, there should be two places to flop down and relax, preferably both of them comfortable. Right now it looks like you’ve still got two. I’ve actually drooled over your ottoman, but I live on the far side of the country. I think it is at least a Very Oversize Fancy Thing, compared to a standard ottoman. I cover my couches with cool but inexpensive old oriental rugs off craigslist. If I could afford it, I’d get them re-upholstered with the old rugs. Tho those are probably also not cruelty free… But a lady’s gotta lounge.

    Reply

  36. Kate S.
    February 23, 2016 @ 3:43 pm

    Keep ramping up the anticipation and I might be willing to donate outright to your GFT fund just to find out what this mystery object in Arkansas actually is! Call me impatient, but I actually took the time to look at all of the antiques and furniture listed for sale on Craigslist in the state of Arkansas and couldn’t only find two possible contenders–neither really seems to be your style or expensive enough to justify selling off everything you own, so I’m hoping you’ve already bought this mystery piece and am anxiously awaiting a reveal.

    Reply

  37. Diane
    February 23, 2016 @ 3:43 pm

    A new post from VEB? That’s my signal to DROP EVERYTHING and run, do not walk! to the computer. I love your posts and the shared joy of the hunt. CANNOT WAIT for the new/next GFT!! Thank you for sharing your life with us. You bring big smiles and the shared laughter of recognizing ourselves. (I don’t think GFTs exist in Oklahoma so we live vicariously!)

    Reply

  38. Ellen Kelly
    February 23, 2016 @ 3:45 pm

    Are you looking at Craigslist Philadelphia? I rarely find anything. Ellen

    Reply

  39. Kathleen
    February 23, 2016 @ 3:59 pm

    One of the most exhilarating days of my life was when I discovered a RH Outlet an hour from my home. I still look with love at my $500 chair that I snagged for $60 in an uber sale there.
    One of the most depressing days for me was when they closed that store last year. I am still annoyed they did that as I now have to drive to Canada for the nearest one. Sigh.

    Reply

  40. Margy
    February 23, 2016 @ 4:43 pm

    How’s the kitchen coming along? Dying for an update!! (Great deal on that RH couch, BTW. no time to waste thinking of practicality when something so pretty falls at your feet… You get that puppy home, and then figure it out! Everyone knows THAT!)

    Reply

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