Only idiots stop to think before they purchase things.
One of the salvage yards in Philadelphia moved locations… their stuff was a mix of hipster nonsense and amazing architectural salvage. It was unusual and well-curated and hideously expensive– a fun place to browse.
The new owners had a demolition sale at the old location and Paul and I went over there to look on Saturday morning… there was almost nothing left in the building.
It was mostly trash.
And this.
I could feel my eyes heating up because you know how I feel about fancy hinges. And my instinct was to rip the tag off and RUN to pay for this new item of gloriousness which serves no purpose.
I was mid-rip when Paul said – are you sure? You have been so single-mindedly pursuing this OTHER THING… Are you sure you want to spend $200 on THIS? What will you even DO with it? Are you sure you aren’t just being distracted by shiny things?
Normally, I would defend my hoarding ferociously, while foaming at the mouth and scurrying protectively around my new item… But for the first time ever, Self wondered– is he right?
After all, WHY do I look at this and see some cross between Strahov Abbey, a 200-year-old French bakery, and the Titanic?
That makes no sense!
This is just an old, broken chalkboard.
Why WOULD I want that?
What would I DO with it?
Is this a mistake?
Obviously these are questions only an idiot asks themselves. But in the moment, I was swayed.
Yes, you read that correctly. I WALKED AWAY.
All the way home I felt a deep sense of disquiet and agitation. But it was tempered by the awareness that I am impulsive. And covetous. And distracted by shiny things… And I need to be careful that I am not buying things just because of the primordial MINE instinct.
Paul said – you are very quiet over there.
I said – yes… Self-thwarted GFT acquisition is a deeply uncomfortable experience. I’m not sure I did the right thing… I might have made a horrible mistake.
Maybe this is the thing that will give me not-buyer’s remorse for years.
Maybe decades.
MAYBE I HAVE RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I tried to be calm and remind myself that a broken chalkboard is NOT the key to my inner peace, and that material objects overall are a source of unhappiness and basically a distraction from the real meaning of life which everyone knows is cats.
But Self whispered – are you sure? Don’t you think that’s a gamble? What if those hinges ARE the meaning of life?
Do you really want someone ELSE to have it?
Why didn’t you buy it so we could BE SURE?
We could always sell it later if it turned out we didn’t NEED it.
We were about three minutes from home when I got out my phone and googled antique brass hinged chalkboard… just to see what I could have sold it for.
Self said— CONGRATULATIONS! You’re an idiot.
I said to Paul – Turnaround. TURNAROUND. TURNAROUND.
Then I reclined the seat and breathed deeply through my nose while chanting to myself: I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot… So that the universe understood that I knew I was an idiot and it did not need to mete out further punishment.
This was a completely amateur mistake for which there is no excuse.
I blame Paul for short-circuiting my natural thought process.
Please note:
1. I put the chalk in a charming antique teacup because I am a blogger and thus live only the most extraordinary of lifestyles.
2. It’s not going to sit on the floor… it’s going to get mounted to that wall at about the height of the picture frame.
*GFT= Giant Fancy Thing.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:15 am
Ha….I LOVE your audience!!! ♡♡♡
March 29, 2016 @ 11:15 am
Love it! Wouldn’t have anywhere to put it in my house of doors and windows(minimal wall space) but I can vicariously lust after it as I do most things you purchase. Cant wait to see the GFT! Say hey to Elvis and Paul.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:18 am
Ok I had no idea such chalkboards even existed and now I have one more thing to add to my ever increasing list of “things to look for” while antiquing/junk shopping. I need to know though how does it work? Do you flip up a chalk board to reveal a new fresh chalkboard? or does it hinge out? I may not sleep again until I know the answer to this 😉
March 29, 2016 @ 11:24 am
The hinges should be mounted over each other vertically… like a book. Whether that’s how we hang it or not is still up for discussion. I want it in the foyer because NOTES! (And also, um, running out of wall space) but it will fit better if hung as it sits now.
These are problems I am comfortable having.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:58 am
Ah Gotcha! Thanks, I can rest easy now haha. The foyer sounds like a perfect place for it!
March 29, 2016 @ 12:09 pm
You MUST hang it horizontally otherwise you will only have ONE board for notes vs. FOUR, front & back!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:26 am
It’s 10:30pm here in Bangkok and I just wanted to say thanks for making my night. You crack me up. Enjoy your latest acquisition.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:30 am
Could you BE any more fantastic???
