Eight years after the fact… I finally get to write a wedding blog.
When I was little, we didn’t have a TV. But sometimes, at my grandparents on Saturday nights, I was allowed to watch PBS. Which is where I saw The King and I and Kiss Me Kate. Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, Rodgers and Hammerstein, Cole Porter…
And I fully expected that when I grew up, Howard Keel would come for me.
If you’ve seen The King and I, you remember Deborah Kerr wearing a lavender hoopskirt the size of a swimming pool. And Yul Brynner wearing elaborate red pajamas and ankle bangles. And you remember the scene where they dance around a very fancy ballroom.
To my small self, it was the defining standard of romance.
More than that—the epitome of all existence.
And I understood. THAT was my destiny.
I understood it in the profound way other people understand life after death. Or the existence of aliens… Deeply, and without need of actual proof.
It’s good I understood all this so well, since when I met Paul he wasn’t wearing red pajamas. Or ankle bangles. Or even a fedora or a dressing gown.
I met Paul in Philadelphia, at a nightclub that’s now defunct. The Five Spot had Salsa dancing on Tuesday nights. It was swelteringly hot and they had a live band and an impossibly small dance floor. And every single person in a three-state radius would turn out.
I noticed Paul immediately. He was tall and handsome. And I saw him voluntarily dance with a beginner. Which is rare.
So when Paul asked me to dance, I pointed him to my best friend. Not because I wasn’t interested, but because she was visiting from five states away and she only knew the three steps I’d taught her before dragging her out the door. I knew he’d make it fun for her.
Later, on the way home, I said to Lara that I had found Paul thrilling and I’d thought there was something. And I was disappointed and surprised he hadn’t made sure he could find me again.
Years later, when I told Paul this, he looked at me sideways and said—I asked you to dance. AND YOU SAID NO. Do you not understand? This NECESSITATES AN ADJUSTMENT OF PLANS?
And I was like, seriously? What? I did not say no. I paid you the ultimate compliment of deeming you kind enough for my best friend. AND? I DID dance with you LATER. And? Didn’t you see the sign? Flashing on my forehead? In neon? That said—I like you. I think you might be the King of Siam.
A year went by after The Five Spot. And I saw him at another dance thing. I recognized him immediately. And since I am paralyzingly shy, I hid and hoped he wouldn’t notice me. I can’t say this did anything to encourage him.
He asked me to dance. This time there was a giant floor. And I felt just like Deborah Kerr. Like Kathryn Grayson. And that I’d found a portal to Kiss Me Kate. And that Howard Keel and Yul Brynner had finally come for me.
I had been waiting my whole life for this.
None of which explains why— when Paul called me a few days later… I did not call him back. And when he called again. I still didn’t call him back. Even to myself, it made no sense.
Except? Would YOU call Yul Brynner? I think not.
Now, Paul likes to remind me that even back then… before we even knew each other—he had to do all the hard work. And if left to my own devices, we would have never gotten together. And I will point out that he could have called me again. And he will say, no. No I could not. Twice says I like you. Three times says I’m stalking you.
More time went by. And I saw him at another dance thing. I was bent over, changing my shoes, and the girl I was with nudged me and said quietly—here comes that guy you never called back.
I was like—SHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT. And felt simultaneously the stomach-drop of when someone you like is going to talk to you. AND the sharp anxiety of when someone is about to yell at you.
But he didn’t. Yell at me. He didn’t say WHY did you give me your number if you didn’t want me to call you? He didn’t say WHY did you look at me like you might swoon, and bat your eyelashes… if you weren’t going to call me back? He didn’t say WHAT is WRONG with you.
He held out his hand and said—Hi. Waltz?
Eight years ago, today… we got married.
9 year wedding anniversary post
Venue details below…
We had our reception in the Gold Ballroom at the Hotel du Pont , Wilmington DE.
Built in the era between the Gilded Age and the Jazz Age, the du Pont broke ground in 1911. The twelve-story Italian Renaissance hotel was commissioned by Pierre S. du Pont. A labor of love by French and Italian craftsmen who carved, gilded, and painted the exceptional details by hand.
