FANCY KITCHEN COUNTERTOP EDGES… let’s talk ogee, laminate, and CRAZY thick.

Because I am a feisty prairie woman of grit and determination, I have hauled home a stoneyard’s worth of marble and slate.

here is our slate
here is our marble

I prize it.
Along with my fine collection of burlap sacks.

But because I married a fancypants townman… every time I try to talk to him about gettin’ this here stone ogeed… his eyes roll back in his head and he gets the vapors.

Men.
Ain’t good for nothin’.

One of the three marble slabs we salvaged is JUST perfect for our grand piano kitchen island.

But the edges are unfinished.

Paul was all– bullnose?
The hopeful tone.

lol
havewemet
no

I thought I wanted Ogee… probably because that was the only word I knew.

An ogee is a curve (often used in molding), shaped like an S, consisting of two arcs that curve in opposite directions.

Fortunately for Paul, they make plenty of DIY edge/profile grinding thing bits and attachments for stone!

I explained it to him, in case he didn’t understand: you just put the bit router thingy on the grinder machine doohickey… and just zip it along the edge… VOILLA!

Paul looked… enthused.

But before I ordered my professional countertop fabrication tools for my new career as Directrice of Stone… I remembered that the internet is full of rich people.

And they PAY people to think of ways to BE FANCY… in this case, STACKING fancy countertops, ON TOP OF MORE FANCY COUNTERTOPS.

The fact that I needed to be TOLD this.
Is DEEPLY embarrassing.

Self was like— oh. yes.
Those are my people.

Take me to them.

They (the rich people) add a piece of marble (or granite or quartz or whateverstone) under/along the edge of the actual countertop slab; stacking it, or even more invisible, a mitered edge.

They call it “laminating” the edges… which is a fancy way of saying glued, and shouldn’t be confused with actual laminate/formica countertops.

And for what it’s worth, WE HAVE SO MUCH MARBLE I COULD STACK LIKE 15 PIECES.

Roman Elite over Ogee, Elite over Full Bullnose, Elite over Ogee, Double Chisel, Ogee over Full Bullnose, any over Eased, Ogee over Half Bullnose, and Ogee over Ogee.

The options are endless.

I assume that if I stack more than 6 it will be fine to name it myself.

HOWEVER.
I could find no DIY.
None.
Zero.

Why must I be the one to think of EVERYTHING?

Important aside:
at first, the above photo, seemed to me, to be the bathroom of a person in the grip of a psychotic break; someone who wished to have chaos in every visual way possible.

But the more I looked at it, the more I was awed by their commitment TO HAVING AS MUCH FANCY AS POSSIBLE.

And actually, it’s outstanding.

Also outstanding:
this bathroom cost what?
Let’s say 12 million dollars…
… and they have vessel sinks.

lol

12 million dollars and you cannot wash your face without wanting to transform into a green bulging muscle monster while roaring: HULK NOT LIKE VESSEL SINK.

WHO DO THIS
ROAR

alsoonelastthingPaulsaysthatyoushouldrememberthepianoedgesarecurvedsowearetalkingjigsandpiecesandsomethingelseIforgetnowohwellit’sprobablynotimportant

Ok.
Now it is time for you to give back.

SURELY one of you has done this yourself and will tell me how simple!

Please begin.
Thanks!

Here is youtube of grinder wheel in action!
whichPaulsaysdoesnotcountbecuaseisbullnoseandnotogeeandwhenyoudoogeebutidontrememberwhyohwell

Here is video evidence of Paul’s ability to apply the laws of electricity to stone.

If you feel like weighing in on whether polishing the edge should happen all-as-one… to me, it seems our amateur skills would be better applied to two pieces separately… and stacking them visibly. That seems easier than trying to get one seamless surface.

Apparently, miter is out of the question because when I mentioned to Paul about a REALLY THICK MITER… he didn’t even use words, he just started laughing.

INDEX OF ALL KITCHEN POSTS

PS- one last thing: my next post is far too long… because, as the historian of The Nuclear War of Fanciness, I am required to record it in its entirety… I have edited and edited and edited… and I have arrived at a place where I simply am not permitted to remove any more.

This makes me sad, because this coming-post is my finest and most important work… my LIFE’S WORK… and it is simply TOO LONG BECAUSE INTERNET.

If this were 1867, on the other hand, people would be all– HAVE YOU READ THIS MAN VICTOR ELIZA BARNES?

SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN TOLSTOY AND HE GETS TO THE POINT ALREADY.