March 29, 2016 @ 11:33 am
I have regretted NOT purchasing things (on the rare occasions I have practised ill-advised “self-control”) far more deeply than I ever regret purchasing some useless and yet extremely decorative article for my home.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:36 am
It’s a known fact that NOT-buyer’s remorse is far more traumatic than traditional buyer’s remorse. #science
March 29, 2016 @ 11:41 am
After a miserable day and hating my husbands job for moving me to Germany and then leaving me by myself for months I needed this, thank you. I also need to hear about the Arkansas GFT, it may save my sanity.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:42 am
Oh thank God! There are things in my life that I passed up, couldn’t afford, or someone was quicker. I will probably spend the rest of my coherent adult life searching for “the ones the got away”. You made a wise decision, Ms Barnes.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:44 am
You are HILARIOUS!….and very talented! A fan in Houston….
March 29, 2016 @ 12:03 pm
Ooo! Houston fan here too – howdy neighbor =)
March 29, 2016 @ 2:29 pm
And another Houston fan checks in – hi neighbors. How are all y’all doing? And now I want a cool chalkboard — I love this blog.
March 29, 2016 @ 11:46 am
So very cool! I bet you could find some rich professor/intellectual that would love to have this for his study! OR you could keep it and put it in your kitchen to write fancy menus out and make grocery lists look fabulous! 😉 P.S. Those hinges are AH-MAZING!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:48 am
I think that chalkboard was a necessary purchase. It was obviously calling your name and needed to go home with you!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:53 am
I love this chalk board thing. I’ve never seen anything like it. How cool that you got it for such bargain price! Wow! You’re such a good shopper, you saved $3,000+ buying it. 🙂
Karen
March 29, 2016 @ 11:54 am
Amazing find! My tactic when I find something that might or might not be the meaning of life is to hover protectively over it while furiously googling. Gut + Google have led to a few remarkable scores… and also a decent number of “oh, turns out that’s nothing”s. I am SO RELIEVED you went back for it! I am also beside myself with anticipation for the Arkansas GFT!!
March 29, 2016 @ 11:56 am
What a cool find – I knew you couldn’t walk away from it!! 🙂
March 29, 2016 @ 12:01 pm
Oh how pretty! In the foyer is perfect. Just think of all the cute welcome messages, holiday themed designs and super cute reminders you can put on it! (And as a blogger you simply MUST! With a plethora of photos to document your super cuteness for us to worship.. ahem admire.. with envy!) Oh, plus mounting it as is means you can have one flipped up so it’s 2 tall – so much more practical using two at once than having them folded open like a book so everyone bangs into the precious GFT as they move past.
March 29, 2016 @ 12:02 pm
As someone who lives in a converted Catholic school, I’m so bummed I don’t have these but I’m glad you do because you will do them proper justice. I actually made some fake chalkboards with plywood and paint and they look pretty good AND are excellent for notes and scheduling and the like, so this is a totally practical purchase.
July 12, 2016 @ 11:18 am
I have wanted to live in an old school since I was in Ms. Barnes’ class in 2nd grade at Arabi Elementary School. I just adored the built ins! I am Catholic so your place sounds totally amazing 🙂
March 29, 2016 @ 12:02 pm
Really great find, but please know that 1stdibs is typically at least three times what you could reasonably expect to get retail. I don’t know who buys from them…must be when someone absolutely, positively has to have what they’re selling and money is no object. And for most people, money *IS* an object! 🙂
March 29, 2016 @ 12:14 pm
Great find! I live in Arkansas and can’t to see your acquisition from our fine state! 🙂
March 29, 2016 @ 12:26 pm
I love your latest find. I would mount this in my dining room where I could write out menus and guests could provide love notes and feedback after my amazing dinner parties.
March 29, 2016 @ 12:26 pm
Dang I can’t figure out why you didn’t google the chalkboard when you were in the salvage store! You are seriously losing it girl! Since when do wives listen to their husbands anyway. And yes Paul is a gem because he can like fix stuff and shit like that but still. I could go on and on about how my husband whom I adore tries to fix stuff. Our 1927 old Cogate (yes the toothpaste people) would fall down around our ears if there weren’t Paul’s in this world but I digress. I seriously think we need to be friends. Love your blog virtual girlfriend 🙂