Hotel du Pont was built to rival the finest hotels of New York City and European capitals. Expansion in 1918 added the Gold Ballroom to the Hotel du Pont.
This glorious French Neoclassic Gold Ballroom, with its gilded rosettes, glittering chandeliers and hand carved and gilded bas-reliefs of famous women including Helen of Troy and Cleopatra, could not be more festive or extravagant. It’s a perfect setting for weddings, banquets, balls and other occasions of celebration.
– Source
August 15, 2012 @ 10:36 am
Beautiful pictures. I write romance and love it also. Congratulations. 😉
August 15, 2012 @ 10:56 am
Thank you!! Somehow, after eight years I am STILL sad the wedding’s over!!
August 15, 2012 @ 10:39 am
Fun story and amazing photos. You both looked like you were having such fun at your wedding!
August 15, 2012 @ 10:56 am
It’s a cliché… but it really was the best day ever. Leading up to it, I was an absolute crazy person. But the day itself was magic.
August 15, 2012 @ 6:43 pm
So glad you had such a magic day! Wedding days can sometimes be too stressful for words. You look like you were made for each other!
August 16, 2012 @ 11:30 am
Yes. I nearly made myself insane with planning. Seriously. I was unrecognizable as myself… However? It was all worth it. To me at least. My husband could have done with less intensive craziness over details.
August 15, 2012 @ 10:55 am
As someone who also dances, I loved this story! I could picture the WHOLE thing! Happy Anniversary!
August 15, 2012 @ 11:11 am
So fun!! I will say this—dancing in a fifteen-pound dress is a CHALLENGE!! It has a life of its own. And there is no quick changing directions mid-turn!!
August 15, 2012 @ 11:20 am
Victoria,
Happy anniversary! What a great story, I had to laugh, you really did make Paul do all the heavy lifting with this. Clearly, it was love at first sight for him. Most guys would have been “over it” after no return call. Such a fairy tale story and your wedding photographer did an amazing job, you both look like movie stars in a film.
Have a glorious day and celebration.
Karen
August 15, 2012 @ 12:13 pm
In retrospect, I cannot believe I did that… I am a terrible procrastinator. Especially about something that gives me anxiety. Even good anxiety. And so I put off calling him. Until it seemed ridiculous after so much time had gone by…
It’s become part of our story in a funny way… but if I really think about it, it still makes me cringe. It’s not the first time I postponed something important to me… but it could have been the dumbest.
August 15, 2012 @ 5:17 pm
It just shows you that when a perfectly paired couple meet it’s somehow meant to be. Your wedding backdrop is stunning. It looks like you were married in a palace.
Oh, and do you watch TV as an adult?
August 16, 2012 @ 9:58 am
The reception was at the Hotel duPont in Wilmington, DE. It was built in 1913, and the ballroom is particularly ornate. All the frescos are original and gilded by hand. It really was a fairytale place.
I must have looked at fifty places, and was on the brink of choosing a different venue that was the closest thing to what I had in mind. My mom and I scheduled a last minute trip to Delaware… and when we walked in, we were literally awestruck.
We do watch TV. Maybe not the same way most people do. We’ll watch a TV season that’s already out on Netflix… or a lot of documentaries. Paul is probably the only guy I ever met who didn’t have cable… But when I love a TV show, no one is more of a TV addict than me. Just try to pry me away from MadMen!!
August 15, 2012 @ 11:39 am
Great post, love the way your writing style supports your story so well. I was a “shy girl” and totally relate, but nonetheless wish girls would have the patience to let guys pursue them a bit more like that now, and find out if they really care! Gorgeous photos, also. Happy anniversary.
August 15, 2012 @ 12:16 pm
Thank you!! Sounds like you can understand— how that kind of phone call can inspire anxiety, as well as delight… to most people it really doesn’t make any sense!
It did work out perfectly… but you can imagine that if Paul were also shy… I might be posting about an entirely different wedding!!
August 15, 2012 @ 11:42 am
This gave me goosebumps. What a great story, and such lovely pictures!
August 15, 2012 @ 12:20 pm
Thank you so much!! I did tell myself I ought to take out some of the photos… But? Then I figured it was MY blog… and if I want to inundate it with my still-potent obsession with my eight-year-old wedding day, so be it!!
August 15, 2012 @ 12:57 pm
Definitely don’t take any out! They’re great.
August 16, 2012 @ 10:32 am
🙂
August 15, 2012 @ 1:21 pm
Happy Anniversary to you both! Such beautiful photographs and BOY, you should be listed “somewhere” as the perfect example of how to play hard to get!! Good thing he’s a smart man who knows how to handle a girl like you. I’d say it paid off for you both. Men are so unnervingly cool sometimes!!! After eight years and countless renovation projects… I’m sure you still feel like “dancing”!! Congrats on your day, and all the days you’ve shared and the many more to come.
August 16, 2012 @ 10:58 am
You know? If I had been trying for hard-to-get, I’m pretty sure it would have backfired!! If someone did that to me, I would have been scarred for life!! I guess it’s a good lesson not to take anything too personally, since you never know what’s really behind it.
I meant to tell you on your anniversary that I would have loved to see some of your photos!! Our wedding was just on the cusp of digital photography being standard… and my crazy OCD research convinced me that I should go with film… something I’ve since rethought. Scanning photos is no fun.
On the other hand, I loved our photographer, and the pictures. So I can’t say I would have chosen someone else. And he was firm in his belief that digital wasn’t quite up to par at the time. But I’m so jealous of brides now who have all their stuff archived on their computer with no effort at all…
August 15, 2012 @ 3:15 pm
Beautiful story!
August 16, 2012 @ 11:08 am
Thanks! It’s fun to revisit the glamorous version of us!!
August 15, 2012 @ 3:20 pm
Congrats and happy anniversary! Great story and pics to go with it, thanks for sharing.
August 16, 2012 @ 11:24 am
Thanks!! It’s nice to take time off from the power tools to reminisce.
August 15, 2012 @ 5:50 pm
Wow! I was mesmerized by your wedding photos! Such a gorgeous venue. And I Love that you played hard to get…..I was the chaser….initially, now he chases me. And just quietly, he has a hard time keeping up. 🙂
Thanks for sharing and Happy Anniversary!
August 16, 2012 @ 11:44 am
Thank You!! I LOVED our venue. It was the MOST perfect place in the world. The hotel was built in 1913, and the ballroom is a fantastic example of Gilded Age extravagance.
I think it’s nice when one part of the couple is SO sure of the other that they make sure they don’t get away. Although? If I could do it again, I would definitely call Paul back. He is surprisingly good-natured about it. But if I’d been in his shoes, I don’t think I’d find any humor in it!!
August 15, 2012 @ 6:38 pm
I loved this post! You both look absolutely stunning! What a gorgeous dress! And what a catch Paul is! Love stories like this. Happy Anniversary!
August 16, 2012 @ 11:51 am
Thank you so much for saying that!! I still love our wedding in a way that seems a little excessive now… after so much time has gone by!! I was SO sad when it was over. I really couldn’t believe that I’d never get to do it again. It’s sad—to have that much fun only once!!
August 15, 2012 @ 11:32 pm
Happy anniversary! Great post, I love that you kept finding each other. Must have been meant to be!
August 16, 2012 @ 11:59 am
Yes! It was so odd…to call my best friend and tell her I had re-met Paul, and have her actually have met him. Since we never lived close to each other, the chances of her having met my future husband the same night I did were REALLY slim. And did make me feel like there was some element of fate to it.
August 16, 2012 @ 2:13 am
Such a great story and he obviously “gets” you. Here’s to many, many more… Cheers!
August 16, 2012 @ 12:18 pm
Thanks! I’m really hoping by the time we’re at nineteen years I’ll be able to say, like you—that he expertly handles when I head towards a meltdown!!
August 16, 2012 @ 4:57 pm
Well it sounds like you are on your way… even from the beginning. That’s one of my favorite things about being married for so long is we both know how to handle each other and not have to argue over stupid little things as much. Who wants to spend the energy?! We still argue, but we cut to the chase a lot faster.
Hope you had a lovely day together!
August 17, 2012 @ 9:22 am
Paul is fantastic at warding off impending doom IF the doom is not related to HIS actions. But? If I’m about to have a meltdown over something he did? Not so good. Lol. Of course the extreme house projects exacerbate everything. Like the time he demolitioned a wall and DID NOT PUT ANY DROPCLOTHS ON ANYTHING. I thought my head would explode.
August 16, 2012 @ 7:56 am
What a gorgeous story! And i love all the pictures 🙂
August 16, 2012 @ 11:13 am
Thanks! I’m SO jealous that you still have all your fun ahead of you!!
August 16, 2012 @ 12:23 pm
Aw that’s cute! Maybe you should have a big party for your 10 year anniversary or something. Buy a fancy white dress hehe!
August 17, 2012 @ 10:04 am
That’s a good idea!!
If you can, try to ENJOY your planning. Everyone always says how stressful/crazy it is. And it IS. But I wish I’d slowed down and enjoyed the entire experience instead of finding so much of it overwhelming.
September 21, 2013 @ 8:09 am
Okay I finished this one and rolled over and kissed my husband for being such a great guy. Thank you for the reminder that I was blessed enough (25 years ago – gasp I’m gettin’ freakin’ old!) to find someone who gets me. Blessings to you and Paul and here’s to a fabulous 10th next year!
August 16, 2012 @ 3:21 pm
Your photos are gorgeous! Happy anniversary!
August 17, 2012 @ 10:02 am
Thank You!
I was just introduced to Maru the cat on your vacation post… so addictive!!
August 17, 2012 @ 10:18 am
Man oh man, I *love* that cat!! 🙂
August 17, 2012 @ 10:21 am
I KNOW!! I’ve just spent the last twenty minutes clicking the next video… That cat is OBSESSED with boxes!
August 17, 2012 @ 8:05 pm
OMG Victoria those photos are beautiful. You both look amazing and so in love. Awwwwww. Happy anniversary! You guys are great together and hey you holding out like you did worked.
August 20, 2012 @ 7:41 am
Thank you!! It’s fun and kind of sad at the same time, to look back… time goes so quickly. I really cannot believe eight years have passed!!
August 18, 2012 @ 5:50 pm
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes – you know, I’ve read this post and studied the photos – then returned to read your words again. Each time I went and hugged my wife and told her “I love you”. I think Paul and I are two of the luckiest men on earth.
August 20, 2012 @ 7:40 am
Curt—this is my favorite comment of all. You fixer-guys get SO caught up in projects and to-do lists and being responsible for making sure it all gets done… but the BEST thing to us wives is when out of the blue, you look at us and think—“wow!! I love you!”
March 14, 2013 @ 6:31 pm
I’m reading the wedding blog for the first time…hey it took less time for me to get to it than for you to post it! Lovely wedding and pics and like you said, Curt’s comment is such a treasure and pleasure to see.
March 15, 2013 @ 10:47 am
I know… he is a rare guy. Plus, I think he got lucky with his wife. She seems to not need to control every house-related decision… My hope is that Paul never discovers such a person exists.
August 27, 2012 @ 8:33 pm
That was beautiful! 🙂
August 27, 2012 @ 9:42 pm
HEY!! A person I actually know!! Thanks for reading!! (You do look totally fantastic by the way.)
August 29, 2012 @ 1:16 pm
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love this post and your wedding pictures are beautiful!
August 30, 2012 @ 7:05 am
Thank you! I so wish I could go back in time and do it all again!!!
August 29, 2012 @ 10:39 pm
Your facial expressions are delightful in these photos — both of you.
August 30, 2012 @ 7:05 am
Thanks, Dana. These are definitely my favorites. I don’t even know why we had the photographer take formal shots… they don’t compare at all to the candid ones.